by Malone, Nana
Pietro’s eyes went wide and then scanned over me again. This time with more scrutiny, paying closer attention. As if looking for something specific.
“I knew her. Who are you?”
“I think you’ve figured that out by now. I’m your son. I think you’re my father.”
He paled then assessed me again. I’d dressed simply. Jeans. Tennis shoes. T-shirt. My clothes gave nothing away about who I might be.
“So what if I knew your mother?”
My lips tipped into a smirk. “I never said she was my mother. But that topic aside, I was told an outrageous story a year ago about who I was and where I came from. Now, there’s only one person to corroborate that story. No one seems to have the time or availability, and all I want are some answers.”
He sat back with his cappuccino. “You didn’t have to say. I can see it in your eyes. I know you think you want answers. But you won’t find them here.”
“Just—" What the hell did I need him to tell me? “Just tell me the truth. If you know my mother, is there a chance that you are my father?”
He leaned forward, studying me again in that way of his. “I don’t know. But I don’t see any of myself in you.”
“Yeah well, I guess I’ve learned you can say anything you want to say, so I’d really like to get this right.”
The old man sagged as he sat there. “What a horrible thing to not know where you came from. I’ve often thought about you. Where you were, if you were even my son, or if I had fucked up by letting your mother take you. But I have no way of knowing.” He shrugged.
“So just like that, you let me go?”
“That’s not what I said.”
This was a bad idea. The more he talked, the less I knew. “Well, can you at least tell me what the hell happened?”
He leaned forward on the table. His voice was low but had a soft lilt of Italian in it. “All I know is shortly after I met your mother, these men, two of them, turned up at my job. You know, big, dumb looking. I remember as if it was yesterday. They were dressed in black, wearing gold rings with a dagger symbol. I can still feel the dagger on the ring pressed into my face as they tried to reason with me. At that time, I had hardly any money, worked in a factory, and barely found a way to survive. And they told me what was going to happen. That your mother had met someone important. That he was smitten with her, or whatever the hell it was he told her.”
“They told you she was cheating on you?”
He nodded. “They said she’d betrayed me. I didn’t believe it, but of course it was the truth. Then she broke up with me. I found out she was having a baby, and I had no idea whose baby it was. I tried to do the right thing, to look after her and the child. And then I realized that I didn't have the means to look after a family. I had no business being anyone’s father.”
“You’d be surprised. The alternative was so much worse.”
He frowned. “I’m sorry if you had a difficult life.”
“Difficult? That hardly covers it.”
His head sagged, making him look like he was shriveling in front of my eyes. “It hurt not knowing where you were. But those men, they gave me more money than I’d ever seen. All I had to do was stay away from you.”
I shook my head, the rage seeping out of me through my pores. “So you sold me.”
“No, I survived. Those men, they were serious. They didn’t ask kindly. That money they gave me was on top of the bruises and broken bones they gave me.”
Steel yourself. He still sold you. “Do you know who they were?”
He shook his head. “No. But they were determined that I would not be in your life. I got the impression it was very important that you be the child of that other man.”
“Why?”
“Again, I don’t know. But ten years ago, when my parents were gone and I had some money saved, I tried to find you.”
I sat up straighter then.
“You what?”
The old man nodded even as his body looked like an old scarecrow too frightened to do his job anymore. “Yes, I hired people. Spent my money.”
“What happened?”
“I met with a terrible car accident. It almost killed me. Put me in the hospital for two weeks. That was when I started being more careful about my location. Those people are dangerous. Twice they almost killed me for trying to be your father. I figured you were safer without me.”
11
bryna
I was already regretting this. Is this a mistake? Will he be happy to see me? Or, was it as I’d already imagined? That I’d been mistaken when I believed he loved me. Was it possible that I should have listened to my brain and not my heart? I heard the doorknob turning. My hands started to sweat. My pulse jumped under my skin. Heat spread from the center of my chest. I was awake. I wanted to see him. I wanted him to be happy to see me.
I’d never been to Italy. It had always been one of those bucket list places. But you aren’t here on vacation. Despite the coastal charm of Sanremo and Lucas’s ocean-front flat, I wasn't here for fun.
So why are you standing in the dark in his apartment, giving him no option but to talk to you?
Well, I wanted him to be happy to see me, but I also wanted to make sure he couldn’t run away this time before I got some answers. If I was going to do this, come all the way to Italy so that I could save his life, he was going to give me something for my pain and suffering. I wanted answers. All the answers to all the questions.
Why did he leave me? Did he make up excuses so he could leave me? Does he still love me?
No, not that one.
I wasn’t going to ask that one. Because that one didn’t matter. At least that’s what I told myself. I didn’t care if he still loved me or not. I had a job to do and I was going to do it. Get him home. Easy peasy. Conversation. Tell him it was dangerous and that we needed him back. Done and dusted.
