CHAPTER FIFTEEN
James followed Pax up the main stairs to Troy and Evy’s room. His camzah knocked on the door and Evy let them in.
“Hey, you guys. Come in. Perfect timing. Troy’s out with X somewhere.”
Pax smiled easily. “Getting a little tense with the touching thing?”
“I’ll say.”
He gave her an air kiss that just missed her cheek and winked at James. “It’s bad enough you’re going to smell like James when he gets home.”
He smiled at Pax. “Gee, thanks.”
Pax could hold a conversation with a mop. Part of it was definitely charm, but it was also the way he always took the time to pay attention to what was going on with everyone in the house. It was really something.
The Seer sat down on the bed and motioned for James to sit next to her. “I think I’ve seen something that will really help, James. I know the idea of going back to that moment is probably making you a little anxious, but I promise you this is something you want to see.”
He did feel a little nervous. Not so much about seeing it all again. He worried it might make his whole coping situation worse. But, what choice did he have? “Well, if you can deal with the guy who kidnapped you just to help me, I think I can handle it.”
“Goddess, you’re sweet.” She pointed to Pax with her thumb. “How’d you end up with that one?”
Pax barked a laugh. “Don’t look at me.”
The Seer took James’s hands in hers. “Now, all I want you to do is relax and clear your mind. I’m going to show you what I’ve seen. It’ll feel a bit like watching a movie. Very natural and effortless.”
James looked tentatively at Pax. The male gave him a reassuring nod. It’s now or never. He closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. As his own thoughts cleared, a familiar place came into view. He recognized the side of the house where he had apprehended Seth. To James it looked like he was standing by the house next door. Almost as soon as he thought it, Seth was there walking between the two houses. He saw himself materialize a few feet behind the rogue and put him in a hold against the side of the house. And then the bargaining started. Seth telling him he would do anything James wanted as long as he let Seth get Grace to safety. Jesus, he hated the sound of Seth’s voice pleading with him. The desperation. He had truly believed in her for some reason.
Neither of them said anything for a moment. He saw himself pause, then tell Seth not to be afraid. James flinched as he watched himself grip his long knife and run it through Seth’s neck. The rogue’s body fell to the ground and James came to his knees in prayer. What he saw next made him suck in his breath. Two orbs of light danced above his head where he kneeled. They bounced through the air, swirling and rippling as they rose higher and higher. All at once, they vanished completely. He saw himself gleam out and the scene disappeared.
James opened his eyes. He could feel his wet lashes against his face. “Those lights…were they?”
The Seer put her hand on his cheek and nodded. “They were Seth’s souls, both of them, on their way to the Otherworld. New Breeds don’t see rogue souls after they destroy their physical bodies, so you weren’t able to witness it that night.”
Tears started to flow down his cheeks and he turned to Pax who was leaning on the wall.
“I don’t believe it. I sent him home.”
Pax nodded and smiled, as though he had never expected anything less.
“How do you feel?” Evy asked.
“Okay. No, better than okay. I feel good. Like things are going to be alright.”
She stood up and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so glad.”
“Thank you, Evy. I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”
“You don’t owe me anything. In a way, Seth was a cross we both had to bear. I’m just happy we’re both free of him.”
James stood up and was about to head for the door with Pax when he thought of something. He was pretty sure Evy needed someone’s memory to go back into someone’s past. But the vision he’d just seen hadn’t been from his own perspective. So where did she get it? James turned around and glared at Pax. “You were following me. That was your view of what happened, wasn’t it? How long? The whole time? Why the hell would you do that? Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
Pax was moving toward him. “James, wait.”
He looked into his camzah’s eyes and gleamed out.
Pax’s heart leapt up into his throat. Oh, Goddess. This was exactly what he’d been afraid of. He felt for James’s energy and found him downstairs in the bedroom. He gleamed down and in seconds was face to face with the male.
James’s cheeks were tear-streaked, his eyes glowing like fire. “I’m still waiting to hear why you followed me that night. What, you didn’t think I could do it? Didn’t think I could handle it? Tell me. Seriously. I wanna know, Pax.”
