“Well considering your hands are already on my ass, I’m under the impression that there’s a little more you need to get out of your system.”
I smiled, continuing our little sway as I told her, “So I like the way your ass feels. What’s the big deal?”
She shrugged, licking her lips before answering, “Doesn’t sound like a big deal to me at all… boyfriend.”
I laughed, my neck straining as I leaned down to meet her face. “Ohhh, so when I talk about your ass, I get to be boyfriend?”
She shrugged again, getting on her tippy toes so that her lips hovered right against my ear. “I mean, this is our last night as a couple. What better way to end things?”
&
“Shit! Fuck! Ah! Fuck!”
The straight hair was finally coming in handy as I gave it a tug, pulling Reagan’s head back so that I could kiss her neck while I crashed into her from behind. I had followed her to her apartment after the wedding for what was supposed to be a coffee and conversation nightcap. But low and behold, the coffee never got made and the only conversation that was happening was between our bodies.
I hadn’t even made it out of my dress clothes, my shirt unbuttoned and hanging on my shoulders as Reagan reached back, taking a handful of my thigh to push me in deeper. I wasn’t even sure how all of me was fitting inside of her. But not only was it fitting, she was taking it all and begging for more with sweet little whimpers of pleasure.
“Fuck, Reagan.”
I had to calculate my strokes as I already felt myself on the verge of a release. I wasn’t even sure how long we had been at it, but the fact that she wasn’t letting up let me know I still had a lot of work to do to prove my point.
I pulled out, flipping her over and diving face first into her pussy like a starved maniac. She tasted like candy - pink starburst, my favorite - so I had no problem licking and sucking like her pearl was the last one in the pack.
“Gavin…”
The way she sighed my name in ecstasy made me wanna put that shit on a track just so I could listen to it on repeat.
And that’s how I knew I was addicted.
The way she tasted, the way she felt, the sounds she made; I didn’t want any of it to go away. I didn’t want it to be temporary or fake. I wanted that shit to be forever.
But it wasn’t.
We had a deal and tonight was the end.
So as she squirmed against my tongue, I was determined to make sure she’d never forget it.
Reagan
I woke up more satisfied than I had been in my whole life. But the bed, which had never been filled on a consistent basis, suddenly felt empty because…
He left.
He fucked, and we cuddled. But before I woke up, he was already gone.
I suppose I shouldn’t have had any expectations since the deal was technically off once the clock struck midnight. But it still hurt a little to know that I hadn’t meant as much to him as I thought.
Things just felt so… perfect between us. We had fun together, danced together, laughed together, and had now even shared an amazing night of… fuckin’. But I suppose that was all a part of the roles we were playing; him as the sweet ass boyfriend and me as the doting girlfriend.
Why did I agree to that shit?
I should’ve known my feelings would for whatever reason decide to get themselves involved though they didn’t belong anywhere near Gavin. Regardless of what had brought us together, we were still so different. I mean, I was a career woman and he was an up-and-coming rapper. That shit just didn’t mix.
Well… it did.
It could.
But the fact that he had left without even leaving a note on the nightstand told me I had really been imagining the possibilities.
And it was all my fault for ever believing otherwise.
&
“Earth to fuckin’ Reagan. My goodness, I feel like I’m talking to a wall.”
I couldn’t pay Leilani any attention as my eyes were fixed on Gavin who was across the bar all in some random girl’s face. I didn’t even know what I was doing at the bar on a Thursday night, but I immediately regretted it the second my eyes landed on him being the charming rapper that he was.
I had successfully avoided him all week long at the center, especially since I knew it was the last week he had to report for his community service hours. But of course, even with all my planning and tiptoeing around, I had still managed to run into him though I was pretty sure he hadn’t seen me quite yet.
Maybe I could escape before he did.
“Reagan, what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you looking like that?”
I finally snapped out of it enough to respond, “I don’t feel good, Lei. I think I’m gonna head home.”
As if Leilani could get anymore of an attitude with me, she turned it up a notch, smacking her teeth as she said, “Head home? But we just got here. And you haven’t been out with me in weeks.”
“I know, Lei. I’m sorry. It’s just, my stomach is all over the place.” Which was the God-honest truth. Seeing girls fawn over Gavin was one thing. But seeing him actually look interested in someone else literally made me sick, especially considering the night we had shared after the wedding.
But it was just a moment, a lapse in judgment, a memory I could hold onto though it wasn’t exactly in my best interest to do so. I sighed just thinking about it, excusing myself before I could burst into tears.
“Stupid… stupid… stupid…” I whispered aloud as I cut through the crowd towards the neon sign that read Restrooms. But the second my hand landed on the door to push, I heard my name being called from behind me.
“Reagan?”
Fuck.
I took a deep breath before I whipped around, looking as chipper as I could to say, “Gavin. Hey. What’s up?”
He served me one of his world famous crooked smiles that suddenly looked even more impressive now that I knew exactly what his mouth could do. “Nothin’ much. Just hangin’ out with some friends. You?”
