Breaking Through The Wall (Guarded Hearts)

by Ashley Piscitelli

  I really stuck my foot in my mouth this time. I knew what she was thinking that she wasn’t good enough or I didn’t care enough. Both of them were so far from the truth. I went out with that chick tonight hoping I could get her out of my mind. I have tried so many different things and different girls to try to get her out of my mind. It was like she had crawled inside of me and was refusing to leave. I heard the shower turn on and all I could think about was her wet and naked in my bathroom.

  I was already getting hard just picturing her in there. I knew that this was not something she needed right now and I don’t even know if it was something she would want. I grabbed the cushions underneath me as a way to keep myself from getting up and going in there. That lasted for a couple of minutes, then I was walking to the bathroom leaving a trail of my clothes. I opened the door quietly and climbed into the shower behind her.

  She was washing her hair, so her eyes were closed and all I could do was stare at her. When she opened them, though, she let out a scream. ”What the fuck are you doing in here?!”

  I couldn’t even form any words. I just walked up closer to her and noticed that she was breathing hard. I wrapped my hand around her neck and crushed my mouth to hers. I ran my tongue along her bottom lip, begging her to open her mouth for me, then I slid my other hand down to grab her ass. She let out a moan and it gave me the space I needed.

  I plunged my tongue into her, kissing her like I needed her to live. She put her hands onto my chest and circled her fingers around my nipples. Next thing I knew, she grabbed both of them and twisted, hard. “What the fuck, Nic?!”

  “Do you really think that you can come in here and just expect to have your way with me after that shit in there?” This girl was absolutely fucking nuts, and I loved it. I walked closer to her again and backed her against the tile wall. “You need to just –“

  I clamped my hand over her mouth so I could get a word in. “Will you just let me talk for a fucking minute?” I was so close to her I could feel her heart racing. She nodded her head yes and I removed my hand.

  I put both of my hands on the sides of her face and rested my forehead against hers. She placed both of her hands on my hips and we just stared at each other, with the shower pouring over both of us.

  “I get why you’re pissed, trust me I do. You need to know, though, that the girl I was with didn’t matter. I didn’t even remember her name by the end of the date and nothing happened between us. I went out with her to get you out of my head. You’re always there, Nic. No matter what or who I do, you are always there. I know I’m not good for you, but truthfully, I really don’t know how much longer I can stay away. You make me so fucking crazy, but the truth is, that I can’t get enough of it. I –“

  This time it was her who attacked my mouth. She wrapped her hands around my neck and I instinctively braced my hands against the wall. The next thing I knew, her legs were wrapped around my waist and I was so close to her pussy I could feel it throbbing. I love how bad she wanted me and that she wasn’t afraid to show it.

  “Jason, I need you; I want you, now.”

  That was all that she needed to say. I pulled back a little, then slammed myself into her. “Fuck!”

  I was pounding into her so hard and from the sounds of it, she was loving it. Nicole was the only one who could do this to me. I knew she was close because she started digging her nails into my back. When she came she screamed my name and that, along with the fact that her pussy was squeezing my dick, sent me over the top.

  We stood there, panting and holding each other for about ten minutes, before we let go and started to get washed.

  Nicole

  I can’t believe that he had the nerve to come into the shower and do that! I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t enjoy it, though. I don’t know what it is about him, but when he is that close to me it’s like my brain goes to mush. He is the most frustrating man I have ever met and I think I’m falling for him. God, I’m an idiot.

  We went to his room after and laid down, both of us were spent from everything that happened. “Nic, do you want me to go out on the couch?”

  “Well, considering you just manhandled me in the shower, I think it’s safe to say I don’t mind sharing a bed with you.” He laughed and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me to his chest.

  “You tired?”

  I was, but I had Jason to myself and he seemed like he was in a talking mood. I was not about to give that up. “Not really. You wanna talk a little bit?” Please say yes!

  “Sure, I guess.”

  Alright, there is no reason to dance around it. “Why are you so against commitment?”

  “Damn, you went right in for the kill.” He took a deep breath and pulled me closer to him. “Alright, I guess at this point I might as well just get it out there. When I was younger, my sister died in a car accident. I guess my mom kinda freaked out. When my dad and I were out of the house one day, she just left. No note, no goodbye, nothing; she was just gone. My dad says it’s ‘cause she couldn’t stand the sight of us anymore. Ever since then, I have been determined not to let anyone get close. The less people I let in, the less of a chance I have of getting hurt.”

  I looked up at him and he had his eyes closed. I could tell that this wasn’t something that was easy for him.

  “You are the only girl I have ever met that has been able to get under my skin and make me want more. It scares the shit out of me. That’s why I have been so reluctant with you. I don’t want to let you in but at this point, I don’t know if I have much of a choice.”

  “Jason, I know that it must have been so hard on you, having your mom leave. You have to know, though, that it wasn’t your fault. You were an innocent bystander in a shitty situation. I’m not just going to up and leave without a goodbye, though. I have been waiting for you to come to your senses since New Year’s.”