“No. I did it because Seth had the brilliance to position himself between the world’s greatest threat and the city’s biggest crime syndicate. That shit could have imploded at any time and I needed to make sure you weren’t a casualty. You took a bullet for me, James. How do you not get this?”
“Why didn’t you tell me? You went through the trouble of letting her use your memory instead of mine. Why the fuck did you have to lie about it?”
Pax paced back and forth, running his hand through his hair. “I wanted her to use my memory so she could tell if there was anything there before you were put through the hell of that night all over again. I didn’t tell you because you were already dealing with so much. But it was never a secret, James.”
“You watched everything I’ve been dealing with and you said nothing. Not one word. How is that not a secret? I can’t trust you. You’re not the male I thought you were.”
The words penetrated Pax’s chest, leaving behind a terrible hollow feeling. Pax looked into the male’s eyes. Oh, God. It was so much worse than he’d ever imagined. He immediately dropped his gaze to the floor. How could he have done this to the male? To his male? “I’m so sorry, James. I thought I was doing the right thing. Sparing you—”
“From what? The truth?” James rubbed his face with his hands. “Look, I need some space. Don’t call or text me for a while. I need some time to figure out how I feel about all this.”
“James.”
The male called Sasha to him and dematerialized, leaving Pax standing in the middle of the room. Alone.
Diesel went into the closet and pulled on a t-shirt and fleece. Man, X working with Doc on the formula was making things so much easier for her. He was so grateful to see her acting like herself again. And, hell, if it gave her a free hour for an afternoon fuck every day, he was onboard and sailing the freaking ship.
He walked back into the bedroom where his mate was putting on her clothes, her blonde, wavy hair all askew and lipstick almost gone. Jesus, she was a knockout.
She looked up at him and smiled as she tied her sneaker. “X was just telling me this morning that your new leg is almost ready. Are you excited?”
He leaned against the wall. “I’m not looking forward to the training, but it’ll be worth it in the end.”
“X will have you ship shape in no time. Do you two have work between now and dinner?”
“We’re going to work on further security for the grounds. I won’t keep him long, Doc.”
She walked over, leaned up and put that sexy, full mouth on his. Son of a bitch. If she let him taste her for too long, they were both going to need a shower. She broke it off and headed for the door. “Stop down later if you want.”
“Is that your way of telling me you’d like some Dark Magic Extra Bold at around four o’clock?”
She grinned. “Probably. But you’re the only person I’d ever share it with. See ya later.”
Diesel started to take out his cell to text X when there was a knock on the door. “You forget something, Doc?”
But when he opened it, he found himself face to face with Pax. He looked
into his partner’s face and his heart sank. He stepped back to let him in and closed the door behind them.
Ana sat out on the bench in the mansion’s yard and thought about how she wanted to handle her next mission. Well, it wasn’t really one mission she had in mind. She needed to do a series of drop-ins where she could spend some time above the ceiling of Mommie Dearest’s office. They knew from Pax’s Intel that she was very interested in Batiste’s rogues. The only question was why? It didn’t seem to fit with the whole genocide plot. The only way she was going to figure it out was by physically being there. That office had no mini cam, and gleaming in as Cobra was a better idea anyway. She had a feeling Reyn wasn’t going to be thrilled by the idea, and her male was going to have a stroke for sure. But damn it, they needed that information and there was no other way to get it.
She picked up a rock and tossed it into the pond as she thought about the day SE found out she had gone in alone to place the mini camera in Victrixa’s office. He’d punched a wall in their room, putting a huge hole in it. She had promised SE she’d never go near her batshit crazy mother again. She couldn’t keep that promise and should have known better than to make it. But she wouldn’t go without telling him. She sighed and headed into the house. This was going to be an awesome conversation. Couldn’t. Fucking. Wait.
