"I'm afraid to see her like this," Cassie finally broke the silence as they came into the city. "She's at least always known who I am. What if she doesn't recognize me today?"
"Isn't it a little early for that?"
"Maybe," she admitted. "The doctor made it sound pretty awful though. I don't know if I could handle it if she didn't know me."
"You can handle anything. You have it all together. Always have. I don't doubt you for a second." He wanted her to see the inner strength that he saw.
"Maybe it seems like that, but it gets awfully hard sometimes going it alone." Her words echoed what Emily had told him earlier. If he had anything to say about it she wouldn't have to face it alone, now or ever.
He reached over and squeezed her fingers gently, interlocking them with his when she didn't pull away. "I'm here for you. You don't have to do this alone."
She wouldn't meet his eyes, but squeezed his hand back, giving him a ray of hope that she was finally starting to come around.
* * *
Cassie knew she shouldn't be relying on Jack of all people, but she couldn't stop the feeling of gratitude that washed over her at his support. She did get tired of doing so much on her own. The simple knowledge that he would be there for her if she needed him gave her strength. It would be so nice to have him by her side to help her through the tougher things in life.
Where had that thought come from? Of course this was just a one-time thing. She had no business thinking about a future with him in any capacity. It was bad enough that she was agreeing to go on a date with him and let him accompany her to visit her mother. She didn't have room in her life for a man, least of all Jack Martin.
Just for now, though, she ignored the practical side of her brain, and let her heart do the talking. It felt good having him here. It also felt awfully good to have his strong hand wrapped around hers, comforting and warm. She didn't speak anymore, and neither did he. The ride was over before she knew it, and Jack let go of her hand to kill the engine. She immediately missed the security and wrapped her arms around her stomach, trying to ignore the fear rising in her throat. He must have seen it because he smiled reassuringly.
"You can do this." It was matter-of-fact, confident. If only she had the faith in herself that he seemed to have in her. He came around the truck to open her door for her, then placing an arm around her waist, led her toward the front doors of the care center. She took a deep breath and marched through.
The redhead at the front desk couldn't have been much younger than Cassie, but Cassie felt twice her age with the weight currently resting on her shoulders. She told the overly friendly girl who they were there to visit and filled out the appropriate guest forms. Just as she finished, the doctor appeared.
Cassie greeted him and motioned toward Jack. "Doctor Givins, this is my friend Jack. We go way back to childhood, and he's aware of the situation, so please speak freely."
The two men shook hands and Dr. Givins briefed them on what had happened since his prior phone call. Caroline had been given a light sedative to help calm her, but was still awake, now asking for her daughter.
"She doesn't know where she is," Dr. Givins said softly. "She should be much better once she sees you. My hope is that she will take it better coming from you than from me. You can find me in my office when you're done with your visit."
Cassie nodded then took the lead toward her mother's room. The halls were generic and bright, just like in a hospital, but with a few upscale touches like paintings and flowers that made it feel slightly cozier, if only just. There was of course the sharp antiseptic smell that appeared in any health facility. Jack followed closely behind as they made their way, hesitating when she reached the door. He touched her shoulder lightly searched her face.
"Do you want me to wait out here?"
She debated for only half a second. "No. Just having you here is more helpful than I imagined. Come in." She paused, hand on the doorknob, and bit her lip. "But remember, she is nothing like the woman you used to know. Just be prepared for a shock."
She pushed open the door and walked in. The room was arranged like a large hotel suite with a sitting area up front, opening to the bedroom in the back. It was a nice place, and she paid dearly for it. The only indication that she wasn't in a hotel was the hospital bed that her mother was currently curled up in, looking scared and confused. Cassie's heart ached. The confusion was something she was familiar with, but not the fear. She reached for Jack's hand, seeking support, and walked toward Caroline.
"Mom? It's me, Cassie," she ventured. Please let her know who I am.
"Of course it is, dear. I'm not that far gone." She smiled weakly. How could she make light of this? "But who is this? I declare, is that Jack Martin?"
"Yes ma'am." He smiled reassuringly at Cassie as if to say, See, it's not as bad as you thought. He walked up to Caroline's bedside and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "It has been quite a while though, hasn't it?"
"Too long," she agreed. She seemed to be more at ease almost instantly, the fear wiped from her face. Jack seemed to have that ability these days, Cassie was noticing.
"So when is the big day?"
"I'm sorry, what big day?" Jack wrinkled his forehead and smiled blankly.
"Why, the wedding of course. Amanda told me that you and Cassie were getting married. She was so excited for you. And for Sarah. Just imagine, a father for our little darling."
Cassie gasped audibly, her hand clenching reflexively around Jack's. Oh no, this can't be happening.
"I think you may have it a little wrong, Caroline," he said gently.
"Yes, Mom, Amanda was going to marry Jack, not me." She cringed at the words. This whole situation was just too wrong. It was as if fate were screaming at her that it wasn't right to get involved with her sister's ex. She pulled her hand from Jack's. He met her eyes, and she saw in his face that he recognized her discomfort.
