by Nikki Carter
Rashad takes the box out of my hand and puts it back on the shelf. “Princess, you can’t afford those shoes, not even on sale.”
“Ya think?”
“You’re dancing tonight. So you want flats, right?”
“Yeah, or some wedge heels. But I can barely walk in stilettos, much less dance in them.”
Rashad taps his chin and looks at the shelves. Then his eyes widen, and he takes a pair of silver, open-toe, wedge heel sandals from their box. “What do you think about these?”
I shrug. “They’re cute, I guess. But can I afford them?”
He flips them over and looks at the tag. “Nineteen bucks?”
“Cool.”
“Let’s go upstairs and get your outfit.”
“I just need a top because I’ve got a jean skirt I want to wear.”
Rashad nods. “You need to learn brand names, Gia. You like BCBG?”
“Umm…yes?”
“I think you would look good in a BCBG top. Their stuff looks good on slim girls.”
“I am uncomfortable with you knowing so much about fashion, Rashad. Boys aren’t supposed to know this stuff.”
Rashad laughs out loud. “Who says? I’m good at picking out clothes for girls because I love to see y’all looking hot. Why is that a problem?” He hands me a top on a hanger. “Go try this on.”
“The back is all the way out, Rashad.”
“It’s not all the way out. Only mostly.”
I have to admit the top is hot. It’s mostly earth tones like beige and brown, but it has little shocks of blue and silver. It will look great with the shoes, and it’s only twenty-nine dollars. But I need to know what kind of bra to wear with it. I scratch my head and look at the back again.
“Gia, what’s wrong?” Rashad asks impatiently.
“Umm…I need a salesperson, I think.”
“For what? It’s hard to find a salesperson on the floor here.”
I glance around trying to locate someone. “I, uh…I need…”
“Oh, I get it. You don’t wear a bra with that top, Gia. That’s why it’s good for petite girls.”
My eyes widen. This is way too personal of a conversation for me to be having with a boy I like. He’s totally noticed that I’m flat chested, so he picks out a top for the itty-bitty committee. How embarrassing! “Okay. It’s cool. I don’t need to try it on. I can tell it fits.”
Rashad laughs. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Gia. I have three sisters, and I go shopping with them all the time.”
“Why am I just finding that out? Do you have any brothers?”
“Yeah. I have two brothers. I’m the youngest.”
“Whew! I’m glad you explained how it is that you know how to shop with girls.”
“Whatever, Gia. Come on, so I can get my T-shirt.”
I help Rashad pick out a fly Ed Hardy T-shirt in about thirty seconds flat. Boys always shop quicker than girls—even the boys who know fashion-designer names.
On our way back to the subway, Rashad asks, “Gia, is everything cool with us? It feels like you’re falling out of like with me.”
“Everything is cool, Rashad. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe it’s because you’ve been spending so much time with Ricky.”
“Well, Ricky’s always been there, you know.”
“But he wasn’t much of a contender in the beginning.”
“He’s a contender, Rashad. He always was.”
Rashad stops, takes me by both my shoulders, and looks into my eyes. “What is it about you? Dang, I really dig how you don’t care to try to impress me.”
“I do want to impress you, I think.”
“You might want to, but you’re not going out of your way to do it.”
I let out a long sigh. “And you think that’s a good thing?”
“Do you know how many girls go through changes to be what they think they want me to be? Last summer Sienna took up spoken word trying to get at me.”
“How’d that go?” I ask.
“She was horrible at it, and it annoyed me.”
“Did you tell her?”
“Nah. I almost let her know she was more attractive as a science buff. But then I didn’t care, so I didn’t say anything.”
“Rashad, you’re way more mature than most of us. I don’t know why you like me. I can’t even figure out how to have a crush on one boy at a time.”
“Who says you have to? I think it’s really interesting that you can’t decide.”
“You’re different than most boys, Rashad.”
A grin blooms across his face. “You’re one of a kind too, Gia. I’m gonna miss you when the summer is over.”
