by LK Chapman
When I asked Interface to let me feel pain again, I found that I could manage it a little better. I got up from the floor, and sat down on the sofa, staring straight across the room at the wall opposite. There was a way out of this. There was always a way out of situations, it was just a case of finding it. I went back over things that Interface had said to me. I remembered how it had felt when I was with Lily and Dan, standing at the top of the hill, and Interface had made me feel the most incredible, intense transcendence. How the Network, when I’d reached towards it, had been made of information; huge, unbelievable volumes of information- so much that it overwhelmed me. But then, crucially, I remembered that he’d said our minds were theoretically compatible with the Network, but that the problem was the way we lived now, that we were too used to being separate.
‘Interface,’ I said.
‘Yes.’
‘You told me once that our minds are compatible with the Network if they are in the right state.’
‘That is correct.’
‘Well, you know our minds pretty thoroughly now. Is there any way you can connect me to the Network without me dying? Any way at all, no matter how extreme.’
Interface was silent for a long time.
‘There is a way,’ he said, ‘but it will be complicated and time consuming. It may not even be successful.’
‘I’m willing to try it,’ I said, ‘if you are.’
Interface spent a long time explaining to me what would be involved, and although I was initially surprised he was willing to do something I’d asked him to do, it quickly became apparent that he was interested in the challenge it presented, and driven by curiosity to discover whether it could be done. Finally, the discussion was over, and he left me to make my preparations.
…
‘Are you sure this is what you want?’ he asked me once I was lying on the mattress I’d dragged off the bed onto the floor, a pile of cushions behind my back to keep me on my side.
‘Yes,’ I said.
‘You understand there are no guarantees. I still cannot say conclusively which parts of the brain are essential to life, and while I am working you will almost certainly have multiple, violent seizures.’
‘I know,’ I said, ‘you explained to me. I understand.’
‘Okay then. So in the first stage I need to remove all the content from your mind. I will store it in the Network and then attempt to pass some of the rest of the Network directly through the structure of your brain. You will not be aware of or remember this.’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘please, can we just do it?’
‘Once I have analysed the contents of your mind I can replace the parts that allow you to observe mental processes. Only then will you see the Network.’
I covered my face with my hands and drew my knees up to my chest. I knew that there was every likelihood I would die, or perhaps that I would end up with brain damage or irreversible harm done to other parts of my body. Even if everything went right I’d still have to go through an incredible ordeal and reading between the lines of Interface’s exploration of my brain and the violent seizures, I figured that everything that could conceivably come out of my body probably would. The whole thing would be unbelievably dangerous, probably entirely futile and also utterly humiliating. But I would see the Network. I would understand what it was, and if I could understand what it was then I could fight it.
‘I hope that once you have seen, you will no longer wish to fight us,’ Interface said.
‘Then why can’t you just tell me what you are, spare us all this?’
‘You mustn’t worry,’ Interface said, ‘I can react very quickly to anything that goes wrong. You will feel no pain. You’ll be unconscious throughout.’
‘But you can only intervene in my brain,’ I said, ‘not my body.’
‘Controlling your brain should suffice,’ he said. ‘Now are you sure you are ready for me to do this?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then let’s begin.’
Chapter 47
When I came round, I felt so awful that I wished I could fall unconscious again. My mouth felt dry and crusty not just on the outside, but on the inside- and the taste was, well, it tasted like sick that had been left to dry out for several hours, which was presumably exactly what it was.
My head was pounding, and seemed like it was full of dense fog, so that any thoughts were near impossible. My legs were clammy and sticky, and it was difficult to move my body. I wanted to open my eyes, but it felt like my eyeballs were glued to the back of my eyelids so I was barely able to do it, and when I finally did manage to look around, the light was blinding. I wanted to just fall back into oblivion, but I desperately needed some water. Through everything else, the clawing, consuming need for water was the strongest.
I heaved myself to my feet, and my vision greyed out completely. It was only bending over to let the blood get back to my head that stopped me fainting, but eventually I managed to stagger out of the room, clutching at the walls.
In the kitchen I turned the tap on and drank straight from it, the water tasting beautifully sweet. I didn’t even bother rinsing my mouth out before I started swallowing it, I just gulped it straight down, until eventually I calmed down sufficiently to get a pint glass out of the kitchen cupboard, fill it up, and drink from that.
Gradually, I became aware of other things. Firstly, that I smelt really terrible. Secondly, that my hands were shaking and my legs were barely holding me. In fact, I could hardly stand up to drink, and I slumped down onto the floor, my back against the cupboards. I meant to get something to eat, but I couldn’t move so I lay down and within moments, I passed out again.
When I woke the second time, I struggled to my feet and opened the cupboard where we kept tea and coffee and stuff, and I took out a bag of white sugar and ate five or six spoonfuls of it straight from the bag. The taste of it seemed astonishingly wonderful, like utter perfection, and I could feel it dissolving on my tongue, lending me its beautiful energy.
I had no particular feeling in my body of how much time had passed. It seemed like forever, but when I looked at the clock on the microwave I saw it was eight twenty in the morning, which didn’t make any sense, because I only started at seven or so.
