There was a knock at my door. I got up to answer it. It was Allen.
“I don’t want to die. As long as I’m alive, there is something to hope for, something to live for.”
I closed the door behind him.
“You really love that fool don’t you?” he asked, changing the subject.
“With all my heart.”
“But you said you wish you had met me first.”
“Why are we still talking about this, Allen?”
“Because I have to know.”
“What are you trying to establish, that you are better than Kenny? Does your ego need a boost that badly?
“I want to know that everything I’ve ever worked for in my life wasn’t for nothing.”
“Most of what we do in life is for nothing. Most of it is just to pass the time until God gets ready to take our souls. So, yes, most of what you did in your life was to please other people but that doesn’t mean it was for nothing. If you learned anything, then it wasn’t for nothing.”
“The only thing I’ve learned is that you have to do something to please yourself. You have to do at least one thing in this life to please you. One moment of pleasure makes it all worth it.” He explained.
“Not at the expense of other people.” I argued.
“Why not? They would do it to you.”
“You have to be better than them. They steal momentary pleasure here and there, wherever they can get it. You, on the other hand, you have the ability to save up all of your little moments and trade them in for one big moment. If you are patient, God will give you whatever you desire.”
“Whatever I desire?” He asked
“Anything:”
“So, how did Kenny get to be so lucky as to have you?”
“Allen, it’s true, I love Kenny with all my heart. But you, I feel that I could love you for all my life. I could love you until time itself just ran out. I don’t know why God brought Kenny and me together, but I have to believe that it is for a good reason and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. Still, I believe that you will find all the happiness that you deserve.”
“Why were you crying when I came in?” he asked, on a seemingly different note.
“I was worried about you.”
“You must cry a lot at home then, being married to Kenny. I know he goes out intoxicated quite often.”
“I stopped crying over Kenny a long time ago.”
“Why?”
“Because he is going to do what he wants to do anyway. I may as well save all of my tears for something more meaningful,” I assured him.
“You think I’m worth crying over?”
“Yes - until you show me that you are going to do what you want to do regardless of what’s right or wrong. The fact that you came back just shows me that you know right from wrong and that you are considerate enough to know when someone cares about your well-being.”
“If you were my wife, you would never cry. I would make sure you never felt any pain. I would make it my life’s work to keep you happy.”
“I appreciate that, Allen. But you should be focusing that energy on Lisa,” I reminded him.
“I’ve tried. Lisa doesn’t want that kind of attention. She wants to run things. She wants to be the man, the bread winner, the boss. She won’t let me do anything for her.”
“She let you take her to her parents’ house this week. Why didn’t she just take her car?” I asked, curious.
“She hasn’t been doing well. Her use of her legs has been diminishing for some time now and she can hardly get around, let alone drive.”
“Why haven’t you all told anyone? Is there anything that can be done?”
“No. She’s been going to the doctor for tests. They don’t know anything yet.”
“I’ll keep her in my prayers,” I assured him.
“Do that.”
“Well, I need to get on the phone and try to get a flight out of here in the morning and you need to get some rest.”
“What time is your meeting?”
“It’s at 12:00pm. If I miss this meeting, it will spell disaster for my business,” I told him.
“If I have to, I’ll drive you to LA. I’ll do anything I can to make sure you succeed in your business.”
It was at that moment that I realized that this is the man I should be with. He just said the magic phrase. He just showed me the faith he had in me. This wasn’t about love, money, feelings, emotions, Tahoes, or Mercedes. This was about someone believing in you. This man believed in me and it just made him the sexiest man in the world.
I walked over to the chair where he was sitting and took a much needed hug. I laid my head helplessly on his strong strapping shoulder and squeezed him as tightly as my petite arms would let me. He reached around my small back with his massive arms and reciprocated a deep and sensual hug, practically lifting me off the ground as he stood up to make the hug sincere. As he lifted up, I felt something pressing into my stomach that felt like raw steel. It was huge and rock-hard. I pulled away faster than a Catholic teenage virgin the night before her wedding. I was afraid of what I was feeling, literally and emotionally. This thing was happening way too fast for me and we were in way deeper than we both knew. I quickly moved back to the “safe” side of the room and got on the phone with the airlines. I was more than ready to get on the first thing smoking out of here. I watched out of my peripheral vision as Allen fell asleep on his bed and I imagined he was mine. I longed to crawl in the bed with him and find out what that was pressed against my stomach moments earlier. These are the defining moments of our life. It’s times like these that help us determine who we are. I often wondered if I would be able to display integrity in the moment of truth. Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching. There was nothing preventing us from performing the best sexual acts of our life right here and now. We are two people in less than desirable marriages, alone with each other, hundreds of miles away from anyone who could discover our possible indiscretion, longing to touch each other in the most erotic way imaginable. Who would find out, who would know? We would. We would and God would. For all the hot, hearty sex on the planet, it’s not worth it for that reason.
