“What’ll you have?”
I looked up to see the bartender addressing my cleavage, which was generously displayed as I leaned over the bar. Not good. Straightening up, I blushed, just as Justin had predicted. But I was determined not to stammer. “A screwdriver and a draft. Whatever’s on tap,” I said. There. That sounded like I knew what I was talking about. I watched the bartender move away.
“Good call. None of that foreign shit. Just good old American suds,” said a voice at my ear. Turning, I found myself inches away from a tall, skinny guy with greasy brown hair and a mustache. He held up a glass of amber liquid that was clearly not his first.
I nodded, but then I remembered Justin’s order to speak politely. “They’re the best,” I said lamely.
The guy leaned back as if to get a better look at me. His eyes kept flickering between my face and my chest.
“I’m Dale,” he said.
“I’m Lil—umm, Lisa.” I figured that if Justin had told me specifically to dress differently tonight, he’d be all right with a different name, too.
“Nice to meet you, Lisa. I just came here to get a drink, but now, seeing you makes me want to rearrange the alphabet.”
“What?” I blinked at him, not sure if I’d heard him right.
He grinned, and took a long swig of his beer, getting froth in his mustache. “I’d arrange it so that U and I are together.”
“Funny,” I said weakly. I felt foolish for walking into that sleazy line. Okay, I hadn’t ever heard it before, but I should have seen it coming. I just didn’t have much experience with this kind of thing, getting hit on at bars.
Luckily, blond crew cut returned with the beer. “Thanks,” I said, laying down some bills.
“Wow, big tipper,” Dale said, momentarily tearing his gaze away from my breasts.
“Yeah,” I said, wondering if I’d just given the guy a twenty dollar tip or something. “Nice meeting you.”
“What’s your rush?”
“I’ve got to get back. To my boyfriend,” I added as inspiration struck. I turned, and to my relief, he nodded and stepped back to let me pass. I moved carefully through the crowd, trusting that the many bodies around us would shield my ass from Dale’s creepy gaze.
Back at the table, Justin had one eyebrow raised, watching in amusement as the amorous trio across from us were having it out, shouting at one another. At least I think they were. It was hard to tell because everyone in the room was shouting to be heard.
I handed Justin his drink and he took it, clicking his glass against mine. “Good job, babe.”
“Thank you, Justin,” I said, mentally substituting the word Sir. At least I’d carried out one of his orders tonight.
When we finished the beer—or, rather, when Justin had finished his and I’d sipped at mine—Justin took my hand and led me down the hall to the dance floor.
I wasn’t much of a dancer, but in that kind of club, there was no need to be. All I had to do was press my body close to his and move to the beat, though my almost braless state meant that I wasn’t willing to just jump up and down like everyone else did. Ouch.
Justin took me in his arms, settling his hands on my waist and then lower and I didn’t even care. Half the people here were making out to some degree. No one was paying us any attention.
“Thanks for coming here with me tonight,” he whispered in my ear.
“You’re welcome,” I said, straining upward to make sure he heard me but no one else could. “Always happy to offer my services as a subcontractor.”
“You’re a natural at it,” he said, with a grin. “All this time, and I had no idea. All this time, we could’ve been doing this. Wish I had a time machine.”
Wait a second. I blinked, trying to clear my head of the alcohol I’d had. “You weren’t happy before?”
Justin’s grin vanished, and he looked down at me. “Of course I was. I was just joking around. I just meant I wished we’d tried this sooner.”
This was not good. This what I’d been afraid of all along—that what we’d had before hadn’t been enough for him. “So that we could’ve had the kind of relationship you and Madison had?”
“No. Shit, I’m not saying this right. Too much beer. This last year with you has been the best year of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I just meant that playing this way—subcontracting, I mean—has made a good thing even better. I don’t want to do this all the time, but I’m certainly glad we get to play this way sometimes. Aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I said, truthfully.
“That’s good. That’s how it should be.” He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss. “I gotta take a piss, and then let’s get outta here. Go spice things up back at my place. Meet you at the front, okay?” He headed off and instantly vanished into the mass of thrashing bodies.
Weaving my way around the drunken dancers, I wished that there were a few more layers of clothing between me and them. And especially between my nipples and them. I breathed a sigh of relief when I reached the hallway that led to the main entrance. There were still a bunch of people around, but I didn’t have to squeeze between anyone anymore.
“Lisa!”
Oh no. Mr. Sleaze was back. “Hey Dale.”
He moved in front of me and looked me up and down, as if to see if anything had changed in the last half hour. “I gotta say, that outfit is smokin’ hot. You know the only thing that would make it look better?”
“What?” I said, automatically looking down at myself. Surely he wasn’t sorry about my lack of a full-coverage bra.
“If it was lying on my bedroom floor.”
Eww. Did he have an endless supply of those lines? I was embarrassed to have fallen for another one. “I’ve got to go.”
“I’m just teasing. Stay a while. I’ll buy you a beer. You can sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up.”
Okay, this was going beyond creepy. “Leave me alone.”
“C’mon, Lisa, don’t be like that. Lighten up. Tell you what, let’s dance. Just one dance.”
