“So what happened?”
“I went off to college and I was going to come back and marry her. I found out that she was cheating on me, so I broke up with her. That’s when she got me drunk and begged me to take her back. I told her the answer was no. I don’t remember anything after that, but she says we slept together. I just don’t believe I would do that.”
I was in shock. I could not believe this man was saving himself for marriage.
“So, you didn’t sleep with anyone after that?”
“Lisa was my first.”
“Stop lying!”
Allen was still not amused.
“I’m sorry, Allen, but this is just too much. If this is true, then you are some special person. I mean you’re special anyway, but, damn!”
“Ny, I don’t take sex lightly.”
I can attest to that.
“I know Allen. It’s just that, well, I thought I was the only person on earth who waited until marriage. And the fact that you are a guy makes it that much more special.”
“I know. When Kenny told me you were a virgin, I thought you were pretty special too.”
“He told you?”
“Yeh, he was so proud! He thinks you’re special too.”
“Yeh, right. He sure doesn’t treat me that way.”
“I will.”
I started my car and drove down the driveway into the carport. I was stunned by what I just heard and it must have shown on my face when I entered the house.
“You look like you saw a ghost,” my mother-in-law told me.
“She is in shock because someone took her man’s job as Head Turkey Fryer,” Denise instigated.
I just smiled and went back to my room. I draped myself across the bed and looked up at the ceiling. I was stunned. I always knew Allen was special, but to hear him say that he was saving himself just blew me away. I mean, he is pure. He is untarnished. I can’t help but think about how difficult it must have been for him, being a guy and all. For me, it was easy to abstain. I earned a reputation as being stuck-up very early on and I just ran with it. There was no one deserving enough to deflower me. My parents always put me up on a pedestal and made me believe I was better than everyone else so I never wanted or needed the affections of a boy. I always knew I would wait until I got married. It just makes me sorry I didn’t marry someone more deserving, like Allen. How wonderful it would have been for two people to save themselves for each other and never have been with another person. Instead, here we are two people who’ve only been with one other person and we somehow end up falling in love. It makes me want to give all of my love to him. It makes me want to give him everything - every part of me. I fell asleep thinking about it.
It must have been hours later when I woke up because I could hear Kenny yelling from down the hall. He was cursing and I could hear another voice yelling back at him. I jumped up suddenly and listened to see what the confusion was about.
“And who told this motherfucker to fry the turkey? Don’t nobody want his dry ass turkey!” Kenny whined.
“Who was going to wait for your no golf-playing ass to come home and do it? Some people do want eat on Thanksgiving Day!” Allen yelled.
It wasn’t like Kenny and Allen never got into arguments, it’s just that I was especially sensitive to in now since I was in this love triangle with them.
“Thanksgiving is tomorrow, I was going to cook the turkey tonight, idiot!”
“Well, I couldn’t take that chance. You seem too wrapped up in yourself to pay attention to your family,” Allen told him.
“Are we still talking about turkey?” Kenny asked.
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you want more than just my job frying turkey.”
I pretty much knew where this was going so I decided to go in the front and see if my presence would calm things down a bit. When I walked in, I was surprised to find that no one was really even paying those two any attention. The whole family was there, but everyone was either cooking, reading, or watching television. No one seemed especially intrigued by the nature of the fight, not yet anyway.
“Oh, really? And what do you have that I could possibly want?”
“My wife, Nigga! You want my wife!”
Everyone was paying attention now. I thought I was going die, I was so embarrassed. Lisa looked like she had seen a ghost.
“Fool, I’ve got a wife.”
“Yeh? Does she know you saw my wife in Denver a few weeks ago?”
Lisa sat up straight and looked at me.
“Nigga, I don’t have any secrets from my wife - unlike you,” Allen yelled.
“Oh, no? Lisa, did you know Nya spent the night in Denver a few weeks ago?”
Lisa shook her head.
“Apparently only Nya and Allen knew.”
Everyone was quiet and waiting for the next exchange.
“If you were more attentive in your house, you would know where your wife is. Nya is my sister-in-law and she didn’t have anyone in Denver she could call except me. If there’s something wrong with that, then somebody please tell me right now.”
“If it was so innocent why didn’t you tell your wife?” Kenny pressed.
“Fool, my wife was out of town. Besides, I tell my wife everything.”
Lisa looked at Allen. She had realized that the time they were speaking of, she was at her parent’s house. She looked at me as if she wanted me to try to explain myself, but I wasn’t saying a word until I heard what Allen had to say.
“Well, I don’t know what you tell your wife, but you must have told mine some good shit because she had the nerve to tell me she had feelings for you!” Kenny screamed.
Lisa was ready to explode. Everyone else took a deep breath. Allen looked at me.
“I can’t help how she feels,” Allen answered.
“No, but how do you feel? Go ahead, say it here in front of everyone. Get it all out. If you have feelings for Nya, show her by acknowledging it in front of all of these people, including your wife. If you don’t, tell her right now in front of everyone and end this shit right now! Here’s the thing, though: You can’t lie. You can’t say you don’t care for her now, and then go back later and tell her you do. Nya’s not stupid. She’s not going to let you play her like that. So what’s up Allen? Do you have feelings for Nya or not?”
