And then Sara had done the unthinkable. She’d wanted to test whether the spark she’d sensed between Holt and herself had been real or a figment of her imagination.
The Spring Break party Elizabeth had organized had been in full swing around them, and people had filled the three-bedroom apartment she and Elizabeth shared with another senior. Sara found herself hiding out in her own bedroom, unwilling to watch Elizabeth wrap herself around Holt one more time. Jealousy gnawed at her belly, a constant ache that was only eased by distance. So Sara tried to take the high road and disappear. It was getting late, anyway, and her head was slightly hazy from the lemonade-and-vodka concoction one of their friends had placed in a cooler on their kitchen counter.
“Oh, sorry,” Holt said from the doorway. “Didn’t realize anyone was here.”
Sara sat up on her bed and crossed her legs under her. “No, it’s okay. Were you looking for me?” Surely not, but her heart did a ridiculous pirouette anyway.
“Just needed a bit of quiet for a phone call.” He held up the cell phone in his hand.
“You’re welcome to make your call here.”
Whether he deemed it impolite to leave or was seeking the shelter of a quiet place, he stepped into her room and shut the door most of the way. Boisterous laughter and thumping music filtered through the open crack, but it was muted by Holt’s presence. Every one of her senses seemed attuned to him.
“I can leave if you want privacy,” she said when he simply stood there, looking at her as if he were trying to solve a puzzle.
“It’s okay. I can do it in a minute. Are you okay?” His brow knit with concern as his gaze swept over her.
“Yeah. Just needed a break from—” She waved a hand toward the party.
Holt nodded his understanding. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you, anyway.”
“Have a seat.” Her tiny bedroom had no chairs, so he sat next to her on the bed. “What did you want to talk to me about?” Do you want to run away with me? Because I can pack a bag in five minutes flat.
“I feel bad about that night at the bar.” It had been only a month ago, but everything had changed. He was dating Elizabeth now. “We were having a great time, and I feel like I ditched you.”
“Well, you kind of did.” She laughed to show it didn’t hurt her, but it had. Elizabeth’s beauty and natural charisma had dazzled Holt. Sara had always known her friend was more popular, and it had never bothered her. Until now. Why did Elizabeth want Holt, anyway? Focused and serious, he was the antithesis of the man she typically preferred.
He brushed a hand over the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, I am sorry.”
“It’s okay. I know I don’t have that spark guys are drawn to.” Though, like bugs to a flame, that spark often led to their downfall. Would Elizabeth play with him and leave him like the others? It hurt Sara’s heart to think that was Holt’s fate. But it also made her angry at him that he would fall for that.
“That’s ridiculous.” His words were just forceful enough to be believed.
“Whatever.”
“No, really. Is that what you think, that you’re plain next to Elizabeth?”
She stared at him as if he didn’t have a clue. Because he didn’t. “Yes. But don’t feel sorry for me.” Pity was the last thing she wanted from him. “I know I have other talents.” She slowly leaned forward as she spoke, not sure what she was doing until she’d done it. But she’d dreamed of kissing him for months, even more so since their encounter in the bar. Holt held still, a look of uncertainty and, yes, desire on his face.
And that was when she kissed him. He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t respond at first. Then his lips moved, ever so slightly. In an instant, they turned hot and questing. His mouth slid over hers, branding her. Heat and need coiled together in her belly. With a moan, Sara opened to him and pressed closer, her breasts brushing his chest. Though layers of fabric separated them, her nipples puckered in reaction. His arms came around her, his hands blazing a trail down her back.
Do it. Touch me. She willed his fingers to lift the edge of her shirt and touch her skin, to pull her closer and make her his. A low moan, almost a growl, sounded in his throat and her heart leaped. She was breaking through the wall that had gone up between them.
He jerked away suddenly as the noise of the party became louder. Caught off balance, Sara nearly fell off the bed. Elizabeth stood in the open doorway, scowling.
Holt pushed to his feet. “Elizabeth...”
Elizabeth looked from his flushed face to Sara’s and her frown disappeared. She turned to Holt and ran a hand over his chest. “Would you get me a glass of that lemonade stuff, honey? I’ll be along in a minute.”
Without a backward glance, Holt did as he was asked. Sara watched him leave, feeling suddenly adrift. “It wasn’t what it seemed. I kissed him.”
“Oh, I know. I just didn’t want to see you embarrass yourself by throwing yourself at him any longer.” Elizabeth’s pity was so thick Sara could choke on it. Tears pricked her eyes. “Just so we’re clear. He’s ours.”
“Ours?”
Her demeanor sobered suddenly and she bit her lip. “I think I may be pregnant.”
“What?” The ball of tension in her stomach expanded, threatening to push the lemonade-vodka back up her throat. For Elizabeth to be pregnant...Holt had, indeed, fallen fast and hard for her best friend. The first layer of bricks went up around her heart.
“I haven’t told him yet, because I’m not sure. But I’m becoming more sure every day. And I’m scared.” Her eyes brimmed with fear. “I’ll need him, Sara. He’s a stable man. Someone who will keep me grounded.”
“Right. Well, maybe you shouldn’t be drinking the spiked lemonade then, either.”
