“I’ll call you later. Bye, Mom.” I feel better after talking with her. It’s as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I call Steven and leave a message that I’ll see him at home later.
After I go through my schedule for the next few weeks and see there’s nothing pressing going on, I call the doctor’s office to schedule the surgery. I shuffle down to Jodi’s office and knock. “Come in,” she says.
“Hey. Sorry I was out most of the day. What time is the shoot scheduled for tomorrow? I didn’t see any updates to my calendar.”
“The client changed the time to eleven tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, that’s good,” I say with no feeling.
“You don’t look so well. Are you sick?” Jodi asks.
“I’m fine. Will it be a problem if I take off week after next?” I ask.
She brings up the calendar and scans it. “No, that will be okay. Send me a reminder email.” She scans my face. “Okay, out with it.”
I exhale a heavy sigh. “I’m having outpatient surgery. It’s no big deal, I just don’t like hospitals or doctors.” I haven’t confided in Jodi about my past and I’m not up to telling her now.
“What’s going on?” She asks with concern.
“Oh, you know, female stuff,” I casually say, like it’s an everyday occurrence with me.
“It’ll be fine. They do these all the time and you’ll be in and out before you know it,” she says cheerily. I hope she’s right.
#
I think about Bryce, and how in such a short amount of time, I’ve found myself counting the minutes until I see him again. It’s more surprising how much I want to be with him. At once a dark image enters my mind, turning my happy thoughts into bitter ones. I thought I had made peace with my past long ago, but there’s no question the events of that time are now haunting me.
Steven and I get home at the same time. “Hey, Sampson and I are going to dinner. Want to come with us?”
“I’m not hungry.” I say.
“You know, ever since Bryce has been gone, you’ve been in a funk. So don’t tell me you don’t like him, because your attitude says something different.”
“I guess I do miss him . . .” Right now all I want is to be in the warmth and comfort of Bryce’s strong embrace.
“You guess? Look at you, you’re a mess.” After today’s events, a dam which I didn’t know was building, bursts. Steven rushes over and envelops me in his arms. “Shit, Ali, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” He’s in a panic now.
“I do like him, more than I want to admit out loud, and I’m afraid when he finds out, that’ll be it.” Steven walks me into the house right as Sampson drives up. Steven sits on the sofa, pulling me down beside him.
“What’s all this nonsense about?” Steven asks.
I force my tears to stop. “It’s not nonsense. I’ve closed myself off from ever having these emotions, but now they’re here. Should I feel this way about him after such a short time? Is that normal? One minute I’m okay, the next I question everything. I don’t know what to do.”
“Ali, yes, it’s normal to feel that way about someone in a short amount of time. Yes, it’s normal to question your decisions, especially after what you experienced, so don’t beat yourself up too much. I thought things were going well with you two? What brought this on?”
I tell him about my doctor’s appointment. “I’m scheduled for a week from Monday. Mom’s coming, and she’ll be staying with us.”
“I’ll take a few days off.”
“You don’t need to. It’s not like I won’t be up and around. Besides, I can’t handle my mother and you fussing over me at the same time. It’ll drive me crazy.”
“We’ll take turns then.” He smiles, but then his smile fades. “Where does Bryce fit into all of this? What are you going to tell him?”
“I’m not. I’ll tell him I’m going to visit my mom. It won’t be a total lie.”
“Oh, so a lie of omission is okay,” he says dryly.
“I’ll be visiting with my mom. It won’t be in Seattle. I can’t tell him I’m having this done. How do you break the news to someone that you’re damaged goods and that the damage has reared its ugly head?”
“Stop saying that about yourself. It makes me mad.”
“It’s true, Steven.”
“No, it’s not. Stop it. I’m tired of you berating yourself over something that someone else did to you. It wasn’t your fault, Ali.”
“So much has happened during these past few weeks that has brought it all back to the surface.” Because of his own crisis with Sampson, I never told Steven my flight connected in Texas. There’s no need to bring it up now.
“Where’s all of this coming from? Look, things happen. Stop trying to balance out the reason it happened. That moment is done, it’s over with. You’ve overcome a difficult, traumatic event in your life. I’m proud of you moving on from a place I was beginning to think you’d never leave. You’ve been happy and lively since Bryce came into your life. He’s the best thing that’s happened to you. Stop being so negative about him and about yourself. You’ll poison this before it has a chance to bloom.”
“When did you become so philosophical? Also, when did you get in his corner?”
“I’ve been in his corner since I’ve seen the changes in you. Since I’ve seen how he is with you, and you with him. The tides have shifted for you. A man doesn’t like to be kept in the dark. If you continue down this path of self-destruction, he probably will walk away, and it won’t have anything to do with your past. It’ll have everything to do with your attitude towards him and yourself.”
