I forced myself to smile, even though I was hurting so much on the inside.
“Okay,” I finally said. “I’m not happy with it. But I’ll support you. I’ll always support you.” I knew that it was all that I could do. I was not married to Ryan, and I had no right to tell him how to live his life. And I wasn’t lying; I would support him through it all.
“Thanks, Blaire,” he said, and I could see that he was relieved by my reaction.
“What about Nick? What does he have to say about all of this?” Part of me was hoping that it had been Nick that had forced this on Ryan. At least then I would have someone that I could be angry with because it was turning out too difficult to be cross with Ryan.
Ryan sighed. “Same as you. He’s not happy. He tried to convince me not to do it. But even he knew that if the roles were reversed, he would do the same. He’s not pleased, but he’s going to support me.”
I should’ve known that Nick wouldn’t have wanted him to fight. Now I had nobody to be angry at. I just had to accept what was going to happen and do my best to get through tit.
“Don’t get hurt, Ryan. And do me a favor,” I said.
“What’s that?”
“I don’t want you doing this, but I’m going to support you. So please just beat him and never fight him again.”
Ryan beamed. “That’s exactly what I plan on doing.”
I walked up to him and took him in my arms. “You’re a pain; you know that, Knuckles?”
He laughed. “I know. I know. So, did you have a nice morning? Other than watching me on TV of course.”
I groaned. “Don’t remind me. I still can’t believe I switched on the TV at exactly that moment. But yeah, everything is fine otherwise. I pretty much slept the morning away. I tried to read, but it just wasn’t happening. I cannot believe how tired I am. Not even the coffee kept me awake.”
“Stress can do that to you. So, what should we do about this letter? I’ve been thinking about it since we got it. Maybe we should go back to the police with it. I mean, isn’t this proof enough? Don’t you think they might finally listen to us?”
I shook my head. “I thought about that too. But you saw how they treated us the last time. They don’t care. And one letter is not going to change their minds. I have a feeling that they’ll just tell us to leave it up to them and then do nothing. The more I think about going to talk to them, the more I think that it’s just pointless.”
Ryan sighed. “I hate to agree with you, but I think you’re right. They don’t care at all. I just hate feeling so hopeless. I’m glad that you’re here, but I still wish that there was something that I could do.”
“You know what I want right now?” I said.
“A hot dog?” Ryan said.
I chuckled. “That would be nice. But seeing as though we’re not in Seattle, I’ll have to turn down that offer. It just won’t be the same. I won’t eat one from anywhere but that place now. No, it’s not a hot dog I want. It’s you. Right now, all I want is to be with you. A nice, long, lazy day.”
He smiled. “That’s exactly what I want too.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ryan
I woke up that morning with a heavy sadness weighing over me. In my dream, I had just been involved in the biggest fight of my life. It wasn’t Ron that I was fighting, but some sort of strange hybrid of him mixed with all the other men I had fought before. With every punch, their face seemed to change. In the audience were all my brothers, my father, my mother, Nick, and Blaire. They were all cheering for me and shouting my name. And then, just as I was about to be announced as the winner, I woke up.
For a few seconds, I forgot that I did not have a fighting career and I even lay there smiling. And then, as I turned and saw Blaire next to me, I suddenly realized what had happened. My fighting career was over, and I was never going to have that feeling again. Never again would someone tell me that I had won a fight. For the first time since finding out about the head trauma, I lay there wondering what I was going to do with my life. I still remember someone once telling me that I should have a plan b in case anything ever happened, and I’d laughed at them. I’d told that I would never need a plan b because I would never be doing anything else with my life other than fighting. Why had I been so cocky?
When Blaire turned around, she looked even more beautiful than normal to me. The one good thing in my life. She smiled at me, and I felt everything around me crumble. She was the only one that had that effect on me. I woke up feeling depressed about my life, then she smiled at me, and I felt happy again.
“Good morning,” she whispered.
“I don’t understand how you can wake up and look that good,” I said and kissed her gently on the mouth. “I’m starting to wonder if you’re actually real.”
She giggled. “You’re lying. I look horrific in the morning.”
“I didn’t know that horrific meant gorgeous.”
“Ah, I like waking up to compliments. You look pretty darn good yourself. Did you sleep okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, I did,” I lied. “How about you?”
“I did. I sleep much better when I’m next to you. You’re incredibly cuddly to lie with. Did you know that?”
“Are you calling me fat?”
She laughed. “Cuddly might not have been the right word. Although you do give awesome cuddles. Are you staying home today?”
I shook my head and tried not to look her in the eye. “I . . . I have to train today. I’m going in this morning. But I’ll be back a bit later.”
She nodded. She looked like she was about to say something but then changed her mind. “Okay. Be careful.”
“I will.”
When I got to the training facility, I expected Nick to either not be there this time, or else sit me down and try to convince me not to do this. But he didn’t. He was there, waiting for me with his cup of tea just as he normally was. When he saw me, he nodded.
