by S. Tamanaha
“It’s all right. It’s not a secret or anything. Yeah, I came here because of a woman. I loved her. She said she loved me. She wanted to attend the University here in Hawaii for a couple of years. She said that was her dream, but she couldn’t do it on her own so we moved here together. I already had an RN license so instead of going through the therapist re-certification, I just had my RN license endorsed over here to allow me to work. It didn’t make sense to get re-certified here if we were going to go back to Florida. Then after about a year and a half, I found out that she had someone else on the side. They ended up going to Australia or New Zealand or someplace like that and I just stayed here.”
“I’m sorry,” Johnny said softly. “But it’s her loss, I’d say.”
Jackson smiled a little. “I used to be bummed about it, but after seeing you two, I know that what we had wasn’t love so I’m okay. And after seeing what’s been happening here, how much you’ve improved, I’m thinking that maybe it’s time for me to go and get my certification after all.”
“So you’re going to stay in Hawaii?” Johnny asked.
“Yeah. There’s nothing back in Florida for me and I like Hawaii. I like the people, the weather, pretty much everything.”
Johnny smiled. “I’m glad. And you know we’ll help you however possible. You’ve been an enormous help to us.”
Jackson smiled. “I appreciate that,” he said.
Susan returned from the front room carrying Angel in her arms. “I’m going to make us lunch,” she announced. “Oh, and when I was hanging those paintings, I realized that they weren’t signed so you can do that after they’ve dried.”
The two men looked at each other and burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?” she asked.
“We were hoping you wouldn’t notice,” Johnny replied, still laughing. “I guess we’re going to have to figure out some other way to deny any knowledge of those paintings.”
“Well, you can plan and scheme all you want to, but those paintings better remain exactly where I put them. They’re beautiful. Angel thinks so too. Come on baby, let’s make lunch.”
“Should I tell her or do you want to?” Jackson whispered after she had left them.
“Tell her what?”
“That dogs have limited color vision and focus. They see better at night.”
“And that’s when those paintings ought to be looked at—at night, in the dark,” Johnny said, and both men laughed again.
In the kitchen, Susan could hear Johnny and Jackson laughing and she smiled. They were both good men and she was glad that they were now friends.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
The Christmas season was upon them and one day, when Jackson was gone on his personal time off, Susan got out her realistic tree from the storage room and began putting it up.
Johnny was surprised. “You’re decorating?”
“Yes,” she said firmly. “We’ve let our anniversary and our birthdays go by with no celebration and that’s okay, but we have to at least have Christmas decorations for Jackson. He doesn’t have anyone here. He should at least have the holiday. Do you want to help me?”
He shrugged. “Sure.”
He wheeled himself over and began helping her to decorate the tree as far as he could reach. When they were done, she plugged in the lights and then disappeared into the side bedroom. When she returned, she was carrying a few brightly wrapped boxes and packages that she placed beneath the tree.
“You went shopping?”
“Online. Just a few things so that there’d be presents to open on Christmas.”
She sat on the sofa next to Johnny’s chair and admired their work. “I like it,” she said. “It reminds me of our first Christmas together.”
Johnny took her hand and kissed it. “I wish we could celebrate it like we did that Christmas or even last Christmas,” he said.
She smiled. “We will again. Icy fingers and toes and all if we’re in L.A.”
“You know, the doctors said it would be okay.”
“I know,” she said quietly, “but we agreed—not until it’s finished. We’re not doing anything that might have a bad effect on your spine. The doctors think it’s done. That’s why they don’t care. But it’s not over yet.” She looked at him with sadness in her eyes. “Do you hate me for not wanting to risk it? I mean, I know how the physical part is so important to men—”
“Hey, just a second now,” he cut her off, slightly upset. “First of all, how many times have I told you not to make those generalizations about men and apply them to me? And second, are you saying that when we made love, it was only because I wanted it and you thought it was important to me?”
She hugged his arm tightly. “No, Johnny, of course I’m not saying that. You know how you made me feel. It’s just that I know that if I have to, I can do without it. Before you ... ”
“Before me, what?”
“It was years, Johnny,” she said, so softly that he barely heard her. “Not months. When I told you that first time that it had been a long while, I meant years.”
He hadn’t known. “Why didn’t you ever tell me this before?”
“I thought you’d think that something was wrong with me. I mean, most people would. I have friends who just sleep with people because they say they need that physical release. They think going a month without sex isn’t normal. It’s just that for me, even when I was dating, I never felt that emotional part that I needed in order to make the physical part happen. Until you. But I know it wasn’t that way for you, and I just don’t want you to hate me for not wanting to risk it now.”
He lifted her face to make her look at him. “Don’t ever think that. I could never hate you—for anything. And the physical part ... I know that you think the way you do because of the women. But the truth is, before we met, it had been awhile for me too. Not years, but quite a while. I told you, I got tired of dating and I’m not like those friends of yours. Then we met and I found out what real love felt like. When we made love, the physical part was great, better than great, but what made it special was being as close to you as possible in every way—our bodies joined together at the same time that our souls touched. Just the physical part without that touching of souls doesn’t mean anything to me now.”
