by Malone, Nana
“With all due respect, Your Majesty, I don’t know anything about Lucas. If someone is saying that he stole from the Crown, it’s entirely possible. After all, he was a thief.” Even as the words tipped off my tongue, I knew them for the lies they were. Lucas was a thief. Had been. Past tense. And even if he was stealing from someone now, he would never steal from the people he loved and cared about. The way he talked about his mother, and the things he’d been forced to do, there’s no way he stole from his own brother. That wasn’t who he was. But that didn’t mean I was going to help them. It wasn’t that I wanted to do Lucas harm, although there was an element of that. It wasn’t that I never wanted to see him again, though, there was an element of that too. It was that if I did see him again, my heart would break in two and I would never recover. Lucas Newsome had broken me once. I wasn’t strong enough to survive it again.
“I really wish I could help you, but I can’t. There is nothing I could say to Lucas to get through to him. We were just never that close.”
7
Lucas
I’d been a fool to think Blake Security had no idea where I was.
When I stepped outside the apartment I’d rented in Italy a few days after I followed up with Matthias about Pietro Luca, I found Weller and his partner Mueller leaning against a gray SUV.
When I stuttered to a stop, that earned me a rare smirk from Matthias. “Did you really think I couldn’t track you through an unsecured line? You watch too many spy movies.”
Mueller chuckled. “I love spy moves. Don’t you think The Bourne Identity is the best spy movie ever made?”
Weller glared at him. “Stop it. No one has time to even begin to tell you why that’s not true. We need to get on the road.” Weller shook his head. “Besides, everyone knows it’s La Femme Nikita.”
Mueller roiled his eyes. “Are you insane? Did you see those fight scenes?”
The two of them bickered as I stared at the pair of them.
Weller cocked his head. “Well are you getting in the car or not? If you want to find a needle in a haystack, we all have to be looking. Get in.”
I wanted to refuse, but I didn’t really have any choice. The name of the contact Matthias had located was Mario Tulley. He lived on the outskirts of the city. Oskar drove and took the corners at a pace so alarming I had to hold on to the bar.
“Why are you helping me again?” I asked Weller.
He shrugged. “Because if I don’t, you’ll get yourself killed.”
Oskar grinned. “And me and the kid are pretty much a package deal, so you get two for the price of one.”
I considered that Sebastian might be on to me. But whether Sebastian had sent him or not, my brother was letting my plan play out, so I’d take the help. Besides, beggars couldn’t be choosers.
The Italians drove like maniacs, but it seemed like the big German enjoyed the craziness of it. I mostly held on for dear life in the back, trying not to throw up. Weller, while a lot calmer about it, still looked green around the gills. The German stayed in the car when we arrived, and Matthias got out and was waiting on the curb as I approached the house. I hadn’t anticipated the babysitting, but in a way, I was glad for it considering the bridges I was attempting to burn to the ground. I figured it might be good to have some back up.
I knocked on the door, and an elderly woman answered. She was tiny, with a full shock of white hair, and she was wearing an apron over a simple gray dress. “Ciao.”
I responded in Italian and then asked if she spoke English.
She shook her head and patted my hand as if telling me to wait. Then she called back for someone.
An older gentleman, taller than her, but not nearly as tall as me came around. “Yes, how can I help you?”
Was this him? “Hello. I’m looking for a Mario Tulley?”
He patted his chest. “I am Mario. Do I know you?”
“No. I was hoping to speak with you about someone you knew a long time ago if possible.”
He nodded and put up his finger then grabbed his hat and a light jacket. The spring weather in Rome hadn’t gotten quite warm yet, but there was a promise of warmth in the air. “We’ll walk.”
“Yeah, okay.” Weller followed not too far behind as we took a trail right down near what looked like vineyards.
“We don’t have many visitors. If you would like, when we return, my wife will make us some wine and food.”
“Oh, that’s appreciated, but I’m in a bit of a hurry. I was hoping you could tell me about Pietro Luca.”
He stopped and stared at me. “Why are you asking?”
“Well, from my understanding, he’s my father. I’ve never known him. My mother only recently gave me his name.”
He rubbed his jaw. “Oh yes, I remember that one. Addie? Adele, I think?”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s her.”
“You look like her around the eyes.”
I pursed my lips. Any resemblance to my mother wasn’t particularly welcome right now. “I’ve heard that.”
The old man shuffled some of the larger rocks on the path aside. “I will say that you don’t look anything like Pietro though.”
“Maybe, maybe not, but I do need to speak with him. Do you have any idea where he might be?”
“I only tell you this because I haven’t seen my friend in many years. I always wondered what happened to him. So once you locate him, please tell me where he is as well.”
“Sure, you got it.”
The old man rubbed his jaw again as he was trying to decide what to tell me exactly. “Years ago, he had a girlfriend. An actress, or something, I think. But then she had a child and went back to America with that child. She told him he wasn’t the father. He was never allowed to see the baby again. I think that broke his heart. He never recovered.
“Once his parents died, he moved away. He left the country and lived in Spain and then the South of France. Near Nice, Antibes maybe? His mother was French. I don’t know what happened to him after that. But his family home, if I remember correctly, is still in the city.”
