The Witch's Handbook to Hunting Vampires (Southern Single Mom Paranormal Mysteries 1)

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The Witch's Handbook to Hunting Vampires (Southern Single Mom Paranormal Mysteries 1) Page 13

by Amy Boyles


  I nearly laughed. Yep. That was it. We had a ghost who liked to play tricks. As much as I would’ve enjoyed lying, I shook my head. “That’s not it, Kate. Not at all.”

  She glared at me. “Then what is it?”

  “Kate, I’m a witch.”

  She clapped her hands with delight. “Oh, that’s so much better. We can be witches together!”

  I shook my head. “No, it’s not fun. I’m a witch who hunts vampires.”

  Stone coughed in his hand.

  I ignored him.

  “Whoa, Andie. That is so cool. Are you like Buffy the Vampire Slayer?”

  Just like her. “No. Listen, Kate, this is serious. There are vampires on the loose in Normal. You need to be careful.”

  Kate's gaze drifted from me to Dot to Stone. She pointed at him. “Is he a witch or a wizard or whatever?”

  I shook my head. “No. He’s an angel.”

  Kate clicked her tongue. “I knew there was something ungodly about him.”

  “That’s godly,” he corrected.

  She shook her head. “No, I meant ungodly. You can’t be that good-looking and be a saint.”

  “Actually, you can be,” he said.

  I gestured for everyone to stop talking. “There are bad things going on in Normal.”

  Kate plopped down in a chair. “Tell me everything.”

  I glanced at Dot. She shrugged. “I told you that you needed the three. Make her the third.”

  I threw up my arms. “Well, who the heck’s the second?”

  Dot straightened her collar. “Me. I’m the second.”

  “Great. We’re in trouble now.”

  Dot fingered the wings of pink hair over her ears. “Might I remind you that I used to be a hunter. I know how these things are done.”

  “That’s what scares me.”

  Kate touched her lips. The swelling was going down, thank goodness. “Are y’all going to tell me what’s going on, or not?”

  I exchanged glances with Stone. “It couldn’t hurt to tell her,” he said. “She already knows your deep, dark secrets.”

  I shrugged. “That’s true. Okay, Kate, here’s the story.”

  So I relayed everything we knew, including all the stuff about Charlotte and Justin the Janitor.

  After a long pause Kate tucked a stand of dark hair behind one ear and jutted out her bottom lip. “So we’re looking for an angel named Star who’s about to be traded to a pack of demons so that the vampires can take over the world.”

  I nodded.

  “And you think the disappearance of the girl and the death of the janitor are connected because the babysitter was secretly seeing the janitor?”

  “Right,” I said.

  Kate swatted the air. “Oh, this one is too easy. There’s one thing we need to do.”

  “What’s that?” I said.

  Kate tossed me a mischievous smile. “I’ll hack into her social media profiles. If that girl’s hiding anything, that’s where we’ll find it.”

  EIGHTEEN

  “Sometimes it takes more than magic to discover the truth. It takes axel grease and spit.”

  —The Witch’s Handbook

  * * *

  “Wow,” I said. “I didn’t know you were a hacker.”

  Kate shrugged innocently. “It was something I used to do in my gamer days.”

  “Your gamer days?” Dot said. “I was once a gamer. Used to hunt beetles. They were big game in some witch societies. Use them for all kinds of potions.”

  “Not that sort of gamer,” I said.

  Dot clutched her pearls. “Oh?”

  “Right,” I said. “Okay, great. Stone?”

  He nodded. “I’m on it. I’ll get the computer from her father. Be back.”

  As soon as he left, Vordrid sailed in.

  “Ah,” Kate screamed.

  I rolled my eyes.

  Vordrid pivoted toward me. “As long as we’re sharing secrets, we might as well tell her everything.”

  “Is it talking?” Kate said. “Seriously. Is that 8 Ball speaking?”

  Dot grabbed Vordrid. “Kate, meet Vordrid. He’s an ancient wizard living in a kid’s toy. He’s also Andie’s mentor.”

  I nodded. “All of that’s true.”

