by S. Tamanaha
She stopped and finished her sentence in her mind. And if I look into your eyes too long, I’m afraid that you’ll see how I feel.
He was quiet, thinking over her words.
She changed the subject. “So, what do you think? About the cheesecake?”
“It was great.”
“Well, I’m going to have to finish mine tomorrow. I can eat only so much cheesecake at one sitting.” She had to find a way to gracefully end the night. She carried her plate to the kitchen, wrapped it with foil and placed it in the refrigerator. As she was washing her fork under the faucet, he came up behind her and handed her his plate and fork.
“Don’t forget these,” he said.
He was standing too close and her heart was pounding. “Thanks.” She reached for the plate and fork and as she did, he leaned down and began kissing her neck. It sent shivers through her.
“Johnny, please don’t do this,” she said as calmly as she could. “It isn’t a good idea.”
He turned her around. “Look at me now,” he said, lifting her chin until she had no choice. She didn’t have a chance to put up that internal wall around her emotions and when she looked into those beautiful ocean blue eyes, she felt him looking directly into her heart and soul.
“I wasn’t being gracious,” he said, his deep voice seductively low. “I do think you’re beautiful—inside and out—and sexy. And what I feel, what I’ve been feeling for a while, you feel it too. I know you do.” He kissed her then, gently at first and then more passionately. Her mind kept telling her to push him away, but his kisses melted away any resistance.
He took her by the hand and began leading her towards the stairs.
“Johnny ... please.” She tried to resist.
“Shh,” he said, and kissed her again. She let him lead her up the stairs, her insides churning with fear as well as anticipation. At the top of the stairs, she stopped again.
“I can’t Johnny. I—”
He bent down and kissed her to stop her from finishing her sentence and then he picked her up in his arms, as easily as if she were a child, and carried her into the bedroom. There he laid her on the bed and then stretched out next to her and began kissing her again.
“I don’t want this to ruin the friendship, Johnny,” she almost pleaded because she knew that she was reaching the point of no return. “You need a friend more than you need another woman in bed with you.”
Now he understood why she had been hiding her feelings from him. “You’re not just another woman,” he said softly, “and it won’t ruin the friendship. I promise.”
He kissed her once more, deeply, passionately, one strong hand caressing her body tenderly yet firmly, and she couldn’t resist him any longer or deny her own feelings. He sat up and removed his shirt and the dim light of the street lamps that filtered in through the glass doors showed every ripple of his muscles. Then he began to undress her, removing her sweater, then her bra, then sliding off her pants and underwear together. She felt him take off his shorts and then there they were—lying skin to skin, kissing each other passionately, discovering each other’s bodies. The electricity that she felt inside was almost painful. After a while, his lips left hers and found her breasts and she gasped softly as he began to kiss and suck on them gently. His hand moved up and down her body lovingly and then, eventually, between her thighs. She was already inviting him in.
“Johnny,” she whispered, “it’s been a long while for me.”
He smiled gently and kissed her again. “I’ll go slowly,” he promised.
He did, until finally he was completely joined with her. He could feel from her reaction to his presence in her that she had told him the truth—she hadn’t been with a man for quite some time—and that knowledge heightened his desire for her. He began his rhythm gently and she moaned softly. He stopped occasionally to kiss her again, caressing her face lovingly, gazing deeply into her eyes, and then he would start again.
His movements grew stronger, deeper. It sometimes hurt her but still she longed for more of him. She had loved him for such a long time, but she never dared to believe that in this lifetime he could feel attracted to her. Friendship was all that she had been prepared to offer to him and yet here she was, in his arms, being loved by him. If this was a dream, she didn’t want to wake up.
He felt her body respond to his touch and to his rhythm and his passion grew even stronger. She had hidden her feelings well, but he had been right. She felt the same as he did and wanted him as much as he wanted her. As he made love to her, he felt much more than just physical passion. The emotions that filled him shook his soul.
They came together in one glorious union, clinging to each other as waves of pleasure washed over them. Even after he was spent he remained in her, not wanting to separate from her. Finally, he withdrew from her gently and kissed her. Only then did he notice that she was crying. It startled him.
“Hey ... are you crying? What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
“No, it’s not you. I’m sorry. I just ... ”
“What? Tell me.”
“What I told you before ... about how making love was an emotional thing for me. I just didn’t expect ... what I felt ... it caught me by surprise and just overwhelmed me. I’m sorry. I feel so stupid.” She wiped away her tears hurriedly. “I need to get a towel,” she said and started to leave.
“No, don’t go,” he said gently, “and don’t feel stupid or embarrassed. I know what you mean. I felt the same thing.”
“No, please Johnny, please don’t say that just because I’m doing this. You don’t have to.”
“I’m not just saying it. Listen to me. What I felt ... it was like I wanted more than to be in you. I wanted to be part of you. I don’t know how to explain it. I just know that I’ve never felt like that before. Look at me. You’ve been right on the mark in reading me. Look at me and you’ll know whether I’m telling you the truth.”