“If you have an address you could share, you would be doing me a huge favor. I just want to speak to him. I’m finally unraveling the mystery after all these years.”
He nodded sagely. “It’s good that you uncovered the truth. Those people that came for him when he was looking for you and told him to stop searching scared him.”
My brows snapped down. “What people?”
He shrugged. “It was so long ago. I assumed your mother had brothers or other relatives who didn’t want a poor man without two pennies to rub together to stall their sister’s growth or something. I always assumed there was a situation like that. Something that prevented them from being together.” He stopped and put a hand on my arm. “There was one time, we were both coming home from work. We worked in a factory, you see. And out of nowhere, someone robbed us. They took our IDs and everything else we had on us. But then they said to him, ‘Stay away from the girl.’ I thought she had a boyfriend or something. But he said it wasn’t anything like that. And then he told me that they had come to him before.”
“Do you remember anything else?”
“I’m sorry. No. It’s all I remember. It was a long time ago, but you could maybe start with his family home. You’ll find him.”
It looked like I was getting a hell of a lot more traveling in.
8
Bryna
Later that night after the king and queen left, Jinx still couldn’t shut up about the visit. “Can I offer my two cents?”
I was putting on a face mask while I flipped on Netflix on the couch. “Let me guess, I’m not going to like your suggestion?”
Jinx stroked the brush of nail polish on her big toe. “Well, if you can be blasé about the king and queen of the Winston Isles having sat in our living room, I can be blasé too. But can I just say that maybe you should go? You know, if they find him.”
“You mean go and talk to Lucas? After everyt
hing that happened?”
She shrugged. “Yes, I think it might be cathartic.”
“Why do I need catharsis? I’m fine.” Oh look, I was a liar too.
“Besides the sad Eeyore eyes? I love you. God knows I love you. But you’ve been very Jane Bennett with your sad face. Like really, really sad. Like moping around the house sad, and frankly, I don’t want to watch you being sad anymore. I will, because I’m your bestie, but I feel like maybe if you talk to him, or try to figure out what the hell happened, you would feel better. And I’d like my snappy bestie back. Because this is all about me.”
“You think I’ll feel better?” She did not understand just what he’d done to my insides. “Listen, I know you think so, but if you can’t take my Eeyore eyes now, wait ‘til you see what a number he’ll do on me if I see him again. I know that you think it will be good for me. But I promise you, I won’t feel better. Because seeing him will be starting all over again. Seeing him will mean the dull ache that lives in the center of my chest is all fresh and raw again. It’s going to hurt a lot. And I’m not ready for that. Also, I might commit murder, so there’s that.”
Her lips twitched. “Okay, I hear you.” She closed the cap of the nail polish and shook it vigorously. “I’m just saying. Do you want to be afraid to see him for the rest of your life? I mean, I don’t know his deal. What’s going to happen if he comes back to the island? You’ve been to the palace before. You know the likelihood is high that you’ll see him eventually. Are you really going to hide forever? Doesn’t he win that way?”
She had a point there. “Well, the way I figure it, I can give it the old college try. I like avoidance. Avoidance is pain free.”
“Yeah, but for how long? Wouldn’t you rather deal with it now and then move on? Closure. I’m a fan.”
“And by closure, do you mean break up sex?”
She grinned. “I mean, it’s been known to get a girl through some things.”
A low pulse started between my legs just thinking about it. Oh no you don’t! “No. Not in this case. In this case, if I sleep with Lucas, I’ll be curled up under my bed again playing dead.”
“No, you won’t. You’re stronger than you think. I personally think that you’re going to be great. I think you’ll be able to look him in the eye, ask him why he left, and then I think that you will be able to move on. At least that’s what I hope. If you don’t go, you won’t know all the reasons. You’ll know why you think he left, but it’s all speculation. Wouldn’t you just rather know, once and for all?”
She had a solid point. Part of me did want to know, wanted to know so badly that I ached with the need to know. “What if I’m not strong enough? What if I sleep with him again and then I’m a blubbering mess?”
“But I’ll be here. It won’t be like New York where I couldn’t get to you. I just think you owe it to yourself to figure out what the hell happened. And maybe he’ll say nothing. Maybe he’ll just be like, ‘I couldn’t handle it, so I bailed.’ But then at least you’ll know that he doesn’t deserve you. And then you can move on.”
I loved how Jinx made it all sound so easy. Talk to Lucas, find out why he left, get closure, and move on. Meet someone else who wouldn’t leave me like a douche bag in the middle of the night. Easy. “I’ll think about it, but, don’t get your hopes up. Just like they shouldn’t get their hopes up. If they do find him and if I do go, it would only be to make sure he’s okay, because something might have happened for all I know. I wouldn’t be doing it in the hopes of getting him back or anything.”
Jinx shook her head. “Oh hell no. Besides, he’d have to work a lot harder than that to get you back. Like a groveling, boom-box-over-his-head kind of apology. Like all the romantic gestures from all the movies ever. This is just about closure. Otherwise known as a really good orgasm.”
