by Rachel Hanna
Claire put down her pen and smiled. “Susan, why are you always wanting to help me?”
Susan bit her lips. “I don’t know. You just feel like family. And you’re helping Jake. A lot.”
“I am?”
“Yes. His attitude is just different lately. Especially the last couple of days. I don’t know what you did.”
Claire chuckled. “I made him pick up a Christmas tree and decorate it with me.”
Susan’s eyes widened. “He actually did that?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Because he hates Christmas.”
“He what?” Claire was shocked. He’d said a few things that led her to believe he wasn’t the biggest fan of her favorite holiday, but not that he hated it.
“He didn’t use to. But something happened, and he just thinks holidays in general are pointless now. I don’t really understand why.”
“He told me about the fire.”
“Really? That’s surprising. He normally doesn’t like to talk about it.”
“It took some time, but he told me about the little girl and her family. I just feel so bad for him. He’s so hard on himself. He’s a hero.”
Susan walked around the counter and hugged Claire.
“What was that for?” Claire asked with a smile.
“Thank you for being there for my brother. You’ll never know how much it means.”
“It’s not all that hard. He’s kind of hunky,” Claire blurted out without thinking.
Susan’s mouth dropped open and then she started laughing. “Does someone have a crush on my big brother?”
“No.” Claire walked toward the dance door and flipped on the light with Susan hot on her heels.
“Claire… Come on…”
“I do not have a crush. We’re just friends,” she said, much like a robot.
“You’re a terrible liar,” Susan said as she watched Claire rummage around in the supply closet. In reality, she was stalling and trying not to show her flushed face. She needed absolutely nothing in that closet.
Claire finally turned around. Susan was standing there, a smile on her face and her hands on her hips.
“Fine. He’s cute. We’ve had a couple of moments. Maybe. I’m not even sure. But that’s it, and that’s all it needs to be.”
“Why?” Susan asked, a pleading in her voice.
“Because he’s dealing with some stuff right now. You know that. I don’t want to complicate his life. And I’m trying to build a business, so that’s where my focus is. Please, Susan, don’t tell him I said anything. The last thing your brother needs right now is pressure. If you tell him and he gets spooked, he’ll withdraw and won’t even have me as a friend.”
Susan took in a sharp breath. “You’re probably right about that. I just want good things for him. Happiness. A family. I guess I let the idea of you two getting together get to me. Sorry.”
Claire smiled. “It’s okay. I’m a hopeless romantic too. Especially at Christmas time. But right now, we need to get to work figuring out this Mistletoe Festival dance.”
“So what are we supposed to do with all of this stuff?” Claire asked as she stood with Jake in the stable. Thankfully the rain had passed, and today it was beautiful outside. Being near the ocean meant it wasn’t as cold as it was other places just yet, so working outside felt nice.
“Well, once we come up with the final idea, we can use the saw to cut the pieces and start painting them,” he said, pointing to the pile of wood he’d picked up at the hardware store.
“We haven’t even decided on a theme yet,” Claire lamented. “I feel so uncreative.”
Jake looked at her. “Stress will do that. Let’s try a different method.”
“Okay.”
He walked over to her and put his hands on her upper arms. “Close your eyes.”
“What?”
“Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“My therapist taught me this.”
“You have a therapist?” she asked, her eyes popping open.
“Can you just trust me? Close your eyes.”
“Okay,” she said, wondering if the next thing she’d feel was his lips against hers. A large part of her hoped that was true.
“Alright, now I want you to think back to when you were a kid. What was the first indication that Christmas was coming?”
“We put up the tree on Thanksgiving night.”
“Wow, really?”
“Don’t judge me, Jake,” she said, smiling.
“Right. Okay. And what was another memory you had? Something you did every year?”
“My Mom would take us to see the Nutcracker at the local community theater.”
“Okay, and…”
“Wait! That’s it!” Claire said as her eyes flew open, a huge grin on her face.
“What’s it?”
“The Nutcracker! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it! We can have little ballerinas, sugar plum fairies, the whole thing! It’s the perfect theme! Thank you!”
“I didn’t do anything,” Jake said, laughing. “I was just trying to help.”
“Well, you did. I could kiss you!” she said without thinking. Why did she keep saying that to him?
Jake’s eyes widened. “Well, I, um…” For the first time, he seemed speechless.
“It was a joke, Jake. Just a joke.” His reaction wasn’t what she would have wanted. Apparently, they were just friends, nothing more. At least judging by his reaction.
“So what should we build?” Jake asked, changing the subject.
“Well, I think we should start with a large nutcracker, for sure. Then some presents and a large Christmas tree. Do you think we can fit all of that?”
“I think so. We’ll have to make them have a 3D effect so everyone can see them, though…” Jake was deep in thought, his hand on his chin as he stared at the wood pile.
“You’re pretty creative,” Claire said, watching him.
He laughed. “Not really. Only when I’m really inspired.”