“We won’t talk after the summer is over?”
“I hope so, Gia. I really hope so.”
16
I do a little turn for Ricky and Melody as we stand in the lobby. We’re about to leave for the party. We’ve all decided to go together—even Ricky and Rashad.
“What do y’all think?” I ask.
I’ve taken down my braids in the back and let my hair flow loose and crinkly. I’ve got my butterfly barrette holding my hair back on one side. I even put on sparkly silver eye shadow to match my shoes. My strawberry-peppermint lip gloss is popping too.
“Gia, you look like a model! I’m so proud of you!” Melody squeals.
“Yeah, you look hot,” Ricky says, his eyes beaming.
Rashad walks up. “You are wearing that top, Princess. Do I have good taste or what?”
I roll my eyes at Rashad. He didn’t have to let Ricky know he picked out my outfit. He’s fighting dirty now.
“He’s picking out your clothes?” Ricky asks.
“He helped. I made the final decision.”
Ricky frowns. “Is everybody here? Can we go?”
Ricky doesn’t even try to hide the irritation in his voice. I think he’s getting weary of competing for my affections. He probably can’t wait until the summer is over.
We walk all the way to the Oasis club because it’s just a few blocks away from our campus. I purposely don’t walk next to Ricky or Rashad. I lock arms with Melody.
“Why didn’t you ride with Sienna?” I ask. “Didn’t she roll VIP style?”
“He didn’t send a car for her, and she didn’t want to walk with us.”
My eyes widen. “Her man didn’t have her picked up?”
“He’s not claiming that title.”
We get to the club, and a line has already started. We don’t have to wait, though, because we’re on the VIP list. At least Sienna kept her word with that. They give us neon green hand stamps that say “Baby.”
“What are the stamps for?” I ask the bouncer.
“You’re underage, sweetie. A baby.”
“Oh!”
“How is Sienna getting to the party?” I ask Melody once we’re inside.
“I don’t know. I think she’s taking a cab.”
The music is bumping loud, and the dance floor is already crowded. We move to the VIP section, which is really just a roped-off area with free food and alcohol.
One of Dan’s friends I met at Sylvia’s that day for breakfast walks up to me like Ricky isn’t even standing there. “Hey, shorty, you know you look just like Alicia Keys?”
It sounds and smells like he’s already drunk. “Thanks,” I reply.
“You want something to drink, baby?”
“No, thanks. I’m not thirsty.”
“I can get you an apple martini.”
“I said no, thanks.”
The guy laughs. “Suit yourself. When you get thirsty, let me know.”
“She’s good,” Ricky says.
“Oh, my bad. Is that you?”
Ricky nods. The guy gives him a fist pound and keeps it moving to the next cute girl.
“Are you claiming me tonight?” I ask. “What’s up with that?”
“Only if you want me to. That was just to get rid of
the dude.”
I look around for Rashad. He’s conveniently disappeared, which is cool because I’m really feeling Ricky at this moment.
“You wanna dance, shorty?” Ricky asks, mimicking Dan’s boy groupie.
“Yeah.”
We get on the dance floor and do what we do best. There’s a fast song playing, and we just start freestyling. The floor is too packed to do anything major or choreographed, so we just enjoy the music and move to the beat.
After dancing to a few songs, we decide to take a break. We go back to the VIP area, and Sienna has finally arrived. Dan and his crew are chilling on big white leather sectionals. Sienna stands with both hands on her hips because her supposed boyfriend has girls on either side of him.
Melody grabs my arm and pulls me away from Ricky. She says, “I don’t know what she’s about to do, but she looks crazy. She didn’t put on any makeup, and her face is puffy and red from crying.”
It’s hard to tell in the dark, but Sienna does look a little bit off. She’s breathing hard and looks ready to beat somebody down.
“Sienna, baby. Do you want something to drink?” Dan yells through the VIP area. “Somebody get her something special. Get her an apple martini with an extra kick.”
