Judas

by Lacey-Payne, Chandler

  “Baby,” he answered, locking his fingers into hers. A single word turned her into putty in his hands.

  He took her right there, against the pale blue wall, giving himself to her in ways she had never witnessed before. He was tender, yet demanding of her as their bodies communicated in perfect sync without the words. She knew him, and knew his needs, but something was different this time. She thought it was the coke that had distorted things, yet she had this feeling that he was giving her a part of himself that he had never meant to give up.

  It was euphoria, born of lust and manifested in the sensual, adoring way he took her. Is this what making love felt like? She had nothing to compare. He had been her only partner, and even when he took her virginity, it was punishing and cruel. All she ever knew of sex was what he did and the things she read about or saw on television, and the two could not be less alike. Sometimes, she even hated it.

  When he finished, he wrapped his arms around her, carrying her to the sofa. He picked up the metal container and twisted off the lid. She watched him carefully as he worked, raking the powder into perfect white lines. Each of them was exactly the same size as the last. There was no hesitation before he dipped his head down and inhaled every particle. He wiped his nose and hung his head, closing his eyes for barely a minute before preparing her next rail.

  They spent the next several hours alternating between conversation and having sex and she was disappointed when he said he needed to go. He was coming down and she knew it was going to be hard on him since this was his first time. “Just sleep if you can. It will help you adjust,” she told him.

  He rubbed his eyes and nodded as he gathered his belongings. He left the vial with her and she promised to have it filled for him in case he needed it again. She hoped it would be a while, but she couldn't help but think that she liked him better this way. He spoke. He interacted with her. He showed her who he really was.

  It was the feeling of being tossed into the air and then crash landing. Though you are high beyond the clouds, when you land, there is no instant death. The misery drags. It makes you want to go back up. And stay. Tonight, he was invincible. It was like being re-born. He already wanted more. Already wanted to feel that way again with her. They had re-lived the night of his dream. Magic. Perfect. Theirs. She was his. Just as she always has been. The drive home was long but dull. He crawled into bed beside his wife and instantly felt her stiffen. She knew. Perfect. On impulse, he wiped his nose with the back of his hand as if to dust off imaginary residue.

  “You weren't at the office.”

  It was an accusation. “Yes. No. I was. I was late getting out,” he remembered.

  “You were with her. I smell her,” she hissed through clinched teeth, as she crawled out of bed. “You have a lot of nerve!” She was snarling now and he couldn't blame her. He should have showered.

  “I'm sorry, doll. I'm just worn out,” he said, getting back up.

  She snatched the sheets off of the bed and tossed them in the floor. “Let me see you. Where are you hurt this time?”

  He blinked, confused. He wasn't hurt anywhere. “I'm fine, doll. I'm not hurt.”

  His voice was soft but it held little emotion. He felt empty. “No? Is that not why you go to her?” She was so angry, she was vibrating. “Why Judas, why?” she demanded.

  He sighed, and went into the bathroom, leaving the door open as he turned on the water and adjusted the temperature. This was one he was going to lose. He checked the mirror, glancing at his nose before turning to her. “I needed her,” he finally replied.

  “I'm your wife. I'm the one who carries your unborn child. I'm the one you should need,” she choked out, fighting back tears. She scooped up the linens and left the room.

  His shower was long. He stood there with his palms pressed against the wall, letting the water flow over his frame, trying desperately to hold a coherent thought. Everything came back to her. Jaime. Things changed tonight between them and he was certain that there was no going back.

  The way he felt when he was with her solidified the fact that he could never treat her as a nameless, faceless whore. Never, again. He felt exactly how he had felt in his dream and though he was able to block that out before, this time was different. It was real.

  “I want to meet her,” she stated flatly. She had to know who this woman was. She had to see for herself what she was up against. She had already determined that she would do it with or without his help. She crawled into the fresh made bed and settled in beside him. Her belly was starting to fill out, and though she had grown used to sleeping with his hand against her, tonight, he didn't bother. He was lying wide eyed against the pillow, not sleeping, not speaking. Just breathing. “Judas, I'm serious,” she persisted.

  He turned his head and looked at her, without blinking, “Alright,” he said, giving a weak nod.

  “Alright? You mean you will allow it?” she clarified.

  “Yes.”

  She couldn't believe it. No argument, no protest. “When?” She asked, fully prepared to not be put off.

  “Tomorrow,” he said, without hesitation.

  Her heart began to race. Did that just happen? He agreed to introduce her to Jaime? Tomorrow? She was suddenly nervous and her mind began to rapid-fire all the questions she had for so long. She imagined what she would say and how she would react. After milling it over in her head for a long while, she knew she was ready. She was going to make her stand. The whore wouldn't know what hit her.

  Judas was hers and she would make sure that Jaime knew where she stood. She was the one carrying his child and she was not going to share. She had tried to accept what he was, but he closed her out, and tonight only proved that he was lying. He wasn't injured when he came back, like the times before. He had gone to her because he wanted her. “Needed” her, she thought, remembering his words. She was not about to wait around to see if he left her for the bitch. There was more to this, and she was going to get answers tomorrow.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Well this is awkward. She didn't know why she had agreed to this, but since he ran the show and he had asked her to come, here she was. Jaime hated interviews and this is exactly what it felt like. Her hands were unsteady as she spoke, answering questions from his wife and letting her eyes wander around the room to all of the expensive furnishings.

