by Renee Fowler
“No, of course not. Obviously those classes would only be for adults. I would never-”
“Anna, I’m kidding. I know you wouldn’t. From what Jamie said, it’s all for fun, right?”
“Right,” she says noncommittally. “I’m still thinking about it. We may have to, at least temporarily. Enrollment numbers aren’t quite what I’d hoped. I’m not sure if I could even do pole work like that anymore. It requires a lot of upper body strength.”
“I’m sure you’d pick it back up.” I lean back in my chair, and look at Anna, with her perfect posture, hands folded neatly in her lap. “I can’t really imagine you doing it though, like for real.”
Her chin tips down towards her chest. “Yeah, I don’t really have the figure for it.”
“Shit, that’s not what I meant,” I say quickly. “You’re fucking gorgeous, Anna. You’re perfect, but you’re so serious, and quiet. That’s what I meant.” Another blush stains her cheeks and chest. Damn, she really is gorgeous, and my mind is flooded by the not very long ago memories of her perfect, little tits beneath the palms of my hands.
“It was just a performance, that’s the way I looked at it, but I still didn’t care for it much. Some of the guys that came in there were jerks.”
I’m suddenly angry at the thought of sweet, quiet Anna being leered at and messed with by a bunch of rowdy assholes, even if it was years ago before I met her. “You shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t want.”
“Maybe I’ll just teach Laura, and let her handle it.” Anna shrugs. “It’s her friends that are wanting to do it anyways.”
“So what do you like to do besides dance?”
“I have a cat, and… I’m really boring. I’ve never had much time for anything else before now. I guess I can finally figure out what else I like to do.”
“And you’re busy learning to drive too.” I’m feeling kind of lost in her eyes that glow warm and are enormous in contrast to the rest of her delicate features.
“I’m trying anyway. I’m afraid I may have left it too late. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks, and all that, you know?”
“Maybe you just haven’t found the right teacher?”
At the end of the evening I’m a bit reluctant to say goodbye. I’m still not positive I’m ready to move on, but I can’t deny I’m attracted to Anna. This time I don’t hesitate to kiss her. What starts out a sweet, farewell peck quickly turns into a long, heated kiss. Her long, slender arms wrap around my neck, and my mind is already racing to what it might feel like to have those long legs of hers wrapped around me too.
Anna is panting softly when she breaks her lips away from mine. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jack.”
Chapter 9
Anna
Jack shows up a few minutes early to drive me to the bus station. I cuddle Princess against my neck, suddenly having second thoughts about entrusting my fur baby to Laura. I’ll be sure to call and remind her to check in later tonight. I top her food and water off, and Jack hefts up my heavy bag resting by the door.
“I really appreciate you driving me. That would’ve been a long walk.”
He pauses to fish around in the pocket of his jeans. “Actually you’re driving.”
“Uhhh.”
“Come on. How’re you ever going to learn if you don’t practice?”
“Are you going to give me a ticket if I mess up?”
One corner of his mouth kicks up into a crooked smile. “I’m off duty. Even if I wasn’t, I’d probably let it slide unless you really screwed up.”
I’m overcome with anxiety as I slide behind the steering wheel of his car. Walking anywhere near traffic, even on the sidewalk, makes me nervous, but so does driving. Being struck by that vehicle was awful, obviously, but I imagine the person that hit me felt pretty awful too, so awful they fled the scene. Maybe they thought I was dead. Perhaps there’s someone out there right now living with the weight that they inadvertently killed a woman they didn’t know.
I spend a long time adjusting my seat, checking the mirrors. My hands are shaking as I start to back out of the space.
“You’re doing really well,” Jack says encouragingly once I pull out onto the main road. “But you may want to give it a bit more gas. You’re nowhere near the speed limit.”
“I know,” I mumble.
We eventually make it to the bus station across town, and I don’t manage to hit anything or anyone, although it takes far longer than it should’ve. I put the car in park, and take a few deep breaths.
“How long have you had your temps?” Jack asks.
“Months,” I say with a small embarrassed smile. “I told you I’m terrible at this.”
“I wouldn’t say terrible, but maybe terrified. There’s nothing to be afraid of as long as you’re cautious, which you definitely are.”
“I’m never going to be a race car driver, that’s for sure.”
“Good, because I’d hate to have to give you a ticket.”
“You wouldn’t let me off with a warning?”
“I might consider it.” Jack unfastens his seatbelt, and turns to face me. His fingers brush through my hair, and he palms the side of my face with one of his large hands. “Be careful, and have fun, but not too much fun,” he says with a small laugh.
“Gregory is just my friend,” I say quickly.
“That wasn’t how I meant it, Anna.”
“You’re more his type than me,” I point out.
He laughs harder. “Okay. I believe you.”
Mikhail never did. He was convinced there was something going on between Gregory and I, which was ridiculous beyond telling.
Jack kisses me, and I let my eyes drift closed. I’m dizzy and panting by the time he finally pulls back. His eyes look different in every light. In the slanted afternoon sun they are ice blue with a dark outer ring.
“You’re going to miss your bus,” Jack says softly, and I realize I’m just staring at him silently. I give my head a little shake, and try to play off my daze with a small, laugh. He must think I’m an idiot.
