Agonize
Page 11
“Just trust me.” She smirks mischievously. “Know what you’re gonna say. Mean it. And don’t waste your second chance.”
Quickly I deny, “I’m not getting a second chance, Maxx.”
In a sweet voice she says, “Good guys always do.”
Chapter 19
Lex
Packing the last of my suitcase, I grunt at the knocking of my hotel door. “Damn it, Kronk. I told you I didn’t wanna go grab pancakes with you!”
I’m so over pancakes. I have had them every night this week at a local diner at the end of the block from the hotel. Turns out, there’s something about the soft fluffy texture that is somewhat soothing to a broken heart. I don’t plan on ever having another one so that information isn’t necessary for me anymore, so you can take it with you. You’re dumb enough to fall in love again, right? You know if you’re not married or whatever. We don’t really talk about you. We should. Pencil that in for us on the tour bus ride.
The knocking persists and I drop my swimsuit in my luggage to answer the door. “Damn it, Kronk—” I cut myself off surprised to see the face responsible for the knocking.
“Please tell me that’s not his real name.” Kellar shakes his head at me. “That’s a nickname right?”
“It’s his last name.” I fold my arms firmly across my white crop top. “Can I help you?”
“A word?” He politely asks.
“Sure,” I shrug and invite him inside. “If this is about Tony—”
“Of course it is.” He answers sliding his hands into his jean pockets.
For the first time I give him a good look. He’s tall. Muscular.
Delicious to look at honestly.
He’s wearing a pair of work out shorts, and white t-shirt that is stuck to him like someone painted it on.
He looks like the kind of guy I like to have fun with, yet it’s his damn best friend that I fall in love with. Fell in love with. I’m so over it.
“I know what you’re thinking.” He interrupts.
“So is it?” I playfully flirt.
“That’s not what you were thinking,” he looks unmoved, but can’t keep from mumbling, “And it’s better, just so we’re clear.”
I giggle and return to packing. “What do you want, Kellar? I already signed the divorce papers.”
“You know we’re not that different, Lex,” he states as I maneuver around him grabbing hair products from the bathroom. “You’re not the only one who’s running from their past because they’re afraid and ashamed.”
“I’m not afraid of anything,” I counter not slowing down.
“You’re full of shit.”
“Excuse me?” I stop and pop a hand on my hip. “You don’t know the first goddamn thing about me.”
“I know more about you than you realize. I know exactly what it’s like. To run because you’re afraid if you get stable it’ll all crash and burn. To bury your past because you’re afraid it’s going to consume you. To think of yourself as flawed. The screw up. Everyone’s fun but favorite mistake.”
The words hit harder than expected and I turn to busy myself with rearranging everything that’s already in my suitcase.
“But it’s a good thing you’ve always been everyone’s mistake.” Kellar moves two steps closer to me. “It just means you were that because the right person wasn’t there for you yet and now that he is, you’ll never be that to him. You’ll be his own little piece of perfection he doesn’t understand how he got.”
A longing to believe what he is saying is true I question in a whisper, “How do you know all this?”
“After ten years of ignoring the girl who is my entire fucking life and several months of fucking it up, you pick up on a few things.” Turning to offer him a smile he shrugs, “And even now I still fuck up more often than I get it right. But that’s the thing about love, when it’s with the right person, that person that’ll never truly treat you like you were just a moment they could’ve done without in your life, you find there’s a lot of forgiveness in this world. More than you saw before.”
“But what happened between us—”
“I’m not saying pretend nothing happened. I’m just asking that you do me a favor, from one mistake to another, when he comes crawling back, because he will, promise you’ll at least hear him out.”
“Why are you trying to help him?” I shift the conversation.
“Because once upon a time he did me a favor like this and I never thought I’d be able to repay it. And now I have,” his cryptic words causes me to fold my arms across my chest again. “So. Can you do me that favor?”
“Sure.”
It doesn’t really matter. We’re leaving the hotel in less than an hour for Louisiana. It’s not like he’s gonna hop a flight to try to win me back. People don’t do that. Why are you looking at me like that? What do you mean I need to talk to C.J. and Erin about that?
There’s a knock on my door. “Ugh. That’s probably Kronk for real this time.”