I giggled and shook my head. “You're nuts.”
“I’m just saying. Think about it.”
No way was I thinking about this. “Sure. I’ll give it some thought.”
I knew that when I saw Lucas again, the last thing on my mind would be closure. But Jinx was right about one thing.
I did need to know why. It would only eat at me until I did.
* * *
Lucas
I stared at the phone. I knew I had to make the call, but I sure as hell didn’t want to. I knew what he would say, how worried he was, and what he put on the line to do this for me. I hated letting him down. I hated that everything he’d done to bring about what our father wanted wasn’t going to come to fruition. But I had to tell him.
I made the call, and he answered on the first ring. “What?”
“So, that means that you’re not happy to hear from me?”
“Fuck you, Lucas. Where are you?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Lucas, this is ridiculous. Why did you take off? You had everyone worried. I have been worried. Roone is pissed. And I have to tell you, I am fucking furious. Get your ass back to the islands.”
A harsh chuckle tore out of my chest. He probably wouldn’t be so bossy if he knew. “Oh really? You think you can order me back?”
“Are you insane? Yes, I gave you specific instructions. In New York, stay with your Royal Guard, stay out of trouble. Did you do that? Oh no, you slipped your guard with a fucking grappling hook? You could have died. Then you traipse around the country and fuck off to Europe? Looking for what? Because your past came back to haunt you? Blake Security noted your stepfather was in New York. What the fuck is going on Lucas?”
“You liked that grappling-hook bit, yeah? I’d forgotten how much I hated heights until I had to use it.” Joking was easier. It meant I didn't have to drop the bomb on him. I didn’t know how to tell him. How to make it gentle. “I’m sorry I had to take off. You wouldn’t understand.”
There was a beat of silence. “Try me.”
I swallowed hard. “When are you going to realize I’m the last person you want near you? Just let me go. Pretend I was never there.” The words slashed through me as I bit them out.
“Shut the fuck up. After everything we’ve been through? I came looking for you, remember? I know you. You’re my brother.” His words sliced deeper than a hot blade.
“Stop saying that. You don’t know who I am.”
Was it me or did his voice go softer? “Lucas, I’m your family. We need to stick together right now. We still haven’t been able to get much out of Robert Sandstorm, so it’s still dangerous for a member of the Winston family to be unprotected. Get on the next plane.”
Good thing I wasn’t really a Winston then. “No can do, Seb. Just know I’m not a total dick. I sent you my files on Tressel. Have someone smart and loyal look through them.”
“I don’t need to do that. I looked over them myself. Besides, Blake Security’s forensic accountant is already working on corroborating your version. Come home and we’ll clear everything up with the Artistic Trust.”
Interesting. Oskar was trying to prove my innocence? “It’s important I do this.”
“Do what, play chicken with your stepfather? You don't think I’ve been keeping tabs on your old stomping grounds? The car heist in Toronto… Did you have something to do with that?”
Shit. He was sniffing too closely. “Stay out of it. You’ll be safer that way.”
“You’re an idiot. As long as you’re out there unprotected, I’m exposed. Whoever sent assassins for our father can use you. If you want to protect me, protect the monarchy, come the fuck home.” Home. It was a hell of a word. I had no home. It had all been a mirage. Maybe sensing my hesitation, he tried another tactic. “Just tell me where you are. We’ll talk in person.”
I’d kept my timer running, and time was up. Not that Matthias didn’t already know where I was or that someone of his caliber couldn’t find me. “I can’t talk long. I’m going to get the answers I need here. I’m not coming back. Having me as your brother is only going to make your life worse. Trust me on that. It’s one of
those few things you can take to the bank from me.”
9
Bryna
So far, work was my saving grace.
When I was working with a new artist, it helped drown out the noise of everything else that was going on, or could be going on, all the problems, all the ridiculousness. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop me from thinking about Lucas. I told myself time and again that I wouldn’t think about him. That I wouldn’t worry about him.
I told myself that I would focus on all the good things in my life. I loved my job as an Artist Development Representative for Blue Water Studios. It kept me traveling. Every time I packed to get on the plane, that helped me not focus on him. I loved being able to travel and find musicians that no one might get to hear without my help.
I loved the work I did. But somehow, every part of it was tainted by thoughts of him. I couldn’t wake up without thinking about him. I couldn’t go to bed without thinking about him. I couldn’t get in the shower without really thinking about him and the last time we’d been together. It was Lucas on my brain all the time.
And the little chat with Jinx wasn’t helping. I told her I’d think about it to get her off my case, but I couldn’t afford to entertain closure with him. Nope, this was far safer.
She still watched me like a hawk every night. She’d give me those sad eyes, basically saying, ‘Are you okay? Do you need alcohol? What about ice cream?’ And well, she was right to be worried, because as much as I said I didn’t need him, didn’t miss him, I absolutely did. It hurt. Every single day was painful. But I didn’t get to curl up in a ball and vanish. That just wasn’t allowed, so I went to work the way I was supposed to do. Went on with my life and tried not to think about him or the way he left and how he’d helped me before he’d gone.