She’d want—as Brian already pointed out—sincere prayers. The one thing Hope couldn’t offer.
Could she?
“The baby is big boy, from my understanding. Elise and he are in God’s hands.” Reaching across the table, Brian took both Hope and Caleb’s hand and offered up another prayer, full of praise and trust… “We accept you operate in the bigger picture, Lord, and our will can’t always be yours. But this day, we pray for the lives of Elise and baby. Let them be well, Lord, and if they cannot, let them be cradled in your loving bosom. Give this mother strength, Lord, and courage…”
When he finished, Brian did not release her hand, only Caleb’s. His dark eyes seemed to bore right into her, not letting go. “Elise has taught every year since outgrowing bible school herself. We depend on her like no other.” He squeezed her fingers. “I’m sure it would mean a lot knowing her position was being covered by someone competent and I understand youngsters are your specialty. The church would greatly appreciate your efforts as well.”
“Wait…you want me…?” Her mouth lost the words, leaving her unable to finish.
Her, in a church? Teaching bible school?
Her, who hadn’t attended a Sunday sermon in years? Her, who sinned and sinned again? Who’d turned away from Him in anger and distrust?
“Brian, I’m the wrong person for the job.”
“Nonsense. I think you’re the perfect person.”
To her dismay, Caleb nodded in agreement. “Now that’s a sound project to keep your spirits up.”
“But you don’t even know me,” she pointed out to Brian. “I’m not—”
“I know all I need to.” He said it with such utter sincerity she didn’t know how to protest. “You’re our girl for the job.”
Flustered, Hope dug into the cheesy casserole, flung some on her plate and concentrated on plugging her mouth full.
“It’ll look nice too on your resume too,” Caleb pointed out. “This isn’t like the big city. Folks around here appreciate good-hearted gestures.”
He made it sound so easy. And in many ways it would be.
But the hard part—the really hard part—would be singing the Lord’s praise.
How could she fake such a thing?
“This is really dry. I can’t even swallow it.” No longer hungry, Hope gathered her plate and carried it to the trash. A hush followed in her wake, filled only by the clank of silverware against plates.
Hope scraped her food then went to the sink, looking out the small window above it.
The lake rippled in the shimmering sunlight, the chapel looming in the distance. She could hear Mom saying how she never minded dishes, not here, not with this view.
She could hear the singing in her heart.
Caleb cleared his throat, proving the pasta really was dry. “So Brian, if you don’t find a substitute teacher, what will you do?”
“I don’t rightly know. We were short-staffed to start with and without an extra hand, our ratio of children to adults won’t satisfy legal requirements. We already had to send everyone home early today.”
“I’ll think about it,” Hope found herself blurting. “Maybe.”
After all, all she had to do was follow the curriculum Elise had surely already drawn up. Go through the motions.
For the children’s sake. When she thought of how very much she’d loved bible school, she couldn’t bear the thought of being to blame for a little one missing out.
But deep down inside, Hope knew it was more. She wanted to sing again, heart and soul.
The bigger question was, could she?
Chapter Eleven
To his credit, Brian had the courtesy not to push the issue further. Caleb as well. The decision was left in her hands.
Hope suspected neither of them were very worried though. Nothing tangible held her back. She had an empty schedule, the right experience…she’d have to be a monster to say no. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to say yes.
She washed her plate, leaving the men to their meal and wandered around the kitchen for a few minutes, no longer feeling part of the conversation. Venturing into the living room, she sat at the fireplace but her nerves continue to play at her.
The gentle hum of masculine conversion reverberated through the house and Caleb suggested coffee but she declined, claiming she needed a breath of fresh air. Fleeing to her mother’s garden, she remembered the annuals she’d purchased while in town and had yet to plant. Setting about the chore, she escaped into moment. Country air and the scent of fresh dug dirt; how dark and healthy it proved as it crumbled in her fingers. The flower’s natural, fragrant perfume and the vibrant pinks and reds she planted amongst the white roses delighted her senses.