There was deafening silence. Everyone pulled up to the edge of their chair and looked straight at Allen’s mouth. The words that would come out next would be the ones that would change everyone’s life - or not. I was shaking, but tried not to let my nervousness show. Allen looked at me like he was waiting for me to give him the answers on a pop quiz. I looked at him as if I were saying with my eyes to just tell the truth. It was going to have to come out anyway. This is as good a way as any. I had not realized that my telling Kenny I had feelings for Allen had affected him so deeply. Kenny must have been carrying around that hurt for the past several days since I told him. I thought that after Kenny and I spent the day at the hotel, he had forgotten about me saying I had feelings for Allen. Kenny is smart too. He knows if Allen says the wrong thing, I’ll never speak to him again. And Lisa must really feel that I betrayed her. Here I am telling her to leave her man, and now she must feel that I said that because I wanted him for myself. I tried not to be selfish, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about what Angela said. She was right, Allen and I had a right to be happy. It’s not our responsibility to worry about what others think. Kenny and Lisa had their chance. It’s our turn to be happy. I knew how Allen felt about me but I was really curious about what he would say. He was in a very awkward position. He was under no obligation to answer Kenny’s question, but given that everyone was biting their fingernails waiting for a response, it would certainly go a long way if he did. The last thing I wanted was for it to come out like this, but since we found ourselves in this position, it may as well be now.
“Don’t be stupid man, of course I care about Nya, she’s
my sister-in-law. And of course I find her attractive, I mean, look at her. What man wouldn’t think she’s attractive? As far as Nya being in Denver, I don’t know why she didn’t tell you. Maybe you all don’t have much of a relationship and she didn’t want to tell you. If you want to know why I didn’t tell my wife, it’s because my wife had left me. That’s right, she left! I didn’t know if she was coming back or not. She told me she didn’t want to be married to me anymore. So when she came back, we had more important things to talk about than Nya’s travel itinerary. So, if your wife doesn’t love you anymore, that sounds like your problem, not mine.”
Everyone’s mouth was wide open. They were all in complete shock. I felt Allen did an excellent job of circumventing the real question of whether or not he had feelings for me. I was proud of him for standing up for me, yet still respecting my wishes to not tell everyone just yet.
“Well, at least my wife didn’t leave me. You’ve got your own set of problems,” Kenny told him.
“Well, she’s back. So my problems may be over but yours may be just beginning.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Kenny asked.
Surprisingly, Lisa jumped in after not being able to keep quiet any longer.
“It means Allen and I had our problems and now we are back together - for good,” She ended, as she rolled her eyes at me, “And, I have a surprise. This is as good a time as any to tell Allen that he is going to be a father again. I’m pregnant.”
My heart stopped beating and Lisa smiled like the evil villain on a soap opera. If everyone thought that they had been shocked before, they were floored by this new development. Allen was stunned. He looked over at me like he wanted to apologize. I could tell he really wanted to be happy about the baby but he didn’t want me to think he still wanted Lisa. Everyone took turns mumbling insincere congratulations. I didn’t know if I was going to pass out or just straight up die! This was a monkey wrench that I did not see coming. There was no way Allen was leaving his wife now, and even though she says she doesn’t want him anymore, she sure as hell is not going to let me have him. She may stay with him just to keep me from getting him.
I really wanted to get up, but there was no way I could be the first one to leave that room. If I did, it would be quite obvious that I was hurt by the news. I just sat there waiting for someone to say something, do something, or just leave. I wanted to cry. I could feel the lump in my throat and I was afraid if I spoke, my voice would crack. Allen sat down next to Lisa and put his arm around her. They spoke quietly to each other and he placed his other hand on her stomach. I could feel myself getting light-headed and dizzy. It was so unfair. How could things take this horrible turn? I was about get everything I wanted, and now she’s all of a sudden magically pregnant. There was no way I could stay married to Kenny and watch Allen and Lisa bring another child in the world together knowing that I’m in love with Allen. It would kill me. So, my mind was made up. Allen or not, I was going to leave Kenny.
Lisa got up and went to the back. She returned with Andy sleep in her arms. She and Allen walked toward the front door.
“We’ll be back later,” Allen announced to the room.
Shortly after they pulled out of the carport, Kenny grabbed his keys. I’m going to Dinky’s. They’re supposed to be killing a hog. He left.
Alex went in the back to his room and I sat there with my mother-in-law and Denise. Those two weren’t going anywhere. I knew it was their intent to pick me apart and dissect everything that just happened. I decided I was going to try to escape, if they would let me. I got up and started walking toward my room.
“Ny, do you want to talk about it?” Denise asked me.
I stopped in my tracks. Without turning around, I answered, “No.”
I continued to walk when my mother-in-law tells me, “It’s not as bad as it seems.”
I turned around and tears gushed from my face. I held back the tears as long as I could until my head was pounding. I walked over to her and placed my wet face on her shoulder.
“Ny, what are you going to do?” She asked me.