  “What?” She sank onto my cloth couch that had seen better days. “I may need a drink for this.”

  Vordrid cleared his throat. “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Vordrid the Great, known throughout the land as Grand Sorcerer. For the last one thousand plus years I’ve been a spirit mentor to those who hunt creatures of the underworld. Not only am I Andie’s mentor, I’m also her confidante.”

  “That’s pushing it,” I mumbled.

  Vordrid ignored me. “I can help assist you with nearly any spell you may need help with. I have ancient knowledge that’s almost as old as time itself.”

  “Okay,” I said, scooping Vordrid into my arms. “Let’s not scare her to death. She just discovered that we’re witches.”

  “Okay, y’all. I’m going to sit down before I have a heart attack, or my preacher grandfather shows up and pronounces that all of us are going to hell.”

  I glared at Dot and Vordrid. “Like I said.”

  Dot smiled slyly. “If I’m going to hell, I definitely want to go in my best handbasket.”

  And there you have it.

  Dot clapped her hands together. “Seeing as the three of us are together, I say we start joining as three so that Andie can break the curse of the book.”

  “Splendid idea,” Vordrid said. “I’ve been working on a new potion that should move this right along.”

  Kate glanced up from her slumped position on the couch. “The joining of the three?”

  I smiled broadly. “Yep. Welcome to Dot’s plan. She thinks the three of us are to be witches and work magic together. If we do it right, it will break a horrible curse that’s on me.”

  “Oh,” Kate said. “Is this like Sleeping Beauty’s curse or the one from Beauty and the Beast? Or is it more like The Little Mermaid?”

  Vordrid floated between us. “It’s nothing like those ridiculous fairy tales. Andie needs to access certain powers, and every time she does it, she loses a little bit of her life.”

  “Sounds like you need a major healing spell,” Kate said.

  I shook my head. “That won’t do it. And how do you know about healing spells?”

  Kate picked up a stuffed rabbit from the couch and handed it to Gabby. “Lucky guess. Okay. Well, whatever will save Andie’s life, I’m down for.”

  Dot rubbed her hands. “That’s just what I wanted to hear. Vordrid, are you ready?”

  I cocked my head. “Have y’all been planning this behind my back?”

  “It’s not exactly behind your back, Andie. We’re standing right in front of you.”

  “That’s semantics.”

  Dot patted my cheek. “Don’t cuss, dear. It’s not attractive in a woman.”

  “I wasn’t—whatever. Let me drink whatever spell the two of you have concocted. This better not kill me, or I’ll be royally PO’d.”

  Vordrid sailed from the room. A few minutes later he reappeared, floating what looked like three gummy bears.

  “Are you serious?” I said.

  “The potion is inside the candies. I thought you might like a sugar coating. Makes it taste better.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Okay. How’s this supposed to work?”

  “I will recite the joining spell—”

  “Yeah, what’s that supposed to do?”

  Dot lifted a yellow gummy to the light. “It links us so that if we use our magic together, it will be amplified.”

  “Won’t our magic be amplified anyway?” I said. “If we’re using it together?”

  Dot finger waved me away. “It’s one of the steps, Andie. Don’t argue. This is the way it’s done.”

  I mean, what the heck did I have to lose? “Okay. I’m ready. What needs to happen?”

  Dot handed Kate a gu
mmy. “We will join as one under the power of the sun. We will howl to the moon until she makes us swoon.” My great-aunt popped the bear into her mouth and nodded for us to do so as well.

  I chewed and swallowed the cherry-tasting candy. A hint of bitterness hit my tongue, but it was gone a few moments later.

  “I don’t feel any different,” Kate said.

  “Me neither,” I said.

  Dot checked her makeup in the compact she kept in her purse. “Perfect. You’re not supposed to feel anything. That’s how we know it was successful. Now, if we’re to work as one, Kate, you’ve got to start learning some magic.”

  Kate stretched her arms over her head. “Great. I’m ready to learn whenever you are.”

  Dot smiled. “I’m not learning anything, dear. You are.”

