by S. Tamanaha
“Hi baby,” she said, picking up the excited dog. “I’d better take you out, huh?” She turned to Johnny. “I’m going to take her for a walk. Why don’t you just rest and I’ll throw those over-marinated steaks on the grill for dinner when you’re ready.”
“Don’t you ever rest?” he asked. “You always seem to be on the go.”
“I rest,” she said. “I just have a weird resting cycle I guess.”
He did end up taking a nap. When he awoke it was dark outside. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was a little past seven thirty. He had been asleep for a couple of hours. He splashed some cold water on his face and ran his wet fingers through his hair. When he reached the doorway of the bedroom, he could see her in the kitchen cutting up vegetables for a salad. She had a CD player on low and was humming along with the music. Angel was sitting by her feet looking up at her longingly and then, in order to get her attention, the little dog scratched at her leg. She looked down and smiled.
“Did you eat all of your food?” she asked and peeked around the end of the counter at Angel’s food bowl. It was empty.
“Okay, you can have a carrot. But just one. I don’t care how cute you are.” She handed the little dog a carrot stick which Angel took and ran off to munch on.
He smiled as he watched her interacting with her baby and then headed downstairs.
“Hi,” she said, “You’re just in time. I’m just about ready to throw the steaks on the grill.”
“Did you rest at all?” he asked.
“I took a short nap. I’m okay. Do you want to eat outside on the patio?”
“Sure,” he said. “Need some help?”
“You can take these out to the table,” she said, handing him the bowl of tossed salad greens and a bottle of dressing. “I’ll get the steaks.”
A string of Japanese lanterns lit the patio with soft lighting and the pool was lighted as well. She set the table, brought out condiments, a pitcher of lemonade, and a couple of baked potatoes that had been in the oven. Then she put the steaks on the grill. They were done in a few minutes.
“Okay, I’m not sure how these are going to taste,” she said as she put one of the steaks on a plate for him. “They’ve been sitting in that marinade since yesterday.”
He cut himself a piece and tasted it. It was delicious. He smiled. “It’s great.”
“That’s good. I was wondering whether I’d have to toss them and put on two fresh ones.”
“This is nice,” he said as he ate and looked out at the lighted pool. “This place that you’ve built. It’s really nice.”
“Like I said, my sanctuary. I needed a sanctuary.”
“It must have cost quite a bit. Hawaii’s prices seem really out there.”
“I saved quite a bit by doing a lot of the renovation work by myself and getting my brother-in-law to help me. Like all of the painting and the electrical work and installing the bathroom fixtures. And we did the tile work and put in the kitchen. Also, I wanted a lot of open space so there are very few walls. That saved me quite a bit of money too.”
He grinned and shook his head a little.
“What?” she asked.
“Very few people surprise me,” he said. “But you…you just kind of always take me by surprise. You’re an attorney, a painter, a keyboard player, a singer, a great cook, and now you’re telling me that you can do home renovations?”
“Just the small things. I needed to learn how because I wanted to be able to afford the pool.”
“You don’t seem to use it much,” he said, careful not to mention that he had been watching her the night before.
“I use it. But mostly it’s the water.”
“The water?”
“I find it peaceful to watch the water, especially at night. I would have loved to have an ocean view and a pool but I couldn’t afford that. Anyway, this location worked out much better for me. Because it’s mostly commercial, the band can rehearse here or I can have parties and there are no neighbors who are going to complain about the noise.”
“Do you throw a lot of parties?” Johnny asked.
“Not really. Maybe once a month or so my family comes over. The kids love the pool. And occasionally my friends come over to practice their karaoke.”
“Charlie. I remember.”
She laughed. “They are very serious karaoke singers. They go every weekend, sometimes Fridays and Saturdays, to a karaoke bar in Waikiki. They’re probably there now.”
“You don’t go with them?”
“I stop in once in a while to say hello—like this past Halloween—but it’s just not my thing on a regular basis. Early in the evening it’s okay, but towards the end some of the people in the bar start getting drunk and obnoxious and I hate it. I had enough of that at my parents’ bar.”
“Were you at your parents’ bar a lot?” he asked.
“When I got older, my father preferred if my friends dropped me off there after the movies or wherever it was that we went. I guess it was the only way that he could be sure that I wasn’t roaming the streets. But being in that bar, well, that was an education in and of itself. That’s probably why none of us drink.”
“You don’t drink? At all?” Another surprise.
She shook her head. “I don’t really like the taste of it. And I think I’m afraid of how it’ll affect me after seeing how some of the people in my parents’ bar behaved when they were drunk. Some would be happy drunks. They’re okay. But others—some would start to cry because they hated their lives and some would get belligerent and start fights. There was one guy, he could drink anything and be okay, until he drank warm sake. You know, Japanese wine. Then he would get into fights and act really stupid. One night, I was about sixteen I guess, I walked in after my friends dropped me off and he just grabbed me and pinned me up against the wall telling me I was a beautiful woman and all that. Of course he was blind drunk at the time. I’m not even sure if he knew it was me. I was so stunned because he was always such an okay guy.”