Except when he stepped through the door, the rush of emotion was unexpected. It lodged in my throat, making me unable to talk, and my eyes brimmed with tears. He was alive. Obviously. Was that even him? He closed the door quietly and took off his jacket. He didn’t turn on the lights at first, though. He just strolled toward the kitchen, pulled open the fridge, pulled something out, turned around, and finally hit the lights.
There he was, beautiful tanned skin, tall, broad shouldered. My eyes ran over him, drinking in every detail. One last lingering look before I’d have to give him up forever. Dark hair, wind-blown. Dark eyes, intense, shrewd, flat and deadly. Muscles pulled tight and taut over his shoulders. And then my gaze traveled down to his strong arms. Tanned forearms on display, right to the end of the gun in his hands. “Oh God, it’s just me, don’t shoot.”
He cursed low and immediately put the gun down. “Fuck Bryna, what the fuck are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
He stared at me. “You didn’t mean to startle me? But what the fuck are you doing in my apartment? In the dark? I could have killed you just now.”
“Like I said, I’m sorry.”
He sagged. He tried to take little steps toward me and then stopped. His gaze searched my face. “Are you okay?”
I nodded even though it was a lie. “Yeah, I’m fine. I guess that question is really for you. Are you okay?”
He rolled his shoulders back. “How did you find me, Bryna?”
“Does it matter? I’m here now. And you’re bloody.”
He sighed. “Yeah, it seems to come with the territory. You’re not answering my questions. How did you find me?”
“I don’t think you’re asking the right questions, Lucas.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
I don’t know how long we stood like that, neither one of us really talking, but instead watching each other, locked in a dance of where we might have been if we’d been willing. Finally, he softly said, “I’m so sorry.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him it was okay, that I w
as okay. But was I really? I hadn’t been okay in months.
I looked at him, met his gaze and told him the truth of what I’d been feeling for the last three months. “No, I’m not okay. How the hell would you feel if someone abandoned you in the middle of the night?”
* * *
Lucas
Abandoned.
Way to go genius. I knew I’d hurt her, but somehow, I’d assumed I’d been the one who was more devastated.
Her voice was soft when she asked, “Did you mean it?”
My heart squeezed. I knew what she was asking me. Does she really have to ask that question?
“Bryna…“
“It’s a simple question Lucas, did you mean it when you said you loved me?”
“Yes, I fucking meant it. I understand you’re pissed that I left, but it was for your own good. It was for your own sanity. I was keeping you safe. Just now, some idiot with a knife tried to carve a chunk out of me. That’s the kind of assholery I was bringing to your door. I did you a favor.” Each word that tore out of me was like a slice to my soul.
“A favor? So instead of acting like an adult and telling me, ‘Hey, while this is awesome, it’s probably the wrong timing, and uh, I’m going to bounce,’ you snuck off in the middle of the night like a thief.”
I recoiled as if she’d hit me. “Real nice.”
“Oh, don’t you dare do that. Act like I insulted you. You are a fucking thief.”
Yeah, she had a point there. “So what? You’re mad at me, because… what, I didn’t call the morning after?” A hint of nastiness slid into my voice. I didn’t want her emotions spilling all over me. I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to see the pain in her face.
You don’t want her to know how much it hurt you to leave her.
Funny little thing, she was fast. I almost missed the quick swing of her hand. I ducked back to avoid it, but her fingertips still managed to tap part of my cheek. I stared at her. I don’t think she’d ever actually hit someone before in her life.
She stared at me, eyes wide, mouth parted in horror.
“Bryna—"
Her other hand swung out. This one connected, surprising us both.
I reached for her, and she darted out of the way. “Fuck you, Lucas.”
I couldn’t help it. I didn’t mean to laugh. It just came out that way. Which only pissed her off more, making her swing out at me again. This one I caught the full brunt of. “The first one, yeah, I deserved. The second one, I was definitely asking for. The third one, no. You don’t get to be pissed off at me when I was trying to protect you.”
“You’re such an asshole. You have to look like you believe what you’re saying. Just tell me I was a fucking lousy lay and leave like every other normal guy in the world. Don’t act like you actually like me.”
I gripped her hip. “Is that what you fucking think? That night? Both nights? You destroyed me.”
Her eyes went wide. My grip only tightened on her. My body knew, that now that I had her in my hold, I would be a fool to let her go again.
“It’s like you crawled inside me and utterly destroyed me. Touching you burned everything else to ash your fire was so hot. That’s what it felt like to be with you.”
I didn’t mean to pull her close. I knew that I was a fool to do it. It was a bad idea. So terrible. But I couldn’t help it. She gasped. It was barely audible, but I heard her. Her pupils dilated, and her lips parted. “It fucking destroyed me to leave you.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You don’t have to believe me. Walking away from you shredded my soul. You’re the first person to ever fucking love me.”
She blinked rapidly then. Her lips parted as if she was going to say something, but then she stopped herself. “I don’t believe you.” But her voice broke, telling me that she was starting to believe me. She understood what I went through when I walked away. The hitch in her voice also told me something else, something I was afraid to hear. She still loved me. And that hurt her. It hurt to know that. Even though I knew it from the beginning. I knew walking away from her would hurt her, but that in the long run, it would be the best decision for her.
