by Rachel Hanna
“Thanks for inviting me, Jake. I had such a good time.”
“We’re glad you could come. It was nice to relax and just have fun for once.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course…”
“Did you come back to January Cove for another reason? I mean other than to be with your sister?”
He stopped for a moment. “Why would you ask that?”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pry. It’s just that you seem… guarded… about why you came home. And why you’re not working.”
He sat down on a park bench. Claire joined him. “I had something happen in Boston, Claire. It left me shaken, to be honest. I don’t like to talk about it, so I’m not going to. I hope that is enough of an answer because it’s all I’m willing to say.”
“I understand. If you ever want to talk…”
“I don’t.”
His wall was up, no doubt about it. She’d just destroyed a perfectly great day.
“I really didn’t mean to upset you, Jake.”
He took in a deep breath and smiled slightly. “It’s okay. I’m just a little raw right now, that’s all. You want to go see them light the Christmas tree near the court house?”
Claire nodded. “That sounds great.”
4
The heat was overwhelming. Jake struggled to get through the debris as hot, fiery pieces of wood fell down all around him.
“Save me! Help!” the voices called over and over.
He ran from room to room. “Where are you? I can’t find you!”
But they just kept screaming and crying for help. No matter where he went, he couldn’t find them. They were going to die.
“Save my mommy and daddy!” the little girl screamed from the other side of the flames, tears streaming down her face. “You promised!”
“I’m trying! I can’t find them!” he yelled back to her.
“You’re a liar! I hate you! They’re going to die and it’s all your fault!”
Jake sprang up out of bed, breathless, his heart pounding like a jackhammer. Sweat was pouring down his back. This was becoming a nightly occurrence. The first few times it happened, his sister had run into his room, worried that someone was breaking in, only to find him sitting up rocking in his bed. Worried about his mental health, she’d begged him to see someone, if not for himself, for his daughter.
Any time it involved Cassie, he caved. He worried about how strong he’d be during her teenage years.
He stood up and walked to the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face. The clock read three AM, too early to get up and start his day without interrupting the household. Right now, he wanted to go for a long, cold run on the beach. Instead, he opened his laptop.
It was something he felt compelled to do about once a week. Checking social media, he tried to see how the little girl was doing since the fire. He wondered about her every day. She was only ten years old, not much older than his own daughter.
She was living with her aunt and uncle now, as far as he knew. Her parents and siblings were gone. How did she feel? How was she handling it? Did she blame him? Hate him?
Jake had so many questions, yet he didn’t think the answers would even matter. It wouldn’t change a thing about how he felt. It also wouldn’t bring her parents back.
He scrolled through her aunt’s social media pages, searching desperately for some kind of update. Was she okay? Had she recovered from the smoke inhalation?
He went back to the day after the fire. The posts from the aunt about losing her only sister, her brother in law and her two nephews. The funeral announcements. The request for donations for four funerals and the little girl’s medical expenses.
His face burned with rage at himself. Why hadn’t he moved faster? Asked for backup sooner? Anything that would’ve given him even split seconds more to save her family.
Jake’s logical mind knew there was nothing he could have done, yet he fretted over the what if’s all day every day. Like a loop recording, he heard all of the bad things his brain was saying to him twenty-four hours a day.
He feared it would be this way forever.
“You okay?” Susan said, poking her head in his doorway.
“Sorry I woke you,” he said, shutting the laptop quickly. The room was dark now, just a sliver of moonlight coming through the window blinds, bouncing off the ocean waves outside.
“It’s okay, Jake. I know you can’t help this. Is Doctor Gardiner even helping you?”
“He’s trying, sis. Nothing happens overnight.”
“You like her, don’t you?”
“Who?”
“Claire.”
“She’s a nice lady.”
“And?” she teased, as only a sister could.
“And nothing, Susie. I’m not looking for anything right now.”
She walked over and sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing the blanket over his leg. “Jake, you’re stuck.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“I think Claire likes you too.”
He looked at her. “Look, I know you mean well, but this isn’t happening. Ever.”
“Never say never.”
“Never.”
“You’re so hard headed.”
“Thank you,” he said with a slight smile. It was hard to smile these days.
“You know, Christmas is about new beginnings.”
“Really? I thought it was about gaudy lights, huge credit card bills and cheesy songs played on repeat.”
Jake had loved Christmas as a kid, like most kids did. He’d enjoyed it as an adult, and even when Cassie was little. But since the fire, not much brought joy to his life. It all seemed so pointless when compared to what those people had lost.
He wouldn’t ruin it for Cassie, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.
“Christmas is about believing in miracles, Jake. Believing that things can get better. It’s a new birth. A new beginning.”
He put his hand over hers. “Sis, it would take a real miracle to give me a new beginning.”
Claire stared at the woman like she had two heads. “What?”