"No, no, that's not right," Caroline continued. "He is supposed to marry you, dear. And you'll have lots of little babies for our dear Sarah to play with."
Cassie knew she had to change the subject fast. If she felt awkward about this, there was no telling how Jack must feel. "Speaking of Sarah, she drew you a lovely picture." She withdrew it from her purse, glad that she'd remembered to bring it. She hadn't looked at it yet, but it was what Sarah had been working on while she and Jack had been in the kitchen that morning. She could feel the heat rising up her neck suddenly at the memory.
"Oh, isn't that sweet? Let's take a look." Caroline unfolded the paper and made a fuss over it. "See there, even our Sarah knows, so don't you try to deny it."
"Knows what? What are you talking about, Mom?"
Caroline pointed to three colorful blobs on the paper. "It's the three of you together, see? Jack, Sarah, and you." She looked up at her, then shifted her gaze to Jack and narrowed her eyes. "She does look like you, you know."
Cassie felt her heart drop all the way into her stomach and struggled desperately to keep a blank face. This had just gone from bad to worse. She tried to laugh around the tightness in her throat, but it just came out in a strangled yelp. "Mother. I think you've had a little too much excitement today, topped off with seeing Jack after so long." She tried to sneak a look at Jack out of the corner of her eye to gauge his reaction, but his face was unreadable. Was he thinking about what she'd said, or dismissing it as her mother's inability to keep certain facts straight?
Jack squeezed Caroline's fingers. "It is great to see you, Caroline, but I'm afraid I may only be making things worse. Maybe I should step outside." He looked at Cassie questioningly. No! That would only give him more time to ponder all the bizarre things Caroline had said. Better to keep him in here and distracted.
She shook her head and somehow managed a smile. "No, please stay. I need to try to explain her situation to her."
Cassie pushed aside her fear over Jack and focused on gently talked with her mother, reminding her of the more important bits and pieces of
the progression of her illness. It was a sticky situation trying to tell her what she needed to know without upsetting her again, but somehow she managed to do it. Caroline was remembering some things as she spoke, enough that Cassie knew she wouldn't be in a frenzy when their visit was over. With tears glimmering in her eyes, she reached for Cassie's hand and squeezed it weakly.
"Tell me about how things are going with Sarah." She did love Sarah, and when her mind was clear, she was her pride and joy. Cassie updated her on all the firsts that Sarah had accomplished recently, even though she'd told the same stories at their last visit. Jack then told her about how much Sarah had enjoyed riding horses. Cassie worried that would get her started talking about the three of them again, but thankfully Caroline had moved past the topic of marriage and family.
They stayed with her until she began to doze off, then quietly left the room, stopping at Dr. Givins' office on the way out. He was busy with paperwork, but pushed it aside and stood, ushering them in. They had a seat in his luxurious leather chairs and briefed him on the visit. Cassie looked around at the tall bookcases flanking the walls while waiting for him to speak.
He leaned forward, hands clasped, and rested his forearms on the massive mahogany desk. "I wish I could say that this won't happen again anytime soon, but I fear Caroline is progressing to the next stage of dementia. These types of occurrences could become routine. I know you realize this, but there will come a day that she won't recognize you." He continued, detailing the particulars of what she should expect in the weeks and months to come.
Cassie nodded wordlessly, fighting back tears. The episode before they had arrived was really bad, and no matter how much better Caroline had seemed by the end of the visit, she knew things would only get worse. She had only hoped that it wouldn't be so soon. Jack clasped her hand for the umpteenth time that day. He was taking his role of moral support seriously. She wished she could respond to the warmth, but knew now what a fool she had been to think she could take things any further with him, so she pulled her hand back into her lap. She felt his eyes on her, but wouldn't look his way.
"I'll keep you updated if she has another episode before your next visit," the doctor finally concluded. They thanked him for his time and left the office. Once they were outside, Jack placed his hand on the small of her back Cassie pulled away from him, wrapping her arms around her stomach, and walked hurriedly to the truck, dreading the conversation that was coming.
Jack slowly followed and opened her door for her then went around and climbed in himself. The tension in the cab of the truck was thick, and Cassie saw the strain on Jack's face. Instead of cranking the engine, he turned to her and opened his mouth to speak.
"Don't say it," she interrupted before he had a chance to change her mind. "This is all a huge mistake. I should never have agreed to go out with you, and I most definitely shouldn't have let whatever this is," she gestured back and forth between the two of them, "continue on this path."
"Cassie, don't do this. You're reacting right now without thinking it through. You haven't even given us a chance. I know what your mother said upset you, made you question this, but we have something here. Something real and worth exploring."
"No. We can't. I can't. You were engaged to my sister for goodness sake. How messed up is this?" She shook her head and tried to ignore the hurt in his eyes. "I have a daughter I have to look out for. I don't have time to be distracted by some fling with a man. I thought maybe I could, but I was just deceiving myself." Please let him leave it at that. This had all become way too risky. She couldn't jeopardize her promise. Her visit with her mother had at least shown her that if nothing else.