“I can’t right now. What I’m feeling and what I’m sensing—it’s all mixed up.”
He smiled tenderly. “Maybe it’s because they’re both the same.”
“I’m not used to feeling this way, Johnny. I never thought I would. It almost ... scares me.”
“Truthfully? I’m a little worried too. I never intended to get seriously involved with anyone right now. Not with the kind of schedule that I have and my plans. But I know that I’ve never felt this way before and I’m more worried that if I run from these feelings, I’m never going to have this chance again.”
“How can this be happening?” she asked, wiping away her tears. “You and I—we live in such different worlds. We’ve chosen such different paths.”
“And both of those paths led us right here, to each other. I think that we were meant to find each other, don’t you? I think that’s why you had those dreams.”
“I thought I had them just to prevent that accident ... to save you ... and maybe to offer you the kind of friendship that you seem to need.”
“Maybe you were sent by whatever it was to save more than my life. The way you described how you felt when you were married—like your soul was dying. That’s how I’ve been feeling being surrounded and smothered by all of those stupid, pretentious and money grubbing people who look at me as no more than just a commodity. Since I met you, I feel as though my soul is alive again. We may have led different lives and have different backgrounds but I don’t think any of that matters because inside, we’re the same. Or maybe we’re like your paintings—opposites but in perfect balance.”
She looked at him then, into those beautiful Scorpio eyes, and she knew that he wasn’t lying to her. She reached out and caressed his face.
“Johnny ... ”
She said his name with so much love that he felt her voice touch his soul. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her shoulder and neck tenderly. Then he pulled her away from him gently and started kissing away her tears. When his lips met hers, he began kissing her again, softly at first and then more pass
ionately.
“Again?” he whispered huskily.
“Do you like making women cry?” she asked.
He smiled. “Just this woman—my woman. You are my woman, right?” He was Scorpio and having found what he wanted, he was staking his claim.
She almost couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but as for herself, she had pledged her heart and soul to him long before that night and now, true to her own Scorpio nature, she whispered that pledge to him simply and directly.
“Yes, Johnny,” she said. “Your woman. Always.”
Then they made love again and they felt it again—the intense passion, the deep love, the touching of the souls—and they knew that it wasn’t a dream. The two Scorpions had found each other and in each other the part that had been missing inside of them all of their lives.
They lay together quietly afterwards, each lost in their own thoughts, her head resting on his chest while he stroked her hair and her shoulders gently. Then she pulled herself away from him.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“I need to take Angel out and put some ice on these eyes or they’ll be completely swollen tomorrow. I’ll be back.”
He stroked her back lovingly as she slipped on her clothes. “Hurry back,” he said.
Angel, who had been stretched out on the floor of the bedroom, perked up when she heard her name and then got up and followed Susan downstairs. Susan went to the kitchen and put ice cubes into a hand towel to make a compress and then took Angel out to the back yard.
If she wasn’t still feeling his impact on her body and her soul, she might have started to believe that it hadn’t been real. How could it be possible that this man, who fluttered the hearts of thousands of women, would want her? Perhaps he simply was just caught up in having a romance, a fling, while on vacation. But she had seen only honesty when she had looked into his beautiful eyes and the things that he had said—she had waited a lifetime to hear those words. Words that showed her that the man that she was with also felt that sex was more than just a physical act; words that touched her heart and soul and made her finally give all of herself to a person. In the past, whenever she had engaged in sex, that was all it turned out to be—a physical act. She had always come away from the experience feeling sad. That was the reason why the sexual part of her past relationships had simply died; the sex had done nothing for her and she ended up almost resenting the person’s touch. But tonight, in his arms, she had no reservations or inhibitions. It was as though he had unlocked a secret part of her. She looked up at the night sky. The moon was not in sight; there were only a few stars twinkling above. Had the Universe really blessed her or had it cursed her?
She took Angel back into the house and cleaned her up, then went to her room to make herself more presentable. She moaned when she looked in the mirror. Her makeup was non-existent, her hair was a mess, and her eyes were still swollen. She brushed her hair out, washed her face, and continued to press the compress on her eyes.
By the time she returned upstairs, Johnny had fallen asleep and she was almost grateful. Even asleep, the man was physically beautiful. Lying there, partially covered by the sheets, with the dim light highlighting and creating shadows on every muscle on his body and on his face with its strong, chiseled features, he looked like a sculpture of a mythical god in repose. It was best not to wake up next to him in the morning just in case he did feel differently. And it was best not to get used to his closeness because, real or not, he was returning to his world in a few short days. She picked Angel up and returned to her own room downstairs.
CHAPTER NINE
When he came down the stairs the next morning, she was already in the kitchen preparing breakfast.
“Good morning,” he said, smiling, and stooped to pet Angel who had trotted over to greet him, wagging her tail. “Yes, you too.”