Too soon, Caleb searched her out. “Brian went on his way. He thanks you for the meal.”
“Oh.” Warm from the sunshine—and embarrassment—she swiped back the hair clinging to her face as he came to stand over her. “This was rude of me. I should’ve stayed inside. Seen him off.”
“Brian understands. You uh…” Despite his typical glower, his deep velvety chuckle warmed the air.
He pointed to his own forehead, indicating Hope had smudged dirt there. Feeling even more self-conscious, she swiped with her other hand. “Did I get it?”
He continued to laugh and once again she noticed even when he seemed amused, he never appeared happy. Never smiled. “You’re making it worse. Here, let me.”
Plucking his handkerchief from his pocket, he tenderly set her hand aside and wiped her face clean. “I need to drive into Austin and pick up some items.”
His vicinity and gentle, caring caresses set something in her trembling. “Oh?”
“There. Much better.” Straightening, he tucked the white cloth in his back pocket. “Noah may have the law looking for Neil but until he’s behind bars on an official arrest, we need this place secure, especially at night. I spoke with Brian and he agreed a few extra expenses are necessary for the ranch.”
Oh. In the face of the bible school issue, she’d nearly forgotten her life was in danger.
Just the thought of sleeping alone inside that big house again tonight sent a cold shiver through her. What if the “devil” came again? Succeeded this time?
Rising to her feet, she opened her mouth to invite him to stay in one of the guest rooms but found herself clamping her teeth shut and turning away, staring out over the lake.
Something about the idea of Caleb in her home at night seemed wholly inappropriate. She couldn’t bring herself to ask it.
All at once, it hit her kind of funny and she knew she couldn’t deny it, at least not to herself.
She felt romantically about Caleb.
At that realization, her mind churned. Her hands began to quiver. After Neil, how could she feel so attracted to any man? Every ion of her being wanted to resist, wanted to refute how she was starting to feel.
To run scared.
As if he could sense her unease, Caleb stepped alongside her and offered, “For starters, I was thinking we could get a dead bolt for your bedroom.”
Instant relief flooded her. She’d be locked in. Safe and sound. “Oh, that’s a wonderful idea.”
When they’d first started dating, Neil would’ve pounced on any excuse to be in her bedroom at night. Not Caleb though. He was too respectful.
“And I’m going to buy some baby monitors to place around the property,” he added. “If anyone is snooping around, I’ll hear them.”
She was impressed. “How did you think of that?”
“Old detective trick.” He gave a shrug. “Speaking of babies, I thought perhaps you might like to ride along. We could stop by the hospital and check on Elise. I’m sure she’d love you to visit. If she’s out of labor, that is.”
“Really?” Then it hit Hope. He’d ulterior motives. “Wait. Are you trying to sucker me into saying yes?”
Oh sure, thrust her in front of a distraught, hospitalized woman and she’d agree in a heartbeat!<
br />
“Not at all. Relax.” She noticed a quiver in his cheek, as if he wanted to smile but couldn’t allow himself. “I just thought you’d want to see your friend.”
“Right,” she said quietly, feeling ashamed. “I mean, I do.”
“I thought so.”
* * * *
Two hours later, they stood in front of a large glass window, gazing in at the twins who’d taken everyone by surprise.
Tiny little Emily Rose, fists curled, slept soundly in a striped sleeper while her linebacker brother, Erik, wailed in the nurse’s arms, obviously wanting his mama, who was scoring some much needed sleep.
“Oh, they’re amazing. I’m so glad they’re okay.” Hope couldn’t wait to hold and cuddle them close. Smell that baby smell. Couldn’t understand how Caleb stood there, so silent and still scowling.
How he puzzled her, this man of faith and strength with gentle eyes and a steady frown.
“Erik is going to be a havoc wreaker. He must’ve been the one doing all the kicking Elise complained of.”
