“It’s coming,” Aaron said.
“More polished than mine.”
I nearly choked on a chocolate-covered gummy bear. “What? But you’re not doing a solo.” I looked at Lori. “You guys are doing a duet, right?”
“Not … exactly,” she said slowly.
“Didn’t you tell her?” Michael asked. I could see his jaw working. I wasn’t sure if he was chewing jelly beans, or suddenly mad.
“Tell me what?” I asked.
Lori ran her fingers around the curls by her ear—a sure sign of nervousness. “Mr. Wayne said we couldn’t do it.”
“What? For real?” I leaned forward, but I felt like jumping out of my skin. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She flashed a look at Michael. I was missing something, but I couldn’t figure out what.
“Lori?” I asked.
She looked back at me and said, “I was going to. Mr. Wayne didn’t tell me no until last night after the basketball game.”
“You could have told me today.”
“I was still hoping I could figure something out.”
My brain flooded with so many questions; I couldn’t think any of it through. Why did Lori have to figure something out? Was Michael mad at Lori? But it wasn’t her fault if Mr. Wayne said no.
“What did Mr. Wayne say exactly?” I asked.
“Just that I can be part of two performances, and that’s the limit.”
“And you’re already signed up for a solo,” Aaron said, “and the duet with Tay.”
“Bingo,” Michael said.
He did sound pissed.
“So—” I began. Then I froze, which was weird, because a thought was burning its way around the edges of my brain. It felt like liquid heat filling my head and flashing red behind my eyes. “You are still doing the duet with me, right?”
“Of course,” Lori said. “I wouldn’t do that to you.” And then she shot another look at Michael.
“Okay,” I said carefully. I knew I should be relieved, but instead, my stomach clenched around this new, unknown worry.
“At least a solo is worth more points,” Aaron said to Michael. “So that might be good.”
“It would be—if I had time.” He flicked a jelly bean across the table and into some bushes.
Lori sighed. “We thought it was all set.”
“Instead, I’m starting over again,” Michael added.
“Of course, he’s freaked.” Lori went on. “His dad already booked tickets to come out for the concert.”
“My dad bought me a bracelet,” I said. “With an engraved charm.”
Michael and Lori both gave me long looks.
I turned to Aaron for backup, and he handed me a couple of gummy worms. I took them. Good idea—chew, don’t talk.
“If Michael doesn’t get in, it’s going to be a big deal in his family,” Lori said. “I mean, his dad plays professionally.”
There was that worried look on Michael’s face again. I concentrated on the worm I’d stretched into a shoelace.
“That’s tough,” Aaron said.
“Things are cool with my dad,” Michael said. “It isn’t that. I’m going to go live with him in New York—there’s a plan all worked out.” He lined up another jelly bean and shot it. “But no way I can transfer to NYC and get into a conservatory if I can’t prove I’m serious about music.” His gaze swept around the table. “My dad is cool with it, but my mom is busting me for proof. That’s why I need District Honor Band and Wind Ensemble.”
So he can be with his dad. I curved a hand over my stomach, wishing I didn’t sympathize.
For a second, there was a long silence, as if no one knew what to say. Then Lori’s phone burst into Beethoven. She reached for her purse and dug out her cell. “It’s my mom,” she said as she answered.
“Hey,” she said into the phone, then paused and nodded. “Okay.” She tucked her cell away. “She’ll be here in five.”
“That quick?” Michael swung his legs around the bench.
“It’ll take her a few minutes to make it through the traffic,” Lori said, standing up. “We’ll wait for you by the candy store,” she told me. She took Michael’s hand, and they disappeared into the crowd.
I let out a long breath. “Wow,” I said to Aaron. “Can you believe that? They’re not doing a duet, after all.” I rested my hands on my cheeks. They felt hot.
“I wonder why Lori didn’t tell you?”
“I don’t know. She’ll fill me in later, I guess.” I shook my head. “And what about all that stuff with Michael wanting to move to New York? A conservatory?”
