Agent Provocateur

by Faith Bleasdale

  ‘For what occasion?’ Matt asks.

  ‘That’s the point, there is no occasion. It’s just because we’re still young and we still have the ability to do spur of the moment things.’ Johnny looks animated as he warms to his theme. Everyone else looks doubtful.

  ‘Where would we have it? At home?’ Betty asks. She likes parties, but she isn’t sure she wants to organise one.

  ‘No, we’ll hire a bar, get a DJ, make it a proper party. Invite everyone we know, not just married couples that we have dinner with, but single people too. People we’ve lost touch with. It’ll be like a reunion.’ Johnny has been thinking about the email he received that week and how out of touch it made him feel.

  ‘Do we know any single people?’ Betty asks. Her tone indicates that single people might be contagious, but no one notices.

  ‘Of course we do. We just haven’t seen them for a while. There are my friends from university – some of them must still be single – and work. I’ll start searching for a venue.’

  ‘What’s brought this on?’ Betty asks, concerned. Johnny rarely makes any suggestions about their social life. He normally lets Betty organise it. She has a feeling that he is bored, and that thought terrifies her. What if he’s bored with her?

  ‘Mid-life crisis,’ Matt quips, hitting Betty’s nail on the head.

  ‘No, I just fancy doing something different.’

  ‘I think it’s a great idea,’ Alison agrees. She likes the idea of a party, she likes the idea of getting drunk, dancing and maybe even flirting with the single men that Johnny is talking about. Only harmless flirting, naturally.

  ‘That’s settled. I’ll start organising it next week.’

  Johnny looks happier; he has almost forgotten about his golf defeat. Betty is happy for Johnny to go ahead and organise a party as long as it makes him happy. Matt likes the idea of a party for the same reason that Alison does. The only thing worrying Betty is the idea that Johnny really is having a mid-life crisis. But as he leans over and kisses her, placing his hand on her leg under the table, she knows he isn’t. He just fancies doing something different and there is nothing wrong with that. An image of Grace pops into her head, although she isn’t sure why, and she desperately tries to evict it. It’s about ruts, that’s all, sometimes it’s easy to fall into a routine, and before you realise it that routine has become a rut. She resolves that that will not happen to them, or if it already has, then she will rescue them and get them out again. The party will be a start, but maybe Betty will organise a weekend away for them, for starters. Again, Grace re-enters her mind, but this time she is ready for her. This has nothing to do with Grace, and Grace has no bearing whatsoever on her marriage. Why she should think otherwise, no matter how fleetingly, is a mystery.

  Chapter Eight

  A week after the lunch with Betty, Grace is preparing to read the proposal from Modern Woman. She is sitting upright in her little office. The proposal is lying on the small glass desk, partially obscuring the keyboard. The computer is on, but showing only a blank screen. Files are neatly piled in one corner: pending jobs in red folders; completed jobs in blue. Grace is wearing an old tracksuit, and her hair is scraped off her face. She is idly fiddling with a pen as she stares at the front page of the proposal. No matter what, she can’t shake the feeling that reading it will take her to a place she doesn’t want to go. The irrational fear that somehow this proposal, lying across her desk, is going to disrupt her life. What she really thinks, though, is that it isn’t the proposal that is such a threat to her equilibrium, but the author of the proposal. The smug, posh, married journalist who obviously hated her on sight. Reluctantly, she turns the covering letter over with her newly painted bright red nails, and she begins to read.

  The Honey Trap feature and interview with Grace Regan

  The feature will cover a total of four pages, and at the moment is set to run in the October issue of Modern Woman, which will be on shelves at the beginning of September. This is subject to change. There will be photographs but those photographs will not be of the interviewee and that will be made clear.

  As well as a case study and a ‘week in the life’ of Grace Regan, there will be a general description of the occupation, some statistics (gleaned from Grace), and a short interview with a woman who has hired a honey trapper.