“He grabbed you like that?” Johnny felt angry just thinking about it. “What did your father do?”
“Our bouncer got him off me. My father was towards the back of the bar by the kitchen. He never saw it.”
“Why didn’t you tell him?”
“Because he would have wanted to do something.”
“Well, of course, what else?”
“You don’t understand, Johnny,” she said quietly. “He would have wanted to do something but he wouldn’t have been able to because he was in a wheelchair and that would have just made him feel even worse—to not be able to protect me or stand up for me. And I was okay. The bouncer got him off me almost right away.”
Johnny frowned. “Your father was disabled?” She had never mentioned that before.
She nodded and then she looked at him, her eyes sad. “I never told you about him, did I? About his life?”
Johnny shook his head. “I’d like to hear about it though.”
“Well, he ran away from home and an abusive father when he was seventeen to become a professional boxer. Boxing was his passion and many people have told me that he was really good at it. Then one day when he and some of his boxing friends were travelling to a match, the bus that they were on got into an accident and rolled down an embankment. He told me that he remembered coming to and seeing himself pinned underneath the bus. He didn’t think it was that bad. Then he passed out and when he woke up, both of his legs were gone. He was only twenty-two years old.”
“Damn, that must have been rough,” Johnny said.
“Worse than just rough. Back then, there weren’t any support groups or any real help from the government like people have today. His own father told him that it would be better if he committed suicide so that he wouldn’t be a burden on the family. He told me once that he even considered it, but he was a born survivor. Quitting wasn’t possible. Then when he was put back into the hospital because he had a bad reaction to the drugs that t
hey had given him for his pain, he met my mother. She was in there…pregnant. She was very beautiful and he fell in love with her. She agreed to marry him because back then her condition was still considered unacceptable by others, especially those in the small town where she was from. Wrong reasons, you know?
“My father didn’t have much of an education but he had innate business sense. He wanted to open a liquor store because he knew that liquor was something that was always going to be in demand and owning a store like that was something that didn’t require that he have a great education or use of his legs. So he borrowed a few hundred dollars and tried to get a liquor license. The first time around, the liquor commission wanted a kickback—they were so corrupt. The second time, a newspaper man who had been a Major in the Army helped him and he got it and opened a small store in Hilo. That’s on another island. Then he saw that Honolulu was where the growth was going to occur so we moved here. He opened up a restaurant and bar and then later, just that bar.
“He knew that a business like that would never make him rich. He told my mother that they should buy land. He knew that land values would continue going up. She refused. She considered it speculation. He knew otherwise, but without her backing him, there wasn’t anything that he could do about it. And that kept on happening. Remember those waterfront condos? He also wanted to buy gold when it was less than forty dollars an ounce. She refused. It went up to almost five hundred dollars an ounce before he died. Then, when I was about ten, my mother was in a crosswalk and got struck by a drunk driver. That crippled her for life. There was no medical insurance. She had cancelled it because it was too expensive and he couldn’t sue the driver because the man was insolvent and had no insurance. So he had to pay that hospital bill on his own. I think he finished paying it when I was in college. In the meantime, he had to see everything that he predicted about land and gold and a lot of other things come true but just pass him by. I told him once that he had accomplished more without legs than most able-bodied men accomplished in their lifetimes and that he should be proud of that. But it wasn’t enough that I felt that way. He wanted to leave his children financially sound. He wanted to leave a legacy. When he died, he died tired and with a broken spirit and it just seemed so unfair to me. I don’t know. I guess I thought that because his life was so terrible in the beginning that he would find happiness in the end. But he didn’t. He just died.”
“Remarkable man,” Johnny said. He could feel her sadness and wanted to hold her.
“Remarkable man married to the wrong woman for the wrong reasons. Now you know why reasons matter to me so much.” Then she sighed and looked at him. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I don’t talk about these things too much with people in general and we haven’t known each other very long. Maybe it’s because I know that you have a dream—like my father had a dream. It’s one of the reasons that I admire you, you know? You’re willing to go after what it is you want and work hard, not just rely on your looks, and put up with all of the other stuff in the meantime. My father would have liked you.”
“Suppose I can’t get it?” he asked. “The way he didn’t get his.”
“He didn’t get his dream because of my mother. If yours is a good dream, don’t ever let someone like her stop you from reaching for it. Give it your best shot and even if you don’t get it, it’s still better to have tried. That’s better than wondering ‘what if’. It’s the people who never try at all or who give up for whatever reason before they’ve given it a real effort who leave this world unhappy and unfulfilled.” She smiled sadly. “I’m sorry. I sound like I’m lecturing you or something. I shouldn’t do that.”
“No, don’t feel that way. It doesn’t sound like lecturing. It sounds like you care and I’m glad that you care and I’m glad that you told me about him. He and my father sound like exact opposites. I wish I could have met him.”
“I do too.”
“You know, you’ve talked about him before but you never mentioned that he was disabled until tonight.”