He slept while I tried feverishly to book a flight out in time for my meeting. I kept getting the same response. Those flights were filled hours ago, while I was out frolicking with my brother-in-law. It was apparent that I was going to miss my meeting. I knew I was going to have to reschedule. I knew it was going to be practically impossible to get these people to agree to see me another time. This had been set for months and one bad weather day was going to ruin my chances of landing the deal of the century. Maybe this was my punishment for coveting my brother-in-law. If I had been on the phone with the airline instead of gazing into Allen’s light brown eyes at dinner, maybe I would be halfway on my way to California right now or at least by morning. After what seemed like hours of back-and-forth with the airlines, to no avail, I finally gave up. I decided to take a shower and go to bed. Maybe my luck would be better in the morning after some much-needed rest.
When I woke up the next morning, Allen was sitting in a chair next to my bed, showered and fully-dressed, staring at me.
“What are looking at?” I asked, disoriented.
“I was just watching you sleep. You look so beautiful.”
“Allen. Get a grip. I am your sister-in-law. Don’t you think this is getting too deep? Let’s not complicate things. We just spent the night together in a hotel and neither of our spouses knows where we are. I would say we are pushing our luck.”
“You’re right. So what time is your flight?”
“I don’t have one.”
I went on to explain my problem and Allen began to immediately blame himself.
“It’s not your fault,” I told him. No matter what I said to him, he still felt responsible.
“How could it not be my fault? If I had made sure you had a flight out of here instead trying to wine and dine
you, you would be on your way to your big presentation right now.”
“It’s not that, it’s just that so many people got stranded yesterday and they are all trying to get out of here today. They probably stayed at the airport all night and the airlines ensured that they would be on the first flights out of here. You actually saved me from having to sleep in a chair on C concourse.”
“Yeh, but now look at where you are. You’re here, and your meeting is hundreds of miles away.”
“Allen, I have to be honest. When things like this happen to me, I somehow think that God has his hand in it. Maybe he wanted me to be stuck in Denver. Maybe God did not want me to make that meeting. I don’t know what His will is. I just know that he gives us more than enough chances to do the right thing and when we do, he will reward us. I feel that God is pleased with me and missing my meeting is part of his bigger plan.”
“So what are you going to do now?”
“Well, I’m going to get on a plane back to Birmingham. From there, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I will probably have to go back to corporate America. I don’t know how long I can run my business on fumes. My savings is close to depleted and Kenny has categorically stated that he, in no way, will support me while I try to build my company.”
“This was the deal that was going to make you, huh?” he asked, disappointed.
“Yeh, this was the one. They were going to put a big, fat check in my hand at the end of my presentation.”
“Well, what if I just put one in your hand right now?” he asked
“What are you talking about?” I asked, interested.
“What if I just give you the money you need to stay afloat until you can land a huge deal and get your company off the ground?”
“Allen, I can’t let you do that. It could take months before I could pay you back.”
“I said ‘give’ you the money. I don’t want you to pay me back. I want to do something for you to make up for this mess.”
“Like I said, it’s not your fault. Besides, Kenny would have a lot of questions if I come home with a check from his brother.”
“Kenny doesn’t have to know. Look, Nya, I hate to say this about my brother because I love him, but I have to tell you the truth. Kenny doesn’t want you to succeed. He wants you to be stuck behind a desk so you can be as unhappy as he is. He wants to say, ‘I told you that you could not make it in this business.’ He wants you to depend on a job and depend on him. He needs to feel needed. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Kenny only has Kenny’s interests at heart. Besides, if he knew I gave you the money, he would try to spend it all before you ever got the chance to do what you need to do for your business. That’s just Kenny. He is my brother, but he is selfish. I’m not telling you anything that you don’t already know. I’m not trying to hate on my brother, but you know I’m telling the truth.”
Allen was right. Everything he said was true. I just wasn’t sure I was comfortable with hiding money from my husband, especially when it came from his brother.
“Allen, I’m going to have to think about it. Why don’t I call when I get back home?”
“That’s fine. Just let me know. I’ll have my accountant write you a check. Is $15,000 enough to keep you from going back to those White people’s job?”
“How much?” I asked in total shock.
“You’re right. Why don’t we make it $25,000? Do you think that will do it?”
“Allen, I can’t take that kind of money from you.”
“Just think it over, Ny. Call me when you get home. I’ll give you my work number. You can use it anytime.”
“Thank you, Allen. Thanks for everything.”
I reached up to get a hug and this time he lifted me off the ground.
“I love you,” I told him.
He put me down and kissed me on the forehead. I felt like a 17 year-old.
“I’m going to go home and change clothes. Call me when you’re ready to check out and I’ll take you to the airport.”