He carries my bag up to the front of the terminal, and pauses to give me a hug, and another kiss. “Call me tonight, and let me know you made it safe, okay?”
It’s been so long since I’ve had anyone that gave a crap about my welfare one way or the other, besides a few friends, that it’s a little overwhelming. I slide my fingers out of his hand reluctantly. “Okay, Jack. And if something happens and you can’t pick me up-”
“I’ll be here,” he says assuredly.
On the bus, I’m pleasantly surprised to find the seat next to me unoccupied. I wave goodbye to Jack as we pull away, finding it hard to believe he actually waited to see me off. What’s more unbelievable is the deep pang of regret that I won’t see him for the next few days.
We’ve only been on one measly date, I remind myself. Although we have been talking on the phone a good amount, and a few times earlier in the week he dropped by the studio during the day with a coffee for me.
It still feels like we’re falling into things really fast, or maybe it’s just me. I’m the one falling fast.
I try to read to pass the time during the four hour ride reading, but I find it impossible to concentrate. My thoughts keep circling around the possibilities. I fall in love with Jack, but he decides he’s not quite ready to make that leap. I fall in love with Jack, but he sees the real me, and realizes he can do better. I try to envision a future where things work out between us, but I can’t quite picture it.
Every other relationship I’ve ever had fizzled out after not very long, probably thanks to the fact that I lived and breathed ballet, besides one. Mikhail was the only one who ever understood my intense focus, but looking back it is painfully obvious that the only thing we shared together was a passion for dance.
But maybe this time things will be different.
Or maybe I’m about to get my heart shattered.
I try to shove those concerns out of my mind as my eyes scan
the busy bus terminal for a familiar face. Gregory sees me before I see him, and catches me unaware. He gives me a big, backwards bear hug and a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek. “Look at you,” he says, lifting my hair up and letting it fall around my shoulders. “I can’t believe you’re standing here.”
I can’t believe it either. It feels like an eternity since we’ve seen each other, but it hasn’t even been two full months.
Gregory is just like I remember him, neat blonde hair, an aquiline nose. There are small lines at the corners of his green eyes when he smiles now that he didn’t have when we first met years ago.
He swings my hand in his as we push through the crowd and make our way outside to catch a cab. He moves fluidly and gracefully like a cat at my side. We danced together for so long, it feels natural moving beside him. “How’s our baby?” he asks on the ride back to his place.
It was his idea for me to get a cat after the accident, something to take my mind off the end of my career, and my relationship. We picked Princess out together. “She’s wonderful, but I need to call Laura and remind her to stop by my place. She’s so forgetful.”
“Does she miss her Daddy?”
“She meows for you everyday,” I joke. “I need to call Jack too. He wanted to make sure I made it okay.”
Gregory gives me a smile, but there is a touch of concern shining in his eyes. “He’s already making you call and check in?”
“He’s not like that,” I say fast. Not like him. Mikhail could be very controlling, which he often tried to disguise as concern.
When we are back in Gregory’s tiny, familiar apartment, I call Laura first, who assures me she just left from my place, and Princess is doing well. When I call Jack, my heart stutters at the sound of his voice. “I made it to my friend’s place in one piece.”
“I’m glad. Do you two have any big plans?”
“Probably nothing too big tonight. It’s a little late.”
“Ask him to send a picture,” Gregory says in a too loud whisper from very close. “And ask him why he doesn’t have a Facebook. How am I supposed to stalk this guy on your behalf?”
I give Gregory a sharp look, and try to shush him. Jack starts to laugh. “I don’t really do the whole Facebook thing, but tell your friend if he’s that curious, there’s a picture on the police department’s website.”
Gregory is sitting so close I don’t have to tell him anything. He can hear for himself, and he’s already whipping out his phone to do a search. “Sorry,” I mutter to Jack.
“No big deal,” Jack says with the hint of a smile in his voice. “I won’t keep you. I know you two haven’t seen each other for a while. Have fun, I’ll text you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay. Bye, Jack.”
“Bye, Anna.”
“Oh, my god. Listen to the way you say his name.” Gregory says as soon as I hang up the phone. “You’re totally in love with this guy.”
“No, I’m not. We barely know each other.”
Gregory ignores me for a moment to type something into his phone. “Shiiiit. I think I’m a little in love with this guy too. Look at his eyes.”
“I know,” I sigh.
“He looks so serious. Does he wear that hat, like for real?”
I shake my head. “I’ve never seen him wear it.”
“Has he ever used his handcuffs on you in the bedroom?”
“What? Of course not. We barely know each other, and… we’ve only had sex the one time. We’re trying to take things slow.”
Gregory tilts his head, and gives me a sad look. “Anna, he’s not going to care.”
“He might.”
“He won’t,” he says firmly. “What happened to his wife?”
I shrug.
“How long ago did she die?”
I shrug again. “He doesn’t like to talk about it I guess.”
Gregory scratches the little line forming between his eyebrows.
“He said it’s been years, but he also said… he wasn’t sure if he was ready to move on.”
Gregory’s mouth falls open. “He actually said that?”