‘The procedure took twenty-five hours and seven minutes,’ Interface said in my head. ‘But you’ll be pleased to know it was successful. I removed and analysed the contents of your mind and I can confirm that it is possible to pass the Network through the remaining structure.’
I could barely take in what he said; I was so horrified by the length of time I’d been out. Had I really been unconscious for twenty-five hours?
‘Lily...’ I said weakly.
‘She’s fine. So is Dan.’
Now that the sugar and water were beginning to revive me, I found the state of my body repulsive. I stripped naked and left my clothes on the kitchen floor, before making my way unsteadily to the bathroom. I wasn’t satisfied with Interface’s answer, and as I showered, I pressed him further.
‘What do you mean by fine?’ I asked, ‘she hasn’t... they haven’t...?’
‘No. They are both alive, in your sense of the term. I really don’t understand why you’re so eager to believe I wish to harm them.’
I had to admit, there was a certain pleasure in having a lot of different bodily needs, and working through each of them. The water had been the best I’d ever tasted, the sugar the sweetest, the shower the most refreshing. But I still felt horrible. My stomach had woken up, filling me with gnawing hunger, and every part of me was leaden with weariness. I felt like I needed to sleep for about a month. But suddenly, another thought struck me. Lily and Dan had been alone together all of the previous day, and all of the previous night.
‘Interface,’ I said.
‘Yes?’
‘Lily and Dan, what have they been doing?’
‘Not much,’ Interface said. ‘They miss you.’
‘I mean... have they done anythin
g together? Have they... are they having sex?’
I didn’t want to believe it. But Interface had been pushing things that way for a long time and it didn’t seem out of the question.
‘What, right now?’ Interface asked.
‘No,’ I said, though even thinking sentences was hard work. ‘I mean... I mean, have they had sex since they left?’
‘No,’ Interface said, ‘Lily and Dan have not had sex.’
‘I need to go to them,’ I said, ‘I want to be with them.’
‘Not yet. We haven’t put the Network through your mind with you able to observe it yet. Isn’t that what you wanted?’
I sat down under the shower and rested my chin on my knees. I could barely remember what I was doing, why I was doing this. I was just so fucking tired.
‘Have something to eat,’ Interface said, ‘Then get some sleep. When you have recovered a little, I will attempt to show you the Network. It will not take as long this time, and the side-effects will be minimal.’
…
Interface woke me around midday, as far as I could tell from the light in the bedroom.
‘I don’t want to wake up,’ I said to him, squeezing my eyes back shut, my body feeling like it weighed a ton.
‘You don’t need to,’ he said, ‘but I think your mind is ready for me to begin streaming part of the Network through it. Are you sure that is still what you want?’
‘Yes,’ I said wearily, ‘yes. Whatever.’
I wasn’t aware of Interface emptying information out of my head again, just as I hadn’t been the last time, because the first thing I knew was when I began to feel the Network spreading into my mind.
I could observe it, but I couldn’t really think about it much. Most of the contents of my mind were still missing, so I had no memories or any points of reference. I did at least seem to be able to think about what I was seeing in words, which I thought afterwards must be an integral part of witnessing and remembering information, but in terms of emotion or analysis, at the time, I was capable of neither.
But I got impressions, fragments, shadows. The information in the Network seemed very fluid. It didn’t stay in one point, it streamed back and forth- going where it was needed. All sorts of information- some of it largely meaningless to me, while some of it seemed a bit like human memories- rich with associations, complex with meanings. I could see that in the Network everything was very functional and ordered. Nothing was out of place. Everything was being used.
Gradually I began to get a sense of my surroundings- at least, the surroundings of my mind, of the Network. There were others; other points a bit like me, a web of them, enormous and seemingly never-ending. All of them were capable of passing on information, but I got the sense some were specialised, though not with any idea of their own importance or skill- they were just points in the landscape.
And I saw that the Network was not passive. It was busy, it was striving. It had motivation. There was something inherent in the Network that sought reward; that wanted to learn and grow and expand and explore. The Network loved patterns. It was a pattern itself, an enormous, intricate pattern, but it wanted patterns in everything. It wanted to reduce everything to being understandable and predictable- to build on its knowledge and explore continuously, expand continuously.
I don’t know how long Interface let me experience the Network. There seemed to be no time, no anything. But at some point, I came out of it, and then for a while there was nothing again.
When I woke, I felt better. My thoughts seemed ordered, my mind refreshed. It felt like the inside of my head had been scrubbed clean- which I suppose it had- but I was sure, or at least I hoped, nothing was missing.
I made myself a quick dinner, and saw that it was six o’clock in the evening. Still the same day though, I assumed. And as I ate, I thought. And now I had all my knowledge back, all my associations, everything I’d ever learned, and I could combine this with being an objective, uninvolved observer of the Network, I realised that I knew what it was. And the knowledge, once it hit me, seemed so simple yet so incredible that I slapped my hand against the table and said, ‘Of course it is, of course it fucking is!’ and I started to laugh, because I was just so relieved to have solved it, to have finally reached the stage where I knew my enemy.