“Uh… same. Exact same.”
I stepped out of the way so that another woman could enter the restroom, but quickly recognized that was a mistake as it placed me perfectly between Gavin and the wall. He wasn’t saying anything, just looking at me like I was some impressive piece of artwork. And as much as I wanted to say something slick, something smart, something just to get the upper hand, I couldn’t because my senses were overloaded with his scent; the scent that was still lingering on my pillows almost a whole week later.
His voice was soft as he put a hand to my cheek, giving it a little stroke while he eyed me intensely. “I missed you this week, sweetheart. I stopped by your office a couple times, but you weren’t ever there. I was starting to think you were hiding from me.”
I wanted to pull away, wanted to get out of this… space. But the slight graze of his fingertip against my skin felt way too good to pass up on.
“Hiding from you? Why would I do that?”
He shrugged, pulling his hand away from my face and shoving it in his pocket. “I don’t know. I just… I don’t want things to be weird between us now that we’re no longer doing each other a favor. Like maybe we could be friends or somethin’.”
You would’ve thought someone had come and tackled me off guard the way the wind was suddenly knocked out of me. Nothing – literally nothing - could’ve prepared me for this. I mean, obviously it was the logical thing to do. But I didn’t wanna be logical about this. I wanted to be free and fun and…
“Friends? I mean… yeah. Friends. Of course. I’ll umm… see you around.” I had to get away before I released all of my true feelings, turning around to head to the bathroom once again. But like the first time, him calling out to me stopped me before I could escape.
“Reagan, wait.”
“What, Gavin?” I asked with an attitude that looked to surprise him just as much as it surprised me.
“I uhh… I never got to tell you why I was late to the
wedding.” I was really hoping everything about that night could just go away already. I mean, it was the only way I’d be able to move on.
So I faced him straight up, brushing off the need for any further conversation. “That’s not important anymore, Gavin. You came. We had fun. We made it look good. And now we move on.”
Gavin
“Sign here. And here. Initials here. And one more time here. Date here. And print your name here.”
I followed the instructions of the label’s attorney, signing and printing and dating my way through my first real contract. I still couldn’t believe it was happening; the day I had been looking forward to for way longer than I was willing to admit. But as I put my pen down on the conference room length table and shook hands with the various executives, I knew it was real.
The grind, the mixtapes, the #FourBarFriday raps on Instagram; it was all finally paying off. I sighed with a smile, trying to take it all in. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of something missing as I looked around and saw Caleb as the only familiar face to share the moment with. Mama was still in the hospital though she had made a complete 180 as far as her health was concerned. And I suppose the next person in line would’ve been my…. friend, Reagan. But she didn’t even know any of this existed because she had refused to hear me out.
I could tell something was different about her when I ran into her at the bar the other night. And to be honest, it made complete sense to me.
Well… it didn’t make sense to me.
We didn’t make sense to me.
But her confusion made sense to me because I felt the exact same way. Even calling her a friend felt weird coming out of my mouth because she felt like so much more than that, especially after the incredible night we had spent together after the wedding. In fact, it was that night that had taken the confusion to a new height. I mean, sure we called ourselves playing the roles of boyfriend and girlfriend. But nothing about that night was fake, or forced, or a show for an audience of people. It was just us - two twenty-somethings - letting our bodies do the talking that our mouths couldn’t do any justice.
Not with words, at least.
And now I couldn’t get it off of my mind.
I couldn’t get her off of my mind.
Even seeing her at the bar had me ready to push her into the bathroom, lock the door, and pick up where we had left off. Then take her home, talk it out, and come to a better conclusion because that was the real crazy part; the fact that it wasn’t solely about the sex.
I missed her company, her smile when she actually gave me one, the banter we could share back and forth. Hell, I even missed her insults.
And that’s how I knew I was in trouble.
It was the biggest day of my fuckin’ life and all I could think about was how I wished she was there to share it with me, even if her version of sharing meant sluggin’ me in the arm to congratulate me.
&
“To G. Griffey for signing his first contract!”
I crashed glasses with Caleb and a few others as we drank to my accomplishments. The energy was on ten as the whole Black Market celebrated the night with me. You would’ve thought everybody had made it, everybody had signed a contract, with the way people were so hyped. But in the back of my head, I knew the contract was only the first step on a long, winding road. There was still a ton of work I had to do before I’d see any money, make any music, go on any tours. There was a lot of people that had to get paid for me to gain any traction in the industry. And of course those checks were signed well before I got my cut.
Even Caleb would get paid before I did since he was technically my manager.
But I didn’t mind because there was no doubt in my head that I’d be successful enough for all of us to get paid and get paid well. I just wished I had more people around me that I could trust before all that shit happened. Cause sure, everybody was in my section right now, poppin’ bottles with me right now, being all proud of me right now. But a lot of the same people were the ones who secretly doubted my ability, hadn’t been there for the grind, and had no interest in spending a dime on my mixtapes even though them shits were free.