  Kate shot me a confused look. I simply shrugged. Dot’s conversation skills weren’t always the greatest. “Great,” Kate said slowly. “I’m ready.”

  “Let’s learn how to really levitate,” Dot said. “None of that pansy stuff with the lint.”

  “And no more pixie dust or fairy dust or whatever,” I said to Dot. “Not where the entire neighborhood can see.”

  Dot plumped her pink hair. “We’ve got what we need, now, Andie. Don’t worry. I’ve even called off the flock of seagulls I had hired to poop all over town.”

  I smacked my head. “Why did you hire them?”

  She wiggled her fingers. “You know, find the three, get you to use magic, that sort of thing.”

  “Make my life unbearable,” I muttered.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” I rolled my shoulders, trying to work a kink out. “While y’all are levitating, I’m going to be in my room. Vordrid’s coming with me.”

  He turned toward me. “I am?”

  “Yes,” I said. “You are.”

  As soon as we were in my room, I made sure my backpack still had the soccer ball and garlic hairspray. “Why didn’t you tell me I could break the curse?”

  “Because I didn’t know.”

  “Vordrid, you’re my mentor. You’re supposed to know these things. I don’t believe you.”

  The spirit was silent for a few moments. “Because I wasn’t supposed to.”

  “That’s more like it. Why not?”

  “I’m a mentor, Andie. I can guide you when it comes to your prey and I can decipher certain aspects of the book, but I’m not supposed to tell you everything. Some things you must learn for yourself.”

  “You mean you couldn’t,” I said, figuring it out.

  “I was blocked from giving that information, yes.”

  I sighed. “What else don’t I know?”

  “I can’t tell you.”

  I threw a sock at him. “It was a rhetorical question. I didn’t expect you to answer.”

  I grabbed my backpack just in case I needed garlic hairspray and some instant sun and headed back out into the living room. Stone arrived a few minutes later with the computer.

  “That was fast,” I said.

  He winked at me. “I’m an angel. I have ways of getting things.”

  I just didn’t even know what to say to that. My mouth went dry, my lips quivered and to be honest, I was kind of waiting for Clark Kent to rip off his shirt so I could see his Superman Underoos.

  Or, his actual costume.

  Or, him shirtless.

  Let’s go with shirtless.

  Kate, who had sweat running down her face, wiped it on her forearm. “Great timing. I could use a break from working all this magic.”

  “What kind of magic have you been working that you’re sweating?”

  Kate pointed toward the kitchen. “Your aunt’s been teaching me kitchen magic.”

  One of my eyebrows automatically shot up. “Kitchen magic?”

  Kate nodded. “Yeah, you know where you learn how to boil water and make spaghetti by focusing real hard.”

  “Sounds like she’s getting you to cook her supper,” I said.

  Kate shrugged. “It smells good, so I don’t mind.”

  I pulled her to a table. “Take a break and see what you can find on Charlotte’s computer.”

  “Okay. I was getting pretty hot anyway.”

  I cornered my aunt and said, “Would you please actually teach Kate some magic? If I’m going to be counting on the three so that I don’t end up getting killed by some vampires, I’m gonna need all the help I can get.”

  Dot bobbed her head. “Baby steps, Andie. You didn’t learn how to build Rome in one day.”

  “I didn’t learn how to build Rome at all.”

  She brushed her hands together. “Potatoes, tomatos.”

  I scraped my fingers down my face. “What does that even mean?”

  “Andie, come here,” Kate said.

  I shot Stone a look. We crossed to Kate.

  “So the first thing I did was look through Charlotte’s messages. First one I found was from some guy named Luke.”

  I crossed my arms. “That’s the guy who runs Nightshots.”

  “Well, look at these.”

  My gaze drifted over the exchange between the two of them. “Wow. Pretty steamy.”

  “What’s it say?” Dot said, popping her head out of the kitchen.

  “It says he wants her to rub his back,” Stone said.

  I laughed.

  “Is that what it says?” Dot said.

  “Yep, but only if you substitute the word ‘back’ for something that belongs on the front of his body.”

  Dot frowned. “His leg?”