“Yeah, well.” He shrugged. “We all want to get in, Tay.”
I nodded. Aaron was right. But playing in a conservatory sounded so important, and way more impressive than my goal of being a band director one day. I’d never even told anyone, it sounded that stupid. But I’d always thought I’d be a good band director. I’d cry at all our concerts, just like Mr. Wayne.
They’re not doing a duet.
The words swirled around my brain again, but this time they actually sank in. A shiver went through me—a good one. One that made the hairs on my arm stand up and do a happy dance.
Maybe I did have a chance. Maybe this was the break I needed. Maybe, if I impressed Hallady during the audition … I took a long shuddering breath and said the words out loud that I had hardly dared to think. “Maybe I can make Wind Ensemble next year.”
“Why not?” Aaron said matter-of-factly.
“Because I’m not freaking good like you are,” I said, my hands fisting up in frustration. “I don’t pick up new music the way you do, and my fingers move at about half the speed.”
“But when you play, it’s not just a lot of notes. It sounds like something. And your technique is getting stronger. Don’t shake your head,” Aaron said. “I sit next to you, remember? You are good.”
I wanted to smack him and hug him, and I wanted to cover my face with my hands and scream. I settled for pressing my shoulder into his. “This whole night … it’s too much to take it all in. The movie, and the band stuff … and the physics stuff!” I grinned up at him. “That totally surprised me.”
“I took a class at science camp last summer on the physics of skateboarding.”
I shook my head, impressed. “And now Michael’s inviting you to his party.”
“You have to come, too.”
I laughed because the feeling inside me was too big to keep in. “What a totally amazing night.”
“Yeah.” In the overhead lights, it looked like his eyes were glittering.
“I wish I didn’t have to go. You sure you don’t need a ride?”
“Yeah, my brother’s at the bookstore.”
I stood and looked out into the parking lot. “Mrs. Van Sant must be here by now.” Then I turned back to say good-bye, and nearly squeaked in surprise. Aaron had stood up so close I could feel his breath on my cheek.
I stepped back. “Thanks again for going along with this.”
“Except,” he said, “if I were your real boyfriend, I’d kiss you good-bye. Like this.”
Before I could think what he meant, he leaned in and kissed me.
On the lips.
Chapter 20
I jerked back. My legs smacked the cement bench, and I stumbled, sitting hard. My heart thundered down to the tips of my fingers. “What was that?”
He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “You couldn’t tell?”
I covered my mouth with my fingers. “That wasn’t part of the plan.”
“Sorry. I decided to improvise.”
I stood up, trying to balance. Trying to reboot my brain. My breath raced in and out so fast, I couldn’t get any air. “We’re friends, Aaron.”
“With chemistry.”
“With static cling.” But it sounded lame to my own ears, especially with my heart pounding hard enough to dent my ribs.
He trailed a hand around the back of his neck, and I could see his bre
ath was shaky, too. “I like you, Tay.”
“I like you, too. But …”
“But what?” he asked in a low voice. “I’m okay for pretend dates, but not real ones?”
“No!” I said in a rush. “It’s not that.”
“Then what?”
“I don’t know.” With shaky fingers, I traced over my lips. My just-kissed lips! My head spun like a cotton-candy machine. “I do really like you,” I said, struggling to understand it myself. “I just never thought …” I swallowed. “I mean …” I sat down again, resting my hands on the rough cement to steady myself. “I don’t know what I mean. Things are changing too fast.”
“Uncertainty Principle,” he said as he sat beside me.
“Yeah, well, uncertainty sucks. I want things to stay the way they are.”
His hands were still stuffed in his pockets, his shoulders hunched forward. “Not all change has to be bad.”
“I know.” I paused, searching for words. “But that’s how it’s been lately. With Lori and Michael. My parents separating. My mom packing heat. Don’t ask,” I added when he blinked in confusion. “I don’t want things to get messed up with you, too.”