  He leaned down and kissed me and we laid there in each other’s arms the rest of the night.

  Carter

  Waiting for Maddy to wake up is torture. I really don’t know how much more I can take. If I knew where in this hospital that bastard was, he wouldn’t take another breath. Apparently, he was thrown from the car, but some bushes broke his fall, I have never hated nature more. He deserved to die for everything that he put her through.

  Looking at her laying in this bed was enough to kill me. I just need her to open her eyes and let me know that everything will be ok. The doctors say that she will wake up when she is ready to, but the fact that she isn’t is really starting to worry me. It’s been three days since the accident, three days since I have seen her eyes, three days since I have heard her voice, and three days since I have been able to function normally.

  My dad came by yesterday and brought Maddy some flowers. The whole family had been planning to come up anyway, so that they could look at houses for Holly and her friend Christen to rent. Christen’s parents are really overprotective and refuse to let her stay in the dorms. She didn’t want to live alone, so they agreed to let Holly live with her free of charge.

  I barely held it together while they were all here. Seeing people coming to visit her made this even more real. Now I am just sitting here alone next to Maddy’s bed, waiting for the moment that I could see her again. All I can think about is our first date on her birthday. She was so happy that day, and I was so happy to be able to be there and make it special for her. Every moment that I have gotten to spend with her constantly plays through my mind.

  Nicole and Jason have been here everyday, and I think they have finally come to their senses. Having someone you love in the hospital like this really puts things into perspective.

  The only thing that I am dreading when Maddy wakes up is telling her about the baby. I know that it would have been hard and we weren’t ready, but that baby would have been loved. It is going to break her heart when I tell her about it, but I also know that I need to be the one to do it, not her doctor.

  I laid my head down on her hand and
was about to try and get some sleep, when I felt her fingers brush through my hair. My head shot up to look at her, but her eyes were still closed. Maybe I’m so tired I imagined it. I laid my head back down. A few minutes later, though, I felt it again. It was slight, but I felt her fingers move.

  “Maddy! Baby, I’m here, open your eyes.” No response. “Come on, Maddy, I love you. Please open your eyes and let me see you. I’ve missed you so much.” Her hand squeezed mine. “I feel you, babe; now just open your eyes.”

  I saw some movement behind her eyelids and then slowly she started to open them. She immediately closed them. Maybe the light was too bright. ”I’m going to shut the light off baby, just hold on.”

  I shut the light off, hoping that this would help. When I walked back over to the bed, I grabbed her hand willing her to open her eyes again. She tried again and this time, the light wasn’t on to hinder her. It took a couple of tries, but she finally opened her eyes and looked at me. I swear I think my heart stopped for a minute. This was all I had been praying for since the accident.

  “Hey, baby, I’m so glad your back. I’m going to call the doctor in so they can check you out.” I pushed the call button, and waited for the nurse.

  “Carter?” Her voice sounded so weak, and it hurt me just to hear it like that.

  “I’m here, Maddy, I’m not going anywhere. Do you need anything? How about some water?” She nodded her head yes and I went to grab a cup. Just then, her nurse walked in. “She just woke up. Am I allowed to give her something to drink?”

  “Sure sweetie just water for right now though, ok?”

  I nodded and grabbed Maddy some water while the nurse checked her out. When I gave her the water, she drank all of it and then smiled at me. God, I missed seeing her smile. I leaned down to kiss her, because right now it was the only thing I wanted to do. When I pulled back, she smiled at me and lifted her hand up to my face.

  Just then, she looked at her left hand and noticed the ring. My heart stopped, because I really didn’t know how she would react. She looked back and forth between her hand and me, and I couldn’t tell whether she was confused or happy.

  “Carter what is this?”

  I smiled at her. “Well, I don’t know if I could top what I said the first time, but I’ll give it a try.” I grabbed her hand in mine and knelt down beside her bed. “Maddy, this was my mom’s wedding ring. My dad gave it to me when we went to visit after Christmas because he knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you more than anything in this world. You are my reason for living, and for the past three days all I could think of was what I would do if you didn’t make it. I would be nothing without you. Ever since you ran into me that first day I felt like you gave me something I didn’t know was missing; something I didn’t even know I wanted. You are my everything and, if you will let me, I want to spend the rest of your life making you happy.”

  She looked at me in disbelief and I think if she didn’t answer me soon I would pass out. “Yes.”

  Did she just say yes? She did! I was smiling so hard that it hurt. I jumped up and kissed her, pouring every ounce of love I had into it, so she had no doubt how much I loved her. I heard a sound behind me and turned around. Maddy’s nurse was watching us and crying.

  I smiled back at her. “Well, was it as good as the first one?”

  She walked over to me and gave me a hug, then looked back and forth between the two of us. “I hope the both of you have a long happy life together, because you deserve it. And you, mister better stop making me cry on the job these people are going to think I’m losing it!” We all laughed, and she started to leave. “I’ll let the doctor know that you are up and he will be in.”

  I turned back to Maddy and pulled over the chair to sit down next to her. “How do you feel?”

  “Um, truthfully, like crap. Can you tell me what happened?”