“So, do you have a plan for your training today?” he asked. He didn’t even bother saying hello and I could tell that he was annoyed with me.
“I do, actually. I’m going to use that training schedule of yours. I’ll probably modify it a little as I want to get more into the training per day then what I was doing before,” I said. “I have a lot to do in a very short space of time, but I know I can do it.”
I wasn’t sure if Nick was going to even help me with the training. He didn’t say that he was, which was why I had gone in there with my own plan of action. I had a feeling that he didn’t really want to be involved.
“Okay,” Nick said. He turned back toward his paper and took a sip of tea.
“Will you help me train?” I asked.
He sighed and continued to look at the newspaper in front of him. “I’m helping one of the other guys today,” he said. Then after some thought, he added, “But I’ll be right here to help whenever I can.”
I smiled at him. “Thanks, Nick.”
I got changed and began my training. I could hear Nick training one of the other guys, but I could clearly see him looking my way every now and again. I knew that as much as he didn’t want me to fight, it was hard for him not to be a part of the training. It was just who he was. I could see that he was desperate to have his say, but for the most part, he kept quiet and at least pretended he wasn’t interested.
That morning I trained harder than I had ever trained in my entire life. I had never before put that much effort into something. I always knew that I was good when it came to training, mostly because I enjoyed it so much, but this was the first time that I had felt this much drive. I wasn’t sure if it was purely ego-driven, the fact that I wanted so badly to beat Ron, or whether it was just because I knew that it was the last time I would ever fight again. I just knew that I didn’t want to be known forever as the guy that backed down from a fight. My fighting career was over, but I didn’t want my reputation to be. I was going to make a name for myself, and I was ready to give Ron the biggest f
ight of his life. He had no idea what was coming for him.
When I was finished, I showered and was just about to make my way out when Nick stopped me.
“Oh, hey,” I said to him as casually as I possibly could. I wasn’t used to feeling so awkward around him. It was not a feeling that I enjoyed.
“Leaving without saying goodbye?” he asked.
“Sorry, I thought you were busy. I didn’t see you.” It wasn’t entirely true. I saw him talking to one of the guys, but it was obvious that their training session was over. We both knew that I was just avoiding him.
He laughed. “It’s okay. I know you’re avoiding me.”
“What? No, I’m not.”
“Of course you are. And it’s okay. I’ve been avoiding you too.”
I sighed. “Sorry.”
“Me too. We’re hopeless. So, training went well today I see.”
“You think?” I figured that he had been watching me.
“I’ve never seen anyone train as hard as you did today. I didn’t really have much to add to your training session, to be honest. I thought I’d have a long list of all the things that you were doing wrong, but there’s nothing else I can add. You worked like a machine today, and you did everything that you were supposed to do. You’re clearly out to prove a point.”
“I hope so. That’s the intention at least.”
Nick sighed. “Look, Ryan, you know I’ll always support you. You’re more than just a training partner to me. The two of us have been friends for a very long time. I think that’s what makes this all so hard for me. It would be different if this were one of the other guys. I’d laugh and tell myself that they were just being idiots, and then I’d put the thought behind me. But it’s different with you.”
“Are you calling me an idiot?”
“I guess I am. Are you sure you won’t reconsider your decision?”
I shook my head. I’d never been surer of anything in my whole life. “I’m sorry, Nick. But you know I won’t do that. I have absolutely no intention of backing out of this fight.”
“It’s not too late, you know,” Nick said.
“Of course it’s too late. I’ve said I’m fighting, so that’s what I’m going to do. I won’t go against my word. I’m going to do this.”
“Ryan, I did the same thing all those years ago. You know I had problems with this one eye for ages. I should never have pushed myself the way I did. But I did it to try and prove a point. Who was I trying to please, though? That’s what I want to know. Because looking back, I realize that the only person I should’ve been worried about was myself. What did I really prove to the world? That I was stubborn enough to go half-blind. That’s all.”
I sighed. I knew that Nick was going to try to convince me otherwise. I suppose I didn’t blame him at all. But we were different people, and just because it happened to him didn’t mean it was going to happen to me.
“Thanks for caring, Nick. I knew you would say this and I suppose if the roles were reversed, I’d say the same thing to you. But I need to do this. And I promise to be careful. I won’t let him get in any head shots.”
Nick laughed. “You really think you can prevent that from happening? Come on; you know what this guy is like. He’s out for your blood. You can’t stop him.”
“Trust me, Nick. I know what I’m doing. I’m going to walk away from this without looking like a complete fool. I’m going to show him and everyone else what I’m made of.”
Nick shook his head sadly. “I know I can’t stop you. But have you ever stopped to think that it’s not just you that you’re going to hurt.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you and Blaire have a future together, which I’m assuming is what you want, then maybe you should think about how much you’re going to hurt her too. Just think about her, Ryan. It’s not just you now.”
I shook my head. Nick had no right to tell me what to do. This was my life and I had every right to make this decision. I grabbed my bag and started to walk out.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Nick.”
“Tomorrow?”