Even to that comment, his lips stretched flat and Hope couldn’t resist. “Why do you never smile?”
Just once she’d like to see a grin up his face. Could only imagine how charming the sight would be.
He gave a shrug. “Hurts too much.”
“Hurts?”
He motioned to the scar cutting across his cheek. “Like a knife. Nerve damage.”
The revelation hit Hope like a punch to the gut. So God hadn’t just taken away his career, his livelihood and passion, but the man’s smile as well?
“I don’t understand you. How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Nothing.” With a swallow, she turned her gaze back to the babies, no good explanation for her question. Not that she wanted to state out loud, anyway. “Never mind.”
A hush fell between them for a few minutes, leaving Hope to contemplate the sleeping woman down the hall. “So I guess I will help out at bible school. Why not, right?”
There. She’d done it…she’d agreed.
She expected the earth to move. An earthquake. Lightning strike. At the least, Caleb’s astonishment.
Instead she received something so precious, it took her breath away. A smile, awkward, stiff and lopsided.
“Just look at that two,” he murmured in admiration. “Life’s a beautiful gift, isn’t it? I wonder what God plans for them. Then again, I still wonder what He plans for me.”
* * * *
The day proved a tornado of conflicting emotion for Caleb. Despite his self-doubt and guilt—however irrational—it the first time he felt truly useful since his accident. Loading several high-dollar baby monitors into his shopping cart, amongst motion detector lights, the bolt lock for Hope’s bedroom and a two-way radio, there in Wal-Mart, he felt genuine purpose.
Like he was doing something worth doing. Had a reason to wake up tomorrow.
Hope. From the moment he’d set eyes on the beautiful woman, this strange compulsion to take care of her, protect her, had overwhelmed him. Of course, it could be argued any man with his head screwed on straight and functioning eyeballs would feel the same way. But no one else was the ranch caretaker. He was—Caleb McBryde—and God had placed Hope in his hands.
Was she his bigger picture? The reason he’d suffered that explosion? Why poor Annie Rivera had to die? So he could protect Hope? Lord?
Maybe if Caleb could pin a rationale to the explosion, he could touch a knob again without wincing with flashbacks.
Maybe if he could atone, he’d no longer cringe with guilt every time he remembered the neighbor who’d died because of he’d allowed his cover to be blown.
Yet Neil could be arrested tomorrow. Life would eventually return to ordinary.
Ordinary, he thought as he limped. What was that anymore? His every day existence certainly didn’t reflect any true destination. No admirable goals, no deeper purpose. God, show me.
How Caleb wanted that with core-deep passion. But he’d no idea where to start. Was like a leaf, cast about and ambling in the wind. A wandering dog with no owners. No true home. Just surviving.
Exiting the aisle, he found himself snagged by the presence of a tiny blue jumper hanging on display. My Daddy is Dynomite, it read, picturing a green brontosaurs.
The next thing he knew, he was holding the outfit in his hands. Thinking of the tiny babies he’d visited earlier.
Caleb couldn’t help his smirk as he picked up another sleeper. Ladies man. Something Caleb had never been much of. Oh sure, he went out. Dated when he had time.
But the truth was, he’d been married to the job.
For years, he’d talked about settling down “one day”. Having a family. “One day” being key—once he’d been promoted from deputy to highway patrolman. Then detective. Then Ranger.
After scoring that position, he started thinking about making Senior Captain.
“For the twins?”
Caught admiring the baby clothing, he glanced up to find Hope leaning on a cart overloaded with bottled water, her grin almost childlike. “They’re cute. Are you getting them?”
“Ah, yeah.” He supposed he was. Without giving a second glance to the little blue and white outfits, he tossed them in the cart. “I was just thinking about my career.”
Her brows angled in question. “And that has something to do with baby clothes?”
“I just realized I never would’ve stopped. Taken the time to get married. Have kids.” His passion for upholding the law had held him so dearly… “Guess God had to stop me himself, maybe.”