I see Sampson nodding his head in agreement and I know they’re right. Why can’t life come with a ‘how to’ manual? They try to get me to go to dinner with them, but I need some quiet time. I pour myself a glass of wine and go upstairs for a good long soak in the tub.
Dried off and in my pajamas, I curl up in bed. I don’t remember drifting off, but my phone awakens me. It’s Bryce. My spirits rise, and I answer before it has a chance to go to voice mail. “Hi there. How’s L.A.?”
“Fine. I hope I didn’t wake you?”
“No. I’m glad you called.” I say.
“I’m glad you answered. I didn’t want to talk to your voice mail,” he says. “How was your photo shoot today?”
“The client rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon,” I say as I try to stifle a yawn.
“Oh, and you thought I was difficult,” he chuckles
“You’re impossible.”
“I miss you,” he blurts out.
“I miss you too, Bryce.” More than you know. More than I can tell you right now. “How was your meeting? Are you kicking ass and taking names?”
“I kicked a lot of ass and took many names. My leg hurts and I have writer’s cramp.” This makes us both laugh loudly.
“I bet. I can’t wait to see you Friday,” I say.
“It can’t get here quick enough. I’ve never had these feelings before towards anyone, Ali.”
“Neither have I.”
“Would you like to come to my house for dinner on Friday, rather than going out?” he asks.
“I’d like that. Is it what would you prefer to do?”
“Yes, I’d like to stay in, with you. I’ll cook.”
I read once, women said a man cooking for them is a huge turn on. “That’s right, you said you cook.”
“Of course I do. What self respecting millionaire doesn’t?” He’s trying to sound serious, but failing miserably.
This is the first time I’ve ever heard him refer to himself in that context and I choose to ignore it. “I accept. Dinner at your place it is. What are you making, and what should I bring?”
“Only your beautiful self is required. I have everything else under control. I’ll pick you up.”
He’s going to make it difficult for me to have a quick escape but I know he’ll ta
ke me home if I ask. Question is would I want to leave? “Okay. What time?”
“Around six, but I’ll call you.”
“I could pick you up at the airport,” I offer.
“Charles will already be there, but thank you,” he says and I feel a twinge of disappointment. I’m exhausted, and as much as I’d like to talk to him, I can’t keep my eyes open. “Ali, are you there?”
I jerk awake. “I’m here.”
“Oh baby, you sound tired. I’ll let you go so you can go to sleep.” There’s that word again, but after today, I like hearing it.
“I want to talk to you. I like hearing your voice.”
“Put me on speakerphone.” After doing what he says, I can tell he does the same thing. I close my eyes and I hear him typing.
“Are you on your laptop?” My words sound garbled and I don’t know if I made sense.
“Yes. Shhh, go to sleep. Goodnight, Beautiful.” That’s the last thing I remember hearing before drifting off.
“Bryce, wait. Please, let me explain. It’s not what you think. Please come back and let me explain.” He stops and turns to me, his mouth turned up in a wicked, deadly smile. As he walks toward me, I see it’s not him at all.” Thomas, get away from me”. Oh my god, no.
“No! No!” I wake up screaming, kicking my feet as though I’m trying to run. They’re tangled in the sheets and I can’t get them out. Jolting upright, trying to recover from my panic, I throw off the covers and jump out of bed. I fumble for the light before grabbing my phone. What I was doing before I fell asleep? Bryce. I was talking to Bryce. I want to talk to him now, but seeing it’s after midnight, I’m afraid I’ll wake him. Screw it. I’ll take the chance. His phone rings and rings, and doesn’t go to voice mail. Is it possible he sleeps this soundly?
On shaky legs, I walk downstairs, grabbing the rail to steady myself as I go. The house is quiet, much too quiet for my liking. Sitting at the kitchen table, I try to remember if there was something else to my dream, but I can’t. It’s now fading away, like a distant memory, or a photo which has been sitting in the sun for decades.
My mind’s weary as I lie back in bed. I can’t get comfortable. I toss and turn, waiting for sleep to come. Sleeping pills used to help, but I haven’t needed them for years, and I don’t want to take them again. I notice it’s almost two in the morning. We have an important client today and I need to be on top of my game. Finally, in a comfortable position, I feel sleep coming on. Please, don’t let me dream.
CHAPTER 21
“Only one day to go before you see him again,” I think out loud to myself as I apply mascara. Today’s going to be a better day. As I bound downstairs, the house is void of noise. Steven must not have come home last night. Before getting into my car, I have that feeling again of being watched. I scan the area but don’t see anything. Those damned dreams are making me paranoid. I shrug it off. Bryce calls as I’m driving to work. I press the speaker button on the steering wheel and his baritone voice surrounds me. I giggle to myself. Bryce in stereo.
