by Malone, Nana
I shifted on the bar stool, trying to look calm and like I belonged there. My company was having a little soiree for some visiting musicians. It was pretty exciting. A-listers only even. Although, it was pretty mellow. Not some wild club kind of scene. Jinx, of course, was my plus one, and she’d spent half her night hovering around me. That’s because she’s waiting to see you crack and break under pressure.
That was the problem with having a best friend. With my slightest move, she knew exactly what was wrong.
There was one word for what was wrong. Lucas. It was a mistake to ever go after him, to ever let myself fall into that trap again. I’d been weak. Even though I knew better, I’d been unable to resist. So, I was at ground zero again.
“Relax. It’s not so bad. You’re supposed to be having fun. You haven’t even gotten up to mingle once.”
“I know. But I’m beat. The jetlag is killing me. I think part of the novelty of these events wore off in New York. Now I just feel like I’m at work and have to be ‘on,’ ya know?”
“Do you miss the city?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. “I guess I miss the people. Well person really. Remember that girl I worked with at the bar? Ellie? She says she’s coming for a visit this summer, so you guys will finally get to meet.”
Ellie practically kept me alive, making sure I ate and slept at regular intervals for those first several weeks in New York. I owed her a lot.
She still couldn’t get over the fact that I was from somewhere that had actual royalty. It would have blown her mind entirely if I told her that Lucas was actually our lost prince. But that secret was best kept hidden.
“Good. I’m glad you’ll have other people to talk to besides me. Maybe she can help me get you back on the market again.”
“You’ve been too worried about me, too concerned. Honestly, I’m fine. Do I regret my actions in Italy? Yes, and no. Clearly, I really needed to get laid. So, mission accomplished.”
Jinx wasn’t buying it though. It’s like she could always see through whatever excuse I was putting up. “So, you feel nothing. You’re not concerned. You don’t miss him.”
All of the above.
“Nope. I’m fine. Besides, it’s high time I stop moaning after him. Sooner or later, I’m going to need to let go of all that stuff. Might as well be now. Want to help me make some new friends?”
She met my gaze. “You know that’s not how this works.”
“Sure it is. I’ve decided I’m not going through any of that feeling shit this time.” There was no way this was going to work, but I was going to give it a shot anyway.
“So what makes you think that you’re over it now?”
We both took sips of our gin and tonics. “Well, I’m sort of functional right now instead of in a devastated ball of tears and ice-cream, so that’s an improvement.”
“And are you going to see him again?”
No, never. It would be safer that way. “Look, I know you’re worried. I’ve been unfocused, not really myself.”
“You can say that again.”
I nodded. She was right. I’d spent far too long wanting someone I couldn’t have. “Maybe the best way to get over him is to rip the band-aid off. Just go out with someone, anyone, else.
“You really think getting back on the horse right now is a good idea? Maybe you need some more time to just sit with it.”
“I’m fine.” I did my best squared-shoulder, but she didn’t look like she was buying it at all. “Okay, not fine, but I need to do something. I’m not going to lose that kind of time again. It fucked me up when he left. But I can’t crumble like last time, so until I’m okay, I’ll just pretend.”
“You think it’s wise when you’re pretending like this? Sooner or later, you’re going to feel the ramifications of how you feel about each other, and it’s going to hurt. And when it does, I’m here. I just don’t want to see you running.”
“I’m not running. Look, I know what it feels like to feel deeply. To think that no one else is ever going to have your set of feelings, that no one else is ever going to feel how you feel about something. Been there. I was wrong. Most people feel things. Most importantly, not everybody who says they feel things actually feel it. I think Lucas might be one of those people. So, it’s fine. I’m going to sit here and finish my drink, and then I’m going to mingle. Just like I should, because I’m single.”
Nope. It’s like he said. You’re his. The hell I was.
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt. Not necessarily because I think he’s going to hurt you again, but because I think you’ll hurt yourself if you only lock in on him. I think it’s good for you to look around. Maybe it’ll hurt a little, but it’s good for you to gain a little perspective.”
I shook my head. I didn’t care if she was speaking sense or not. I just couldn’t do it. I needed to move on. The sooner I did, the better. So the next guy who came through that door and smiled my way was getting a wide smile in return. It was time to move on.
It turned out it didn’t take long. A dark-haired guy with decently firm muscles sat down and asked if he could buy me a drink. I refrained from asking if he was old enough and just smiled and said thank you. Was dating even on the table for me? After what happened in Sanremo? Are you insane?
Sanremo or no Sanremo, I needed to move on with my life. Besides, it wasn’t like Lucas was ever coming back. No more Lucas. He’d taken up far too much of my brain power.
“Hey, I’m Mark. Who are you?”
“Oh, is that your best game?” I laughed.
He flashed a grin. “Nope, but I was easing into it. Maybe I should have been more direct and asked you to dinner.”
While Mark might not have been the exact type of guy I wanted to date, he seemed nice, and he had one thing going for him. He wasn’t Lucas. And that earned him a lot of points at the moment.
“Seems like maybe you should do that.”
“Would help if I knew your name.”