“And what inspires you, Jake Evers?”
“Right now? You.”
He watched her paint the pieces and wondered if he’d said too much when he admitted that she inspired him. The last few days had been so different than the weeks and months before. He’d found himself forgetting to be angry and upset and guilty. He’d found himself smiling and looking forward.
He’d felt joy again for the first time in months.
And it scared him.
He couldn’t be with her. She was too grounded and centered, and he’d be like a bull in a china shop in her life. Yes, she brought him some kind of happiness he couldn’t put his finger on, but this wasn’t just about him. It was also about protecting her from his problems.
Still, he couldn’t stop watching her. He cut his eyes back and forth, hoping she didn’t notice but he couldn’t help it. Everything about her was mesmerizing from the curve of her neck to the way her nose turned up ever so slightly in the most adorable way. Her full lips looked like the ones other women paid big money for, and her long fingers would rival any pianist around the world.
She was perfection.
And he was as imperfect as they came.
“Does this even look like a wrapped present?” she asked, holding up one of the pieces. Jake had been working on the Christmas tree for what seemed like an eternity.
“It looks great!”
“You’re too sweet,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“You hungry?”
“Starving. What time is it, anyway?”
“After seven.”
“How do we keep missing meals together?” she asked with a laugh.
“I guess we’re just comfortable together and lose track of time,” he said softly.
“Maybe so.” She held his gaze for a moment longer than necessary. “So, do you want to go grab something?”
“I have another idea if you’re game.”
“Okay…”
“Follow me,
” he said, waving her toward his truck.
They walked out to the gravel parking lot. The sky was already dark, and being away from the city allowed them to see a sky full of bright stars. Jake was second guessing this idea already, but he was too far in at this point.
“What are we doing?” she asked as Jake let the back gate of the truck down.
“Take a look,” he said, pointing to the bed of the truck.
“Oh my goodness, Jake. This is amazing!”
He reached into the back seat of the truck and removed a cooler. “I thought we might get hungry.”
She climbed up into the truck and sat down on the plush, thick blanket he’d brought. He’d filled the inside of the truck with blankets and pillows for a night time picnic under the stars. He joined her inside and put the cooler down.
“I hope you like roast beef sandwiches and chips?”
“That sounds amazing right now,” she said, licking her lips ever so slightly. His heart rate sped up, and he almost dropped the sandwiches right on the blanket.
“I didn’t have a lot of time to plan. Sort of a last minute idea…”
She touched his arm. “It’s perfect, Jake.”
Oh no. This was a bad idea. All he wanted to do was throw the food over the side of the truck and pull her into his arms. But he handed her a plate with a sandwich instead.
Once they each had food, Claire settled back against one of the pillows and he did the same across from her. She put her legs over his due to a lack of space. He didn’t mind at all.
“These are wonderful. Did you make them?”
“I bought the roast beef from the deli, but yes I am quite the sandwich assembler,” he said chuckling.
“The assembly is the brilliant part,” she quipped.
Claire took a few more bites and then looked up. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many stars.”
Jake looked up too. “Yeah, it’s very different from New York City, isn’t it?”
“It’s stunning.”
He looked back at her without her knowing. “Yes, it is.” He definitely wasn’t talking about the stars.
“Do you know the constellations?”
“Hmmm. I know the Big Dipper. That’s about all I remember from school.”
“They’re very interesting. Like, that one right there, is called Orion, the hunter. And over there, you can see the Little Dipper…”
“Where?”
Claire put down her plate and slid across the bed of the truck, wedging herself up against him. Why did it seem so much hotter outside than it did a few minutes ago?
She put her face against his and stared upward. “Now, see that bright star right there? Look to the left. See how it curves…”
“Oh yeah, I see it.” He totally didn’t see it, but he was terrified she’d be able to hear his heart beating out of his chest.
“And that over there is Cassiopeia. It’s said that she always bragged about how she was more beautiful than anyone else. She was placed in the sky as punishment for her bragging.”
Jake turned and looked at her, their lips only inches away from each other. “She couldn’t have been the most beautiful.”
“And why is that?” Claire asked, her voice barely a whisper.
Jake froze. He wanted to say because she was the most beautiful woman in the universe. He wanted to pull her lips to his and never let go. But instead he said, “Because my Cassie is the most beautiful, of course.”
Claire smiled and leaned back enough to break the tension. “Of course she is.”
Jake smiled. “She’s the light of my life.”
“I can see why. She’s an amazing little girl. Certainly a testament to how you’ve raised her. Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
Claire slid back across to her seat, leaving a cold void beside him.
“What happened with her mother?”
Jake sighed. “Where do I begin? She was an amazing woman at first. Thought we’d be together forever. Got married, had Cassie, and then she just left when Cassie was very young. Took off with a drummer.”
Claire looked at him incredulously. “How did she ever leave her daughter like that?”
“I’ll never understand it.”