Dan and his friends burst into laughter. He was the one who had her drink spiked before? Wow. He sure doesn’t get the nomination for best boyfriend of the year award. He’s off the chain.
“No, Dan. You need to stop trying to play me!” Sienna pours her soda in Dan’s lap and he jumps off the sofa.
The two girls on either side of Dan look offended and irritated at Sienna’s outburst.
“Oh, no!” Melody says. She tries to pull Sienna away.
“Come on, girl. He’s not worth it.”
She snatches her arm from Melody and storms over to Dan. The music is so loud I can’t hear what she’s saying. But it looks like they’re arguing because she’s got her finger all up in his face.
“Should I go over there?” Ricky asks. “Do you think—”
Before Ricky can even finish his sentence, Dan jumps up and smacks Sienna’s face. The impact from the hit makes her fall backward. Dan and his crew get up to leave the area, and the people enjoying their company give Sienna dirty looks.
“We’ve gotta go get her,” I say.
“Okay,” Melody replies.
Ricky, Melody, and I go to help Sienna up.
“Y’all wait here with her. I’m gonna go try to find Rashad and Xavier so we can all go.”
I go back into the club and scan the crowd. There’s no way I’m gonna find the guys in here. Wait a minute. There’s only one place Xavier would be.
I push through the crowd back into the VIP area. Xavier is exactly where I thought he would be—at the buffet with a plate full of wings.
“Come on, Xavier! Didn’t you see what happened to Sienna a few minutes ago?”
“I just got here!” he protests. “Did you taste these wings?”
“Boy, there are more important things going on right now! Come on.”
“It’s always Sienna! Sienna’s drunk, Sienna’s vomiting! Why can’t she go anywhere without causing drama?”
“I don’t know. That’s just what she does. Have you seen Rashad?”
“He was out on the dance floor with some girl.”
“Well, let’s go find him.”
We leave out the VIP area, and Xavier points. “There he is. Look over there.”
Rashad is on the dance floor, but he isn’t exactly dancing. He’s actually making out on the dance floor. The girl looks familiar, and as I lean closer, I see it’s another girl from the program.
“Wow. He’s really into her, huh?” Xavier asks.
I glare angrily at Xavier and then back at Rashad. I’m furious, but I don’t know if I really have the right to be.
“Do you want me to get him?” Xavier asks.
“No. Let’s just go. He knows how to get back without us.”
I storm down the street, trying to shake the image of Rashad on the dance floor with that girl. How could I be so stupid? He’s the kind of boy that dates lots of girls at once. I don’t know why I even thought I was special.
Ricky taps me on the shoulder. “What’s wrong, Gia?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re crying. What are you crying about?”
I touch my face, and, sure enough, there are tears there. Why am I crying? I shouldn’t care if Rashad is in there kissing another girl. I’ve got Ricky right here, and he’s not kissing anyone. “Nothing. Just stressed, I guess. And tired.”
Ricky narrows his eyes and stares me down. He doesn’t believe me, I don’t think.
I can’t believe Rashad is a player! He’s been taking me shopping, to church, and to Vietnamese restaurants, and none of it matters. How could Rashad be a player? This is so not fair.
Shoot. Now I’m crying again.
Ricky glances at me suspiciously out of the corner of his eye. He’s just gonna have to wonder why I’m crying. I’m not telling him.
Xavier says, “Do you think I should send Rashad a text and tell him we’re gone?”
“I don’t care if you do or don’t. That’s up to you,” I say.
“Gia, what is up with you? Did Rashad say or do something to you?” Melody asks. “You’re tripping.”
Xavier says, “She’s just a little bit mad that she saw Rashad kissing Keisha in the club.”
Melody shakes her head. “I’m not hearing this.”
“They were only kissing, Gia. They weren’t doing anything crazy,” Xavier says.
Not doing anything crazy! Um, yeah, lip-locking on the dance floor is something crazy. Especially after you just got finished telling me how you dig me because I’m different.
