She leaned against him, holding him inside as the thick liquid began to spill from her sex. He grew still, allowing his emerald eyes to close, as heady aftershocks radiated through his form. Her head rested against his shoulder but there was no tenderness to the moment. The job was not complete and all she could do was wait for him to finish it in his own way.
Whether hours or days, she would be his and once it was over, he would leave and forget her until the need consumed him again. She picked her head up and looked at him, the question clear in her eyes and when he simply shook his head, she knew he wasn't ready.
She had learned his needs and knew every thought without the words and in some ways, they were like a perfectly tuned pair. She craved the feel of him and the power he had over her body and soul, just as he needed the acceptance and the comfort that only she could provide.
She knew what he was and the things he was capable of doing and though there were times she feared the outcome, she would have died before she would have denied him. He was harsh and rough and rarely spoke to her, but when he did, she could tell that he was broken and all she wanted to do was heal whatever it was that caused him to come to her.
Time and again, he had hurt her but the physical pain that she endured was nothing compared to what it did to her heart, just knowing how tortured he was inside and how very little she could do to help him. If all he needed was her body, then she would damn well give it to him.
Jaime never knew when he would show up or the condition he would be in when he arrived. She only knew that he would need her and that whatever happened, he would regret it. This brooding man was a mystery, regardless of his reputation, and she was loyal. She would protect his secrets with her life. She didn't care about the money, and really the only reason she accepted it, was because it kept her from having to ever service anyone but him. He was her only client and he provided her a decent life in exchange for her work. He had no idea that she was half in love with him and she knew that he would get rid of her if he ever found out.
She offered him a drink but he wasn't thirsty so she wandered into the kitchen to get herself a glass of water. The only thing he wanted, he would take when he was ready to do so. He shifted in the chair and lit a smoke, not bothering to cover himself but instead, he pulled the white cable knit sweater over his head and dropped it onto the floor.
He was quiet for a long while and after the second cigarette had been crushed out, he finally spoke. "This is going to hurt." The single statement told her all she needed to know and she immediately laid down on the floor in front of him and raised her bottom into the air.
The next several hours were a blur and once he started, he couldn't stop. The emotions and the desire met face to face and began to pour out of him in torrents of euphoric pleasure, as he took her over and over. He poured his entire soul into her as piece by piece, his frustration and contempt for himself and all he did were carried away, freeing him from the urges that had absorbed his being.
Though he was cruel and punishing in his demands, he knew she would endure him and he would push her beyond her limit. When he was finished, he scooped her exhausted figure into his arms and carried her to her bed.
He sat quietly on the floor, at the foot of her bed, smoking and waiting but for what, he didn't know. She slept for hours and he finally stood and went to gather his clothing. Before he left, he carried in the boxes of clothing and the shoes he had picked up for her and left them inside her door. It was only a small gift but he knew that she had earned it. He had used her until she couldn't continue and as usual, he still didn't relent. The woman was both the nourishment and the poison he needed to obtain any peace within his life.
The drive back home was agonizing. He didn't know if Adessa would still be up or how furious with him she would be and he knew he would deserve it if she never spoke to him again. He could still feel the sting of the fresh wounds he knew she would no doubt see.
The two identical incisions ran vertically down his chest, about two inches in length, cutting through and then stopping just below his nipples, where Jaime's mouth had been only a few hours before. He wished like hell he could save her from it. FUCK!
CHAPTER TWELVE
She had just fallen asleep when she heard his truck coming down the lane. Her eyes were scratchy and raw from the hours she had spent crying, waiting for him to come home. She had finally given up and succumbed to the exhaustion and here he was. She sat up in bed and took a deep breath as his footsteps slowly made their way up the steps and to their room. He hesitated several seconds before finally opening the door.
He walked straight to the bathroom, leaving the door cracked open, allowing her a full view as he dropped his keys on the floor and began to vomit into the cold, ceramic toilet. Her eyes widened but she said nothing as he collapsed to his knees, groaning and spewing until finally, he laid down on the floor, struggling to catch his breath.
Her eyes caught two crimson stains that stood in stark contrast to his white sweater and she gasped at the sight. "My god! What happened?" she shrieked as she scrambled from the bed and rushed to get to him.
"It's fine." he said, nearly groaning.
"Let me see it. What happened to you?" she persisted, already pulling at the hem of his sweater.
He allowed her to remove his top, knowing that she would never understand and he had no words to explain. The shock and horror was clear in her eyes as she stared at his chest and the wounds that continued to seep.
"I'll kill her!" she hissed, as she grabbed a wet washcloth and lathered it up with soap.
"No doll. It's not her fault. Calm down!" he said, trying to catch his breath.
"Not her fault? You come home cut up and it's not her fault? How can you say that?" she wailed, scrambling to find some ointment and bandages to dress the dripping lacerations.
"She didn't do this, doll!"
"Then who did?" She was kneeling beside him now, trembling with anger as she dabbed the oily balm against the open flesh.
The room was silent for a long moment while he allowed her to finish the dressing.