He dropped a hand to the bench, his fingers resting an inch from mine. “Who says they have to?” One side of his mouth tilted up.
Okay, he is seriously cute.
“They just usually do.”
“I’m not asking for a kidney, Tay.” He shifted his hand until his fingers touched mine. “I just want to hang out.”
Little tingles shot up my arm from where our fingers touched. Still, I didn’t move my hand away.
Aaron likes me? He like-likes me?
“You really didn’t know?” he asked as if he’d read my mind. “Even after last night? Grabbing your hand like that wasn’t exactly smooth.”
I blushed. “Considering I’d just asked you out on a fake date, it didn’t seem so strange.”
The sound of voices filled the air as a crowd of people walked by. I’d almost forgotten we were still sitting outside the movie theater.
“Here’s the thing, Tay,” he said; then he paused and cleared his throat. “I like being around you. You’re funny and talented and smart—when you’re not being so clueless.”
I attempted an eye-roll, but it’s not easy when your cheeks are on fire.
His voice dropped to a near whisper. “I think you’re totally and completely cool. And I think we should go out—for real this time.”
Me and Aaron—for real. Aaron—but not Aaron. How could he be my same old friend but suddenly make my stomach quiver? I lifted the hair from the back of my neck, wishing for a cool breeze. How would I face him on Monday morning? Would things change in band and in science? I thought about how much I looked forward to our classes together and how he always made me laugh. Would we go back to how we were, or would I hyperventilate every time I saw him?
I stared at where our fingers were still barely touching, my heart settling into a breathless sprint. “What if we do start going out? What happens at school? Will you turn weird?”
“I’m not planning to.”
“Because people get weird when they start dating, and they act differently.”
“I won’t.” His fingers snuck closer, sliding over mine.
Warmth shot up my arm. “Are you going to text me fifty times a day?”
“Do you want me to?”
“No,” I said. “At least, I don’t think so.”
“Okay.” He curled his fingers around mine. “Are you going to want us to wear matching bracelets?”
“No!” Then I thought of the black cord around Lori’s wrist. “But what if I did?”
He shrugged. “Then I’d wear one, I guess.”
“I’m not letting you win at Sudoku,” I said.
“And I’m not going to let you do all the cutting in science lab.”
“But I will anyway.”
He laughed. “Sounds like the usual.”
“I guess so,” I admitted.
“Except next time I kiss you, maybe you won’t freak out.”
“I didn’t freak out,” I said automatically. But I had. Inside, I didn’t even feel like myself. Shaky, but good, too.
“Meet me tomorrow?” he asked. His eyes were the color of melted caramel and just as warm.
“Where?”
“The bookstore. At noon?”
“Okay. If I can.”
We both stood, and when he held my hand, my heart turned a cartwheel. We headed to the candy store, and I wondered if other people watched us. I hoped so. This was me, Tatum Austin, holding hands with Aaron Weiss.
Because he thought I was totally and completely cool.
And somewhere deep down, I felt like maybe I actually was.
Chapter 21
The corner of the mattress dipped under the weight of Lori’s knees as she rolled across my side of the trundle and onto her bed. In the dark with the blinds closed, the orange walls faded to black and the only light was a tiny glow from the stars stuck on the ceiling.
I curled the covers up over my shoulders and turned to face her. “Was that not the best night—”
“—ever,” she finished with a smile.
We’d thrown on our sleep shirts, brushed our teeth in a hurry, and now I was warm under the covers and as happy as I’d been in maybe forever.
“Our first real date,” I murmured, letting the words sink in.
“Did you see Alesia and Stace?” Lori asked.
I shook my head.
“They were walking up to the movies when we were. I hope they heard Michael when we first met up.”
“You mean when he said you were hot?”
She giggled.
“My jeans looked great on you.”