“For training,” I said and walked out before he had the chance to say anything else.
On the way home, I thought about what Nick had said about hurting Blaire. But so far she had not said anything to me about not fighting. She said she didn’t want me to do it, but she seemed willing to support me. If she could support me, then I didn’t see why Nick couldn’t either. In fact, I was going to do this fight for her. I would prove to her that I was a good fighter and that I would never let someone like Ron dictate what I am.
When I got home, I parked the car and sat for several minutes just calming myself down. I didn’t want to think about the fight and the drama anymore. The only thing I wanted to think about was Blaire. When I finally found some sort of inner peace, I got out the car and went inside. I opened the door, locked it behind me, and went straight up to the bedroom to find her. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed, looking through a magazine. Her long brown hair had fallen over her face, and when she looked up at me, she smiled brightly.
“Hey you,” she said.
I didn’t answer her. Instead, I walked right up to her and started kissing her.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Blaire
Ryan’s lips were on mine before I even had a chance to ask him how his training had gone. I was glad because a part of me didn’t want to think of it at all. I’d been hoping that he would come home and tell me that he had changed his mind, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Ryan was going to fight no matter what any of us had to say about it. At that moment, it was hard to think of anything else other than being with him. Especially when he seemed so happy to see me.
Ryan wasted no time in taking off my clothes. Within seconds, both our clothes were lying in a crumpled heap on the floor, and I was lying completely naked on the bed with Ryan looming over me. I liked that he had taken charge like that. With Ryan, I always knew exactly what I was going to get. He was not shy about telling, or showing, me what he wanted. There was a certain hunger in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before and I wondered if it was the same look he had when he was fighting. He was the sort of guy that went after what he wanted. And got it.
He flipped me over so that I was lying on my stomach, and he bent down to kiss my neck, running his hands all over my body. I lay there, moaning in satisfaction as he made sure every part of my body was attended to. I wasn’t used to having someone look at me in the way he did, or touch me in the way he did. He made me feel wanted. When he turned me over again, I could see that he was hard and ready for me. I reached over for a condom which I knew he kept in the top drawer, ripped it out of the packaging, and placed it on him myself. I was not in the mood for messing around, either. There was no point in hiding what we both wanted to happen.
There wasn’t as much foreplay as there usually was between us. After I’d put the condom on him, Ryan was immediately inside of me and pushing up against me with passion and urgency, making me gasp with shock and pleasure. I could clearly see how much he wanted me.
There was something different about the sex this time. I couldn’t figure out what it was, but I felt a stronger connection between us. I felt that we needed each other even more than we wanted each other. It wasn’t just about the sex anymore. For the first time, I felt as if it went beyond just the physical. This feeling was unusual for me. I wasn’t used to having sex with so much emotion attached to it.
I arched my back and pulled him in tighter. He held onto me and turned me over so that I was now on top of him. I knew that he liked me being on top the most. He smiled at me as I sat up on him. He reached out and placed his one hand on my breast, circling my nipples and pinching ever so gently. His other hand reached up to my mouth, and as I sucked on his finger, I felt him harden even more inside me. I sucked his finger and thrust against him, over and over again. We looked at each other the whole way, until right at the end when he closed his
eyes and I watched as he came inside me.
When I climbed off him, I smiled at him.
“You’re gorgeous,” I said to him.
“Did you come?” he asked.
I shook my head. I didn’t feel the need to lie. “No, but it’s okay. It was amazing, Ryan. You’re amazing.”
He kissed me and reached down to place his fingers inside me.
“It’s okay,” I said to him. “You don’t have to.”
“I want to,” he said.
I didn’t argue any further. It felt too good having him touch me like that. I looked at him and bit my lip. “Okay,” I said and then moaned as his fingers circled me. I was already wet from the sex, and it didn’t take long for me to orgasm. I was aware of him watching me and that only made it even more exciting for me. It was one of the best orgasms I’d ever experienced.
“Well,” I said when it was over. “That was nice.”
He chuckled. “Tell me about it. You know, after training, some of the guys like to go for a sports massage. They said it relaxes them. But I think I’ve found something a lot better than a massage.”
I grinned. “So, I’m your new form of therapy? I can live with that.”
“It’s good to have you here, Sunny.”
I chuckled as I always did when he called me by my new nickname. “And it’s good to be here. Thanks again for having me here. You were gone for so long, and I felt so safe. This place is great. And hopefully that person leaves me alone soon. You know, this whole time I’ve been dying to know who it is. Is it someone I know? Is it someone that’s close to me? Is it a stranger? It’s been driving me crazy. But now, I don’t want to know anymore. I just want them to leave me alone and let me live my life in peace. That’s all I want.”
“That’s what I want for you too.”
“So, how was your training today? And what did Nick say?” I asked. I didn’t really want to know about his training. I still hated the thought of him being out there and putting himself in danger. But I wanted to be supportive. And being supportive meant not ignoring what was happening. I wanted him to know that I was there for him no matter what he decided to do in life. If this was important to him, then it was important to me too.
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