He sounds exhausted. “Ali, I’m glad I caught you before you got to work.”
“I’m a lucky woman, then.” I joke. “I’m on my way now. I have a few things to do before the shoot this afternoon.” My phone beeps and I see its Jodi. She can wait. I’m on my way to the office. Continuing, I say, “I’m sorry I called so late last night.”
“I went out and forgot my phone. I saw your missed call when I returned but it was late.” There’s a hint of nervousness to his voice.
“I thought you were someone who could sleep through a bomb going off.” I try not to let his tone freak me out. Jodi beeps in again. She’s so impatient but I ignore her call.
“There’s something I need to tell you.” Those words have my full attention.
“Oh? What?” I ask as a feeling of dread washes over me.
“When I was out last night . . .”
At that exact moment, Jodi beeps in again and I don’t want to interrupt Bryce, but I know I should answer. “Bryce, Jodi’s calling. She’s called twice now. Could you hold on for a minute?”
“Sure.” He sounds relieved for the interruption.
“Hi, Jodi. What’s going on?”
“It’s about the shoot today. The client called and was adamant about you doing the shoot alone. I told her you would have an assistant with you.”
“I don’t understand. I don’t know who it is.” I can’t believe I didn’t research the person I’m photographing. Trina took care of everything. All I have to do is show up. Since I’ve met Bryce, he occupies my thoughts and my time. I need to find the balance between him and my career.
I hear her inhale deeply. “Since when do you not research your clients? That’s not like you, Ali.”
I’m eager to get back to Bryce. “I’ve had a lot going on these past few days. I have someone holding on the other line. I’m almost to work, so I’ll see you in a minute. Okay?”
“Come directly to my office when you get here,” she says, then the line goes silent.
I click back over to Bryce. “Hey, sorry about that. What is it you need to tell me?”
“Not a problem,” he continues, “Ali, last night when I was out, I ran into Mara.”
As the words sink in, I try to stay calm. Is this the real reason he didn’t answer his phone? Images of the pictures of them together flip through my mind. All the pictures I’ve taken of her by his side cloud my thoughts.
“I was at a dinner function, and she was the last person I expected to run into.”
My stomach churns, and I don’t want to hear anymore, fearful of what he’s going to say happened. “I just got to work. I need to go,” I say with no feeling to my words.
“Ali, please. Don’t hang up.”
I interrupt before he can finish, “Bryce, I have to go.” My brain says let him explain, but my heart is in conflict. I need time to process this new information. Is the universe trying to tell me something? Within the past three weeks, my life has been a whirlwind. Before I met him, everything was fine; I was detached from these emotions, which I’m feeling ten-fold now.
The weight of my emotions fall to my feet and every slow motion step I take is more painful than the last. I don’t know how much more I can handle before I crack. Maybe I should drive myself to the nearest psych ward, check myself in, and tell them not to let me out.
Ever.
Standing outside Jodi’s office, I hesitate before knocking and walking in.
“Good grief, Ali. Were you in a wreck or something? You have no color in your face at all.”
“No.” I try to put Bryce out of my mind.
“I’ll be right back,” she says as I sit down.
My phone vibrates with a text. I know I can’t ignore my phone all day. He’s not the only person who calls me.
*Ali, please talk to me. Call me back. *
I can’t right now. If he tells me what I’m thinking is true, I need to prepare myself. If people don’t want to get found out, then why do some feel the need to come clean? Sure, it clears their consciences, but makes the person they’re being truthful with feel like shit. Idiots.
Jodi comes back in with some water and hands it to me. “Are you all right? I think you’ve turned more pale since I left.”
“Who is our client this morning?” I ask, ignoring her question.
“Mara. Mara Sharp. Ms. Socialite, former debutante, herself.”
My day just got worse, but my curiosity is on high alert. “Why did she ask for me to come alone?”
“I don’t know. Of course, you’re not going alone. I don’t care who she is, who her daddy is, or the fact that she’s dating Bryce Steede. Nobody dictates to me who I send on a job,” Jodi declares. The only thing I hear is ‘she’s dating Bryce Steede.’
“I wasn’t aware they were exclusive. I mean, from all the photos of him with different women.” My voice sounds distant, even to me.
; “I don’t think anyone knew. I’m not sure he’s aware of it either,” Jodi laughs. “I didn’t know until Mara told me at least twice during our conversation. Look, I can get someone else to cover for you if you’re not feeling well.”
I give her a weak but reassuring smile. “I’m fine, just a bit of a headache.” I question myself if I should do the shoot, but this is my job and I don’t want to raise red flags. Feeling like my feet are set in cement, I shuffle back to my office.
My phone rings again. I look down at the screen, but don’t answer. A few seconds later, there’s another text, all in caps this time. Yeah, like that’s going to make me talk to you.
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