by Renee Fowler
“Honey, move out of the way. I’m trying to record this,” Anna says.
Her smile is huge as she watches our youngest slowly and laboriously scale the beginner wall. Halfway up he gets scared, and calls out for help in a trembling voice. After a moment of gentle coaxing, I pull him down in my arms, and prompt him to try it again from the bottom. “Not too shabby for your first attempt, buddy.”
Maybe climbing isn’t his thing, or perhaps he’ll take a while to warm up to it like I did. Wyatt loves dance though, much to my… ambivalence. I do my best to be supportive, but each afternoon he’s not at the studio with his mother, I drag him outside to toss a football or baseball around. Generally he’s an easy going kid though, and as long as he’s happy and healthy, I can’t really ask for much more.
Once Wyatt has his fill of climbing, and starts to whine for me to take the harness off, Sarah edges up to where Anna is standing. “Mom, are you going to race me?”
Sarah started calling her that shortly after Wyatt was born. Anna is the only mom she’s ever known, and she’s always treated Sarah like her own, but she’s also helped me keep Claire’s memory alive for Sarah as well.
Sarah’s kept Claire’s memory alive for me too. Not only does she look just like her, Sarah has that same boundless energy, and want to explore, to be out in the world and take it all in. She also cusses like a sailor when she thinks I can’t hear, and she’s got Claire’s laugh, that loud, throaty chortle that sounds too big to come from a girl that size.
Wyatt sits with me while we watch the two mount up and attach the cabling to the fixed point belayers secured to the floor. He claps his hands, and counts down from three, and then they’re off. What Anna lacks in speed, she makes up for with those long legs. Close to the top, she angles her head in Sarah’s direction to check her progress, then pauses for a breath to let her win.
Sarah whoops victory and bounds back down, springing wildly against the wall as she goes. Anna floats down gracefully. She wears a beautiful smile as she saunters over, and lowers herself beside me. We’re coming up on seven years married, and the sight of her still takes my breath away. Every morning I wake up beside her, I count myself blessed.
I almost lost her when Wyatt was born. I came so incredibly close to reliving that nightmare a second time, it rattles me to think about it. The entire pregnancy was rough, and she spent months on bedrest, and weeks in the hospital leading up to his birth. The planned cesarean went smoothly up until the very end. Right after the doctor held our son up above the curtain for us to see, her blood pressure dipped, and her pulse weakened. One second she was squeezing my hand as we both took in the sight of that little miracle we created together, and the next, her grip went slack. Her eyes rolled back, and I was being shoved out of the room so they could perform emergency surgery.
He will definately be our last, there’s no doubt about that now. I can’t quite imagine our life without him, but almost losing her… I shudder visibly at the memory, and Anna leans close to me like she thinks I might be cold. She rests her head on my shoulder, and drop a kiss on top of her head. Wyatt climbs up in her lap, and her fingers entwine with mine while we watch Sarah skillfully traverse the wall, swinging from grip to grip.
When Anna came into my life, I was gripping so tightly to the past, I could barely see the present unfolding right in front of my eyes. I was laying broken at the bottom of a deep ravine, weighed down by grief, and Anna didn’t just throw me a rope. She climbed down to give me her hand, and pulled me up out of it with a quiet strength that still surprises me. Her patience, understanding and love saved me.
I used to think a love like this was once in a lifetime, and for some people maybe it is, but I was lucky enough to find it twice. Anna isn’t only my wife, she’s my best friend. She’s a loving mother to our children, and she’s my rock. She keeps me grounded in the here and now. The past is gone, and the future isn’t a guarantee. I’m so thankful to be here in the present with her by my side.
Thanks for Reading
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