“I should go anyway,” Kellar nods. “Good luck on the tour though. Your band is pretty amazing.”
“Thanks,” I softly say opening the door surprised to see Tony on the other side. A small gasp comes out of me as I look up at Kellar who is smirking. Tony’s eyes don’t leave me.
“If you two will excuse me, there’s a hotel manager here I owe some tickets to,” he squeezes by Tony but mumbles something in his ear first.
I feel like I was just played. Were you in on this? Why am I suddenly afraid of what is about to happen next?
Chapter 20
Tony
“Debt repaid,” Kellar mumbles before disappearing behind me.
Agreed.
Staring at Lex in her high waist jean shorts, her crop top, and her fiery red hair pinned in a messy bun on top of her head has my knees buckling. The intense rush of feelings from just seeing her, forces my hands to brace themselves on the door frame. In a shaky voice I ask, “Can I..Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” she ushers me inside and closes the door behind me. “Whatever it is you wanna say I’d make it quick. We’re hopping on the bus in just a few.”
Lex wraps her arms around her stomach as if she’s shielding herself from me, which hurts even more.
I can’t let this girl just walk away from me.
“About what happened—”
“Don’t start this again, please.”
“No.” I cut her off. “You’re gonna listen to this.”
She flops on the edge of her bed next to her suitcase. “Fine.”
Clearing my throat I confess, “First off, I miss you like crazy.” When I see her guard start to come down I continue, “And I don’t mean a normal kind of crazy. I mean the I didn’t shower for the first three days after you left, didn’t eat for the first two, didn’t get off the couch the first day kind of crazy. I’m miserable without you, Lex.” She folds her legs up to her chest and rests her head on her knees but doesn’t say anything. “I love you.”
“Then why have those papers drawn up?”
“My dickhead of a brother put some doubt in my mind that night we all had dinner. And instead of realizing what a moron he was, I bought into it. I had C.J. draft me divorce papers to look at in case while you were gone you came to your senses and remembered I am all those things you said to me before you left. I am a nerd. A giant one. And you’re....you’re this gorgeous rock star that can have anyone and anything. I let my insecurities get the better of me.”
Lex’s mouth whispers, “You’re more than just a nerd, Tony...”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But I don’t care either way. All I care about right now is you. And making this work, because I want this to work. Because this has to work. You may not need me, but I know I need you.” To my surprise her mouth drops. Pulling out the divorce papers I state, “The stupid thing is, this isn’t even the real version,” I shred them in front of her, “isn’t even a fucking option for me. I don’t ever really think they were.” Flying up to her feet Lex toss
es her arms around me letting me hold her tightly. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“I know,” she whimpers in a soft voice through tears.
“I promise I’ll never do anything like that again.” I pull back to look into her watery brown eyes. “Fuck, I’m sorry I did it in the first place. I shouldn’t let the outside world influence me like that.”
“We all do it sometimes,” she confesses. “Trust me. You weren’t the only one with someone pushing doubts down your throat. I’m sorry for those ugly things I said about you, baby.”
“You were angry. I get it. I deserved it. I just...I don’t wanna be a joke to you, Lex. I don’t wanna be another mistake.”
Her face lights up and more tears fall, “Never. You’ll never be that to me. Just like, I’ll never be one for you.”
She’s got that right.
I wipe away her tears with my thumbs as she sighs, “But Tony, I have to get on the bus and go. I can’t stay.”
“I know.” After a brief pause I say, “I need you to promise me two things though Mrs. Reed.”
Hearing the name again lights her back up and she playfully asks, “What’s that?”
“Number one, no matter where you go in this world, you always come back to me.”
With a wide smile she giggles, “Promise.”
“Good.” I nod slowly lifting her up so her legs are wrapped around me. She fits perfectly in place.
“What’s number two?”
“That we can have sex on the tour bus,” my crooked smirk causes her eyebrows to shoot up.
In disbelief she questions, “What?”
Kronk bangs on the door. “Come on Reeds the bus is here!”
“You’re coming with us?!” She shrieks loudly.
“At least for the next couple of weeks or so,” the smile on my face gets larger than it was. “That is if my wife doesn’t mind me tagging along.”