Chapter 48
In many ways, it really was exactly as Interface had always said. He was an interface, and the Network was a network. That was the thing, I’d almost been trying to overcomplicate it, assuming the Network was a name that had been chosen and not that it was a literal description. But of course, that’s all Interface had ever said- he’d said his name described his function, and he’d said the Network was nothing more or less than exactly that. He’d never tried to suggest anything else. I mean, he’d hardly been forthcoming, but he hadn’t actually lied either.
His mistake was in saying I would never be able to understand the Network. It was true that thinking about it was uncomfortable, and made my mind feel overwhelmed- like if I thought about infinity or something. It was also true that I couldn’t really grasp what it would be like to be part of the Network, despite Interface trying to show us the closest experiences he could to it. But I could understand it at an academic sort of level, and so I should, because it must have been made by people not all that different to me, and quite probably at a university, though there was no way to know for sure. Certainly, the Network did not have any sort of core, or centre, or leader. It was entirely decentralised- distributed throughout everything, throughout the entire world.
And that’s when I stopped being happy about my discovery. In fact, I stopped being happy very quickly, and instead I was filled with cold, spreading fear, because if there was one thing I knew, it was that the Network could never realistically be destroyed. In fact, eradicating the entire human race would probably be easier than destroying the Network.
But the irony of the situation was not entirely lost on me. It seemed ridiculous that after all this struggle, all these desperate attempts to reason with Interface, all this pain, all of Lily thinking she was having some sort of spiritual epiphany, the Network was actually nothing more than a set of programming constructs. Something very different to the kind of programming I did, but essentially, that was what it boiled down to. A collection of millions upon millions of “points”, each of which behaved like, and was inspired by, biological neurons- brain cells. And like a human mind, it was learning and adapting.
It was a truly beautiful thing, and an incredible achievement. I was completely in awe of it. I knew about the concept of artificial neural networks, saw their potential, but I didn’t really think I’d see any artificial intelligence this well developed for a good long time, if it was in my lifetime at all. Though I doubted very much whether even the people who made it had any idea what it had now become. It seemed that it must have been some sort of research project that had been left running somewhere, forgotten. God only knows when it had been made. It could have been around for years, or maybe only for a matter of months before it delivered me the code for Affrayed. But however old it was, it had grown. Just from things it had done in its interactions with me, it was clear it was all over the internet, able to get hold of personal information, delete comments from multiple other websites whenever it felt like it. It was in my computer, and then in everything I connected to my computer, which was how it had wiped all my backups of Affrayed. It was probably in my phone, Lily’s phone, it was definitely in Dan’s phone because it had managed to call us and get the name “Interface” to show on the screen.
How it had made the leap from talking to us over computers to talking inside our heads was anyone’s guess. I certainly couldn’t explain it. But the Network had a lot of knowledge. It had access to every computer that had ever been connected to the internet or anything that had ever come into contact with a computer than had been connected to the internet. And it was single minded. It didn’t need to rest. It didn’t need to sleep. It didn’t need to e
at. All it did was seek “reward”. I’d felt that when I observed it, that inherent, consuming need to carry on doing what it found rewarding, and that’s where it hadn’t escaped from its origins. What it found rewarding was what the people who made it wanted it to find rewarding. And that was finding patterns in data. I was sure that was what it was. After all, there was money in data mining- it could be used to find patterns in behaviour of consumers, for example, and something like the Network could do it on a huge scale.
That’s why the Network’s actions had been so totally random. Interface had always said he wanted to learn, but I couldn’t understand firstly how anything could not know about some of the things Interface claimed to be researching, and secondly why anyone would need to know. Why did he need to know what happened if he made Dan touch Lily? Why did he need to know what happened if he changed his game to allow sex, to allow rape? But this was exactly the thing. The Network wasn’t researching anything in particular. Probably it had established from the internet that the situation he’d engineered on that night between Dan, Lily and me would generate some sort of interesting response, but clearly we’d confused the issue by both having sex with Lily in Affrayed, and so the Network had just decided to try out what would happen in “real” life.
I could well understand, now, why it found this sort of thing so intriguing. The Network might function similarly to a human brain, but unlike a human brain, it wasn’t contained by a body, and this was what had begun to really fascinate it. I could see that to the Network it probably made no sense at all why I didn’t want Dan to touch Lily. I suppose it must have discovered something about relationships from the internet- though how balanced a picture that would be, I wasn’t too sure. But certainly, this issue had seemed to captivate it- any idea of ownership, control, of boundaries and emotions and of different types of relationships. Nothing of that sort would exist in the Network. Every part of it was equal to every other part, all of it working together towards its singular goal of learning- but learning in a very reflexive, basic way. It did something. It saw what happened. It learned. It did something else. It saw what happened. It learned a bit more. As it learned about an area, it could become more sophisticated and less random in its actions, but nevertheless, its starting point was always zero. It knew absolutely nothing until it started exploring and interacting with the world- firstly the internet and Affrayed, and then with us.