“I better get back on the phone and see if I can get back to Alabama since they are not letting me go to California this morning. Don’t you have to go to work?”
“I’m the boss. Work starts when I get there. I’ll either go late or just take the day off. I’ll play it by ear. Just call me when you’re ready.”
Allen left and I began to call for a flight back home. I could not help but think about him and all that he was willing to do for me. He wanted to do things that my own husband would never do. Allen genuinely wanted me to succeed. He was right about Kenny being selfish. It’s one thing to know it in your heart, but it’s something else to hear someone else actually say it, especially someone who loves him at least as much as, if not more than you. I wanted to take the money from Allen, I needed the money, but despite how I felt about my husband, I did not want to lie to him. I always tried to deal straight with him and yet it was getting me nowhere. It’s very difficult to be successful in something when the person you trust the most is telling you that you can’t do it.
Getting a flight back to Birmingham was easier than it should have been. I took it as a sign that God did not want me to make it to California. What’s more is that I was starting to think he wanted me to spend the night in Denver with Allen with opportunity and motive to see what I would do. I was proud of myself for not sleeping with him because I really wanted to. My body ached at the thought of him putting 10 to 12 inches of rock-hard dick inside of me. At least that’s what it felt like he was packing when I hugged him. It’s not just the physical part, though. Allen makes me feel safe. He makes me feel like he’s got my back. If ever I were in the most perilous situation of my life, I would want Allen to be the one with me, not Kenny. A woman’s most primitive need is to be protected and Allen makes me feel that way. He satisfies my most primitive, innate desire to be safe. Still, I have to remember my obligation to my husband. If I can just make it out of Colorado without doing something I’ll regret, I’ll be alright.
I called Allen back to let him know that I had a flight out. He told me that he was 15 minutes away. I went downstairs to check out. The clerk at the front desk informed me that my room had already been paid for, but I had a balance because of my phone usage. I was less than impressed with this funky ass, fake-bourgeoisie hotel and their ridiculous charges. He asked if he could just place the phone charges on Allen’s card but I told him not to. I wrote him one of my company checks for the difference and told him everything but “Kiss my ass” as I left. When Allen arrived, he opened the car door for me and placed my bag in the back. He said he was going inside to get an itemized receipt. I waited in the car for him and noticed the music he was listening to:
When you feel it in your body, you’ve found somebody who makes you change your ways, like hanging with your crew. Say you act like you’re ready but you don’t really know, and everything in your past you ought to let it go. I’ve been there, done it, walked around. After all that, this is what I found. Nobody wants to be alone. If you’re touched by the words in this song then baby, you’ve got it, you’ve got it bad when you’re on the phone - you hang up and call right back. You’ve got it, you’ve got it bad when you miss a day without your friend your whole life’s off track. Boy you’ve got it bad when you’re stuck in the house you don’t want to have fun, ‘cause all you think about...you got it bad when you’re out with someone but you keep on thinkin’ ‘bout somebody else.
When you say that you love them and you really know, everything that you used to matter, it don’t matter no more like my money, all my cars, you can have it all..
“You ready?” Allen asked as he got in the car suddenly.
I must have looked startled because he asked me if I was okay.
“Why do you ask?”
“You looked like you were in a trance. You like my music? It’s Usher,” He told me.
“It’s cool. I can relate to that song.”
“You got it bad?” He asked, jokingly.
I rolled my eyes and turned my head. We drove for several miles without a word between us until Allen decided it was time to establish an alibi.
“Have you talked to your husband since you’ve been here?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“We were on bad terms when I left. I did not want to talk to him.”
“Are you going to tell him what happened? I mean, are you going to tell him that we saw each other?”
“I don’t know. I think that will spark a series of questions that I’m not inclined to answer,” I told him.
“Well, I need to know. I mean, I don’t want to say anything different than what you say.”
“God, imagine if we had actually slept together. We would really be trying to think up a lie. I’m just going to tell him that the airline put the passengers up in a hotel last night and flew us out this morning. If he knows we saw each other, he is going to want to know what we said, what we did, where was Lisa and the baby. Hell, he might think we planned this whole thing and that it was never my intention to go to California. You know how your brother is!”
“You’re right. Let’s just go with that.”
We pulled up at the airport and Allen got out and carried my bag inside for me.
“Call me when you make it home,” he insisted.
“I will. Thanks for everything, Allen.”
I reached up to hug him and he placed one hand underneath my chin and the other on the back of my head. He tilted my head back slightly and kissed me on the lips. I thought I was going to pass out. I mustered up enough strength to pull away before I slipped him some tongue. As I pulled away, he placed his hands on my cheeks and slid them down my face. He was looking at me as if he created me and I was his greatest masterpiece. I shivered a bit as his hands left my face.
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