Man, but life with a woman in it was good. Too bad she weren’t his woman.
Chapter Fourteen
“Ready? Set. Go!”
In succession with her young students, Hope whirled herself into a spinning contest. Round and round the open church yard blurred as giggles tinkled through the fresh, country air. Trees whizzed by, the blue sky and encircling children stretching into one long distorted image.
One by one the four and five-year olds collapsed in laughter, Hope along with them. Woozy, she reeled on the ground as Adam McAllister whooped in satisfaction. “I’m the winner,” the little boy cried and promptly crumpled as well. “Again?”
“No, no.” Hope wasn’t sure she could stand much less tolerate more spinning. “Come, come. How about we practice our class song?”
Every year, each grade was assigned their own special hymn to practice. At the close of bible school, the parents gathered to watch the children perform and afterward enjoyed a picnic.
In an ironic twist, luck—or the Lord above—had seen fit to saddle her with the very song she could not banish from her mind lately. Hope had joy, joy, joy so engrained on her brain, she sometimes caught herself humming it while using the bathroom.
“Okay, kiddos, let’s stand.”
The class tested their wobbly legs with caution, a few silly-minded children dropping dramatically and she waited with patience for their spinning heads to become old news.
“Ready now?”
“Ready,” they answered back unison.
“I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart… Down in my heart, down in my heart…” Hope utilized the hand signals that accompanied the lyrics as the angelic voices of eight little chipmunks chorused in, massacring the song in the most adorable, random ways imaginable.
For the next ten minutes, they practiced until they finally operated under some semblance of harmony then Hope set them free for a dose of playtime.
Relaxing in the shade against the trunk of a tree, she continued to murmur the lyrics to herself. Funny, how since first hearing them in Caleb’s deep, off tune voice, they seemed to be coming alive in her.
Even with the attempts on her life, aware he was currently off dealing with Neil, Hope just felt different. Pulled in a new direction, as if for years her cup had been half empty and suddenly it was half full.
It was almost craft time. Checking her watch, she decided to bend the schedule a smidgen and give her students five extra minutes. After all, at this age the children were pros at coloring in a rush and the day was simply too beautiful to spend trapped in a church basement. Warm and sunny and serene somehow. She hoped Caleb made it home in time for swimming.
“You’ve got the most beautiful voice I’ve heard.”
Hope startled from where she relaxed against the tree, delighted to find Elise standing there, double stroller in hand.
“I’ve been watching. Hope you don’t mind.” Dimples dotted the pretty redhead’s cheeks and Hope thought her friend had never glowed more than she did as a mother, even in exercise shorts with her hair a mess. “We needed to get out of the house a bit.”
“Not at all. I’m sure you miss your students.” Hope knelt over Eric and Emily Rose, enamored by the tiny little gifts from God. “Home and doing well?”
“Trust me, their lungs are mature,” she laughed. “You’re doing a great job with the children. I really appreciate knowing they’re in good hands, so thank you for taking over.”
Hope cooed and smiled at the pink bundle, thinking she looked a lot like her mommy. “You know, I’m glad I did. It’s been fun.”
“Really?”
“Yeah…” Glancing at the youngsters scaling the playground, she realized she wouldn’t take back the decision for the world. “I needed this, I think.”
Maybe she would never be set completely right in her heart—her soul—but the bitterness that’d gripped her so long seemed to be slipping away.
Fear had trained her to hold on to her negative feelings, not to let them go for the world. The kids made her want to forget that person entirely and start over fresh.
Erik let out a fierce wail, demanding his mother’s attention and Emily Rose took cue, joining her brother. “Here we go again! Do you mind?”
“Not at all.”
Elise scooped up one baby while Hope lifted the other, snuggling the sweet smelling bundle close as she hummed and swayed softly.
Moments later, the binkys had worked their wonders. “You know,” Elise whispered as if treading on dangerous ground. “It’s really too bad you couldn’t be convinced to join the choir in my stead. They’re going to need another soprano.”
“You’re quitting?” Hope’s heart kicked at the suggestion. “But why?”
“Just not sure the incessant wail of infants would exactly add flair to our hymns.” Elise laughed as her seemingly unappeasable angel spit out his pacifier and offered a loud demonstration. “See? I’m afraid my participation is being forced on hold. Without a husband—or much family to count on—it’s just me and these…er…angels.”
While Erik ranted on in Elise’s rocking arms, Emily slept soundly in Hope’s. Sweeping her finger over a delicate, pink cheek, she marveled at how sweet and addictive the little one was. “Well, I’ll happily help whenever you need a sitter. Even Sunday mornings. I’m open.”
“Oh.” Disappointment furrowed Elise’s brows as she bounced her baby. “So you won’t consider joining the choir?”
“Elise…”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push but your voice is so beautiful and well, you did assume my spot at bible school. I kinda thought, you know…that you had a change of heart.”
“My reasons are hard to explain. I’m not positive I’d be comfortable in the choir.”
Elise was quite a moment—though Eric certainly wasn’t—but as Hope suspected, her friend hadn’t give up yet. “I don’t understand. You used to talk about how you’d rock the church and bring modern music like teens and kids want to hear into our worship. Songs that would draw them into services rather than push them away in boredom. You had a dream…” Elise urged. “Don’t you remember, Hope?”