Elizabeth’s look turned hard. “I’ll do what I need to. Stay out of it. You’ve always wanted what I have, but this time you’ve got to get your own life. Maybe it’d be best if we kept our distance for a while.”
A week after graduation, Elizabeth and Holt married in a small church ceremony. Sara hadn’t been invited, and hadn’t wanted to attend. She’d still been heartsick. Still roommates through the end of the semester, she’d endured enough glimpses of Elizabeth’s new life—the prenatal vitamins innocently left out on the kitchen counter, the stack of wedding invitations, and the picture of the happy engaged couple ready to be submitted to the newspaper—to convince herself she was a horrible person, and that Elizabeth had been right. She’d wanted what Elizabeth had.
She still did.
It had been a competition, and Sara hadn’t even realized it until later, looking back. Despite their brief, intense connection, Holt had been lost to her forever.
She’d certainly felt something in that kiss...but apparently it had been one-sided. Her cheeks flamed with the memory of how mistaken she’d been, and how her tunnel vision had led to the ultimate humiliation when Holt had walked away without another thought.
But she refused to harbor old regrets. She never would have been happy with Holt, as he clearly preferred the sparkle of women like Elizabeth. Vibrant and full of life, Elizabeth had been a free spirit but also flighty and undependable. But always intensely passionate. Sara couldn’t compete with that, nor had she wanted to be at odds with her friend.
Sara pulled into the parking lot at the end of the drive and nearly ran inside the school, rushing up the stairs as if her past were chasing her down, nipping at her heels. She slammed her apartment door behind her and took several deep breaths.
An only child, Sara had found a sister in Elizabeth. And then she’d blown it. And then she’d lost her parents a few years later. Another chance blown. Then she’d purposely blown up her marriage to a sycophant control freak who’d never understood her and liked to lose himself in the bottle. It had been a desperate grab for compassion and connection when she’d marrie
d Dillon. They’d fooled each other and themselves.
Then she’d finally grown up and found herself.
She moved to the cupboard in her kitchen and took down an unopened bottle of tequila. The good stuff. Top shelf quality—nothing but the best to celebrate the memory of Elizabeth’s life on the first anniversary of her funeral. And to chase the bitter taste of jealousy down her throat.
She poured a generous shot into a juice glass and searched the refrigerator drawer for a lime. Putting a wedge on the side of the glass, she was about to carry it to the couch where she could indulge in a good mope when there was a knock at the door. She must have left the front door of the school unlocked in her rush to get to seclusion.
“Yes?” she called through the door.
“Sara? It’s Holt.” She opened the door to find him there, catching his breath. He gestured to the stairs. “Quite a climb.”
Had he run up the three flights? “What are you doing here?”
“You raced out of the bar so fast...I wanted to make sure you got home okay.”
“I’m fine.”
His glance moved to the glass in her hand and he frowned. “I see that.”
She lifted it in salute. “Yeah, and I was about to be a lot finer.”
“Or a lot more messed up.”
“I figured tequila was the best way to honor Elizabeth’s memory.”
His eyes darkened and he started unzipping his jacket. “I’m in.”
“What?” She didn’t point out that she hadn’t invited him to join her pity party.
“If you’re remembering Elizabeth, I want in. Who understood her better than the two of us? Besides, I wanted to talk to you about Theo. You fled before I could mention it.”
“I’m warning you I won’t be good company tonight.”
“Ditto.”
She moved inside to pour a drink for him. He followed her, closed the door behind him and took his jacket off.
“I wanted to thank you again for that email,” he said. “And for stopping by the other night...staying to play chess.”
“I hope I didn’t overstep my bounds.” The memory of their past kiss, when she had overstepped several people’s boundaries, had her cheeks flaming. She turned and went to the refrigerator to get a second wedge of lime.
“Not at all. It meant a lot to Theo—” He stopped abruptly, as if he’d been about to say more. But when she looked over her shoulder, he was slamming back a gulp of tequila.
“Hey, be careful. That stuff’s more for sipping than shots.”
* * *
Holt didn’t want to be attracted to Sara. He didn’t want it with everything in him. But as she bent over the drawer in the refrigerator, he couldn’t help but notice the fine roundness of her ass. Not wanting to be aroused by her, he lashed out with sarcasm. “There’s the old Sara. Always did know the right way to do things. Elizabeth said that was one of the reasons she broke things off with you. You insisted you knew best.”
She handed him a lime wedge, then surprised him by nodding. “I admit I tended to think I knew what was right. Nobody could ever win with me.” She arched a brow at his shocked silence. “What? People can’t grow? I wasn’t trying to be controlling about your alcohol consumption. I was simply suggesting you slow down and pace yourself. And for the record, it was Elizabeth who established a two-shot limit.”
“Did she now?” The Elizabeth he’d met had been the life of the party, always flirting and laughing. He’d been shocked and flattered when the woman who’d captured every male eye in the room with her easy laugh and sexy confidence had come on to him. She’d admitted she’d been the partying type but was working to become more studious and focused. She’d told him he’d be a good influence on her. And when she’d become pregnant, it had seemed a natural move to get married.