After dinner, James walked up to his room to arm for duty and pick up Sasha so he could drop her off with Pax. He wasn’t thrilled about seeing him, but she was Pax’s too. Anyway, it wasn’t like they were divorced for fuck’s sake. Even so, he was hoping there was a lot of fighting tonight. He could use the release.
“Come on, girl.” James took the dog by her lead and headed to the back stairs.
He’d only seen Pax at dinner since the fight, but from what he’d seen, the male was miserable. He’d barely even spoken to anyone at the table. James wasn’t faring much better himself. He was just so pissed, but knew he could never end things with the male, and wouldn’t over this anyway. They’d have to talk it out and soon, but it sure as hell wasn’t going to be tonight. James started down the compound hallway, then stopped. He could hear someone playing guitar. It was Pax, with Diesel backing him up. Diesel was good, but Pax was classically trained. He was amazing. James listened for a moment and recognized the song. “Fragile.” God, he heard those perfect notes and it was like the music was calling out to him.
James expected to hear Diesel’s voice because Pax never sang, but when the words began it was his camzah’s voice he heard. Pax’s voice was rich and sultry. “On and on the rain will fall. Like tears from a star, like tears from a star.”
It was beautiful and haunting at the same time. He took a couple of steps toward the door before turning around and walking the other way. He just couldn’t do it. Couldn’t see him. Not now. Sasha could stay with Christian while he was out. The lights flickered on and off as he walked along the main corridor, through the gym, and down the back hallway to Christian’s room. Fuck. He hoped there would be some seriously low life scum to kill tonight, because he was about to go off like a bomb.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Diesel put his guitar in its case. Despite the fact that he’d managed to get Pax to play for a while, he still looked terrible. Son of a bitch. He’d never seen the male so defeated. Even when Pax and James had fought about what happened that night at Anarchy, his partner at least came downstairs and got shitfaced. This time there had been almost no reaction at all. Like the brother had fully expected to get kicked to the curb.
“Look, Pax—”
“Dies, just let it go, okay? Just…”
Diesel walked over to his partner and put his hands on Pax’s shoulders. “You listen to me now. He’s gonna come around. He just needs to think things through.”
“I did it, Dies. Whether he comes around or not, that doesn’t change the facts.”
“Come on, Pax. You always do the right thing. You would have done it as any male’s camzah. That’s also a fact.”
“Probably. But I’m not seeing just any male. I don’t want just any…” The brother looked down at the floor. “Maybe we’re just not right for each other. We’re not mated. Maybe it’s not supposed to be this hard.”
“Aw, come on. You don’t believe that. I know being surrounded by mated couples doesn’t make it any easier, but—”
“That’s not it. Mated. Not mated. Camzah. Boyfriend. It doesn’t matter. I just keep hurting him.”
“That’s the way it goes in a relationship. Yeah, you have ups and downs, but you work through it. Being mated might give us a leg up sometimes, but it still takes work. Just talk to him, Pax. Tell him how you feel. Once the communication goes, you’re fucked. I was the same way not so long ago and almost lost Helen over it.”
“Thanks, Dies. I’m sorry for being such a prick all night.”
Diesel picked up his guitar and walked to the door. “If you need anything, you know where I live.”
Pax clapped his shoulder. “Thanks, my brother.”
“No worries. This one’s on the house.”
Pax turned around and stared at the bed. He was probably tired enough to sleep, but the idea of doing it without James made it seem impossible. He shook his head. No. That just wasn’t going to happen. He rubbed his eyes and checked his watch. It was already after one. James would get in any time now. Not that he expected him to come by. The male never even came down to drop the dog off before going out for duty. If he’d wanted to talk that would have been the perfect excuse. James had made texting and calling off limits too. He clearly wanted nothing to do with him right now.
Pax went over to his desk and sat down. When his laptop came to life, he pulled up some financials to busy his mind. He had started thinking about putting a portfolio together for James and teaching him how to invest well. With the money they made at such a young age, it was important. It sure as hell didn’t look like he’d be doing that anytime soon. Pax sighed. Who was he kidding? He didn’t have the concentration for this shit. Instead, he decided to fire up the net and see what was happening on the home front in San Juan.