Oh, how she did. But too much had happened to that happy girl. Pain. Tragedy. Betrayal.
Teaching kids was one thing. Singing in church on Sunday was entirely different.
Still, deep inside was a desire akin to a pent-up scream. Though a large part of her insisted she’d no place in the choir, she yearned to say yes. Could almost taste the joy of doing so.
The answer was right there on the tip of her tongue. Burning to be released.
Church. Chorus.
God wasn’t just knocking. He was full-out banging. Ringing her doorbell like some pesky kid selling candy that wouldn’t go away. An ex that wouldn’t take the hint. One that, no matter how she convinced herself otherwise, she longed to forgive once and for all.
All she needed to do was have the courage to answer. To believe.
To commit herself once again.
That was where she faltered.
“I…” Hope bit down on her lip, finding she couldn’t quite manage a refusal any more than she could agree. “Let me think about it, okay?”
“Sure. No pressure. But it might be good for you, like you said bible school was.”
Maybe.
“I better take the kids in for craft.” Why did her voice have to sound so strained? “We’re running behind on schedule. Class, line up!”
As youngsters zipped and zinged their direction, Elise leaned in closer and startled her with the simple words she recited to children all day. “God loves you, Hope.”
“Thanks,” she replied awkwardly, grateful for the appearance of her students who ohhed and ahhed over the babies and hugged Elise one by one.
Minutes later, as Hope followed the singing line of children inside, sudden awareness struck. Way down in, under all the emotion and junk burdening her, the knowledge cropped like vine that could not be weed
ed out.
No greater happiness existed beyond the love Elise spoke of. And more importantly, loving God back.
Still, Hope’s pride, her pain, would not budge. An hour later, she dismissed her students and left the church confused and distracted. First, she forgot her purse and had to turn back. Then she rushed into Pastor Brian, scattering her papers everywhere, only to be cornered into another jumbled, “Maybe, I’ll think about it,” as he too arose mention of the choir’s new vacancy.
By the time Hope reached the dock, all she wanted was to rush home and invest her energy in weeding the flower gardens until Caleb arrived home and she could throw herself into their interactions—and okay, his arms as well.
Pray he brought good news. Maybe, just maybe, if Hope could place Neil behind her, feel as though one thing was finally going right for her, that would help her move forward positively. Have a little faith.
Untying the boat while holding fast to the dock, she lowered herself into the craft, took a seat and invested all her energy into paddling.
After many minutes, her arms burned with the fury of her efforts and she slowed, only then realizing she’d forgotten to strap on her life preserver. Hooking the paddles, she twisted to collect the device from behind her. But it wasn’t there.
Weird. She didn’t see it anywhere.
Carefully climbing forward, she checked behind the second seat. Where could it have gone? Did she leave it behind somehow?
Nervously, she glanced back at the docks, scanning them for any sign of orange and coming up short.
Had someone actually stolen her preserver? In this sweet, sleepy town? She searched her memory, trying to recall if she’d remembered to wear it in the morning but the day’s events blurred. Still, it wasn’t like her to forget such a thing.
Fear prickled momentarily but she brushed the sensation aside. Neil was in jail, hours away. If ever she needn’t worry, it was today.
No sense in stressing herself. She might as well press on. It wasn’t as if she were actually going to sink. Besides, Caleb had taught her how to stay afloat.
Distracted from her previous worries, she paddled on at a more reasonable pace, finding the breeze and fresh air soothing. Losing herself in what-ifs.
What if she made all those old dreams come true? What if she opened Mom’s retreat?
What if, all along, even in those hard, rough times, God had a purpose? A greater good? Like driving Hope to find herself as a woman. As a Christian. To believe, for herself and no one else.
What if she accepted that sometimes bad, awful things were really God’s goodness in disguise?
Cool wetness kissed her heels, swishing under her sandals and grabbing her from her thoughts. Beneath her seat, an inch of water puddled. “What—?”
Panic swept in swift and strong as a quick observation confirmed her weight tilted the hull at an angle. Behind her, even deeper water loomed.
The boat had a leak! She was going down!
On top of her preserver being MIA? That was far too much of a coincidence for Hope. The boat had been fine that morning, which allowed only one conclusion. Someone had deliberately sabotaged her. Wanted her dead.
Someone other than Neil.
Oh God, help me!
The distance between the shores was equally daunting and there was no turning back now. With fury she worked the oars, desperately hoping the hole was small enough she could make it.
“Caleb!” she screamed, doubting he’d arrived home yet but needing to cry out to him all the same. Her call drowned in the thrum of jet skis and motor boats in the distance. “Someone help! Help!”
Her cries were echoed by the shouts of teens spiraling down the Double Dare.
“Help!”
It was useless. Not a soul could hear her. Even if they did, they thought nothing of her pleas.
Perhaps if she waved her arms to signal distress she could catch an eye. But then she’d have to stop paddling.
The boat grew heavier and heavier. Her muscles ached and refused to cooperate.