“No.” I tried to move past him, but he grabbed my arm.
“Just one. It’ll be fun.”
“Don’t touch me,” I said, raising my voice, but it was still so loud in there that no one else appeared to hear.
“Don’t give me that shit. I saw you out on the dance floor with that Neanderthal. Grinding against him. Letting him grab your ass and dry hump you right in the middle of the crowd. And you… shaking those little titties at him like a stripper.”
Horrified, I tried to back away, but he still had a firm grip on my wrist.
“Stop pretending. I saw you out there in your tight skirt and your tits jiggling around for everyone to see. You’re a whore, so don’t act like you’re too good for me. I know what kind of girl you really are.”
I looked around, about to scream for help, but then there was a quick blur of movement, a sharp tug at my wrist, and suddenly Dale wasn’t there anymore.
“Get the fuck away from my girlfriend.”
The voice that carried over the crowd was as loud as it was unfamiliar. I’d never heard Justin sound like that though his words made me weep with relief.
Justin stood eye to eye with Dale, both equally tall but Justin twice as muscled. “Don’t you ever fucking touch her again,” Justin said, placing both hands on Dale’s chest and shoving hard.
Dale skipped backwards and slammed against the wall but managed to stay on his feet. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know she was taken,” he said, putting his hands up in a mock surrender.
“Hey—” I began, starting to protest that I’d told him I had a boyfriend. But neither man took any notice of me.
“It doesn’t matter. You don’t speak to any woman like that. Ever. Have you got that, asshole?” Justin grabbed Dale by the collar of his shirt and shoved him toward the front door, right to a huge bouncer I hadn’t seen arrive. But clearly he knew the score because he grabbed Dale and manhandled him out
of there.
Justin turned to me and opened his arms. I sank into his embrace, crying, shuddering. Now that Dale was gone, I knew I was okay, but I just wanted to go home. No, I just wanted to be home. Right now. And I really didn’t want to be dressed like this.
The man I loved held me tight, one arm wrapped around my back, the other stroking my hair. “It’s okay, babe. I’m so sorry that happened. So sorry. But you’re okay now”
I couldn’t stop sobbing, even though I knew my heavy eye makeup was running. I could see streaks of it on his dark green button-down.
“Could you please… ” I tried to say, tugging on his shirt.
“Of course,” he said. “We’ll go right now. I just wanted to give them time to get that fuckwad out of here.”
“No,” I said, trying to calm my voice down enough to be coherent. “Could I please put on your shirt?”
Without a moment’s hesitation, he stripped it off in the middle of the crowded hallway. He draped it around my shoulders and I let him work my arms in the sleeves and button it up as if I was a little girl. Then he walked me out into the cool, fresh air of the night, his arms around me as tight as they could be.
It wasn’t tight enough.
Chapter Thirteen
“JUSTIN, REALLY, I’M fine. You don’t have to wait on me. It’s supposed to be the other way around, remember?”
He didn’t smile at my weak joke. It was Wednesday, and Justin had shown up at my place after work as he had on Monday and Tuesday.
“Just taking care of you, Lily. That’s my job.”
“Well, you’re good at your job,” I said, gesturing to the flowers on my table, the flowers visible in the kitchen, and the cup of hot chocolate he’d just brought me. I was hoping to coax a smile out of him, but his face remained grim.
“I am really, truly fine. I admit, it was scary, with D—” I stopped, seeing Justin’s brow tighten as it did every time I mentioned the way Dale had treated me. “It was scary, but it’s over. I’m a big girl. It’s not like I haven’t fended off drunk guys before.”
“When?” He said it so flatly it sounded like an accusation.
“I went to college,” I said, trying to make it sound like I’d frequented drunken frat parties. Not that I thought he’d believe me. He knew me too well. “I can handle myself.”
“Not the point,” he said. He sat down on the coffee table, the same way he had weeks before when he'd first given me the choice about whether I wanted to try being submissive. “You shouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place. I’m supposed to take care of you. I’m your boyfriend. And I was your dom.”
Frowning at his use of the word ‘was,’ I reached out and took his hand. “You did take care of me. You got him away from me and got him thrown out.” I squeezed his long fingers in mine. “You had to use the restroom. That’s not a moral failing.”
“I should never’ve taken you there in the first place.”
“It wasn’t that bad. Maybe if it would be nicer if it weren’t a Friday night and it was quieter, a little easier to talk.”
He stared at me, his endlessly deep brown eyes trained on mine. “Was there any part of going to that club you liked?”
I thought about it, trying to figure out if honesty was the best policy. “The three people across from us were pretty entertaining in terms of dramatic comedy.”
My words didn’t fool him one bit. “Dammit, Lily, if you hated it so much, why didn’t you just say so?”
“We couldn’t hear each other.”
“You could have gotten my attention. Whispered in my ear. Used your safeword.”
“What? But I didn’t—”
“Do you even remember what it is?”
“Of course, I do,” I said, stalling. What was it again? Something that didn’t exactly roll off the tongue. “Birthday balloons.”
“You could have said that and I would’ve taken you out of there. Instantly.”