He brought up El Nuevo Dia, and started to scan an article on gay marriage on the island, which had just been declared legal by the US Supreme Court. Pax scrubbed his face with his hand. Christ. Shifters didn’t even need to worry about all that shit and he still couldn’t make his relationship work. He scrolled further down the page and froze. What the…? He stared at the Spanish headline in front of him. Four-star Navy Admiral Valentino Solares Dead at 67.
“It can’t be.”
Pax clicked on the link and stared at the screen, the shock hitting him in waves as he read the announcement. A series of strokes. Heat hit the back of his eyes as they threatened to tear up, but he forced himself to snap out of it and quickly finished reading. He needed to leave right away to make the burial. At the very least, he had to make sure Jesse was alright, even if just from a distance. Focusing on what needed to be done before he left, Pax went into the closet to pack a small bag. It was too late to find anyone to take his duty. That would have to wait until later. He thought about leaving James a note, but not knowing where they stood, he decided against it. His pistol was the last addition, along with ammunition and some cash. He pulled on his trench, grabbed his phone, and gleamed out.
James lay wide awake on his bed, looking out the window. He’d had a hard night of fighting, but the exertion wasn’t doing shit to help him sleep. The mansion was totally quiet. Even Sasha was sleeping soundly near his feet. He hadn’t thought about Seth hardly at all since Evy’d helped him. No, the male he couldn’t get out of his mind was Pax. Sleeping without him felt all wrong, and he hated the fact that he was still mad at him. That felt even worse. So…unnatural.
Goddammit, why did Pax have to follow him and not tell him? Maybe if they’d been together at that point he wouldn’t have done it, but James doubted it. Pax’s sense of duty would never have allowed him to behave any other way. That was who he was. And James loved him
. All of him. Even the parts that drove him crazy. He didn’t want him to be someone he wasn’t. But for some reason, Pax had felt he couldn’t tell him. Why? It was so unlike him.
He reached over to the bedside table and picked up his phone. He brought up a few photos of the male and found a video he’d taken. Pax was lying stretched out on the bed, eyes glowing, not connecting with the lens at all. Only with James. The male broke into an incredible smile and covered his eyes. It was a rare moment. Anyone who knew Pax knew he was far from shy, but he let James see sides of him he never showed others. Valentino. It figured he’d end up with someone named Valentine. James sighed. God, he loved him. How was it possible to miss someone this much after just a few hours? But he did. He missed his voice, his scent, his taste. Fuck, he wanted Pax’s strong, warrior’s hands on his body so badly he ached.
Wait. Valentino. Valentino Solares.
James got up and went to his dresser. He opened the top drawer, pulled out a gold box, took out one of his ruby cufflinks, and turned it over in his hand. The initials engraved on the back were VS. They were Pax’s. He couldn’t believe he never realized it. He turned it over and ran his finger over the diamonds along the edge. No. He’d seen Pax’s rubies. They were in a very modern setting made of white gold, not yellow. These weren’t his style.
“Oh, my God.” Pax was named after his father. He’d given him his father’s cufflinks. James’s eyes welled up. They’d barely been speaking at the time, but the male had given him something James knew was precious to him. He sat down on the edge of the bed before he fell down. Christ, what a prick he was. Then and now. He was going to go downstairs first thing in the morning to apologize and hope to God the brother didn’t throw him out.
Ana lay quietly with her head on her mate’s chest. Once again, she’d balked when SE wanted to send his nagual when he took her. She’d be the first to admit that sex without it felt strange, but it was a gift SE possessed. It wasn’t like it was a common experience. She’d just have to get used to it. Until they knew why she seemed to be hoovering naguals like some kind of demonic vacuum cleaner, her male’s second soul was staying right where it belonged. She looked out the window as the sun lazily poked its way above the horizon.
Desperate Call (New Breed Novels Book 5) Page 11