I nod slowly. “I know, I’m an idiot.”
“I wouldn’t go that far, but… shit. Okay, when you did have sex, were his eyes open or closed.”
“Open, but not the whole time. Not while we were kissing. That would be weird.”
“Right,” he agrees. “And he’s never called you a different name, has he?”
“No! Stop it, Gregory. You’re freaking me out.”
“I’m just trying to get a feel for what’s going on, you know? I’ve been someone’s rebound before, but not after the person they were with died.”
“You think I’m his rebound?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yes, you did! That’s exactly what you’re saying.”
“I’m just saying be careful, Anna. If he said he’s not ready, maybe he’s really not, but at least he was upfront with you about it.” Gregory hops up from his bed, which is the only available piece of furniture to sit on in his teeny, tiny apartment. He pulls me up by the hands. “You didn’t come here to talk about him. Let’s go out.”
“It’s late.”
“It’s not even ten o’clock. Neither one of us are old enough to be sitting in on a Friday night.” Gregory is several years older than me, not that he’s ever acted like it.
“Don’t you have practice in the morning?”
“I can skip once.” Gregory laughs at my alarmed expression. “You might’ve always been intimidated by Mikhail, but I’m sure as hell not. He can kiss my ass.”
I wasn’t so much intimidated by him, as desperate for his approval, and determined to improve. I was hungry to rise to the top, and it took me years to get there. Back then I would never dream of staying out late the night before a show. But that’s not my life anymore, and if Gregory’s not concerned, I suppose I shouldn’t be either.
He calls some of our old friends, and we go out to a bar. I have a few drinks, not too many like last time. Someone suggests another place not far away that has salsa dancing on friday nights. Ballet is my first love, but I like dance of all kinds, and I’m just tipsy enough to go along with the idea. We pile into two cabs and ride to a slightly more rundown section of town.
Inside it’s packed. The overhead lights aren’t enough to adequately light the dim space. It’s oppressively hot despite the chill outside thanks to the close press of too many bodies.
Ballet requires precision and perfection, but salsa is a completely different beast. It’s basic footwork, and quick improv set to upbeat music.
I haven’t danced with Gregory for a long time, but we fall right back into that rhythmic push and pull with no problem. We can still anticipate one another’s every move.
It was after a night out just like this that Mikhail first got the ridiculous notion that I might be taking up with Gregory. I suppose to the untrained eye we appear enamored, but the sensual slide of his hand down my body doesn’t feel sensual to me. When he bends me back over his arm, I know for sure his thoughts are not on bending me over anything else and having his way with me. Mikhail of all people should’ve understood as a former dancer.
Gregory turns me a bit too fast, and I wobble, but he catches me. “Too much?” he whispers in my ear.
I shake my head, although my hip is throbbing. I’m not the only one who’s movements are a touch sloppy either. I wonder how many more seasons Gregory will last? Two? Three? Knowing him like I do, he won’t stop until he has to, but one of his ankles is almost shot. He’s nearly thirty five, and it’s been nearly three years since he’s landed a solo.
I still have moments of anger and regret over the abrupt ending of my ballet career, but maybe it’s for the best. Going out on top has to beat slowly being shoved further and further to the back of the stage.
Not to say I wouldn’t mind one more season, or even one more show. Just one last goodbye, but I refuse to get back on that stage if I can’t
execute the moves correctly. I love ballet too much, and I trained for far too long to do it half assed.
The music ends, and Gregory pushes sweaty strands of hair away from my face. “You’ve still got it.”
“I don’t know if I’d say that. I had a pretty decent partner to compensate.”
“Say cheese,” Mallory calls out. Gregory pulls me back against his chest and wraps his arms around my middle, and we both smile for the camera.
Chapter 10
Anna
I fling Gregory’s arm off me, and stagger out of bed. I’m still in my same clothes from last night. I did end up drinking a bit too much, but I don’t have a headache, only a dry mouth and sore, stiff joints. Gregory indulged far more than me, and he’s snoring like a bear. I stretch lazily, and go to take a shower in his tiny bathroom.
When I come out dressed in fresh clothes, with damp hair, Gregory is still asleep, and his boyfriend Aaron is shuffling around the kitchen. “You let him drink too much,” he chides, and comes over to give me a quick peck on the cheek.
“You could’ve come and babysat him last night if you were so concerned.”
Aaron grumbles under his breath, and fiddles with the coffee maker. They’ve only been a thing for a few months, but I’ve known Aaron for a while. He’s younger than me, probably too young for Gregory, but they seem happy together from what I’ve gathered. He has a key to Gregory’s place anyways.
“Are you going to come see me tonight?” he asks.
“Ah… I don’t know.”
Aaron gives me a sharp look. “Mikhail’s moved on, and so have you from what I hear. There’s no reason you can’t come. I got Albrecht.”
“I heard. Congratulations.”
“Brooke does okay, but she’s not you, that’s for sure.” Aaron holds his hand out for me to grab. “It’s a damn shame the two of us never got to dance Giselle together.”
In the cramped space, he leads me through a quick sequence that I still know like the back of my hand.
“Anna, why don’t you come back?” Aaron asks. “You’re still-”