“So now this is my fault?”
“No,” Justin said, his shock evident in a voice that was almost a whisper. “Of course not.”
“Well, it’s not yours, either. It’s his.”
Justin had his elbows on his knees now, his eyes staring at the base of the couch. “I just meant that if you weren’t comfortable there, you should have used your safeword.”
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“That’s exactly how it works.”
“No… I mean, we’re in a relationship. Sometimes we do things we don’t always want to to please the other person. Remember when I made you go with me to that German movie with the subtitles?”
“This is different.”
“How?”
“Because we didn’t go to that club as boyfriend and girlfriend. We went as dominant and submissive. When we’re in that mode, you can’t just go along with something to please the other person. Not if it means doing something you’re not comfortable with.”
“If I only did things I was one hundred percent comfortable with, I never would have had the courage to go out with you. To build a relationship with you. To submit to you. Sometimes you have to do things you’re not entirely sure you want to do. And usually, it turns out really well and you’re glad you did it.”
Justin seemed not to have heard my last sentence. “So it was all because you thought this was what I wanted.”
“Well… yeah.”
Justin dropped his head into his hands. “I knew it. I knew I pushed you into this. I knew you didn’t want this.”
“Wait, you know I was talking about the club, right? Not all of the BDSM stuff. I’m glad we tried that. You know that, right?”
His face was still buried in those strong, tan hands that I wished were touching me, holding me. Finally, he spoke in a tired voice. “I knew I shouldn’t’ve tried mixing vanilla and kink.”
“But it was working. Before we went to the club, I mean.”
“No, it wasn’t working. You were fucking miserable, and I didn’t even know it. And then I let that asshole put his hands on you. You should never have been in that situation in the first place. It was so fucking stupid of me.”
I reached over and pulled one of his hands away from his face. “No, it wasn’t. It was what we both wanted. It is what we both want.”
I certainly wanted to try again. Not necessarily in public, but with him as my dom. I didn’t want to lose that aspect of our relationship.
Surely Justin didn’t either?
Chapter Fourteen
AT NOON ON Friday, I parked in the lot outside the mall, a few rows down from my usual spot. Who knew so many people had time to shop in the middle of the day?
But I wasn’t here to shop, I was here to eat lunch with Justin—the first time we’d met here since that fateful day in which we’d run into his former submissive.
As I unbuckled my seatbelt, a sharp rap on the passenger window made me jump. My hand flew to my heart and I peered over. It was Justin. I unlocked the door and wondered what he was doing here. He usually parked at the other end of the mall, closer to the highway entrance.
He climbed in and handed me a take-out bag from my favorite sandwich place.
“We need to talk,” he said.
Oh crap.
A few minutes later, Justin was sitting next to me in the car as we ate. I only managed about two and a half bites of the chicken Caesar wrap he’d gotten me, which normally I loved. Justin had gotten himself a BLT which he’d eaten silently. That was okay. I was in no hurry to hear what he had to say—I suspected I wouldn’t like it.
Finally, when he was done, and when he could see that I wasn’t going to eat anymore, he cleared his throat and shifted in his seat to face me.
“I don’t think we should try to do this anymore.”
“Okay,” I said calmly. “We can talk about that.”
Since Wednesday evening, I’d been expecting this. Justin still thought that I’d only tried the BDSM stuff to please him. I’d been think
ing about how I could convince him that except for the night at the club, I’d really enjoyed it.
“What about if we set some guidelines? Like we only play behind closed doors, not in public, not in restaurants or clubs.”
“No, that’s not what I—”
“Look, I know that you think I don’t want this, but I do. I want to be that way with you. Not all the time, but definitely sometimes. I know we can make this work. You’re an experienced dom. There’s got to be a way to make it work.” I took his hand and squeezed. He didn’t squeeze back.
“Lily… I don’t mean the BDSM. I mean the whole thing. I don’t think our relationship is going to work.”
I stared at him, still mindlessly kneading his hand. “Our relationship? But we love each other.”
“Yes,” he said.
“You love me. And I love you.”
“Yes,” he said again.
Logic was trying to battle shock in my mind, but it was losing because none of this made any sense. “So, you’re saying… you want to break up?” My voice was faint and harder to hear than anything had been at the club.
“I don’t want to,” Justin said, look at me with eyes pleading for understanding. “But I won’t risk hurting you again.”
“And… and breaking up with me won’t hurt me?” I said softly, still trying to understand his reasoning.
“No. I know it will. I know it’s a shit thing to do. But I just… if that asshole had done something to you on Friday, I never could’ve forgiven myself. Not ever.”
“So… we just won’t do anything in public like that again.” If we didn’t do that kind of thing, there’d be no reason to break up. Right?
“There’s still risk, Lily. Even if both the dom and sub are as careful as they can be. There’s always some risk. What if I spank you too hard? Tie ropes too tight and damage the nerves in your wrists? Play a mind game that goes too far? I would never want to risk any of those things with you.”
“So we’ll be more careful. I’ll be quicker to use my safeword. We can make this work, Justin. I know we can.”
Wild Rush: A Bad Boy Romance Page 10