She hugged his arm tightly again and smiled gently. “I feel you touching my soul whenever I look into your beautiful eyes,” she said. “Look at me now, Johnny, look at me and touch my soul and let me touch yours.”
He looked at her then, into her dark Scorpio eyes, and he could see the love that she had for him, he could feel the depth and the intensity of it. He sent her all of his love with his eyes and he did feel their souls touch. He pulled her to him and kissed her deeply, passionately.
“God, I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, Johnny,” she whispered back to him, tears filling her eyes. “Forever.”
He wiped away her tears gently. “Tears of love?”
She nodded and hugged him tightly, and he wrapped his arms around her. “What I feel for you and how you make me feel still overwhelms me,” she said. Then she asked him as she had during that first Christmas, “Do you hate that I do it?”
He smiled. “If you’re crying tears of love, then I don’t mind it at all,” he replied, just as he had on that Christmas day.
Jackson smiled when he returned to the house and saw the Christmas tree. He had spent his personal time shopping and had returned with presents. Now there was someplace to put them.
The three of them celebrated Christmas as a family. She woke early and made her special Christmas breakfast and then they were ready to open their gifts.
“Wait,” Susan said, picking Angel up and kissing her. She handed the little dog to Johnny. “I haven’t bought her anything for a while. I want to see if she can still do it. Don’t let her look.”
Johnny kept Angel occupied as Susan disappeared into the side bedroom and brought out a wrapped package. She put it unde
r the tree next to the other gifts.
“Okay, put her down,” she said and Johnny set her down on the ground gently. Susan had returned to her seat at the table and Angel ran up to her.
“Merry Christmas, baby,” Susan said, petting her. “Go and see if Santa left a present for you.” She pointed to the tree.
Angel ran over to the tree and began sniffing the packages. When she got to Susan’s gift, she started growling and barking. Susan smiled and went to open her gift for her. But as she was unwrapping the present for Angel, the little dog started sniffing again. When she reached another package, she started barking once more.
“What are you doing?” Susan asked. “I have your present right here.”
“I don’t believe it,” Jackson said. “That’s my present to her. Go ahead and open it for her.”
Susan did and was touched to discover that Jackson had bought Angel a new harness. “Thank you, Jackson. It’s beautiful,” she said. Angel sniffed the harness, wagging her tail, and then took the new chew toy that Susan had bought for her and ran off to play with it.
“How’d she do that?” Jackson asked.
Johnny and Susan looked at each other and smiled. “Scorpio,” they said almost in unison.
Jackson had bought Johnny a tank top and shorts imprinted with the University of Hawaii sports logo that Johnny could wear while working out in the pool. He gave Susan a book on the history of the Maltese breed filled with pictures.
“Look, Angel,” she said as she looked through the book. “Your relatives.” Angel, hearing her name, dropped the new chew toy that she was playing with and trotted over to Susan. Susan hugged her and gave her a kiss and pointed to the pictures in the book. Angel just licked Susan’s face and then ran back to her toy.
“Is that what she’d look like if you let her hair grow?” Johnny asked, pointing to the photos of Maltese with hair that draped and touched the ground.
She nodded.
“She looks a lot cuter with her hair short like it is,” he remarked.
“I think so too. Besides, putting a bow in her hair just looks so ... ”
“Girlie girl?” Johnny asked, smiling. “Like calling you Susie?”
She smiled and nodded.
Susan had bought Jackson several hundred dollars worth of karaoke disks filled with rock and roll, blues, and oldies music. He was thrilled. When he went into the rehearsal room to listen to some of the disks, she reminded Johnny to call his mother.
“Oh, I forgot,” Susan said quickly as Johnny waited for his mother to pick up the phone. “I sent her a sparkly sweater from you and some local jams and jellies so if she thanks you, can you please just play along?”
“Play along? You mean lie?”
“Johnny—”
“Hi, Mom,” Johnny said then, stopping Susan from continuing. “I’m just calling to say Merry Christmas ... . Yeah, I’m doing better, but we still have a lot of work to do. Don’t worry, all right? I’m in good hands ... . Oh, the sweater.” He looked at Susan who looked worried. “I’m glad you liked it,” he said then and Susan smiled. “Tell everyone that I said hello and that I’m doing better. I’ll keep in touch as much as I can ... . Yes, she’s right here.” He handed Susan the phone. “She wants to talk to you.”
“Hello, Mrs. Hellstrom. Merry Christmas ... . Oh, you’re welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed it ... . The sweater? Well, I had to go out and buy it, but he picked it out himself from an ad that he saw. Does it fit all right? ... Yes, I thought it was beautiful too. Your son has very good taste ... . Oh no, please don’t feel bad about that. I meant what I said about not having to send us anything. We have everything we need ... . Of course you can if you want to. He’d love it ... . Yes, of course I’ll keep writing to you about how things are going ... . Yes, you too. Merry Christmas.”
She hung up the phone and handed it back to Johnny. She turned to go back to her seat but he took hold of her arm.
“Not so fast. I picked it out myself from an ad I saw? I have very good taste? I don’t even know what it looks like.”