"Well?" she finally snapped.
"It was me, doll. I did it."
"WHAT!"
"You cut yourself? My god, Judas, why?"
"I enjoyed it. Just let it drop."
"Oh, God. Don't say that!" she wailed, her face twisting to reflect her despair.
He stood up and began to wash the dried blood from his hands. "It's true. I wanted to do it," he said solemnly. It hurt him to say those words but they were the truth and he knew that it was only a matter of time now before all of his secrets came spilling out.
He knew he had to find a way to help her accept it but he had no clue how. She was bawling now, but he needed her and when he took her hand, she followed him to their bed without a fight. "You remember what I told you?" His tone was soft but but serious and she knew better than to deny him.
"Whatever you need, Judas. Do it," she said as she removed her flimsy nightgown.
"Don't be afraid, doll. I'm not going to hurt you," he tried to soothe her as he wiped the tears that refused to stop.
He made love to her, softer and slower than he ever had and each second that passed was full of tender, nurturing bliss. She laid there and cried, just allowing him to do whatever it was that he needed, having no idea what was expected of her. The smell of his mistress was thick against his skin and it disgusted her to even think about it. She laid there for him but refused to return his delicate advances.
His lips and hands had touched every inch of her body, caressing and adoring as he took his time with her. The tears still flowed and there were times she started to sob but he didn't stop. He kept going at the agonizingly unhurried pace, kissing away the tears from her swollen eyes, forcing her to feel his every emotion until she almost thought she could feel his soul as it blended with her own. At some point, the tears had stopped and she felt calm beneath his soothing touches.
When he finally fini
shed, the sun was coming up and though she never found a release, she was spent. They both slept until late afternoon and when he awoke, the glorious assault began again. Neither of them said a word but she was receptive, and at times burning for him to continue. He took her in so many sensuous ways, all of them slow and exact, not allowing her head to hit the pillow before beginning anew. It was evening now and sun had already begun to set. Finally, he spoke. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." She had no idea what he was thanking her for but she watched him stand and walk toward the shower without a care in the world. Her thoughts raced but she finally stood and went down to the kitchen to get them something to eat.
"Judas, you have to tell me what happened," she said as she dumped the fresh omelet out of the pan onto his waiting plate.
"Why do you need to know? You're not a part of it," his voice was soft and he didn't sound angry or broken. He sounded like Judas.
"Like hell I'm not! Whatever happened last night, didn't stop until half an hour ago. I think I was involved in that!"
She was right. She was a part of it and she deserved to know.
"I'll talk to you, doll. I just don't know what to say. Where to begin..."
She cleared her throat. "At the beginning."
"Let's have a decent meal and I'll light a fire on the patio. Deal?" his voice was soft and at that second, he looked so handsome and boyish that it would have been easy for her to forget the past twenty-four hours had it not been for the two matching bandages that showed through the thin fabric of the plain white t-shirt he wore.
"I'm sorry I haven't felt comfortable sharing any of this with you, doll. It's just that it's personal and I'm not used to talking about it," he began as they settled into the wicker sofa. His hands were steady as he lit a cigarette.
"Judas, that's what I'm here for. You can tell me anything. I promise I can handle it." She was pleading with him to tell her.
"I should have told you everything before we got married, but I was so caught up, I didn't think that far ahead. And then, I was afraid you would leave."
"I'm here now, and I'm not leaving. I want to help you through whatever it is. Let me be your friend." Her words were soft and he knew she meant them.
He nodded. "I need a friend more than a wife right now."
"I know, baby. I understand that now," she said soothingly.
They were sitting side by side and she turned toward him, listening but not touching him as he continued. "I'm a sadist," he lied for the first time since they met.
She had no idea what that meant. "I'm lost. What is a sadist?"
"It just means I enjoy inflicting pain... during sex." That wasn't really even true either but it would work for what he needed to convey. He was two for two. Fuck.
She took several moments to think about what he had said. It certainly solved the mystery of why he didn't want to discuss the rough way he had taken her that night, but she had enjoyed it. He had nothing to be ashamed of. "Judas, I told you I enjoyed the things you did that night."
He nodded, refusing to accept the truth of her words. He couldn't. "I can't do those things to you Adessa. I'm not going to disrespect your body."
"Is that what you think? That giving me something I crave would disrespect me?" she looked wounded.
"I think that given my tastes, I would risk going too far and I could hurt you." It was the best way he knew to explain.
She looked puzzled. "Do you want to hurt me? Like, really hurt me?"
"Yes." Really? That was a fine time to tell the truth! "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone but yes, I would enjoy pushing you past your threshold and I would cum so fucking hard while you beg me to stop." And there went the filter. He was riding a thin line and he knew it.
"I have no idea how to respond to that," she said meekly.
"Neither do I." He raked his fingers through his hair before continuing.
"Look, it's not easy for me to talk about it. It's just different with you. I feel things I never thought I would feel again, and I don't want to risk losing that. It's not worth it."