“I guess I never really thought of him that way. When we still lived in Hilo, he used to spend hours teaching me how to read and write. I was about three and a half years old at the time and it was the greatest gift that he could have ever given me. When I got older, we used to go riding around the island—he had special equipment in his car that allowed him to drive and he loved driving, it made him feel less confined. Anyway, we’d drive around and look at homes for sale and he’d tell me a little about his life. He even taught me some old songs, from the 40’s and 50’s. He was the only one that I could talk to about things that mattered to me. My sisters, my mother when she was here ... they just think something’s kind of wrong with me. I don’t fall into their idea of ‘normal’.”
“Husband, kids, white picket fence?”
“Exactly.”
“I know what you mean,” Johnny said. “I’m kind of out of sync with my family’s idea of ‘normal’ too.”
“They must be proud of you now, though. I mean you’ve actually broken through and made a name for yourself in a very tough business.”
“I don’t know if ‘proud’ is the word I’d use. ‘Surprised’ maybe. Doesn’t matter because I’ve pretty much done what I think is best for me.”
She smiled. “Now I know that my father would have liked you. He would have liked this place too. I wish he had stayed long enough to see it.” She looked out at the pool, lost in thought for a little while and then returned to the present.
“You still miss him,” Johnny said quietly.
“Sometimes,” she admitted and then sighed again. “Well, enough about my life and his life. Next time, it’s your turn.” She got up from her chair. “I’d better clean up. Oh, and I don’t have anything against social drinking so if you want a drink I do have some beer and wine—for when my friends come over. I should have asked you sooner.”
“Oh , no thanks. I do drink once in a while. At those Hollywood parties. Mostly wine or champagne. Sometimes I’ll go and grab a beer with some of the guys at the studio. But I don’t care much for the taste either.”
She smiled again. She was glad that he preferred not to drink. “How about some dessert then?”
“No thanks. Here, let me help you.”
“No, it’s all right. It’s just a few dishes.”
“Mind if I take a dip then?” he asked.
“Of course not. Go ahead.”
He went to the pool while she took the dishes to the sink, washed them, and then made sure that Angel had fresh water to drink.
“You can’t have any human food,” she admonished the little dog who was following her around, looking for a treat. Then she looked at Angel’s innocent and pleading eyes and, as always, she relented. “But I guess I can give you this.” She took a treat out of a container and rubbed it lightly with a piece of meat that she first rinsed with water from the faucet. Angel wagged her tail happily as she was handed the treat and then ran off to her favorite spot on the patio to munch on it.
Johnny swam back and forth across the pool, gliding smoothly, and then came to rest at the edge. He watched her for a little while as she cleaned the grill and then wiped down the patio table.
“Hey Susan,” he called out.
She looked up and stopped what she was doing.
“Did you know that you have a small crack here in your pool?”
“Oh, no, you’re kidding.” She went over to him, seriously concerned. “Where?”
“It’s right here,” he pointed. As she leaned forward to look at where he was pointing, he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the pool. She let out a short scream before she went under. She came up from the water completely startled.
“What are you doing?” she asked in surprise and disbelief, but she was laughing.
“I just wanted you to relax. Ever since I arrived, you’ve been trying to make me comfortable and helping the band and driving me places and taking care of your baby. I wanted you to kick
back a little.”
“And you thought throwing me into the pool would do that?” She shook her head but she was smiling. She retrieved her slippers which were floating nearby and began swimming to the stairs.
He cut her off. “Don’t go. Just humor me and try it, okay?”
“If you want me to relax, can we go over to the stairs?” she asked. “I don’t find treading water too relaxing.”
“Oh, sorry,” he said, grinning. They both swam over to the pool steps which were constructed like bench platforms. He took her slippers from her and tossed them outside of the pool.
“Okay, lean back and relax,” he said. He put his arm beneath her head as she leaned back and she felt that jolt again. She really wished that it would stop.
“Why are you so tense?” he asked. “Lean back and relax. Look at that moon. Beautiful, isn’t it?”
She forced herself to relax and looked up at the full moon. It was beautiful, but all she could think about was how good it felt to be resting on his arm and she hoped that he couldn’t feel what she was feeling. She needed to distract herself.
She pointed to three stars in a row in a darker area of the sky. “The Belt of Orion, The Hunter,” she said. “Do you know the story?”
Johnny shook his head.
“There are a couple of versions but basically, Orion, the great hunter, angered others with his ego and his behavior. He bragged that he could kill any animal on earth and so his enemy sent a Scorpion to kill him. Now he is forever seen running from the Scorpion in the heavens because when he disappears in the sky, the Scorpion—the constellation Scorpius—appears.”
“So we’re chasing this guy around the Universe forever?” he asked.
She smiled. She liked that he said “we” when referring to the Scorpion. “So the myth goes. In Hawaii, though, Scorpius is also known as the fishhook of the God Maui which he used to raise these islands out of the sea. Either way, Scorpions are pretty powerful. You know, in the early sixties there was a song about those three stars in Orion’s Belt. Each one was supposed to represent one of the three rock and roll singers who died in a plane crash in nineteen fifty-nine—Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper.”