“Does Cassie ever ask about it?”
“Not much anymore. But I think she will soon. I mean, she’s getting to that age where she’ll need her mother, you know?”
“You’ve done a great job with her, Jake.”
He smiled appreciatively. “Not so much the last few months, unfortunately.”
“In the grand scheme of things, that’s a small amount of time. I think it’s good for kids to see that their parents are only human.”
“Well, she’s certainly seen that.”
“Have you thought about what you want to do next?”
“I figure I’ll finish the Christmas tree and then start tackling the nutcracker,” Jake said before taking a big bite of his sandwich.
Claire giggled. “No, I meant with your life.”
“Ohhh… Sorry. I’m pretty focused on the float and this sandwich. I don’t really know, honestly. I’ll always feel like a firefighter at heart. It was my dream job as far back as I can remember. Every Halloween, I was a firefighter. Every single year.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. My grandma finally stopped taking pictures of me because my costume never changed.”
“What made you want to be a firefighter?” she asked as she popped a chip in her mouth. Even crunching on chips, she was so pretty.
“I wanted to save people. And I loved the excitement of every call being different.”
“So you miss it?”
“A lot, yes.”
“Then why not go back to it? Surely you could get a job anywhere, Jake.”
He sighed. “I don’t know if I can ever do it again. And no fire department needs a guy who’s unsure of himself. It’s dangerous for the other guys and the public.”
She nodded. “I can understand that. Well, I hope you find something that brings your life lots of joy, Jake. You deserve it.” She smiled at him in a way no one ever had, like she truly meant it.
“Thanks. So do you. But right now, what will bring me joy is this strawberry shortcake,” he said, pulling the dessert out of his bag and grinning like a Cheshire cat.
7
Dr. Gardiner looked at Jake, a knowing smile on his face.
“Do you think you might be in love?”
Jake leaned back and rubbed the palms of his hands over his eyes. “Since when did these sessions become more about my love life?”
“Since you started to change right before my eyes.” Dr. Gardiner stood up and poured himself another cup of coffee. “Care for a refill?”
“No thanks.”
“Look, I’m just curious is all. Your demeanor and outlook have vastly changed since this woman came to town. Why do you think that is?”
“Maybe because I’m distracted by working on this Christmas stuff?”
“Or maybe because she’s making you realize that there’s a future for you after all?”
“That’s not it. I still feel the same way I did before.”
“Jake, you know that isn’t true. You’re starting to feel guilty for moving on, right?”
Jake took in a deep breath and then blew it out. He hated admitting when the doc was right. “Possibly a little bit.”
“Can I ask you a hypothetical question?”
“Sure. I’m sort of paying you to ask me questions.”
“If your sister was hit by a bus tomorrow while you stood beside her on the sidewalk, would you ever date again?”
Jake cocked his head. “That’s the strangest question anyone has ever asked.”
“Just answer it.”
“Well, I assume I’d date again since that really isn’t related to her getting hit by the bus.”
“How is that any different? You’re punishing yourself by shunning love and joy from your
life because of something that happened that isn’t related at all.”
“Because, as I’ve said a million times, I don’t deserve good things.”
“When you were a kid, did you ever vow to protect your little sister?”
“Of course.”
“Well, in this case, you didn’t protect her. You stood right there and let a bus hit her. You broke your promise.”
“But I didn’t mean to,” Jake said, getting defensive. “It wasn’t like I could predict a bus coming.”
“Why not?”
“Sometimes things just happen, and you can’t see the future. You just do the best you can.”
“Regardless, it seems you’d have to punish yourself for not knowing the bus was coming. Isn’t that what your sister would want?”
“Never. She wants me to be happy.”
Dr. Gardiner stared at him for a moment. “Can you not see that it’s the same thing, Jake?”
Jake sat for a moment, not making eye contact. He’d never thought of it that way. “I can kind of see that.”
Dr. Gardiner’s eyebrows raised, as if he’d just seen a miracle happen right in front of him. “You can’t blame yourself for the fire taking a turn any more than you can blame yourself for a rogue bus hitting your sister. And you can’t deny yourself a happy life because that little girl’s family died any more than you would because your sister got hit by that bus.”
Jake leaned back again and smiled. “You’re good, doc.”
“That I am,” Dr. Gardiner said with a chuckle. “Can I make one more suggestion before we’re done today?”
“Sure.”
“It might be time to reach out to Emmy’s family, Jake. See how she’s doing. Ease your mind a bit.”
“And what if it’s not good?”
“Well, that could potentially set you back, I suppose. But I think it might be worth the risk.”
Jake wasn’t so sure.
Claire couldn’t believe it was already time for the Mistletoe Festival. She and the kids had spent days working on the dance routine, and they were as ready as they’d ever be.
The Christmas hip hop number had a little jazz thrown in for good measure, and she was hoping the town would be impressed with it. After all, it would hopefully lead to a lot more business.