  Grace stops reading for a second. It all seems quite straightforward. As she finishes the rest of the proposal she feels a little bit of trepidation. She tells herself she is doing this for Nicole, who loves the idea of publicity, not for herself. She calls Nicole, and reads it to her, just to ensure that Nicole thinks it is alright. They have a pros and cons discussion, which involves Grace outlining her reservations, and Nicole telling her that they are unfounded.

  ‘But I really got the feeling that Betty didn’t like me. What if she reflects that in her article? It’ll make the business look bad.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous. What’s not to like about you? Grace, if they do try to make you out to be anything other than you are, I will sue them. They wouldn’t dare risk that.’

  ‘But what if they make us out to be home wreckers? They might do.’

  ‘No way. Because we’re not. We save these women from a lifetime of lies and misery. We’re more like Samaritans than anything.’ Nicole really believes this.

  ‘What if I say the wrong things?’

  ‘You won’t.’

  This discussion carries on for about half an hour, before Nicole, wearily, terminates it: ‘Grace, you will do me proud. Bye.’

  Grace puts the proposal on her desk and turns her attention back to her work. Betty will get the call she wants, but she won’t get it straight away.

  She goes through her files of the jobs that she has done this week. She had four jobs: all of the men proved themselves to be cheats, or wannabe cheats. She shakes her head. The only problem this week was Mark, a boyfriend and a very sexy man. She almost slept with him, but she changed her mind at the last minute. Sex isn’t in short supply; she doesn’t need another man. But he was attractive and she was tempted. It isn’t often that her libido makes an appearance when she’s working, so when it does, it takes her by surprise. She turned him down but she did so reluctantly. Because it was the right thing to do. She might ‘chat up’ men for a living but she isn’t a slut, and therefore she works strenuously hard to prove that. Although she is a young, modern, single woman, she overanalyses her behaviour and stops herself from doing things that she sometimes wants to do.

  The job tonight is unusual for her. A wife suspects her husband of cheating and has overheard him on the phone making an arrangement to meet someone. When she questioned him he said it was one of his old friends, but she didn’t believe him. Nicole doesn’t normally use Grace for these jobs, but for some reason she seemed keen that she should do it. Grace agreed, without questioning Nicole’s motives. She didn’t have to talk to him and she would be well paid. A thought that appeals.

  After finishing her work, she picks up Modern Woman’s proposal again. Then she puts it back down. She will call Betty the following day and not before. Unsure exactly why she wants to make her wait, she does, because she knows that when they start, the confident journalist will probably run rings around her.

  Betty knows that Grace will have the proposal and she wonders what she is thinking. When she ran it by Fiona, Fiona was overexcited about the whole thing, so Grace has to agree. Betty’s career is relying on it. She knows that it is Grace’s boss who wanted her to do the feature, so she is trying to be relaxed about it, but there is a niggle in the back of her mind. Betty thinks Grace is the type of woman to play games, and this worries her. What if Grace does that to her? Although Betty can handle most things, and most people, this slightly worries her. She has a feeling that whatever the outcome, this woman could cause serious problems and she cannot rationalise the feeling, or shake off the fact that she doesn’t like it. She wills Grace to hurry up and put her out of her misery, then she can get on with thin
gs, including organising the party that Johnny has roped her into helping him with.

  Johnny is like a child with a new toy. He has found a venue, Vermin, a new club with a private bar downstairs, which he hired for a sum of money that Betty doesn’t want to think about. Johnny seems to be more than happy to throw money at the party. More money than Betty thinks is healthy. He is using their savings, and although they both earn good money, they are not exactly flush. She shakes her head and tries to stop being so sensible. She never used to be so boring, she tells herself. Johnny wants fun and she should want it too. It is just that she doesn’t see fun in that way anymore.

  As well as the venue, he has secured a DJ. Where Johnny found a dance music DJ from is a mystery, but he did and the man is booked. The drinks are going to be free up to a certain amount (Betty balked at this), and then after that people will have to pay for their own. Betty is in charge of invitations (that is all she is in charge of).