“I know, Johnny. I’m sorry I lied, but she needed to know that you were thinking of her.”
“And what is it that she can do that I’d love?”
“She’s sending you some of her homemade cookies. She feels bad because I told her that she didn’t have to send any presents and then she got that sweater.”
“So you saw a beautiful sweater, bought it, sent it to her, and now she’s rewarding me with her cookies?”
“You aren’t mad are you, Johnny?” she asked. “It’s bad enough that she can’t see you. I just wanted to make her happy.”
“Come here,” he said, pulling her down to him. He kissed her lovingly. “What would I do without you?”
She hugged him, happy that he wasn’t upset.
“Did I buy you anything?” he asked.
She straightened up and lifted her Scorpio pendent.
“That was two Christmases ago,” he said.
“It’s the only present that I’ll ever need or want,” she said, kissing it. “I bought you something though.”
“No, Susan, you can’t do that,” he protested. “It isn’t fair.”
“Well, it’s kind of a gift for both of us,” she said. She disappeared into the bedroom and returned carrying a fairly large box, beautifully wrapped, and handed it to him.
He hesitated, then removed the wrapping paper and opened the box. In it was a brand new pair of black leather boots—the same brand and style that he used to always wear. He looked at her questioningly.
“Your old ones were worn and ruined after the accident,” she said. “I bought you these so that you can wear them when you step out on that stage again.”
He looked at her beautiful face and into her eyes filled with love and complete faith and he pulled her to him again, kissed her, and then held her tightly. “You’re my greatest gift,” he said emotionally. “My gift from the Universe.”
“I feel the same way about you, Johnny,” she said softly. “Every single day.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Within nine more weeks, both of Johnny’s calves were remarkably improved and getting stronger. His walking, however, was still stiff. His ankles and feet were still not working right. One night, during dinner, she turned on the flat-screen television in the livingroom area and positioned it so that Johnny and Jackson could see it from the dining table. She inserted a disk into the DVD player connected to the television.
“What are we watching?” Johnny asked.
“I have a theory,” she said.
“Uh oh,” Johnny said to Jackson. “More work.” But he was smiling.
“Most people don’t think about how they walk because walking is something that we all learned to do when we were babies. It’s something that we do automatically because the message has been burned into our brains and into our muscles. But for you, the message ... that signal ... was interrupted so you need to learn the process again. We’ve been working your muscles, trying to force them to remember and to send a message to the brain. But I was thinking that we should also work from the brain down. It’s the brain that sends signals to the muscles. But the brain has to have a picture of what you want it to do. You need to be able to visualize how to walk in your head. Break down every movement and work on it and eventually, it will become automatic again. So I downloaded some videos on walking.” She had their attention.
“Okay, here’s a baby trying to walk. See, his legs are strong enough but he’s off balance. His brain hasn’t yet learned what it takes to keep him walking. His feet don’t know yet how to push off. He moves forward by lifting his leg and putting it down flatfooted almost. Kind of like what’s happening to you now. So, I found the next few videos that break down how a person walks. She fast forwarded to the next video which was a back view of a man on a treadmill. You see, he takes a step with his right foot, initial pressure on his heel and at the same time that he drops the front part of that foot, the lef
t foot is already bent and ready to push off to move him forward. When it pushes off, the foot bends at the toes and then slides forward, and then the process repeats. You need to watch these videos until you can see clearly in your mind how you’re supposed to look like when you walk. Jackson and I will keep exercising your legs and ankles and feet to send the message the other way. We have to get your calves, ankles, feet and toes strong enough and flexible enough to give you that forward motion.”
“What made you think of this?” Johnny asked quietly.
“I believe in the power of the human brain to heal the body, and I believe in manifestation. I believe that what a person can visualize and truly want will manifest itself as long as it’s in the realm of possibility. It’s like Michelangelo when he carved his beautiful statues out of marble. He said that the statues were already in there; he could see them. All he had to do was chip away the excess marble. He once said ‘I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.’ And when he painted all those beautiful paintings he said, ‘A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.’ He was one of the world’s greatest painters and sculptors and he saw it all in his head first. So, will you try it?”
“The doctors doubted that I’d improve after the tenth month. Here it is, going into month fourteen, and I’m still getting stronger every day. You did that. Why would I stop listening to you now?” He pulled her to him and kissed her.
She looked into his beautiful eyes and saw the happiness there, the hope. All those months ago the woman had told her that Eagles can accomplish things that others would consider miracles by sheer will power; they have within themselves the power to manifest their dreams as long as they truly believed in those dreams. He believed completely now. Her Eagle had returned and she knew that there was no stopping two Eagles on the same mission.
She revised the television system in the pool so that Johnny could watch a split screen on his monitor—one side showing him the walking video in slow motion and the other side showing him how his own legs and feet were moving. She and Jackson continued to strengthen his core, back and leg muscles and then worked on flexibility and strength exercises for his ankles and feet and toes. It went slowly but in another six weeks, more feeling had returned to Johnny’s ankles, feet, and toes, and they all noticed that his gait had improved significantly. The brain was learning and so were his muscles.