by S. Tamanaha
“Oh, that’s right. Most men only dream of a woman like that walking up to their door. With you it actually happens. For all I know, I just got home a little too early.”
“You stop that and listen!” He shook her, his grip on her shoulders tightening so much that it hurt her, but she refused to show it. “There have been dozens of women who have propositioned me in one way or another. I didn’t feel they were worth my time when I didn’t have you. Why the hell would I be interested in them now when I’ve found you and you’re everything I want? My only crime is that I took her at her word. She said she knew Jake and I was just being polite when I said that she could come inside. That’s it.”
“That’s not it!” she said furiously. “Even if you didn’t plan this, you let a strange woman lie her way into our home and the only reason you didn’t see through that ridiculous story that she told you was because she was beautiful. You wouldn’t have done it if she wasn’t.”
“You’re wrong,” he said firmly. “Do you hear me? Wrong. She had his full name, she knew where he was from, and she even showed me a letter that she received from him six months ago when he was still here. It didn’t sound like a ridiculous story to me at the time. Her looks had nothing to with anything. And once I found out why she was really here, I told her to get out. I wasn’t flattered by that and I wasn’t tempted. I didn’t betray you, Susan, and I had no intention of betraying you, do you understand me? The thought didn’t even enter my mind. I love you.”
Whether he knew it or not, he had said the right words. Betrayed was how she was feeling and betrayal was the one thing that she could not forgive. His denial before she outwardly said the word and accused him of it somehow made a difference to her. It was as though he was addressing her heart and her soul, not just the words that were coming from her mouth. It didn’t have to make sense to anyone else. It made sense to her.
Also, although she hated to admit it, she was beginning to believe him. He did have his clothes on and it would have been idiotic for him to try and cheat on her in their own house. But most importantly, he hadn’t been manipulated by that woman’s beauty. She hated that weakness in men; she had seen it too often in the men attracted to her mother and sister. Because she was starting to believe him, her anger was subsiding, but the image of that woman, naked and beautiful, with her arms around him was still in her head and it hurt her deeply.
Johnny could actually feel the drop in the level of her anger and pulled her to him to hold her.
“Don’t,” she said, trying to push him away. Other men might have obeyed but not this man. He pulled her to him in spite of her resistance. She couldn’t fight his physical strength but she kept her arms in front of her and didn’t reciprocate. He knew that she was putting a barrier between them and that he had to break through. He took hold of her forearms.
“Put your arms around me,” he said, trying to pull them apart.
She resisted.
“Susan, put your arms around me,” he said sternly. He pried them apart and drew her to him, forcing her arms around his waist, and held her tightly.
“I love you, understand? No one’s going to come between us, especially a woman like that.”
“That woman was gorgeous,” she muttered.
He heard the hurt in her voice. “That kind of beauty can be bought for a few thousand dollars. What you have, inside and out. is real. That’s what I want. You’re what I want. And I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have let her in no matter what her story was.”
It was the first time that he offered any words of apology. He was a Scorpio and not inclined to apologize for something when he felt that he had done nothing wrong. But as he held her and felt her hurt and realized how close he had come to losing her, he was able to see things from her point of view. And he couldn’t begin to imagine how he would have reacted if their situations had been reversed. He sat on the bed and pulled her onto his lap and cradled her tightly in his arms.
He had broken through her wall of anger. Without it, all she felt was the pain. “When I saw her—how beautiful she was—and she had her arms around you ... I was so hurt, Johnny, I was so hurt.” She started to cry.
It was the first time that she had ever cried because she had been hurt by something that he had done and he hated it.
“I know and I’m sorry. I am. But I swear, what I told you is the truth. I love you, just you, always.” Her soft sobs tore at his heart. “Shh, don’t cry, all right?”
Eventually, her sobs subsided. She wiped her tears away and took a ragged breath. “Where is she anyway?” she asked bitterly.
“I threw her out—her clothes first, then her—along with the rest of the trash.”
“What if she comes back?”
“She won’t. I kept the letter that she showed me and her driver’s license and told her that I’d call the police if I ever saw her anywhere near this house again. And I’m calling Jake.”
“Do you know what could have happened if I hadn’t walked in and she went to the police and said that you invited her here and assaulted her or something? Your career, your life, it would be a mess. How can you not think about those things?”
He was usually extremely cautious, but he had let his guard down once the woman had proven that she knew his former roommate. “You’re right,” he said. “I should have been more careful.” Then he smiled and stroked her hair gently. “Even when you’re angry and hurt, you’re still thinking of me.”
“Stupid force of habit,” she said angrily. She tried to sit up and pull away from him but he wouldn’t let her.
“Don’t ever break that habit,” he said softly. He wiped away her tears gently and kissed her—once, twice, and then again, each kiss lasting longer than the one before.
She pulled away. “What are you doing?”
“I hear that make-up sex is great,” he said, kissing her again.
“Who said that we’ve made up? I’m still angry.”
“I hear that angry sex is great too. Want to find out?”
“I can’t have sex when I’m angry,” she said stubbornly.