  I was not ready to do this, but I know that she needed to hear about all of the injuries, and now I was going to have to tell her about the baby. “Well, when they brought you in, they had to take you right into surgery. They said that you had some internal bleeding, which they stopped. Your shoulder was dislocated, your arm was fractured, you have a couple bruised ribs, but other than that just minor cuts and bruises.” Now, comes the part that I don’t know how to do. ”Babe, did you know you were pregnant?”

  Maddy

  Carter knew? Of course he did, the hospital would have told him. I wonder if he is happy, or disappointed. Wait a minute he said “were”. The realization washes over me. Even if the baby survived the accident, I don’t think it would have survived me getting surgery.

  Oh my God, I lost the baby.

  I start sobbing because I don’t know what else to do at this point. I never even got the chance to tell Carter or see the baby on an ultrasound. I never even knew when I would have been due or if it would have been a boy or girl. I had a life growing inside of me and now all I feel is empty.

  Why? Why did I have to lose it? Was it because I would have been a horrible mother? Didn’t I deserve a chance to try a chance to love my baby? Carter wraps his arms around me, but I feel numb. I don’t know what to do or how to act. I just want to go to sleep and not think, not feel, not remember any of this.

  “Baby, it’s ok. We will get through this and I am here for you.”

  I knew he would be, he always was. I just didn’t know who I would be after all of this was over.

  The doctor came in and went over everything with me. He said they wanted to keep me for observation for at least two days, but after that I could go home.

  Nicole, Jason, Shawn, Holly, Anthony, and Carter’s dad all came by to see me, but I barely remember talking to any of them. I feel like I am just going through the motions at this point; just trying to make it through the day.

  I hate that everyone knows what happened and I hate that they look at me with pity. I smile at everyone and try to carry on conversations, but it has all been a blur. The only thing clear in my head right now is that I feel empty.

  When everyone says their goodbyes and starts to leave, Jason turns to Carter and asks him if he wants him to bring back some clothes.

  I take this time to speak up. I want him to be able to shower and change. I can also tell he hasn’t slept well since that night. “Carter, it’s ok, go home. I will be fine, but I think you should go get some sleep.”

  “If you think that I am leaving you alone in this hospital, you’re crazy. Maddy, I slept here every night while you were unconscious. I’m not going to leave now that I have you back.”

  I loved him so much, and I’m glad he wanted to stay, because I really didn’t want him to leave. Jason gave me a hug and told me he would see me tomorrow. I scooted over in the bed, looked at Carter, then patted beside me.

  “Maddy, the nurses have a sweet spot for me, but I don’t think I could get away with that.”

  “Please?” I saw him losing the battle with himself. He kicked off his shoes and climbed in beside me, being careful to avoid all of the wires. He tucked me under his arm and I laid my head on his chest. “I love you, Carter James.”

  “I love you, babe. Thank you for coming back to me.” He kissed my head and I closed my eyes, thankful for the escape that sleep would bring.

  Chapter 3

  Nicole

  When I woke up this morning, I was still in Jason’s arms, surprisingly. I was so used to him sneaking out before I woke up, but I guess since this was his bed, he really didn’t have anywhere to go. These past couple days have been different, though. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere. This is the first time I have woken up before him, so I take this chance to really look at him; he was gorgeous.

  He had this dark brown hair that was on the shorter side, but definitely not buzzed. When I could see his eyes they were mesmerizing; they reminded me of one of those chocolate fountains.

  I felt his arms tighten around me and he opened his eyes. “Hey.” I could tell he was uncomfortabl
e and that hey was the best I was getting right now.

  “Hey, J, I was just about to shower and see if you wanted to go see Mads with me.”

  “Um…yeah, I guess so.”

  I know at this point, he was starting to mentally freak out. I had been staying with him and had been a constant presence in his life these past few days. For me, it felt normal but for him I know that it was anything but that. I understand that he had issues, but my God, this was exhausting. After we both showered, we made our way to the hospital.

  We stayed and talked with Mads a little bit and I could already tell that she was starting to revert back into the girl who didn’t let anyone in. I know this probably had a lot to do with Chris and losing the baby, but I am going to do my best to get her through it.

  “So, Jason, what are your plans this summer?” Maddy asked him, I think in hopes that it would detract attention away from her.

  “I…uh…I’m actually gonna be heading home today. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, and that you guys didn’t need anything. Do you want me to take you back home so you can get your car, Nic?”

  He turned to me expecting an answer, but at this point, I couldn’t form words. I nodded my head at him. He was leaving? I thought that I had made some progress with him, but I guess not. He was running home like a little child.

  We said goodbye to Maddy and Carter then made our way out to Jason’s car. Once we were in and buckled, I turned to him and punched him right in the arm.

  “Shit! What the hell, Nicole!”

  “You’re leaving? No discussion, no it was nice seeing you, no warning? Ugh!” I couldn’t help myself and I punched him again.

  “Stop fucking hitting me!” He pulled out of the parking lot, turned the radio up loud, and started the drive toward my house.