  She calls the printers that they use at the magazine and does a deal. At least the invitations (all two hundred of them) are going to be relatively cheap. The venue takes one hundred to a hundred and fifty people, so Johnny wants to invite two hundred because not everyone will come. Betty hopes that not everyone will come.

  She stares at the phone, willing it to ring. She wants Grace to say yes, she wants to get on with the story, she wants it to be over. She wants to go back to making up embarrassing sex stories, which she mentally promises she will never complain about again.

  Grace pulls off her shoes while leaning against the wall. She made a mistake wearing high heels to her job, because when she got there she realised she would have to stand all night. The seats (and there weren’t very many) were all taken, she had to find a space near the man she was targeting and stand.

  She spotted him straight away. Although he looked older than he did in the photo, he was unmistakable. Grace often wonders why wives send in photos that make their husbands look better than they do. Nicole always emphasises the importance of an accurate photo – after all, it is the only thing they have by which to identify the man – yet some wives still send photos that are years out of date. It makes no sense.

  Grace tried to keep out of the way while she waited for his companion to turn up, but of course, she isn’t the most inconspicuous person in the world and she ended up having to fend off quite a few men. Her target didn’t notice her, though, which was good.

  Sure enough, he met a woman. A young woman, younger than Grace. The way they greeted each other left little doubt that this wasn’t a friend, and Grace moved closer so she could hear their conversation. Her client had asked for photo evidence, so Grace wore a tiny camera built into a large brooch on her top, one of her favourite gadgets. It was made for her, and although the diamonds are fake, the camera is not. It also records sound perfectly, although with the noise level in the bar tonight she wasn’t sure how much of the conversation they would get. By the way the pair were acting, the pictures would tell his wife all she wanted to know. On a job like that, Grace feels like a proper detective, and she enjoys it, even though she’s still spying on a cheater.

  The husband had his hand on the young woman’s buttocks within half an hour. She was pressing her small breasts into his chest. They had been there an hour when they left. Having heard the conversation, Grace knew they were going to a hotel. Picturing the scene, she knew that they would be tearing each other’s clothes off as soon as they got into the room. She felt sorry for his wife, the poor thing, and she had to call Nicole.

  Grace hailed a taxi and called Nicole from her mobile. She promised to have the tape ready to courier over first thing in the morning.

  She picks up her shoes and hobbles to the sitting room. She lays on the sofa, too tired to move, watching the fish, and drifting off to sleep.

  The buzzer wakes her and she feels disorientated for a while, unsure of where she is. Then she realises and answers the intercom, surprised to hear Oliver’s voice on the other end.

  ‘You’re looking hot,’ he says when he’s at her door, kissing her on her lips.

  ‘I fell asleep. Have I got cushion marks on my face?’

  ‘No. So I guess you’ve been working.’

  She nods. ‘I had a job.’

  ‘So which poor sucker did you seduce tonight?’

  ‘None, I just had to spy.’ She smiles. She likes the idea of being a spy, although not in a James Bond sense; in a far less energetic way.

  ‘So why did you dress up then?’ he asks, assessing her short, tight, black dress with a suspicious look on his face. He knows that he isn’t her only man, although she will not tell him exactly who he has to share her with. In his worst fears it is any number of men, although he hopes that really she just says that to keep him at arm’s length. He is constantly confused by Grace, and he knows that she needs that. But still he cannot walk away from her because he knows a few truths about her. One is that she isn’t a bad person, she has the biggest heart, it’s just not fully functioning. Another is her immense vulnerability. She hides it well, but at times, if you look hard enough, you see it. And lastly is the fact that he loves her and he believes that, deep down, she loves him.

  ‘Don’t know, force of habit. What are you doing here?’ Finally she is fully awake and she realises that Oliver has committed a cardinal sin. He has turned up unannounced.

  ‘I did call you, but your answer phone was on and your mobile was off.’ She must have been in a deep sleep not to hear the phone.

  ‘But it’s so late.’ She is still scowling.