  She had never been in his home before, though she had imagined in her mind a dozen times what it might look like. She never expected something so warm, inviting. He sat directly across from her beside the red head, but there was nothing calming about his presence today. He seemed just as nervous as she wanted desperately to crawl into his shirt and hide.

  “Are you from around here, Jaime?”

  The fake smile was still plastered on her face and Jaime could see right through it. This woman wanted her dead and within minutes of her arrival, Jaime knew it. “Missouri. I left home and ended up here a few years ago,” Jaime answered, trying to be vague.

  Adessa nodded, taking a sip of her water. “It must have been hard to leave home so young, you couldn't have been more than twelve, thirteen at the time.”

  Jaime watched Judas roll his eyes at the rude remark, but he said nothing. His eyes were focused on Jaime and occasionally, she saw his hand slide over his empty pocket, and she knew what he needed. She always knew.

  “I'm twenty-two. I assure you, I was legal when I met your husband, if that is what you're suggesting,” Jaime said, cutting through the bullshit.

  Adessa blinked, feigning innocence, “I didn't mean that at all. I was merely complimenting you on looking so young.”

  Jaime wanted to smash her face in. Adessa wasn't that much older than she was, and it pissed her off to hear Adessa insinuate that her husband had preyed on a child. She made her own choices, and she was not sorry for her past, her present, nor her future. Life was hard on everyone and Cupcake over there needed to get over herself.

  It was becoming obvious to Jaime why he couldn't share things
with his wife and why he continued to pay her when he had a capable and willing woman sitting beside him. This woman was self -centered and she only cared for how this was making her feel. Meanwhile, her husband was torn to bits inside and she was clueless.

  “Where did the two of you meet?” Adessa asked, changing the subject.

  Jaime stole a glance at him and he nodded, letting her know she could answer. “I was working at Sensations,” she told her, skipping the part about him paying her for a private dance at the strip club.

  “Oh, I wasn't aware they had escorts there,” Adessa said, clearly challenging her.

  Jaime shrugged, “They don't. He and I made our own private arrangement,” she told her, taking her cues directly from Judas.

  She answered a few more of the grilling questions but she was losing her patience and fast. The woman was digging and every sugary sweet remark was meant to be a jab of some sort and if she thought Jaime would just take it, she was wrong. Jaime didn't roll like that. Besides, Jaime had some questions of her own. She didn't want to overstep the line, but she was in some sick, twisted way, in love with this man and she wanted to know about him, and his life. “When is your baby due?” she asked.

  “August,” Adessa answered, sliding her hand over her growing bump. “We can't wait. This is his first baby. Our first,” she corrected herself, stroking his arm.

  She did the math in her head. It was March now, so that made her about four months. Jaime envied the woman. Not for how completely fake she was, but for being his wife, and for knowing a side of him that she didn't, and for carrying his child.

  Jaime had always wanted one of her own but since she made the arrangement with Judas, she knew that the only way to pursue that would be to give that up, which meant that she couldn't even afford to support a kid. She had no education, save for a G.E.D. when they met, but his money was paying for a comfortable life for her and it also helped fund her college education.

  She needed a Master's degree to begin teaching full time, and that meant another two years of school. Her dream life would have to wait. She just wished sometimes that her dream life didn't include him. She knew she would never be his wife or mean anything to him, but the woman inside her still liked to pretend sometimes. She needed to get out of here. “J, may I be excused?” she finally asked him. He nodded in response and was about to say something but Adessa cut him off.

  “Oh how cute! She's got pet names!” Jaime ignored her but she could tell that Judas was not happy.

  He stood, letting her hand fall from his arm. “That's really not necessary, doll,” he said calmly before telling her, “I need a word with Jaime in private before she goes. I'll be right back.” He led her outside and lit a smoke as he leaned against the hood of her car. “I know that was painful, but hopefully it will put her mind to rest. She's really not accepting this well,” he said, sucking in a long drag.

  “You don't need to explain, I get it,” she smiled warmly. “Besides, I enjoyed seeing your home and I'm glad you asked me to come.”

  He nodded thoughtfully, looking over her shoulder toward the front door. Keeping his voice low, he asked, “You have more?”

  She nodded and pulled it from her pocket. “Be careful with this. Don't need you getting addicted,” she warned, folding it into his hand. He smiled weakly and for a second, she thought he would kiss her but he didn't. He pulled away, clearly struggling inside. “You know where to find me if you need me,” she reassured him. She had a feeling she could expect him soon. Everything was suddenly starting to make sense.

  He sat on the patio under the clouds. There was no sunshine today and the weather was calling for thunderstorms for the next few days. He didn't know how long it had been since he began using and every day had left him in a haze. He couldn't remember the last time they made love, but he found that he was no longer even interested.