Jinx laughed and excused herself. “I’ll let you two crazy kids talk.”
Traitor. “I’m Bryna. Bryna Tressel.”
“Fantastic Bryna, let me get you that drink and dazzle you with my lack of charm.”
Mark was the perfect soothing balm to my ego.
* * *
Penny
“So, are you and I ever going to talk about what it is you’re doing in the dungeons?”
That was unexpected. Of course, given that my father was Head of Intelligence, it struck me that he would be amongst the first to find out about my occasional late-night trips. But I hadn’t expected it to be so soon. “Dad, I won’t insult you by asking you what you’re talking about. But I will suggest that maybe sometimes you just trust me?”
“You know I trust you, which is why I’m having this conversation with you and not Sebastian. But you’re playing with fire.”
“I’m not going to get hurt Dad. Besides, he won’t talk to me anyway. No way to get hurt if I can’t get the guy to talk, right?”
“Penny, I know he hurt you. I know the things that he did.” My father shook, his hands trembling slightly until he flattened them on his large oak desk. The sunlight glinted on the crest on his Regents Council ring. “I’m so furious about what he tried to do to you. Furious that he got so close and that we all missed it. As far as I was concerned, he was family. I was fooled. And I want him to pay as badly as you do. But this… this is a fool’s errand. And the only one that will get hurt is you.”
I pushed off from the wall, taking deliberate strides toward my father, and I sat in the seat across from him at his desk. “Look, I know you want to protect me, and I appreciate it. But I’m strong enough. I can handle this.”
“No one is saying you’re not strong Penelope, but this man tried to kill you.”
I squared my shoulders then. I met my father’s gaze levelly. “He tried to kill my husband too. And that’s what you and Sebastian are forgetting. He tried to kill your king. My king. The
King of the Winston Isles. And as I had yet to marry him, I was still his Royal Guard. That was on my watch Dad. After all that work of saving him in New York, I almost lost him because I was busy making doe-eyes at him.”
“Sweetheart, there was no way you could have seen through Robert. I didn’t see through him, and it is my job as Head of Intelligence. For years, none of us knew what he was capable of. But something of this magnitude? I didn’t see it. And I know what it feels like to not see something that was right in front of your eyes. It can drive you mad, and you’re only going to make yourself crazy.”
I knew what he thought; that I was going to get so caught up in Robert that I couldn’t think straight. But I knew what I was doing. It was the only card I had to play. And I was playing it. It was a dangerous game. But I had to know. I had to know who else was involved.
So far, Robert had been playing coy. Teasing a little information here and there, making promises to give more information the more access he had. It was a ploy, a charade. He was playing games, and real lives were at stake. Not just Sebastian’s, but Lucas’s and their sister Jessa’s, as well. She had no idea what was brewing half a world away. She was just living her life as if everything was great. They were all in danger. Robert had taken things that far because I hadn’t seen him for what he was. And if I had, I’d ignored it. If I’d been paying attention in the early days, would King Cassius still be alive? I thought about it every day.
“Daddy, I know what I’m doing. Besides, remember? There was a time when I’d actually started to be good at this job.”
He sat back. “Have you given more thought to what I asked?”
My father had asked me if I would be giving up my Royal Guard post. At that time, I hadn’t known what my answer was. Actually, that’s a lie. I did know what it was. Hell no! But I recognized that as queen, it sort of didn’t make sense for me to be a Royal Guard. The other option was that I could fight for a role in Intelligence. More analyst stuff and no field work. But that was a gray area. And Sebastian would have to sign off. Something told me that Sebastian would not be signing off.
While we were in New York, all I wanted to do was be an artist. I wanted to stay as far away from the family business as possible. But now, after everything that had happened, I was knee-deep it. It was as if the long-dormant gene that existed in all my ancestors who were Royal Guards before me had been awoken. And the idea of giving it all up filled me with frustration.
Just tell him you want to be in Intelligence. The words should have come easily, but there was something wrong about them. I couldn’t push them out. Maybe because I understood the special relationship with my father would make things difficult. Also, my brother Michael worked in Intelligence. And, of course, there was the question of Sebastian. He’d given me everything when it came to my art. A studio with the best light so I could paint in the palace. Anything I needed. Hell, he was still letting me host shows, trying to organize them. He planned to show his photography and my paintings at the Tate. He really was the best husband. Then why don’t you tell him?
Because telling him would make him worry about my safety, and he actually understood that I needed to right that wrong. I’d missed the signs, and he’d lost his father. I’d be damned if I was going to lose him too.
“Dad, relax. I’m not going to jeopardize anything. I’m still allowed to see him, correct?”
He pursed his lips. “Yes, for now.”
“And the sessions were recorded, right?”
He lifted a brow. “No, they’re currently not. As is the law.”
“Well then, just know that I’m not doing anything stupid. I’m just trying to get information out of him, okay? He’ll talk to me. One of these days, he just will.”
My father sighed. “Penny, be careful. I know that you won’t lose any part of yourself as you try and get information from him.”
“You have nothing to worry about Dad. Besides, all of this will end just as soon as he tells me who else took part in the conspiracy. When that happens, we can all go back to normal and everything will be just fine.”