  ‘Yes, and you work late. Look, Grace,’ he sounds cross, ‘I was at an album launch in the area and I wanted to pop in on the off chance. Not to upset you or to bug you, or to catch you out, but because I wanted to see you. I’m off to New York tomorrow for a while and, well, I just thought that it would be nice to see you.’

  Grace stops scowling and smiles. She cannot help herself. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so grouchy. You know how I am with surprises. Let me get you a drink and you can tell me all about your trip and when I will get to see you next.’ She smiles warmly. She must stop being so hard on him, and on herself.

  Betty is stirring some pasta and wondering if it’s ready. She tastes it but is still unsure.

  ‘Johnny, can you test this?’ she shouts to him. He walks into the kitchen, his hair slightly messy from where he has been laying on the sofa. He is wearing an old pair of jogging bottoms and a rugby shirt. He fishes out a piece of pasta with a spoon, blows on it and eats it.

  ‘It’s done.’ He pats her on the bottom. Betty dishes up and they go to the sitting room to eat.

  ‘I haven’t heard from the honey trapper,’ she says, playing with her pasta.

  ‘Give her a chance. Now, how are the invitations going?’ Johnny is obsessed with his party, and visibly not too interested in Betty’s story.

  ‘They’ll be ready by the end of this week. Have you made a list of who you want them sent to?’

  ‘No, I thought we’d do that tonight.’

  ‘Johnny, do we know two hundred people?’

  ‘Well, probably not, but we can give Matt and Ali a few to distribute.’

  ‘So we’re going to have a party full of strangers?’

  ‘Those, my darling, are the best kind.’ He tucks in to his dinner and Betty decides to do the same.

  ‘You are all right, aren’t you?’ she asks as he finishes.

  ‘What, you’re not buying Matt’s mid-life crisis theory?’

  ‘No, I’m just asking if you’re all right.’

  ‘I’m fine. I just fancied doing something different. And after this party maybe we can think about going on holiday.’

  ‘Yeah, we could go with Alison and Matt.’

  ‘Or we could go on our own.’

  ‘Now, I like that idea. Maybe if Grace ever calls me and I do a good job on that feature, I can ask Fiona if I can do a travel one. Then we can get the magazine to pay for the holiday.’

&nbs
p; ‘Oh yes, and go somewhere really exotic.’

  ‘Like the Caribbean?’

  ‘Or Bora Bora. I’ve always wanted to go there. Will she go for it?’

  ‘Well, we have a travel editor, but maybe I can persuade them.’

  ‘Do your best.’ Johnny leans over and kisses her. She knows she is the world’s luckiest woman.

  Grace has a job getting out of bed, following Oliver’s crack-of-dawn departure. Finally she does, and after she showers and dresses she is ready to call Betty.

  ‘Betty Parkin.’

  ‘Hi, it’s Grace.’

  Betty says a silent thank you. ‘Grace, how are you?’ The jovial tone in her voice is perhaps a bit over the top. She mentally kicks herself for her reaction, yet again.

  ‘I’m fine, Betty, how are you?’ Grace knows her voice is a bit higher than usual and the brightness she is trying to inject into it perhaps a bit too much.

  ‘I’m very well.’ Betty tries, and fails, to sound more natural.

  ‘I’ve signed your proposal, and I’m about to post it back to you.’

  ‘That’s brilliant.’ She still sounds like a bad TV advertisement for washing powder.

  ‘So, when do you want to start?’ Grace is a little puzzled by the tone of Betty’s voice, and also by her own.

  ‘How about next week?’

  ‘That’s great. It’ll give me time to organise myself.’ Grace giggles, she has no idea why.

  ‘Right. But you must remember that I want a normal working week with you.’

  ‘And that’s what you’ll get.’

  Now Grace feels annoyed. As does Betty. She worries that Grace, in her control freak mould, will put on a show for her. She sounds as if that is what she intends to do.

  ‘I’ll call you later this week to arrange the details?’ Betty proffers.

  ‘I’ll look forward to it,’ Grace replies, unsure if she will or not.