“A Christmas float. The dance studio has done it every year for two decades. Surely you aren’t saying you won’t do it?” Marjorie Holder, president of the January Cove Arts Council, stood in the lobby, a pile of papers in her hands, her big platinum blond beehive blocking the view of the exit sign above the door.
“Well, I…”
“The studio even won the float contest the last five years it was in business. I mean, the kids really count on seeing what kind of unique float the studio comes up with each year. Shall I tell them you aren’t doing one this year?” She poked her lip out like a kid being denied a lollypop.
“Of course not. I mean, I don’t want to break tradition. It’s just that I had no idea about this. The former owner didn’t tell me anything…” In reality, Claire knew there couldn’t have been a float for at least two or three years since the place had been closed up that long, but she wasn’t going to argue the point.
“Well, no time to waste then! You have access to a staging area at the stables down the road a ways. You get stall number four. It’s a big place, plenty of room to set up and work. Get all of your stuff built here, and then you can load it onto the float at the stables the night before the parade.”
“And when is that?”
“Two weeks.”
“Two weeks?”
“Yep. Now, here’s some more information. My number’s on there, so if you have any questions, just ask away! Toodaloo!”
She flew past Jake, who was opening the door to bring Cassie to class. As her ample frontside, and then backside, somehow knocked into him, he looked at Claire with a crooked smile. Man, he was dreamy. Was it too late to beg Santa to put him in her stocking?
Claire was still standing there, paper in hand, her mouth hanging open. Cassie waved and then ran straight into the dance room.
“You
okay?”
“No.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Well, you see, I just found out I have to come up with an idea and build an entire Christmas float for the parade two weeks from now.” She slowly walked to the counter and leaned against it.
“So?”
“I’m the least crafty person I know. I realize I should be artsy, given that I’m a part of the fine arts community. But I can’t draw or paint or sculpt!”
Jake laughed. “Calm down, Claire. It’s no big deal…”
“It is a big deal, Jake. This town is expecting my float to win, and I have no idea how to build a float!”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You’re a smart lady.”
She looked at him and sighed. “I don’t feel so smart right now.”
“I’ll help you.”
“What?”
“If you want, I’ll help you. I’m pretty creative, I guess. Our fire department made a float for the Christmas parade every year.”
“You did? Oh my gosh! I could kiss you!” she said, as she grabbed his cheeks without thinking. She froze in place for a moment, enjoying the feeling of his stubble against her fingers. “Oh wow. Sorry about that.” She dropped her hands to her sides.
“No problem,” he said as she struggled to keep her face from turning all shades of red.
“So, when can you start?”
“Well, it’s not like I’m super busy these days, so how about tomorrow?”
“Great! I guess we can meet here and brainstorm some ideas?”
“No.”
“No?”
“We need a more creative place to think of ideas. No offense, but this place is kind of dull for idea creation.”
“Thanks a lot,” she said with a giggle.
“Let’s meet at the pier. Say nine o’clock?”
“Sounds good. I’ll bring some muffins.”
“I’ll bring the coffee,” he said.
She smiled. “I guess we make a pretty good team.”
Jake turned and walked to the door. “We’ll see about that,” he said, before walking onto the sidewalk.
Jake sat at the end of the pier, two coffees sitting beside him in a drink carrier. Why had he agreed to do this? He wasn’t a fan of celebrating Christmas any more than he had to this year. So why was he volunteering to build a freaking Christmas float?
His brain obviously wasn’t right. But here he sat, no idea what he would be able to contribute to this project in his current state of mind.
“Good morning,” Claire said from behind. Gosh, she was pretty. Her dark hair was down again, and she was wearing a lightweight sweater, a pair of tight fitting jeans that hugged her dancer legs perfectly and some little brown ankle boots. The perfect look for a cozy Fall morning.
“Good morning,” he stood up and took the bag of muffins from her.
“Hope you like chocolate.”
“I could never be friends with anyone who didn’t like chocolate,” he said with a wink. “Why don’t we have a seat at the picnic table?”
They walked over and sat down. Jake pulled out the cream and sugar, and slid one of the coffees to her as she removed the muffins from the bag.
“So, have you had any epiphanies about what we can do with this float?”
“Not a one. You?”
“Nope. Totally blank. I’m going to be the town laughingstock, Jake.”
He smiled. “No, you’re not. We just have to think. So, you’re a dancer. What can we do that mixes Christmas with dancing?”
She rolled her eyes as she broke apart one of the muffins. “Duh. I’ve been pondering that idea all night.”
“Pondering, huh? How is that different than just regular thinking?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“Have you looked at past floats that the old owner did?”
“Yes. They were good, I have to say. But I don’t want to repeat any of the ideas.”
“Of course.”
“And I want the kids to be involved and get to ride on the float.”
“Maybe they can throw out candies to the crowd? And hand out candy canes?”
“Good idea! What about having Santa on the float?”
“That’s been done a million times.”
“True. Ugh. I have to think of something.”