“Then stop being angry.” He kissed her again as his hand reached under her sweater and undid her bra. “You know that I’m telling you the truth and that I love you. Do you still love me?”
“Yes,” she said irritably, “but that’s not the point.”
“It’s the only point that matters,” he said, continuing to kiss her.
“It’s not a switch that I can turn on and off,” she said sullenly.
“Then I’ll do it for you,” he said, and in one swift movement he slipped off her sweater and her bra with it.
He laid her back on the bed, kissing her passionately, his hand caressing her body. She tried not to respond; a part of her did not want to give in to him so easily. He knew that she wasn’t really angry any longer; she was just being stubborn because she had been hurt.
“Kiss me back,” he said softly but firmly as he continued to kiss her. He cupped her face in one strong hand and looked deeply into her eyes. “You know that I love you and that you love me. Kiss me back.”
He began kissing her again and she couldn’t resist him any longer. He felt her responding to him, surrendering to him, and his desire for her grew even stronger. He removed the rest of her clothing and stroked and kissed her naked body until she was writhing under his touch and moaning softly. He stopped only long enough to remove his own clothes and pressed his body against hers. Even now she felt that jolt of electricity when his skin first met hers. She began to kiss him—his neck and shoulders and chest. Her hurt and anger were gone. All she felt now was the love that she had for him; love that she wanted to express; love that made her want to give him as much pleasure as he gave her and prove to him that no woman could ever love him more. Her lips traveled down his body and he lay back and let her caress him and kiss him and lick him until he couldn’t stand the wait any longer. He pulled her back up to him and joined with her. She gasped as
she always did when he first entered her and then moaned as he began his rhythm. The passion that he always felt was now intensified, perhaps because he wanted to show her that she could never lose him or because he had feared for the first time that he would lose her.
When he felt them peaking, he stopped and withdrew from her, making her moan once more, and then kissed her and caressed her to maintain the passion but to lower it. He didn’t want it to end just yet. He wanted this union to last as long as possible, not just because of the physical pleasure but because they had almost lost each other and he felt the need to have their souls reconnect more deeply. He entered her once more and rolled on his back so that she was on top of him. He helped her to move up and down on him as he caressed her body with his strong hands. Then he shifted their position once more so that she was beneath him again.
“I love you, Johnny,” she whispered.
“I love you too,” he whispered back. “Don’t ever doubt it.”
She was crying now, the love that she felt was so strong, and he knew that it was time. He brought them both to climax and they clung to each other tightly as wave after wave of pleasure flooded their bodies.
As she lay in his arms afterwards, he caressed her shoulder gently. “It still surprises me sometimes,” he said quietly. “I never thought that I could love someone like this.”
“What I feel ... it almost makes me afraid,” she said softly.
He lifted her chin. “What are you afraid of?”
“If I feel this much love for you, that’s how much you can hurt me. The hurt that I felt today—”
“Stop,” he said. “Don’t ever be afraid or hold back because of that, all right? I won’t ever do anything to betray you and hurt you like that. I told you—what we have is forever.”
They lay there in silence for a while. Then, suddenly, he said, “Come here.” He pulled her partially on top of him and smacked her soundly on her backside.
She cried out in surprise. “What was that for?” she asked, rubbing away the sting.
“That was for trying to walk out. Don’t ever walk out, understand?”
“I just didn’t want to completely lose my temper. You’ve never seen my temper Johnny. When I lose it, it’s almost like I have no control over what I’m saying or doing. And I say and do things to really hurt the other person. Then afterwards I feel so ugly, as though I’ve unleashed some dark part of me that I don’t want the world to see and that I don’t want to see. I wanted to leave before I reached that point.”
“I don’t care. You might see my temper too one day. I’m not exactly proud of it either. But I’m not going to let you walk out because I have a feeling that if you do, you won’t come back. You’re going to let that hurt and anger build inside of you or you’ll just be too stubborn but you won’t come back. So promise me.”’
“Johnny—”
“I mean it,” he said sternly. “Promise me.”
“All right, I promise. But you might stop loving me when you see that part of me.”
“I’m never going to stop loving you and I can handle your temper.”
She hoped that it was true. Her temper had never been a flash temper. Usually something—it had to be serious—would occur and she would start to seethe inside. If left unchecked, that seething would grow until something else, usually something seemingly small, triggered an explosion. At that point, there was no talking to her, no calming her down. After the explosion, she was like ice. There was no forgiveness of the person who had caused her pain. Like her sister, they became invisible to her. She hadn’t lost her temper like that in a long time; not since her father died and the incident with her sister. She had learned how to talk herself out of her seething phase most of the time, but she knew that the one thing that could still trigger an explosion was betrayal. Other men may have let her leave thinking that she would cool down. Somehow Johnny had known that he had to force her to listen before she let her anger and hurt build to the point of no return. He was right. If he had allowed her to leave, the image of that woman with her arms around him would have eventually triggered an explosion and she would never have come back. Perhaps it was the Scorpio in him that made him instinctively know this, although she knew that he tended to have a temper that was much quicker.