“Can you believe I fit into them?” She sighed. “He actually slid one hand into my back pocket—and there was room.”
My heart squeezed, extrahappy for Lori. “You gotta keep them—they look better on you, anyway.”
“They do not.” But I saw the gleam of her teeth as she smiled. “I’ll take them though, if you’re sure. They’ll be anniversary jeans, because I wore them on our first date.” Her smile widened. “We kissed outside the candy store—in front of everyone.”
“And while Michael was kissing you, Aaron was kissing me.”
We sighed in unison and then laughed.
We lay side by side, near enough that I could see her face but everything else was blanketed by the dark. I loved the feeling—as if it were just the two of us in the world, whispering things no one else could know.
“So what was it like?” she asked. “When he kissed you?”
I brushed the hair off my forehead as I thought back. “Quick,” I said.
Lori laughed.
“It was good, though, because then I didn’t have time to think about it. I must have closed my eyes, but I’m not sure.”
“Isn’t it weird?” she said. “I used to worry about that—would I close my eyes or not? And where would our noses go, and what would I do with my hands? And then it just happens. And you’re not thinking about anything.”
“I know,” I said. “I had this weird flash in my brain that Aaron has freckles—and the next minute he’s kissing me, and I’m like, Aaron?”
“I know,” she said. “You guys have been friends forever.”
“Now we’re friends who kiss.” I touched my lips with my fingers and smiled. “He’s not just this smart guy, Lori. He’s really cool, you know?”
She nodded. “That physics stuff he went into? That was major. Michael was so impressed.”
My smile faded as the rest of our conversation flooded back. “I’m sorry about the duet with Michael. He looked kind of mad about it.”
She bunched her pillow up beneath her cheek. “More like really mad.”
“At you? Why?”
“Michael and I spent almost a week practicing a duet he can’t do. Now he’s lost all that time. He thinks I should have
checked with Mr. Wayne first, but I never thought he would say no.”
“At least you tried.”
“Michael doesn’t see it that way. That’s why I didn’t say anything to you yet—I was hoping I could come up with a Plan B.” Her voice dipped. “He even got his mom to call Mr. Wayne today, but he won’t budge. District rule.”
“Wow,” I breathed. “His mom called Mr. Wayne at home?”
“Told you he’s serious. I mean, you heard him about the music conservatory. Plus, there’s his dad. Michael didn’t say it in so many words, but I don’t think his dad will bother coming out if he doesn’t make the Honor Band. He hasn’t been to see Michael once in two years.” She tapped a fist against her chest. “It just breaks my heart. I want to help him so much. You know how it is. If it were Aaron, you’d want to help him, too.”
“Yeah,” I said, silently making a vow to be nicer to Michael from now on. Two years? “I can totally understand.”
Her face lit up. “I knew you could. You’re so great about that—you always understand. I told Michael you would.”
I frowned, suddenly sensing that she meant something different than I did. “What did you tell Michael?”
“That you’d understand what’s at stake.” Her eyes blinked at me, wide and intent. “That you’d see the big picture.”
“There’s a big picture?” I said slowly.
She sat up a little, propping herself on an elbow. “He wants to transfer to New York his junior year and focus on music. He could end up playing with his dad’s orchestra.”
“I know,” I said, my mouth suddenly dry.
“And a lot depends on District Honor Band.”
I struggled to swallow. “I feel bad, Lori, I do. Honest. But District Honor Band means a lot to me, too. I have a chance to make Wind Ensemble if I impress Dr. Hallady,” I added. “Mr. Wayne thinks I can—I told you that.”
“But he’s a teacher. He’s supposed to say those things.”
I didn’t have time to hide my face. To pretend her words didn’t feel like a slap.
Her expression changed in a heartbeat. Her cheeks reddened as if she were the one just smacked. “Tay, I didn’t mean it that way. It came out wrong. I just meant you’d hate Wind Ensemble—you always say Dr. Hallady freaks you out.”
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