Sam continues, ‘You were right, though. If I’d continued the way I was going, I would have burned out. At some point in Sicily, I started to think, do I really want to spend all my waking hours policing Luther? I think I was having a kind of early midlife crisis. My old co-workers all think I’m insane – half of them think I’ve been fired, in fact – but I could care less. I heard from Luther today, by the way,’ he adds. ‘He’s coming over again to promote the book soon, so we should all get together.’
‘Mm,’ I say. Somehow, I don’t think that will happen. Luther was happy to see me at the premiere, but now Sam has told him we’re an item, and, apparently, Luther finds it weird, which I can completely understand.
‘You know what else? He’s met someone.’
‘Has he?’ I’m really pleased. I’m so loved-up right now, I want everybody to be happy.
‘Yep. She’s a make-up artist. He met her on the TV show. Her name’s Jenna and she’s Canadian. She sounds like quite a tough cookie, in a good way.’
‘I think that’s what he needs.’
‘Definitely. I was always worried he would go back to Dominique.’
Sam’s opinion of Dominique is something I’ve learned over the last three weeks. I’ve also learned that he is a wonderful cook – he learned in Italy – and that he hates shopping for clothes. And that he’s very tidy, but he doesn’t mind if I’m messy, and that he and his brother are fanatical about their football team, the Utes – the season is just beginning and Sam’s going to teach me the words to the very cheesy Utah Fight Song. He’s not remotely bothered by my cardboard squares – to be honest, whenever he’s come home with me, we haven’t had time to notice the squares. He wants to go surfing in Devon, and to go to Venice and a hundred other places, and I think he’s also in danger of being co-opted by Mike’s tag rugby team. I’ve realised he’s frantic to fill the gap that used to be filled with work, but that’s OK. Anyway, he’s not the only one with hobbies. I’ve finally decided to start taking dance classes.
‘Speaking of Luther . . . check this out.’ Sam produces something: an advance copy of Luther’s book, straight from the printers. We exclaim over it like proud parents for a few minutes, before Sam says, ‘His acknowledgements are at the back. You should read them.’
I flip to the back, and read out: ‘I want to thank my agent Sam Newland, who has given me the best nineteen-and-a-half months of his life: Sam, I hope it’s been worthwhile.’
‘Thanks, man,’ Sam says drily. I skim more names – that’s nice, he’s mentioned Brian – until I come to my own: ‘I also want to thank my editor Alice Roberts, who believed in me even when I was totally bullshitting her. Seriously, Alice, I could not – and I also probably would not – have written this book without you.’
‘Wow. I never knew Luther was so eloquent. Did you?’
‘He might have had some help,’ is all Sam will say.
After dinner, we go for a walk down towards the river. Although I’m wearing a summer dress – the pistachio-green one that Marisa gave me – there’s a definite freshness in the air that wasn’t there even this time last week.
‘I can’t believe it’s already September,’ I say.
‘I know,’ says Sam. ‘Hey, I hear the fall is a particularly good time to see Paris. What do you think? Depending on when you start your new job,’ he adds.
‘If.’
‘When.’
As he takes my hand, I try and think how many times we’ve seen each other since he came to London, and I realise I’ve lost count. Being with Sam doesn’t feel like anything else I’ve ever experienced. When I think back to my thing with Simon, it seems hard to believe I put up with it. What did I ever see in someone who cared so little about me?
Life certainly can surprise you. I remember how, on the plane to Italy, I had those crazy dreams about having a romance with Luther, and I wanted so much to be promoted. None of those things happened; instead, it’s been a hundred times better. I don’t know what the future holds for me and Sam. I don’t know how long he’s going to stay in London – a year? Two? Maybe he will move back to America, and I’ll move with him, or something else will happen. Who knows? I only know that right now I’m smiling, and I feel as though I’m going to be smiling a lot more in the future.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Many people helped me while I was writing this book – either with moral support, practical information or by reading it. I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone.
Thank you to all the friends who read early drafts, including: Gráinne Brett, Síofra O’Donovan, Amber Burlinson, Clare Thomas, Hannah Knowles, Natasha Laws, Daniela Buckley, Hilary Attenborough, and, heroically, my brother Barry. I particularly want to thank Frieda Klotz, my very first reader, for her astute and encouraging comments from day one, without which I probably would not have finished the book. Thank you to my sisters-in-law: Santina Doherty for introducing me to Sicily and Anne O’Mahony for straight-talking and insightful feedback. I also benefited from the advice of Julie Cohen via her fantastic blog, which I’d recommend any aspiring author to follow. For insights into the European and US film industries, thank you to Olaf Gonzáles Schneeweiss, Daniela Buckley, Helen Berger and MF. Thanks also to Mark Dyson. For inside info on Utah and the LDS, as well as LA café suggestions, thank you Jaremey McMullin. For (hypothetical) legal advice, thank you Noel Dilworth, Lucy Miles and Ronan McCrea. Any mistakes are all my own work. Thanks to the staff at Alimentari and The Salusbury Deli in Queen’s Park, who fed me and watered me and got me out of the house.
Thank you to Rowan Lawton and Juliet Mushens at PFD, for brilliant editorial guidance, support and macaroons. Thank you to Sherise Hobbs, for superb edits that have made the book so much better, and to Imogen Taylor and Lucy Foley for welcoming me back to the Euston Road – thanks also to Imogen for thinking of the title! Thank you Rachel Mills and Alexandra Cliff for sending Alice abroad. For early and invaluable support, thank you to Anne Louise Fisher, Joy Terekiev at Mondadori and Nicola Bartels at Blanvalet. Thanks to my lovely colleagues past and present at Hodder and The Folio Society. Lastly, I’d like to thank my parents, who supported me through all my decisions and never minded when I came home to visit and locked myself away writing. And to Alex: thank you for holding my hand through submission and rewrites (not literally of course) and for celebrating with me.
Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
About the Author
About the Book
Table of Contents
Dedication
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six
Twenty-Seven
Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Nine
Thirty
Thirty-One
Thirty-Two
Thirty-Three
Thirty-Four
Thirty-Five
Thirty-Six
Thirty-Seven
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
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