Ricky says, “Wow, Gia. You’re really twisted about this, aren’t you? You can’t even stop crying.”
He’s right. I’m trying to make the tears stop, but they keep coming. I feel like a greedy, greedy girl. I want Ricky and Rashad both, and I want them both to like only me.
Ricky stares at me with a hurt look in his eyes. “Why can’t it be enough that I like you, Gia? Why do you have to have Rashad too?”
I know I can’t explain it to Ricky in a way he can understand, so I don’t even try. Rashad is the first guy who’s met me and liked me immediately. It didn’t take him years to discover that I’m pretty, funny, and smart. He knew after the first conversation. That has never happened to me before. Rashad kissing Keisha takes all that away from me.
So not fair.
“Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?” Ricky asks. “I’m sitting here with you, but you’re crying over Rashad. That’s foul.”
“I’m not crying over Rashad.”
“Then what are you crying about?” Ricky asks.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Ricky. Okay?”
Ricky leans down in his seat and closes his eyes. It’s late, and we’re all tired. If we would’ve stayed at the party, we would’ve all still been wide awake, but somehow now we’re all tired.
“Are you cool about Rashad? We tried to tell you about him, but you wouldn’t listen,” Melody says.
“You tried to tell me he hooked up with Sienna. He says that wasn’t true. He says she wanted to, but he wouldn’t do it.”
“I don’t know,” Melody says. “I believed Sienna on that one, but Rashad might be telling the truth.”
“It doesn’t matter now anyway. I don’t want to be with someone who goes to a party and kisses a girl on the dance floor. That’s just gross.”
“So why are you sad about it?”
“Because I thought he really liked me, Melody.”
“Maybe he does.”
I just know I’m sick of maybes. Maybe I just need to cease and desist on all crushes until I’m grown enough to understand this stuff. Ricky is mad at me. I’m mad at Rashad. It’s all a vicious circle with somebody constantly being mad at somebody. I’ve had it!
W
e have a quiet ride back to the dorm. Nobody wants to talk about Sienna or the party, I guess. I definitely don’t want to talk about anything or anyone—especially any boys with names beginning with the letter R.
Rashad is waiting for us in the lobby as we come in. “What happened? I looked up, and y’all were gone.”
“We left. Sienna had some issues with Dan.”
“What? When was all this going on?”
“When you had your tongue down that girl’s throat on the dance floor.”
“She had her tongue down my throat. Don’t get it twisted,” Rashad says.
“I don’t know which was the case, but I know you weren’t pushing her away.”
Rashad argues. “Then you must not have stayed long enough.”
“Whatever, Rashad.” I roll my eyes and step onto the elevator.
“Oh, you’re mad, Gia? How are you mad? Would I be justified being mad about you making out with Ricky?”
“We don’t do that. We’ve never—”
“Oh, y’all just dance all up on each other. Yep, that’s much better.”
I notice that Ricky is silent during this argument like he wants no parts of it. I don’t blame him. I don’t want any part of it either.
Ricky, Melody, and I get off the elevator on our floor, and he walks away without even saying good night. I don’t know what I’ve done, but it feels like this entire crush universe is tumbling down.
Melody says, “Gia, it’ll be different in the morning. Ricky won’t be mad, and you’ll kick Rashad to the curb. It’ll be cool.”
I want to believe that, but I can’t trust any gut feelings or hunches I have anymore. I thought Rashad was way too into me to push up on another girl. And I thought I could just keep crushing on Rashad in front of Ricky’s face and Ricky would still be cool with it.
Obviously, I don’t know anything about anything.
My phone buzzes on my desk as I’m chilling in my room. I pick it up to answer, but not without checking the caller ID first. It’s my mom. I should’ve known her mess radar would be going off soon enough with me wearing back-out shirts and going to teen nightclubs. I’m surprised she hasn’t beamed herself up here.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hello, Gia.”
Oh, no! She’s got her mean voice on. And it’s like three octaves deeper than normal too. That means she’s looking for a victim.