Soon, she was forced to abandon her labors, grabbing her purse as she scurried to the opposite end, trying desperately to balance the upending craft to no avail. It only sunk faster.
As her student’s papers drifted onto the lake, she rushed to tuck her glasses in her purse then slung the bag securely around her neck.
It occurred with absurdity that she was as concerned about losing her eyewear as she was her body being found without identification.
“Help me! Please, someone!” Waving with one hand, she gripped for dear life with the other as the boat inched under with excruciating sluggishness. “Caleb!”
She was going to die in broad daylight, right out in the open for all to see, yet not a soul would even notice.
On television, she’d heard the pull of a sinking vessel could draw a person under and though she figured that science was directed more at bigger boats, hanging on any longer was a lost cause and she wasn’t taking any chances.
Thrusting with her feet, she hurled herself into the lake, treading for life.
“Caleb!”
The effort of the scream cost her far too much precious energy and she realized with piercing fear it was her last and final.
Only God could hear her now. Please.
Her arms were on fire from paddling, her legs now doing most of the work as dark endless water engulfed. There was no bottom, nothing to grip for safety. Only endless waves lapping at her, splashing in her mouth as her purse bobbed around her. A shore that was far too distant for her to even hope to swim to.
If she even knew how.
Oh God, help me. I’m begging…
A gnawing twinge started in her thighs. Fatigue possessed her arms. She felt herself slip under and forced herself to kick harder.
Church, choir, anything you want. Please, just please, don’t let this be it, Lord. Save me.
Instinctively, she knew He wouldn’t spare her for nothing. There was a cost. And He was right.
Hope had too much to live for. Too much good she could spread.
Please, God. Help me. I promise I’ll live differently. I promise I’ll be faithful. Just please…
The water was like a rabid animal trying to consume her and she sobbed, weakening in frustration. This couldn’t be it, could it?
Flashes of her life took over her mind. She’d so much good to be thankful for. So much potential. Yet she’d wasted volumes of time on stupid anger. Then Neil.
If she could take it back, how she’d give anything…
Then fight. The voice was not her own. For me. Fight. Swim!
A new strength swept over her, enabling her muscles. Confidence tore forth, driving her despite reason.
The shore was not that far. Treading couldn’t be much harder than swimming.
It was all about staying afloat and that she’d mastered.
The next thing Hope knew, she was splashing through the lake, making grand, inelegant strides toward safety. Her arms and legs kicked violently and awkwardly, throwing water in great waves.
But she was swimming. Was going to make it, in more ways than one.
She was unstoppable.
Some time later, she crawled weakly onto the shore amidst the blue bells and collapsed onto the muddied ground, staring up at the great sky.
Oh God…thank you.
Jesus had once proven a great miracle walking on water. Today, on this lake, he’d proved another.
It wasn’t just that she’d swam. That He’d saved her life.
He’d clearly, definably, taken her last thought before the panic of sinking and proven His answer to perfection. Sometimes, bad things were really good in disguise.
Sinking had just become one of them.
* * * *
Grown women did not just up and disappear.
Had she gone shopping? To the beach alone, perhaps? In a normal situation, there were a hundred reasons to excuse Hope’s absence.
But after searching
both the cabin and barn and telephoning Brian and the local diner, a very stressed Caleb was one step away from reporting her missing.
Brian called back and informed him Hope’s boat was not at the dock. Nor, did a glance down the trail reveal, was it at theirs. Perhaps he’d spot her still on the water?
Without much other recourse, Caleb decided to follow the pup attempting to tug a hole in his boots. Maybe Samson knew where his owner was.
“Come on, find Hope,” he urged, heart drilling in concern. “Find Hope!”
At the sound of her name, Samson danced circles. Caleb asked again and the dog eagerly shot off, leaving Caleb in his wake.
So much for the pup’s help.
Caleb headed down the docks, searching the expanse of the lake and coming up short. Where could she be? Only when he turned to head back did he catch sight of her. Knees tucked under her chin, she sat some distance down the shore amongst trampled bluebells.
“Hope?” She looked half-drowned! “Sweetheart?”
The silence that ticked back at him was a fist to the gut. His heart lurched with a strange terror he’d never known. “Are you hurt? Where’s the boat?”
Something terrible had happened. He could feel it in his bones.
“Neil,” she responded in monotone. “He didn’t do it, right? He wasn’t behind the attacks.”
How could she know that? Unless…
Another had occurred. “Oh sweetheart, no…”
Though Noah had spent all morning questioning Neil, ultimately the scum’s alibi had proven solid. On the night “the devil” broke into Hope’s home, photographs clearly placed Neil at a fundraiser dinner for overseas earthquake victims then later, at a bar into the early morning hours.
Bluebells crushed under his weight as Caleb rushed to her side. Only then did she turn to him, liquid brown eyes dazed as her hands fidgeted with a wet sleeve. “I’ll need Brian’s number.”
Brian? What did the pastor have to do with anything? The bewildered look on her face sent Caleb’s mind whirling. Every ion of his being pulsed on high-alert.
Hunkering down, he took the soft, sleek line of her chin in hand. “Honey, what happened? Where’s the boat?”
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