Sara led the way to the couch, carrying her drink. “Most definitely. Any more than two drinks and you were at risk for some serious sinning or spinning.” She sat on one end of the couch, and he sat on the other. She bent her legs, pulling her bare feet up onto the cushion between him and her. Her toes were pink, just like that day at the picnic. Conservative, yet flirty. A reflection of the woman, though he suspected she didn’t realize she had that fun side. The hem of her skirt slid up her thigh, but she didn’t seem to notice. Instead, her lips curved as if enjoying some wicked memory.
He couldn’t help but laugh. “Which did it lead to for you?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“I’d bet spinning.” Sara was too controlled to let out her inner animal. Except with him, a decade ago. It had cost her dearly, he imagined, having lost her friendship with Elizabeth because of her impulsiveness...and he’d seen the price she’d paid on her face whenever he’d happened to bump into her. Between Spring Break and graduation, she’d dropped weight and turned pale. He’d blocked the thought of it...or tried to.
She laughed. “You might not want to place that bet. And you’re forgetting that stupid kiss.”
“I couldn’t forget the kiss.” His gaze shot to her mouth. Her lips were definitely meant for sinning. He dragged his attention back to her eyes, relieved she hadn’t noticed the chink in his armor.
Sara’s demeanor turned serious. “I had been drinking that night I kissed you, but that wasn’t why I did it.”
“No, it was to break up your best friend’s relationship. You saw me as a threat.” He hated the raw accusation he heard in his voice and immediately censored it. That was the past. “But we were all much younger back then.”
Sara studied him a moment. “Is that what you really believe? Or is that the line Elizabeth fed you?” Before he could form a reply, she shook her head. “Never mind. Tonight isn’t about old regrets. It’s about remembering Elizabeth.” She raised her glass. “Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.” He did a quick sign of the cross with his right hand and she laughed again. He realized with a jolt that he liked the sound. How long had it been since he’d heard a woman’s laughter?
“To Elizabeth’s spirit of fun—may it remind us that life is precious, and meant to be enjoyed.” She took a sip of her tequila and he echoed the movement. The burn warmed his throat and tickled the back of his nostrils. He closed his eyes to savor the warmth. When he opened them, Sara was sucking on her lime wedge. She licked her wide lips. The sight stabbed him straight in the gut. “Your turn.”
He shook off the image of her lips and raised his glass. “To Elizabeth...” His voice cracked and he simply left it at that, then slammed back a large swallow. Sara’s eyes shimmered with sympathy.
* * *
“Tell me a story about her,” Sara said. “I missed so many years because I was an idiot.”
His lips twitched before he gave in to a half smile. “Was an idiot? Who says you’ve changed?”
“I do.” She pretended to be offended. “And what I say is always correct.”
“Ah, the old Sara.”
“The new Sara admits to her mistakes and moves on. Life is too short.”
“Hear, hear.” Holt saluted her with his empty glass.
She clinked hers to his. The warmth of the alcohol was working its way into her limbs, making them heavy and liquid, leaving her with a pleasant, if bittersweet, sense of reality. Remembering Elizabeth was painful but strangely liberating too. It affirmed what was important in life—spending time with loved ones and pursuing your dreams.
She went to retrieve the tequila bottle from the kitchen, refilled their glasses and placed the bottle on the table.
“So, what mistakes have you moved on from?” he asked.
“Well, there’s you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was wrong.” She settled on the couch again, braced her elbow on the back and propped her cheek on her hand. “About you, about
your relationship with Elizabeth. It was stronger than I’d deluded myself into believing. Besides, it was none of my business.”
“You’re right on all accounts.” His gaze held hers. Five o’clock shadow darkened his cheeks. “But you’ve already apologized, so let’s move on.”
“I wonder what Elizabeth would say about this.” She gestured between the two of them.
“I think she’d be happy we put our differences to rest. For Theo’s sake too.”
Sara’s heart clenched. She stared into the amber liquid in her glass. “I love that boy. You’ve done a great job.”
“That was all Elizabeth.”
Sara stuck out her leg and nudged him sharply in the thigh with her toes.
His gaze went to them, then to her, amusement dancing in the hazel depths. “What was that for?”
“Now who’s being the idiot?”
“You?”
“Guess again. You’re Theo’s father. I seriously doubt you’ve had nothing to do with who he’s become. Hey.” She tipped her head until he met her gaze again. “You’ve been through the wringer. Not just this past year, but the year before, with all the chemo and radiation and the hospital visits...watching Elizabeth—someone so full of life that you wondered how the human body could contain it—slip away. It couldn’t have been easy.” It had to have been hell. Sara had only been around for the last few months of it.
“After Elizabeth’s death, I felt him disconnect.”
Sara smiled gently and Holt’s gaze fell to her lips. Though he hadn’t touched her, it felt like a caress. Her breath hitched. “Guys always want to rush out and fix things. Sometimes you can just let them be. Theo will let you know when he’s ready. Of course, you have to be around him in order for him to let you know when he is ready.”
He seemed to weigh her words. “Is that what he’s said in your sessions together?”
“Sessions?”
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