Jack clenched his jaw and turned away, muscles in his jaw working angrily as he struggled to find the words. "For the record, I think you're being ridiculous. Yes, you have a business and a daughter, but I'm not asking you to put any of that aside. All I want is for you to just give it a try." She opened her mouth to reply, but now it was his turn to cut her off. "And for the record, I don't think of you as a fling. Don't give me any of that crap about Amanda either. She's long gone and I'll be damned if her ghost is going to come back and jeopardize my future."
Future? With her? What was he going on about? She'd thought he was interested a few dates, and he was talking about a future. Her expression must have displayed her panic, because his stance changed immediately. "I just mean that I'm not going to let her dictate my life." He shrugged and rolled his head around his neck, then started the truck and took off without another word.
The drive home was tense and full of unspoken emotion. How had this day gone so wrong? It had started off like a dream, and was now bordering on a nightmare. Cassie leaned back and rubbed her weary eyes as they pulled up in front of her house. Jack made no move to get out. She felt terrible, and knew she had to say something. He had been nothing but wonderful tonight, in spite of her breaking things off with him before they had even begun. He was paying the price for her secrets, her hangups, and the unfairness of the situation was not lost on her.
Trying to make amends of a sort, she looked at him apologetically. "Jack, I'm sorry this night turned out this way. I just want you to know how much I appreciate you coming with me and being so supportive with Mom. I don't know if I could have handled it as well without you by my side. You really are a good friend." She inwardly cringed at her use of the word she had started to detest.
He frowned at the word, then let out a sigh as he shook his head and smiled ruefully. "You can handle anything, Cassie. But I'm happy I could do it. I'll always be here for anything you need." She could see that he meant it, and that made it even harder. "For what it's worth, I think you're making a big mistake."
She was afraid he just might be right. She stared into those captivating blue eyes and longed to throw herself into his arms and forget any promises she had made. It wasn't fair that the one man she wanted she couldn't have. But after her conversation with Dr. Givins, she knew that if there was nothing else she could do for her mother, the one thing she had in her power was to keep her word. Even if it meant crushing her heart to pieces.
She shoved the door open before she had time to change her mind and launched herself toward the house, leaving Jack staring after her.
CHAPTER NINE
Jack threw bales of straw from where they were stacked on one side of the barn across toward the side with the horse stalls. He was mucking out the stalls in an attempt to dissipate his frustration, but it wasn't doing much good. He let out a growl and threw the pitchfork as well, watching in satisfaction as it pierced the barn door. He'd thought he would be less angry by now, but he was wrong. Cassie was being ridiculous. There was no way she could deny the attraction between them, but she was still pushing him away. It had been four nights, four sleepless nights since he'd seen her and he still didn't seem to have a real answer as to why.
He knew he had made a mistake in mentioning the future. Hell, he had barely gotten her to agree to a date, and next thing she knew he was talking about how she fit into his future plans. That hadn't been at the root of the problem though. There was much more to it. She was still playing the card that she didn't want them to end up like him and her sister, but he saw through that. Only thing was, he didn't know what the real reasons were. Had someone hurt her in the past and she was afraid of what might happen if she opened up to him? No one had ever mentioned her being in a serious relationship while he was gone, but maybe he should do some digging.
There was also the fact of Sarah's adoption. That had been rolling around in the back of his mind for some time now, but he'd never actually addressed it. Why would such a beautiful young woman with plenty of opportunities ahead of her feel the need to adopt a child? And especially while she was single? He didn't know much about biological clocks, but he did know that most women who adopted were much older than Cassie. Something else was missing, something that nagged at the corners of his brain, but that he couldn't quite put his finger on.
Regard
less of all those questions, the most important one was, how was he going to get her to see reason? In spite of trying to shake off his slip about their future, he really did mean it. Since he'd come home, he'd discovered without a doubt that Cassie was the woman for him. The only surprise was why he hadn't seen it sooner. As in five years ago. Jack wasn't one to give up easily, especially when it came to something as important as this. He would find a way.
He reached into his pocket for his phone to check the time and was surprised to see he had a missed call and voice mail from Cassie herself. He swiped his finger across the glass and listened to her voice. Just the sound of it made his heart jump. He had it bad.
"Jack, I was looking at my calendar and realized we only have two more weeks until the cook-off." She was all business now. "I don't know how I let time slip by so fast, but we still have a lot to take care of. Call me and let me know when we can get together for another planning session."
He wanted to call her right back, but knew he needed to play his cards right. Instead, he punched in a different number. The woman didn't sound surprised to hear from him.
"Lissa, we need to talk."
* * *
Cassie stepped through the door of Angus's Steakhouse. It was just on the opposite side of the town square from the bakery, but she had decided to go home and try to look more presentable first. She looked around, spotting a group already waiting in the back and was glad she had changed. Not that she was trying to look nice for anyone in particular, especially not Jack, who looked positively delicious in khakis and a white tee that was stretched across his broad shoulders. She loved that Jack's idea of dressing up was just swapping his jeans for some khakis. She smoothed her hands down the front of her maxi dress and straightened her denim jacket. Angus's may have been a nice restaurant, but this was still Friday night in Willow Valley. Denim and tees were always acceptable.
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