“So you’re thinking of settling down now? Starting a family?”
He chuckled at the left-field idea. “Maybe. Who knows?”
It could be just what he needed. If he ever found a woman who’d want him, scarred, damaged and useless. And that was a big if.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’d make a great dad. You’re patient and understanding, the two most important qualities.” She searched out something pink for Emily Rose on the rack. “I kinda feel sorry for the boys your daughters might date though.”
“Date? Over my dead body.” Caleb pushed his cart from the baby section and into the wider aisle. “I just need to find a digital scouting camera in the sporting section and we’re in business.”
“A scouting camera? What’s that?” She followed behind him, using the cart in lieu of her crutches.
“Hunters use them to snap photos of deer. In our case, we’re looking to bust a whole different sort of prey.”
“Neil.”
“In the act.”
* * * *
By the time they arrived home, it was past ten. After inspecting the house top to bottom with Samson trailing close behind, Caleb installed the deadbolt on Hope’s door and urged her to hit the sack. She’d as big a day in the morning as he had a long night ahead. Until this cabin and property was one-hundred percent equipped, rest wasn’t an option.
More resolved than ever to ensure her safety—and assuage her fears—Caleb saw her to her bedroom, inspecting the closet and bathroom as Samson eagerly took his place on one of her pillows. “Take this radio and call me if you need anything.”
Only when he was certain the room was clear did he step out.
“I’ve never used one. How does it work?” She twisted the dial on the top, filling the room with a screech. “Whoops!” Big brown eyes wide with surprise, she’d never looked cuter as she thrust it back at him. “Think I broke it…”
“Nah, silly, it’s easy.” Caleb fixed the channel and volume then passed it back to her. “Like a walkie talkie. Just press this button to talk. Let off it and you can hear me. Go ahead, give it a try.”
“Do you copy?”
The radio on his hip echoed her call and he plucked it from his belt, answering back, “That I do. See? Easy. Now get some sleep.”
“Goodnight,” came through the speaker. “Thank you.”
“Now lock the do
or.” Mind full of his tasks ahead, he gave her a wink and turned to go, barely making it two steps before she cried out, “Caleb, wait!”
He immediately turned back, caught off guard as she threw herself at him, looping her arms around his chest.
“I mean it, thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
In all the times he’d drawn her into his arms, never had she resisted but nor had she responded in kind. Now she squeezed him tight, filling him with a sense of importance. Belonging.
He might not be much for smiling on the outside but on the inside, Caleb felt warm as melted butter.
“This is where the Lord put me. This is where He wants me.” The words, unbidden, just flowed from him. “And I’m glad I’m here. Glad I can help.”
In more ways than one.
Today he’d sensed a shift in Hope. Prayed her agreement to help with bible school indicated those high and thick walls were beginning to crack.
But the change wasn’t just in her.
For the first time since the accident, he hadn’t thought constantly of that fateful night and Annie Rivera, flashing back with haunted memories of fire, brimstone and pain. Didn’t twist inside at the loss of his career. What seemed his life.
Because he was still very much alive. What is it, Lord? What are you doing with me?
Sudden hope welled in Caleb. Anticipation of the unknown to come.
It began with Hope but where would it end?
To that thought, his hands developed a mind of their own and he found himself stroking her soft, silken curls. Never wanting to let her go.
For several moments she was heaven in his embrace, soft like a dream. Sweet as divinity.
Then suddenly, reality reached this point where they both knew they’d hung on far too close, for far too long and simultaneously they drew back, awkward.
“So, uh…goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
Caleb’s feet remained planted even after she closed the door and the grind of the deadbolt flickered to life one possibility he hadn’t considered. What if Neil set the house on fire?
First things first, he went out to the barn and found his ladder. When he finished with his installations, he’d store it into his living room for easy access. If Neil did set the place in flames—which was unoriginal but Caleb wouldn’t put past the scum—he’d be able to reach her window quickly.
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