The snakes had big smiles as they peeped an opportunity to come up with me, but I knew better. In fact, Mama had warned me about this moment when I’d get on and everybody else would try to tag along which was part of the reason why she had pressed me so hard about finding a woman to look out for me.
And I thought I had one.
I did have one.
And even if I was the one to suggest we could be friends, she had still technically agreed to it. Now I was just gonna have to convince her to actually go along with it until I could make her mine for real.
Reagan
@GGriff23 liked your photo.
@GGriff23 liked your photo.
@GGriff23 liked your photo.
I smiled at my phone as it vibrated with notification after notification, though they were all exactly the same.
@GGriff23 liked your photo.
@GGriff23 liked your photo.
What the hell is he doing?
By the time I opened my actual Instagram app, I had a full 23 new likes from Gavin plus a few comments on different photos.
@GGriff23: You tryna be #Baé or what?
@GGriff23: What’s a nigga gotta do to get #BaéPrivileges though?
@GGriff23: Fuck it. You #Baé now. ;P
I literally laughed out loud, falling back onto my bed like a damn teenage girl. It was just some stupid likes and some stupid comments. But why the hell was my heart fluttering like he had asked me out on an actual date or somethin’?
I hadn’t even talked to Gavin since the night I ran into him at the bar. But according to his Instagram, he had just recently signed his first recording contract.
Proud was an understatement.
I mean, if anyone deserved a record deal, it was definitely him. Even if I hadn’t been there from the beginning, he had captured me as a fan with his unique talent; so much so that I still hadn’t taken his mixtape out of the rotation of CDs in my car. It honestly seemed long overdue that someone else actually acknowledged his skills, but I suppose there was no time like the present.
I scrolled a little further and saw he had also posted the only picture we had taken together at the wedding. It was selfie style, our faces smashed together as he crossed his eyes and I stuck my tongue out. The caption was a simple hashtag; “#GrownAssKids.”
All I could do was stare.
We looked so damn good together; happy and carefree being “grown ass kids”.
Why couldn’t this all be real?
Since Gavin decided to be playful on my Instagram, I decided to have a little fun on his too. I mean, if I couldn’t have the real him, the least I could do was go along with the fake stuff that he was still laying out for the public.
@RegularAssReagan: @GGriff23 #BaéGriffey ??? ;P
My phone was still in my hand when a reply comment came in.
@GGriff23: @RegularAssReagan LOL That’s all you, sweetheart. My #BaéGriffey.
I hated the way I blushed instantly. I mean, how was it even possible that we could do all this shit so fluently, my feelings could feel completely authentic, and it still be deemed fake?
Hardly possible.
Since I had already deleted his phone number from my contacts, I shot him a DM that may have been a little influenced by the glasses of wine I had while watching Scandal reruns, though I didn’t care either way.
@RegularAssReagan: Hey. You busy tonight?
I wasn’t even sure why I asked or what I had in mind. I just needed to… talk to him, be in his aura, be there as his friend, or fake girlfriend, or hell, real girlfriend.
The dynamics were a non-factor.
@GGriff23: Nope. Just waiting for you. For a fuckin’ week straight lol.
@GGriff23: What’s up though? Can you come through? I miss my friend. ;(
My cheeks were already hurting from grinning so hard as I thoug
ht of a clever reply.
@RegularAssReagan: Your friend? Is that code for something? ;)
Because if it is, I certainly miss my friend too...
@GGriff23: LOL maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. Freaky ass.
@GGriff23: I’ll text you my address. Can’t wait to see you, sweetheart.
&
“Fuck, I missed you,” he growled against my lips as I wrapped my legs even tighter around his waist.
I hadn’t been in Gavin’s apartment for more than a minute before my jacket was yanked off of my shoulders, my shirt was pulled over my head and tossed to the ground, and my skirt was scrunched against my waist as I sat on top of the kitchen island with Gavin between my thighs. The only thing that separated us was my underwear and his basketball shorts which I knew I could probably maneuver off with a quick tug. But I wasn’t sure if that was the right move. I didn’t even know if me being here was the right move. Surely reminding myself of the sex would only add to the confusion I already felt, though it seemed like there was no confusion at all on Gavin’s end as he landed kisses along my neckline.
“Gavin, what are we doing?” I asked between short, whimpery breaths, my arms wrapped around his neck as he moved his kisses from my neckline down to my chest. He didn’t bother answering, just reached back to unsnap my bra, though the click sounded ten times louder than usual.
“Yo, G. What’s up with all these… oh shit!”
I froze, lifting my hands to catch my strapless bra just as it was falling away from my body. With wide eyes, I turned my attention to where the voice had come from and found a guy who looked way too enthused about my presence. And Gavin wasn’t moving at all, just looking at his friend as if he was trying to send him some special code.
“My bad, G. I didn’t know you were having company. I’ll uh… be back. Tomorrow, maybe?”
Gavin leaned forward to shield me with his own body as he tossed back, “Yeah, man. I’ll text you.”
The Real Deal Page 7