The next evening, when Johnny returned home from the studio, he noticed that she wasn’t quite her usual self. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he felt that she was avoiding looking at him. As he helped her to set the table for dinner, she carried the main dish to the table. When she leaned forward to set it down, her blouse shifted slightly and he caught sight of a dark mark on her shoulder near her bra strap.
“What’s that?” He walked over and began pulling her shirt away to see the mark.
“It’s nothing,” she said, pulling her shirt back into place.
“It’s not nothing,” he said. “Come here.” He held her still and pulled her shirt back. On her shoulder near her collar bone and on the back of her arms were dark, distinct bruises.
“What the hell? These look like fingerprints. How’d you get these?” Immediately his Scorpio jealously conjured up images of another man touching her.
“They’re yours,” she said quietly. “From yesterday, when you grabbed me. See?” She exposed her other shoulder that showed nearly identical marks.
He felt sick. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to grab you that hard.” He kissed her bruises gently and then held her close.
“I know. That’s why I wasn’t going to say anything.”
“Why didn’t you say something when it was happening? You didn’t even flinch.”
“I was angry. I didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing that you were hurting me.”
“What are you talking about? I don’t get satisfaction out of doing this kind of thing.”
“It’s not you. It’s anyone. When I’m angry I don’t want anyone knowing that they’re hurting me.”
He sighed. “Stubborn,” he said. “You’re just too damn stubborn for your own good. You’d rather let yourself be hurt like this than give an inch?”
“I know,” she said softly. “It’s just how I am.” She felt like a child being scolded but worse than that, she felt a flaw in her character being exposed to the one person that she didn’t want seeing her flaws. If she had looked at him, though, she would have seen the gentleness in his eyes.
“And just how were you going to keep this from me? Were you going to avoid making love with me until they disappeared?”
“I don’t know. It’s not like I had a plan. I only noticed them this afternoon.”
He sat down on a nearby chair and pulled her onto his lap. “Well, how’s this for a plan? We don’t fight like that anymore. And if we do fight, since you promised never to walk out, I won’t have to try to stop you and end up doing something like this to you.”
“I know that I promised, Johnny, but if you ever really do stray, you can’t hold me to that promise and considering the line of work that you’re in and what happened yesterday, maybe ... ”
“Maybe what?” He didn’t like the sound of where this conversation was going.
“Maybe you should reconsider the marriage proposal,” she said softly.
“What are you saying? You’re changing your mind about marrying me because of that stupid woman?”
“I haven’t changed my mind Johnny. I’m just saying that because of what you do for a living, there are so many women around and I know how men are and how women like that are and well, if anything happened, it would just be better for you financially if you weren’t legally bound by marriage to anyone, so I’m giving you the chance to change your mind. I’m just being realistic. Your own lawyer would probably tell you the same thing.”
“You’re not my damn lawyer and stop talking to me as though you are!” He pulled her off of his lap and took hold of her arms, careful to avoid touching her bruised shoulders. “You listen to me. You say you’re being realis
tic but that’s not what this is about. What you’re really saying is that you think I’m no better than any other man out there and I told you yesterday not to apply your general opinion about men to me. I love you and when I say it’s forever I mean it. I’ve never said that to anyone before—ever. So I’m not reconsidering that marriage proposal. I want us to be married. The only question here is, do you?”
She looked down at her hands and nodded.
“No, you look me in the eyes and answer me,” he said. He needed to know if she was telling him the truth. He lifted her face so that she had to look at him. “Do you want to be my wife?”
She looked at him and let him look into her soul and all the love that she had for him. “Yes,” she replied.
He could see the love in her eyes. He could feel it. “Come here.” He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. “I love you, baby, and it’s settled. We’re getting married. I don’t want to hear any more of this kind of talk, all right?”
She nodded. She loved him so much and she could see and feel that he loved her, but deep in her heart she still wondered whether he really was strong enough to withstand the constant barrage of women, the constant temptation. She knew that such doubts were dangerous so at that moment she consciously buried them and chose to believe in him and in the kind of love that they shared.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
They were married two weeks later, one day after signing the pre-nuptial agreement which had been prepared based on instructions that Susan had given to Johnny’s attorney and which contained terms that the attorney had to admit were more than fair to his client. It was a private ceremony held at the offices of Johnny’s agent—the only place that he could think of where there would be no threat of intrusion by the paparazzi. There were only two invited guests to act as witnesses: Johnny’s agent, Roy Avery, and Damien, the only person who Susan really knew in L.A. and who was thrilled to be invited.
Johnny’s schedule, especially since the Ray Jennings interview, did not allow for a honeymoon so they decided to host a small reception. However, when Isabel found out about their plan, she offered her assistance and once Susan and Johnny agreed, the reception became an event that was much larger than originally intended. Isabel offered them the use of a private estate of a friend for their reception and a weekend stay there since her friends were travelling in Europe. They accepted as long as they could bring Angel with them. The downside to that arrangement was that Isabel ended up inviting most of the guests. There were people at the reception that Susan had never met before and the only person that she was actually close to, Damien, couldn’t attend because he was required to be in San Francisco for his job. Nevertheless, she was gracious and welcoming to everyone, keeping in mind that these types of gatherings were beneficial for Johnny.