“Oh my god!” She screams loudly hugging me harder than before, immediately after she pushes her lips against mine, parting them on contact for our tongues to reunite. A short moment later she pulls away and tilts my chin to look at her. “I love you, Mr. Reed. Do not make me regret saying it.”
“Never.” I shake my head slowly. “Now about these sleeping arrangements on the bus...”
Oh come on. I mean the whole bus is gonna have to listen to us have makeup sex, don’t you think it’s important we know whose gonna be where so we can give them fair warning? See. I’m a nice guy. Considerate. And you, thanks for rooting for me. Turns out the nerd can get the hot girl sometimes.
Thank You!
Crazy Lady- Go big or go home right?
Her Husband- Some day soon we will have our father daughter dates again!
The Law Student- When you finally get to this book, just wanna say.... Hi! Took you long enough, lol.
The Lumberjack- For the record, the voices get louder when I try to ignore them.
My Real Life Erin- Dude....can you believe it got this far?
Katniss- Thank you. I’ll never be able to say it enough.
The Big Names: Tess Oliver, Kristine Cayne, Selena Laurence, Harper Sloan, and Jaime Reese, I humbly bow out of respect for all of you do for your readers, for other authors, and for me.
The Army- Family is everything.
The PAs- Both of you kick butt. Thanks for telling Tony to get his shit together...
Marketing Guru- For keepin it gangsta....hahahah
Twin Sisters Rockin’ Book Reviews: Thank you for the great edits and putting up with me!
Jo Jo Bean- Cheers from my boys to yours.
Bloggers- Keep the heartbeat of the industry steady.
Betas- Thanks for all the feedback and answering my millions of questions.
Dream Team- Ladies, ladies, ladies, thanks for being around for me to share my love with.
Readers- Thank you for giving me the life of my dreams.
I’ll see you all next time....
Curious about how Maxx and Tony first met? Wondering how Tony helped Maxx and Logan get together? Check out the Senses Series! AVAILABLE NOW!
Vital: A Senses Series Prequel (Featured in Interwoven)
Blind (Book 1)
Deaf (Book 2)
Numb (Book 3)
Hush (Book 4)
Savor (Book 5)
Interested in Xavier’s other works?
Try the Havoc Series!
Havoc: When Clint “Grim” Walker, started Operation: Save Haven Davenport, the beaten, bruised girl who fell into his life, he had no idea it would turn him into an unbalanced, enraged, insecure idiot.
The mission objectives seemed simple. Make her feel safe in his home. Fail. Protect her from the neighborhood playboy. Fail. Shelter her from the ex girlfriend. Fail. Not fall in love with her. Epic fail. And while Clint could learn to live with those failures, there’s one he can’t. And that’s the objective that matters most. More than his side duties of making amends with his father, more than accepting motherly love from his meddling neighbor, and more than attempting to relate to his brother’s in arms off the field. That objective is life or death.
Try the Never Say Neverland Series!
Book 1 and 2 Sold Together!
Book 1: Get Lost
Con Artists. Thieves. Hustlers. Not exactly the lifestyle high school senior and loner, Peyton Darling, saw falling into her lap when the infamous, fedora wearing Just Ryan asked her for a small favor. She quickly finds herself tangled up in a mysterious world with The Lost Boys, family secrets that come with the name Darling, and the unfamiliar territory of falling in love.
If you thought you knew the fairytale, think again.
Book 2: Lost In Lies
When Peyton left her entire world behind to treasure hunt with the infamous gang known as The Lost Boys, she expected to just be used in cases of emergency. After all, what does she really know about conning and stealing? Aside from pulling a fast one over on her parents and the sexy fedora wearing Justin Ryan, who introduced her to the art of theft, she really is clueless about most things in that category. Seducing a teenage billionaire because he just so happens to have the next clue on this mission she willingly let herself get sucked into? Don’t think that’s enough pressure for a seventeen year old? Try adding on the fact she’s being hunted by her parents, some mythical society she knows nothing about, as well as a rival gang from Neverland, the place they were supposed to be headed. And just when the complications are wound tighter than Belle’s mini skirts, she’s stuck making that choice every teenager hates making. Family? Or friends?
suffocate
a senses series novel
Coming april 2015
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