  “Yep,” I said. I didn’t even break into a giggle. Listen, if she didn’t know what we were talking about, I was not going to help my great-aunt out.

  “You know I never married, Andie. I don’t know what goes on between a man and a woman.”

  “Thank goodness for that.”

  Kate stifled a giggle. “So you know this guy?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, we met the other night.”

  Stone knocked his knuckles against the table. “Looks like it’s time to talk to him again.”

  “Why?” Kate said.

  Stone's expression darkened. “Because if he’s been lying about this, there’s no telling what else he’s been lying about.”

  “You mean?” I said.

  Stone nodded. “He’s probably hiding an angel, too.”

  NINETEEN

  “Everyone has their own agenda, even angels.”

  —The Witch’s Handbook

  * * *

  I grabbed my backpack, and we left for the club. When we got into town, I noticed a lot of people spilling outside from the bars and restaurants.

  “It looks like Normal’s had an increase in population overnight,” I said.

  Stone nodded. “It’s going to stay that way.”

  “Because of the veil?”

  We were sitting in the car. Stone turned toward me and rested a hand on the console between us. “The initial disruption in the magical currents as well as the tear in the veil are attracting other supernaturals. Normal’s about to experience a population boom. There’s no telling what that crowd is made up of.”

  I groaned. “Great. I came here to retire, to forget about hunting.”

  “It doesn’t mean all of them are bad guys that need to be caught.”

  “You mean like you?” I teased.

  He laughed. “Are you saying I’m a bad guy?”

  I rubbed my forehead. “No. I know you’re not. The whole situation is super frustrating. Like I said—I came here to retire.”

  He studied me for a moment. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

  My tongue knotted up at that. “Um. What?”

  “Just what I said.”

  “And you’re frustrating.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because you’re not supposed to say things like that—call me cute and stuff.”

  He pulled the keys from the ignition. “Andie.” Oh, the shivers that raced down my spine when he said
my name. “Underneath that hard shell is a woman who wants what all other women want.”

  My mouth dried. I licked my lips and watched as his gaze flickered to my mouth. “What’s that? What do I want?”

  Stone opened his mouth; then he shook his head. “I’m not going to tell you that. That’s for you to figure out. Ready?”

  “Like, that is not fair. At all.” I balled up my hands and pressed them into my thighs. “You can’t just tell me something like that and then drop it. You can’t pretend to know me, Mr. I’m-a-hot-angel-so-that-means-I-get-away-with-saying-whatever-I-want.”

  He shot me a dazzling smile filled with perfect teeth. “Too bad. That’s just how it goes. But I tell you what—you figure out what it is, and I’ll tell you if you’re right.”

  Frustration snaked through me. “You mean I can guess?”

  “Guess all you want. It’s what’s in your heart.”

  I unbuckled my seat belt and flung it toward the door. “You are so infuriating.”

  “The good guys usually are.”

  I slinked out of the vehicle and did my darndest not to slam the door. Great. I had an angel who liked teasing me, my town was being overrun with paranormals, and there was a vampire with an angel hostage who was going to sell her off to a demon.

  Just then my phone rang. It was HOME.

  “Hello,” I said.

  “Andie, I just realized something,” Vordrid said.

  “What’s that?”

  “Halloween is tomorrow.”

  “Right.”

  “If you don’t find the angel before then, we’re in big trouble.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Think, Andie. It’s the biggest festival of the spirit world. It’s the night when the demons will be at their strongest. It’s also the night that if there’s going to be a handover, it’ll happen then. Tomorrow.”

  “Oh no,” I said. “And the town will be celebrating. It’ll be mass chaos downtown.”

  “Andie.” Dot had broken in on the line.

  “Yes?”

  “I’ll work on getting Kate prepared by then. But really you’ll only need our bodies to make the power of the three.”

  I rubbed my forehead, trying to get rid of the headache that threatened to take over my body. This was horrible. I was surprised I hadn’t thought about it before. Back in the olden days, the days before I retired, I would have seen the obvious connections. But I’d been so far out of the loop I hadn’t realized it.

 

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