“I don’t know, ma.”
“Baby, the first thing you need to do is be honest with Kenny. Saying you have feelings for Allen is not enough. You have to tell Kenny how you truly feel. You have to make a choice. You think you’re sparing feelings by waiting to say how you feel, but you are really hurting people. And when you hurt people, you get hurt.”
“It doesn’t matter now. Allen and Lisa are having a baby,” I sobbed.
“You know Allen. He is a good man and he is not going to leave that girl with a brand new baby. The only way you still have a chance with him is if she leaves him.”
“She told me didn’t want him.”
“She probably doesn’t, but she doesn’t want you to have him either. She would stay there and be miserable before she let you have him,” Denise jumped in.
“Nya, you’re missing the point. You’re doing the same thing Lisa is doing. You’re staying with Kenny because you can’t have Allen. You need to deal with your own issues before you move on to something else. If you don’t love Kenny anymore and you don’t want to be with him, tell him. Let him go. Then you will be opening the door to the possibility of having a relationship with Allen.”
Ma was right. It was something I had been struggling with for a while anyway, but I just didn’t know how to go about it. I mean, I don’t want to tell Kenny to leave my house, but I don’t want to leave either. With the money Allen gave me, I could help Kenny get an apartment, or I could just let him have the house and I could buy another house. I guess I never gave it whole lot of thought because at the end of the day, I was just too settled into my life to change it. Now I have this whole new reason to make changes and I don’t know where to begin. I want this life with Allen, but I don’t know where to begin. And now that Lisa is mad at me, I don’t know if she will ever relinquish my man! I imagine the only thing she wants more than to keep me away from Allen is for her to have her ex-boyfriend back.
“Well, I say, if she left him once, she will do it again. Probably as soon as this thing with you cools down. Maybe you can wait her ass out! Why did she leave anyway?” Denise asked.
I looked at Denise and then at Ma.
“She told you?” Denise asked, intrigued.
I didn’t answer.
“She did tell you! What a stupid ass! That must have been before she knew you liked Allen. Well, tell us!” Denise pressed.
“Don’t say a word,” I warned them.
“Come on, girl. It’s going to come out anyway. You know niggas around here can’t keep shit!” Denise continued.
“She’s still in love with her ex.”
“That buster?”
“You know him?” I asked Denise.
“Yeh, he works with Allen and Lisa. He’s a little punk ass nigga!”
“Why do you say that?”
“He just is. He was still trying to get back with Lisa after she and Allen got engaged. He almost got fired from the job for harassment.”
“Well, she said she still loves him,” I informed her.
“I guess the harassment worked,” Denise joked.
“Well, she’s stupid if she’s going to stay with Allen just to spite you. Does Allen know about Lisa’s ex?”
“No,” I told Denise.
“Maybe he should know,” Denise suggested.
“I promised I wouldn’t say a word.”
“Well, I didn’t. I’m going to tell him. I’m not going to let her play my brother like that. Hell, that baby might not even be for Allen.”
“Yeh, my baby. But Allen is still not going to leave her until he finds out for sure,” Ma told her.
“Well, at least he will know,” Denise reminded her.
“Nya, your best hope is that Lisa leaves Allen,” Ma told me.
“Yeh, but why would she do that now?” I wondered aloud.
We sat there for a few moments until my mother-in-l
aw summoned us to wrap things up in the kitchen. Thanksgiving was tomorrow and we still had a few more dishes to make. I was still feeling very down about everything. It was ironic because this is usually the happiest time of the year for me. I always look forward to coming down here for the holidays, and now something like this happens. I know that things will never be the same in this family and it’s mostly my fault. The best part about it is that at least there are only one or two people angry at me for it. I say one or two because while I know that Lisa is highly upset, I’m not sure if Kenny is even fazed by the whole thing. I think Kenny has it in his mind that there is no way I would ever leave him. He really thinks that much of himself.
After I finished in the kitchen, I went back into my room. I really didn’t know what to do now. I couldn’t even talk to Allen now. If I said one word to him, Lisa would be all in my mouth. What could he be thinking now? What is he feeling? I mean, I know his wife is pregnant, but if he really loves me like he says, he should still be able to break away, especially if he knows she only wants to stay with him to keep us apart. I thought about trying to talk to Lisa, but what would I say to her? She probably won’t even talk to me. I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. While technically, Allen and I haven’t done anything wrong, there are some things that we could have done better. I mean, it’s not like we’ve just been carrying on an affair or anything. If I had to do it all again, I don’t know if I would change anything.
I wanted to call Angela, but I knew she was probably at work now. I really needed someone to talk to. There was no one I could talk to about this, though. I tried to watch tv, I tried to read, I even pulled out my briefcase and tried to do some work, but it was no use. All I could think about was Allen. I decided that I really needed to talk to Angela, so I took a shower, got dressed, and went to the casino.
I got to the casino and rode the elevator up the executive offices. I got off the elevator and walked to her office. The door was closed, so I knocked.
“Come in.”
When I opened the door, I saw her sitting in her chair. She was hanging up the receiver of the phone.
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