It just didn’t seem fair to her. Even first thing in the morning, the man was incredibly handsome. She loved the way that he looked, but his physical perfection reminded her of all the beautiful women that he encountered everyday in his line of work and that made her feel uncomfortable about herself, about her own appearance, and she didn’t like feeling that way.
“Hi,” she replied as normally as she could. “I just started making breakfast. You can take a dip first if you want to.”
“Hey, come here.” He leaned back against the counter and pulled her over so that she was in front of him and then he put his arms around her with his hands clasped together behind her back. “Why didn’t you come back to bed last night?”
She avoided his eyes. “By the time I finished with Angel and putting ice on my eyes, which are still swollen by the way so don’t look, you were sound asleep and I didn’t want to bother you.”
“Your eyes are beautiful and you’re not telling me the truth. Not the whole truth anyway.”
She realized that his Scorpio senses were growing keener when it came to her.
“Did you think I’d feel differently in the morning?” he asked. “Because if that’s what you’re worried about, don’t be. I meant everything that I said and what we felt last night, it was all real. When I woke up this morning, for the first time in ... I can’t remember when, maybe never, I felt really happy and at peace inside.”
“It isn’t just that, Johnny,” she said softly. “Before you, I was fairly sure that I wasn’t going to find the person that I was searching for and I was resigned to that. I created a life for myself that might not have been perfect but it was okay. Now here you are and I have all of these feelings. It’s going to be hard enough when you leave without me getting used to waking up next to you. Besides, do you know that I’m older than you are? You never asked me my age and—”
He put his finger to her lips to stop her from continuing. “First of all, I know how old you are. I saw the graduation date on those photos in your room. And you’re just a few years older than I am and I don’t care anyway. Second, we didn’t cross paths just to part again. It’s going to work out. I know it is, and I want you to know it too. And third,” he leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips, “I want you in my arms when I wake up in the morning. I want to see your face when I get up.”
“Now you’re giving me a good reason not to wake up next to you,” she said. “This isn’t the movies, you know. I look horrible in the morning. Unlike you. I mean, look at you. Your hair’s not combed, you need a shave, and you still look better than any man on earth.”
“Don’t hold what I look like against me. Too many people do it already. I don’t care what you look like in the morning. I just want you there. All right?”
She hesitated and he lifted her chin with a strong finger. “Look at me,” he said firmly. “Stop avoiding looking at me.”
She obeyed but it was almost painful to look into those clear blue Scorpio eyes.
“Be there with me in the morning,” he said. “All right?”
She gave in reluctantly and nodded and he smiled and pulled her to him and hugged her tightly. She felt his happiness and all she could do was follow his lead. It was difficult to say no to this man. He had a forceful, commanding way about him that surprisingly didn’t threaten her. No other man she had ever known had been able to dominate or control her and if they had tried, she had rebelled. In every other relationship, she had been the strong one, the one who made all of the decisions and took control of situations; it was who she was, and yet, it diminished her respect for the man that she was with. It was different with Johnny. With him, she knew that he was the dominant one—he wouldn’t let her get away with evading questions or give in to her just because she wanted him to—but for some reason, she didn’t mind. With him, she preferred it that way. Perhaps she had always been looking for a man who could tame her spirit without breaking it and who would take the lead without leaving her behind. Or perhaps it was because his forcefulness was tempered with love and gentleness and she instinctively knew that he would never abuse his position to hurt her.
He pulled her away gently. “Know what I’m going to do today?”
She shook her head.
“I’m calling my agent right after breakfast to check my commitments so that I can see if I can stay here with you a few days longer and so that you and I can arrange a time for you to come up to L.A. as soon as possible.”
He was able to add only three more days to his stay; not nearly long enough for either of them, but it was better than nothing. Now that mutual love and desire was clear and the barriers of uncertainty removed, they expressed their feelings for each other openly and freely. He was an extremely sensual person—wanting to kiss her and hold her and touch her. She was more reserved until his actions fueled the fire in her soul. He liked it that way. It made him feel that he, and he alone, could touch her heart and he needed to know that.
On Christmas morning, he woke up without her beside him. When he went downstairs, he found her in the kitchen preparing breakfast. She had turned the tree lights on and Christmas music was playing softly from a CD player on the counter. She smiled when she saw him.
“Merry Christmas,” she said.
He bent to give Angel her morning scratch behind the ear and then went over and hugged Susan tightly from behind.
“Merry Christmas,” he said and gave her a kiss. “Hey, what did I tell you about having you next to me when I wake up?”
“I know. But I wanted to have Christmas breakfast ready for you.”
“Smells good,” he said. “I bet it won’t taste as good as you, though.” He kissed her again. It seemed as though his heart and body could not get enough of her.
“We can do a taste comparison later,” she said softly as she kissed him back. “Right now ... food.”
He smiled. “Okay, but I’m holding you to that.”
She had made French toast using Hawaiian sweet bread that could be topped with whipped cream and assorted berries, turkey link sausages wrapped in crescent rolls, crisp bacon, a mushroom, ham and cheese filled omelet, and homemade hash browns.