She took a deep breath. "So Jaime gives you what you refuse to give to me."
He shifted to lay on the sofa, pulling her to straddle him as his head rested on the arm. "I've never let anything with her affect us doll. It's just sex. You and I are so much more than that."
She was beginning to understand. It wasn't completely clear but this was a step. A major one for him and she hoped this was just the beginning. He was finally opening up and she didn't want to push too far but she needed answers. She was shocked by her own reaction to his words. How could just the sound of his voice calm her so much?
She was completely focused and listening as his friend and not the hostile wife she had been earlier. She was sure at that moment, he could admit to murder and she would accept it. Accept him. He was so tender and raw, and somehow, she had played a part. The last time, she hadn't let him touch her afterward. This time, she had... cleansed him?
It was nearing bedtime, but he wasn't tired. He was comfortable with her perched atop him. "Judas, tell me about her," she murmured.
"What do you want to know?" He hoped this wasn't going to lead to another fight.
"I understand you are rough with her, and you say you don't love her, but who is she? What does she do for a living? Does she know about me?"
He was not going to go three for three. "She's a hooker, doll, and yes she does." He braced himself for a blow that never came.
She was quiet for several seconds before leaning down to cup his face in her hands as she kissed him softly. He was in shock. "Not the reaction I was expecting, but alright."
She felt the weight of the world leave her shoulders as he said those simple words that played over and over in her ears. "She's a hooker." She knew she should be outraged by the revelation but she wasn't. She was thrilled to know that he had been honest. It really was just about sex.
There was no bond between them and she had nothing to compete with. It meant that he was hers. He had given her a lot to think about and though they didn't make love that night, they slept peacefully entwined like two lovers, clinging to one another. She no longer feared the future. Tomorrow, she would tell him.
Both of them were in high spirits when they grabbed their coats and headed out for a walk around the grounds. He held onto her gloved hand as they made their way along the edge of the snow covered grass, taking in the beauty in the stark landscape. A small ice covered creek was nestled between tall trees, winding into the forest beyond the property line. He laughed when she flopped down on the ground in her thick wool coat and began to make a snow angel. "I couldn't resist. I haven't done this since I was a kid," she said, laughing.
"And I haven't done THIS since I was a kid," he said as he scooped up a handful of snow. She rolled across the ground, and leapt to her feet, distorting the perfect angel she had created as she playfully shrieked "Don't you dare!"
Too late. He had already packed the snowball in his hands and had drawn it back. "Incoming!" he shouted as he slung the first one.
"You jerk!" she squealed as she swooped down to grab a fist full of snow.
They traded several snowballs, launching them blindly into the air, as they laughed and dodged them with clumsy prowess. He had never had so much fun and though they were wet and freezing cold, he was enjoying every second with her. He thew his hands into the air, to call a truce as he stepped forward to pull her close.
His fingers raked through her hair, dislodging clumps of snow as he smiled down at her. "There's something I need to do," he said before dropping to the ground and making his own snow angel at her feet. She watched him with a confused expression and as he stood, he explained. "I've never done that before."
She was shocked. "Never?"
"Nope. That was my first one. I'm over it now." he laughed as he began to lead her back down path to their home.
"Race?" he called out unfairly as he broke into a dead ru
n, leaving her behind.
"Cheater!" she wailed but didn't give chase.
He slowed his pace as he realized she wasn't following. He turned back, about thirty meters in front of her and called "Pussy!"
She stopped and put her hands on her hips and shouted, "We're slow!"
"We're? How many of you are there, doll?" he yelled.
"Just me and our baby!" she shouted back.
He heard her loud and clear. "Our, baby." His mind reeled for several seconds as he tried to piece it together. She had shown no signs of being pregnant and he wondered how long she had known. He walked toward her with purpose and when he reached her, he wordlessly swept her up into his arms and carried her all the way back to the house. "You know for sure?" he asked, lowering her feet to the floor as they entered the kitchen.
"Yes. Dr. Hampton confirmed it." she said evenly as she kicked off her snow covered boots and removed the sopping wet coat.
"How long have you known?" he asked thoughtfully.
"A few days. There was so much happening, I wanted to wait until a better time to tell you," she said matter-of-factly. "I'm about eight weeks."
He nodded and said nothing more, letting his mind wander back in time to Leanna and the times they had tried to have a baby of their own. He felt a ripple of terror as he thought of Adessa and what she would have to suffer if anything were to happen, and given his track record, he knew the possibility was real. The doctors had found nothing wrong with Leanna to explain why she had miscarried so he already had no intentions of letting her out of his sight.
And then it hit him. Holy shit! His wife was pregnant! It was another chance. A new beginning for the two of them and the timing was perfect. She finally seemed to have made her peace with who he was and she hadn't left him. They were a family now. He was thrilled with the news and he already couldn't wait to spoil him. Or, her. Hell, he didn't even care which. He went to the fridge and got out the jug of milk and poured it into two champagne glasses. “Only one way to celebrate,” he grinned, pulling a package of cookies from the cupboard.
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