  He had finally given to Carrie's advances which were almost daily after that night. There were times she spent the entire day on her knees, sucking him and drinking him until he no longer had the strength to stand. Once, she was tucked under his desk with his dick buried deep in her throat while he held a consultation with an important client.

  She enjoyed sex and she was good at it, but she seemed to have no preference in the way he took her. He knew it was wrong but a man like him had no morals. He had sold them long ago and he had been forced to accept the fact, with the first line he snorted.

  He enjoyed the times he could sneak away to be with Jaime, and Carrie had helped him make it possible. The relationship had grown to a full partnership of lust and secrets. He would pleasure her and she would give it in return and she covered his ass each time he needed it.

  Between the two of them, his needs were covered and he was on top of his game. The coke had allowed him to do his work to near perfection and he spent long hours pouring over minor details of each case. He was invincible.

  He was finding that he needed Adessa less and less and his time at home was usually strained. The difference was a stark contrast now to the love and attention he felt in Jaime's arms. It was intoxicating, and he was finding that wanted to be with Jaime more than Adessa. It was sad, really. He wondered when she had become the nagging housewife and had ceased to be his friend.

  She went to the doctor a few weeks back and a new ultrasound confirmed that their baby was a boy. He had insisted that she quit her job and she reluctantly did, but it had only given her more time to sit around and think up ways to get him to have sex with her.

  It seemed that the only time she wanted to talk was to try to get him to take her roughly and even when they fought, he felt she was just trying to push his buttons. Today was no different. She was in a poor mood, and he knew it was because she wanted him to take her. She refused to understand that he couldn't.

  He finally stood and made his way back inside. It was evening, but too early for bedtime, so he made a few calls. He knew that he needed to be with her and with the birth of their son coming up, he wanted to be sure everything was covered.

  An old colleague of his had agreed to handle some of his cases in order for him to have the much needed time away. It was something, anyway. Maybe he would finally take Adessa to Florida. If he scheduled it around the time the baby would be born, they could go as a family. He just knew he needed a break. From all of it.

  “Is this what I think it is?” she hissed, dangling his necklace in the air.

  He was caught.

  She had found it. “Yes, it is,” he answered evenly, feeling his pulse quicken.

  “You're a druggie now?” she shrieked, slinging it at him.

  He picked the vial up from the bedroom floor, not looking at her as he opened it to be sure the powder was still inside. “It's not like that, doll.”

  “It's not? Are you going to tell me you're holding it for someone?” Her voice was vicious and scathing.

  He locked his heated orbs onto hers, “No, it's mine,” he ground out.

  She shook her head, “You're using this with Jaime, aren't you!”

  He nodded. She wanted answers. He'd give them to her. “I use it to keep me from doing things I'll regret.”

  “Oh, right. Forgot about that. Your whore does things for you that you can't imagine doing to your wife. I don't believe you, Judas. You're either with her for drugs, or for love. Which is it?” she demanded.

  The word rolled right off his tongue. “Both.” He had no idea why he said that. It was an open provocation and it wasn't even the truth. He loved no woman.

  “Well, hell! I'd give you drugs if it meant you'd love me! Why didn't I think of that?” she was belligerent now.

  He said nothing. He simply walked into the bathroom and locked the door.

  She was pounding furiously on the door, and he could hear the sobs begin to choke her words as she begged him not to do this. She had stood before him naked, hurling insults and accusations and she expected a different outcome? He was beyond caring right now. She was going to get
what she asked for. He splashed cool water on his face to no avail.

  She was still outside and demanding his presence. He removed his clothes before yanking open the door and catching her wrist in his hand, twisting it roughly as he pushed her onto the bed. “Is this what you want from me?” he roared, pinning her beneath him. The vial was still clutched firmly in his hand as he spread her legs wide. “Do not move. Do not fucking move,” he warned her.

  He poured out two thick lines along the lips of her sex, and resealed the container, dropping it to the floor. She was sobbing now and obviously terrified but she was still and that was all he cared about. He inhaled deeply, taking it all in, allowing the rapture to come. He was invigorated, empowered. Higher than he had ever been. He licked the remaining residue from her causing her to startle at the invasion.

  He was only beginning. He grabbed her hair and pulled her to a sitting position and ordered her to suck him. It was heaven. Her sobs made it even more enjoyable, knowing she had earned each one. She had pushed him and begged. She would now know exactly what she was missing.

  It didn't take him long to release in her throat and he forced her to swallow every drop, between the gagging and the pleading. Her crimson hair was matted and her face stained with salty tears but he wasn't finished. “Face down, ass up. Do it. Now,” he barked, and she complied. “Good girl. Now spread your ass for me,” he commanded, already stroking himself as he watch her open herself for him. He reached out and began to trace the tiny opening with the pad of his middle finger. “Judas, please, no,” came a small voice. One he barely recognized.

  “Oh yes, this is what you wanted. You begged for his. Now take it like a good girl,” he said, hooking his finger just inside her opening. He tugged against the rim, stretching her as he worked the tight muscles.