“Just answer the question. Did you mean it?”
“Yes, I fucking love you. Now, what are you doing here?”
She wiggled in my arms, trying to break my hold. She was close enough I could feel her curves pressing into my muscles, and I wanted to lock her there forever. But I wanted her to tell me why she was here, why was she opening up the wounds that had finally started to scab over after picking at them day-in and day-out. Picking at the memories of the way she looked at me as I’d made love to her. Memories of the way she’d held on to me, whispering my name, ‘Lucas...’ Those memories had sliced me raw, night after night, moment after moment. It had been an effort to get through every day. And now she was here, smelling like gardenias and sin, and tempting me back into the abyss just when I’d started to not feel again. “Why are you here?”
Even before she answered, I knew I was going to do something stupid. But it almost didn’t matter. I couldn’t help it. “Tell me why the fuck you’re here.”
“I love you, you idiot.”
“Good. I love you too.” And then I dipped my head and slid my lips over hers.
12
lucas
With a groan, I picked her up, my control gone. She wrapped her legs around my waist bringing her core against the rod of steel in my jeans.
She tasted like sin and heaven, and she demolished my control. This is stupid. You’ll never get her taste out of your mouth. The fuck I cared, though. I’d been craving her since the day I walked away.
When our lips met, it was tangle of tongues and teeth and searing heat. There was something in the back of my head screaming at me to take my time. To savor this because it might be a mirage. I had to tame the urge to devour her.
But Bryna didn’t shrink away as I bruised her lips and worked my way across her neck to take the lobe of her ear between my teeth. Nope, she moaned and clutched at my shoulders, the sharp bites of pain just sending my already crazed desire through the roof.
“You aren’t supposed to be here,” I rasped between kisses down her neck and her collarbone.
“You didn’t think I would find you?” Her words were breathy as I set her down on top of the kitchen counter. Her eyes were slightly unfocused and her lips swollen.
I grunted and nipped her bottom lip. “Fuck, I missed you.” The confession tripped off my tongue because I wanted to see it all over her, that dazed, needy look. I wanted to see it all the time.
She tucked her head, her voice soft. “You didn’t have to leave. It was a little drastic, don’t you think?”
My heart squeezed. “I did have to. I’m sorry. You don't even know how much. I wish I could explain. All I wanted to do was stay in your arms. To hold you close. No one will ever love me like that again. I know it. But I needed to leave in a way that wouldn’t get you hurt. But, you’re mine. Always will be mine.” To punctuate, I slid my hands over her ass and squeezed. My dick pulsed as she moaned softly.
I loved how she clung to me like she couldn’t get enough of the feel of my skin. Her touch made me feel like I was on fire. I picked her up. Bryna was slim but lush in all the right places. I could spend an entire night just worshipping her curves. Worship all you want, but it’s on borrowed time.
She moaned as I squeezed her soft flesh, hefting her higher so I didn’t have to break the kiss. If it were possible, I’d have my hands and lips all over every inch of her skin simultaneously. Desire rode me hard, making me crazed to do it all, touch it all, have it all at once.
“I didn’t want to miss you.”
Her words sliced deep. I hated to think of causing her pain. I drew back, and our gazes locked and held. In that moment I saw everything in her eyes. The pain, the worry, the love she didn't want to feel. “Bryna, I—"
She didn’t let me finish though, and her arms tightened around m
y neck.
“I—I need you.” Her words were strangled before her mouth was on mine, and she yanked at the front of my shirt.
Dimly, I heard the faint ripping of cotton, but it was swallowed by the roaring in my ears. She needs me. That alone was enough to chase the numbness away and replace it with fire.
We were a blur of movement as we wrestled to get out of our clothes. I moaned aloud when her teeth sank into the bare skin of my shoulder. With a growl, I shoved everything off the table and stretched her out.
Neither of us were gentle as we tugged, wiggled, and tore. When she was left in nothing but pair of sheer black panties. I salivated. Her nipples tightened under my gaze, the perfect rose points drawing my attention like beacons. My mouth watered just looking at her.
“You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
I leaned over her and used my teeth to nip at those candy-colored buds. I had never felt like this before. Crazed to touch, taste, and stroke every inch. I wanted to drive her crazy and treat her the way she deserved. I needed to hear Bryna scream my name. Needed it like I needed my next breath. I needed her to say she wanted me to stay.
Didn’t she already say that?
I shoved the thought aside as I kissed down her torso to her belly button. She giggled and twisted her torso away from me. Her fingers slid into my hair and over my scalp with a not-so-gentle tug, and it make me chuckle deep.
“Stop teasing and make love to me.”
“I thought I was never going to see you again. I’m taking my fucking time. I plan on teasing you until you barely know your own name.”
Her moan hit my ears just as I buried my face between her thighs. That moan turned into a low groan as I nuzzled her slick lips. When the hell had she gone bare? Was it for someone else? Or had she done that for me? “You’re so smooth. This for me?”
“I—uh huh.”