“We need some inspiration,” Jake said, truly wracking his brain.
“I have so much to do this weekend! I have to think of an idea so we can start building…”
“What do you have to do?”
“Well, for one, I need to go pick out a Christmas tree for the studio so I can decorate it before classes on Monday.”
“That’s it!”
“What’s it?”
“Why don’t we go over to the Christmas tree farm in my truck and get you a tree? Maybe that will get our creative juices flowing.” As soon as he said it, he regretted it. What was he thinking? He didn’t want a tree. He didn’t want to decorate a dang thing.
But he did want to spend time with Claire. There was no denying that. As much as he hated himself for enjoying her company, he needed it for some reason. And he wanted to kick himself for needing anyone right now.
“Really? You’d take me to get a tree? I mean, I was just going to strap one to the top of my car…”
“Of course. Why don’t I pick you up at the studio around three? I’ve got a few things to do before then.”
“Great. In the meantime, I’ll go buy some decorations for the studio and the tree.”
Jake walked her back down the sidewalk to her car and watched her drive off. Boy, this day wasn’t going as planned, but right now he didn’t care. He was going to see Claire again in a few hours, but first he had something he had to do.
“So, this dream you had, is it the same as the others?” Dr. Gardiner asked.
“Pretty much. It’s always similar. I can’t save the family. They are begging for help. The little girl hates me.”
“Jake, have you ever considered that the little girl in the dream represents how you feel about yourself right now?”
“Never thought about it.”
“Well, what do you think about that idea?”
“Look, doc, can we talk about something else? I have a more pressing problem today.”
Dr. Gardiner’s eyebrows raised. “Oh really? What is it?”
“A woman problem.”
He chuckled. “Man, we all have those.”
“No, seriously. I’ve gotten myself into a bind, and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to handle the situation.”
“What situation?”
“There’s this woman. New in town. Runs the dance studio that my daughter goes to. She came to our house for Thanksgiving…”
“Oh?”
“Don’t get excited. My daughter invited her. What was I supposed to say? No, you can’t come?”
“So she came for Thanksgiving. And how did that go?”
“A little too good.”
“How could it go too good?”
“It’s just that it’s bringing up some feelings, and I’m not ready for feelings yet.”
Dr. Gardiner smiled broadly. “So you have a little crush?”
“Can you please not say things like that? It shakes my faith in you,” Jake said with a laugh.
“So what’s the problem today then?”
“She was in a bind and needed someone to help her design and build a Christmas float. Stupidly, I volunteered.”
“Well, that sounds pretty innocuous, Jake. I mean, your daughter goes there and all…”
“I’m not finished. When we met up today to brainstorm ideas, I volunteered to take her to get a Christmas tree and help her decorate it.”
“And?”
“That’s a dicey situation, Dr. Gardiner. Close quarters. Warm lighting. Probably going to have Christmas music playing…”
“So?”
“I don’t want her to get the wrong idea.”
&n
bsp; Dr. Gardiner leaned back in his chair and smiled. “Really? How do you know she’s even interested in you in that way?”
“Well, I don’t… for sure, anyway. But I get the feeling…”
“Maybe you’re the one who has the feelings? And you’re uncomfortable?”
Jake sucked in a sharp breath and blew it out. “I just don’t want to hurt anyone else.”
Dr. Gardiner leaned forward again. “Jake, you didn’t hurt anyone in the first place. You did your job, and you did it well. You saved a life. And maybe this second chance in January Cove will save yours.”
“I don’t deserve a second chance,” he said gruffly.
“And feeling good again, even in small spurts, is triggering you, right?”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“Then how about you just focus on helping this woman. Help her win that float contest. Help her have a good Christmas here in January Cove. I assume she has no family here?”
“No. They’re across the country.”
“Then help her. Make it special. Count it as your good deed this holiday season. Do it for Emmy.”
Jake stilled in his seat. Emmy. He usually didn’t say her name, or even think it. The little girl from the fire was how he thought of her. Not Emmy. It was way too personal.
“Please don’t say her name. You know how I feel about that.”
“Jake, saying her name should make you smile. Because of you, she’s alive today. She’ll have a Christmas. She’ll open presents and put up a tree and go on with her life. Because you risked your life, she lives.”
“I need to go. Thanks for meeting with me on short notice.”
“Did I even help?” Dr. Gardiner asked as he stood up and walked Jake to the door.
Jake chuckled. “We’ll see.”
5
Claire waited in front of the studio, looking both directions for any sign of a truck. She had no idea what color it was, and she was starting to wonder if this was a bad idea. Jake obviously had problems. He was aloof at times and then friendly again. It was almost as if he was fighting a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.
Of course, she had her own devils at times. But his seemed to overtake him, like a tug of war he couldn’t win. She wanted to help him; it was just in her nature. She also wanted to start a new, happy life without a lot of drama. And Jake seemed to have some drama.