As if I believed that. I stood from the chair, pushing back. Once I was in the hallway, I turned left and smiled when I saw who leaned against the pillar.
“Hey, little sister.”
“Hey, Michael.”
“So, Dad gave you the whole ‘This isn’t safe, you need to stop’ speech?”
“Yeah, of course he did.”
Michael nodded before pulling out a note from his pocket and handing it over to me. “Here’s the note. You can read it if you want.”
“Thank you for this. And I’m not going to read it. It’s private. I just need to work him so that he might give me the information I need. That’s all. So right now, he wants to know it’s from you. I don’t want him to have any actual personal contact with you.”
Michael pursed his lips. “I don’t mind. Whatever it takes to get information. And for the record, I don't want you having any personal contact with him either. I think we both feel played, used, exploited.”
Michael more than me I thought, but kept it to myself. “I understand how angry you are, but that won’t fix anything. We just need to get him to give up who he’s working with, and that fixes it. Because then, you and I will have done our jobs. Remember? Our family has guarded the royal family since the beginning. I’ll not have that change now. So, big brother, you stay safe. Let me do the dirty work. Besides, I’m pretty certain Sebastian will forgive me.”
Michael shook his head. “You are playing with fire. Please be careful down there.”
I gave him my best, confident smile. The one I used when I was just about the least confident. All teeth. All I had to do was convince a traitor and attempted murderer to give up who he’s working for. I could do that, right? It’s super easy.
15
bryna
Jinx was taking this whole I’m-ready-to-start-dating thing a little far.
“Oh my God, you’re going to need the perfect outfit. First date and hotness, come on.”
“Okay wow, you’re really excited.”
“Of course, I’m excited. That’s if you’re ready. If you’re not ready, I can be totally unexcited. That’s what best friends do; give you what you need. Tell me what you need.”
“I’m ready. I mean, I want to be ready.”
Jinx sighed. “Honey, if you’re not ready, you don’t have to go. But I will point out that it is just a date. If you don’t like him, I will come to the rescue. I’ll create a diversion. There’ll be bombs. There’ll be—"
I just shook my head. “Oh my God. It’s a drink. I can manage a drink. A drink will be fine. Fun even.”
“Uh, good, because you’ve been in serious mopey-mopey land. And well, this guy might be totally hot, but—"
“It’s a drink. I can do a drink. Besides, it’s good for me to get out. I’ve been going to work and travelling, coming straight home, and sitting in the apartment. I’m pretty sure you want me out of my crusty, stained pajamas at some point.”
“Yes. Please, Lord, yes. Because as much as I love you, those things are hideous. And you must help to décor the place.”
“Well, I’m glad I’m finally getting to help class the place up a little. I just didn’t expect to be so messed up over this.”
“Honey, it’s love. It hurts. It really does. No one expects you to be over it right away or to jump back into something, but I’ve been worried. Seriously worried. So to see you taking an interest in doing something other than sitting in the apartment curled up with a good book and watching episodes of Idle and the Boys all of a sudden, I’m a little spooked.”
“It’s not been that bad.”
Jinx slid me a raised-brow glance as we walked past Jazzy Boutique. “Oh, it hasn’t?”
“Okay, it’s been that bad. Actually, do you mind? Let’s pop in here. Might as well window shop.”
“Still pinching every penny, huh?”
“I don’t really have a
choice. My savings are gone. And New York was one expensive city. But, I am actually gainfully employed now, so, I’m making money. But maybe there’s an accessory that will work for tonight instead of a whole new outfit.”
Jinx laughed. “You got it. Besides, we’re about the same size, so no big deal.”
I laughed at that. “Jinx, you’re five foot two. Your skirts will barely cover my ass.”
“You know, that’s beside the point. My tops will fit you.”
“Yes, okay fine. But honestly, any dress or skirt you have will be a joke on me. And the pants, let’s not even go there.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’ve always thought you loved capris.”
I was taller than her by six inches. When I tried to borrow her clothes, things became obscene quickly. “Hardy har. Let me stop at the ATM and get some money.”
I’d stopped using my credit cards. Well, I’d cut up my credit cards that were linked to my parents’ accounts. I had my own credit card, but I only used it for emergencies. It was weird, but I kind of liked being on a budget. For the first time, I was the only one responsible for my finances. It felt good. Even if the way it had all happened sucked.
I put my card in, punched in my code and waited. When the balance popped up on the screen, I blinked. What the hell?
Instead of flashing insufficient funds as it had on that fateful day back in New York, my balance was four times the amount it should have been. Someone had put all my money back.
Except, who had that kind of access? My parents didn’t know where I banked anymore. What the hell?
“Come on, we’ve got to go. If you want to get some shopping in before we go, hop to it.”
“Jinx, please look at that amount and tell me what it is.”
Jinx peered over my shoulder. “Wow! I guess what you call broke and what I call broke are two different things. You’ve got ten grand in there. I think you can buy more than an accessory.”
“Yeah. That’s just the thing. Two days ago, I had two thousand dollars in there, and I haven’t been paid yet.”