There are only two pictures of Mr. Chiveneko in existence. Neither image portrays his features clearly. In the first, he wears a thick scarf to hide a recurring case of mumps. He is also dons an ill-fitting hat that he bought at a second-hand store thirty-two years ago.
The second image is a drawing of the author’s alter-ego. The picture depicts the mournful face of an unnamed man with thick dreadlocks. When asked whether this face was a self-portrait, Mr. Chiveneko said it was not. The face came to him during a dream in his youth. For reasons he cannot explain, he felt a strong and instinctive bond with it. “I felt like it was an alternative expression of me. The image is now the subject of the Chiveneko Publishing logo.
Mr. Chiveneko only communicates with the wider world through his long suffering lawyer. Any demonstration of courtesy expressed in his novels, (including the acknowledgements), are the work of his tireless legal representative. Therefore, any questions about the author and his novels should be sent directly to:
[email protected]. No hate mail please. It only emboldens the author. However, words of consolation and support for his poor lawyer are welcome.
* * *
INTERVIEW WITH MR. CHIVENEKO’S LAWYER
Caught on Tape: Conversation between Mr. Chiveneko’s lawyer and unidentified journalist at a tailgate party.
Journalist: What does your client look like?
Lawyer: I have never met him.
Journalist: So how do you get your assignments?
Lawyer: He leaves them in crowded places such as parks and shopping malls. Each time, I know he is watching me from somewhere but I have never been able to identify him. In an attempt to isolate my employer, I have tried to identify faces that recurred across the locations where I have picked up my assignments. Unfortunately, I have been unable to narrow it down to one person.
Journalist: What was the strangest place you ever received an assignment?
Lawyer: One time, I was asked to pick up an assignment in a land fill. Mr. Chiveneko gave me directions to the rotting hulk of a discarded confession booth. My instructions were to step into the confessor’s side and to wait for him. When I entered the structure, I saw an envelope on the seat. I was not allowed to leave with it. My instructions were to read the document inside, before putting it back in the envelope and replacing it on the seat.
As I read, I heard footsteps coming towards the other side of the booth. I felt my skin shrinking like a sheet of plastic recoiling from a flame. Through the heavy gauze separating the two halves of the booth, I saw a man step into the priest’s side. He wore a dark hat and a thick scarf around his neck. Apart from that I could not see his features because he was backlit by the sun. He did not say a word. He just looked at me through the gauze. I wanted to say something but my tongue refused to move. I looked down and continued to read. Though the gauze obstructed a clear line of sight from both sides, I felt that the man could see into my half more easily than I could see into his. That’s how he wanted it to be.
I finished reading and replaced the document back in the envelope. The man continued to look at me for another minute before standing up and leaving. I waited for at least another ten minutes before I felt I had the permission to leave myself.
Journalist: Why do you think he came in person?
Lawyer: Well, first, I am not sure that was even him.
Journalist: Who else could it be?
Lawyer: Who knows? But I am a lawyer. My job is to only foreclose on facts that are obvious and to leave the rest to speculative probabilities. Nevertheless, my assessment of the probabilities led me to believe that the man on the other side of that confession booth was my client.
Journalist: Did the author base the Luxon Hurudza character on himself?
Lawyer: That parallel is difficult to deny. I cannot say any more than that.
Journalist: Will you let us know if you find out what he looks like? We could send a crew with you for the next assignment?
Lawyer: (Laughs). Of course not. As Mr. Chiveneko’s legal representative, it is my duty to protect my client’s interests, including his identity, for as long as he wants to remain anonymous.
Journalist: But you have already disclosed a lot of information about him. How do you know he would be comfortable with you telling us as much as you have?
How do you know he did not allow me to tell you this much?
(Lawyer smiles and walks away).
* * *
MAZAMBUKO’S FINEST: THE TOP 10 MOST NOTORIOUS PRISONERS
Mazambuko Maximum Security Prison is a central institution in The Hangman’s Replacement series. The prison is reputed to be one of the most notorious institutions on the African continent; a place where according to the warden: “people who are responsible for the gravest crimes are sequestered”.
Missing from the above description is a hideous fact. Certain people who are not covered by this description have also passed through the gates of Mazambuko. Did they belong there? Why were they there? Who knows? What is clear is that no one ends up in that place by accident. You have to be very special to be locked up in the institution. Mazambuko is also home to death row.
The convicts on this list were chosen on three criteria: The gravity of their crimes, the eccentricity of their methods, or the sensational nature of their demise. Garden variety brutes have been excluded.
Leonidas D. Mamhepo: The first death row prisoner to be executed at Mazambuko.
FatFace Figaro: Also known as “The bandit with an obese countenance”, FatFace was a notorious bandit who remained at large for many years. He was not sadistic, but was unafraid of killing people who tried to get in his way. However, the eccentricity that made him infamous was his signature habit of gluing goat-hair moustaches onto his victims. FatFace outdid himself when he broke out of Mazambuko. The circumstances of his escape are incredible. Authorities never figured out whether he orchestrated the escape himself, or whether he took advantage of a strange incident that led the collapse of a prison wall.
What is undisputed is that FatFace’s was not there when a guard came to check on him during the morning shift. In one corner was the broken wall with a series of thick tree roots crawling into the cell from outside of the prison. At the other corner was a bag filled with decaying rat carcasses. If the authorities figured out what had happened, they did not release their findings. The public was left to draw its own conclusions. FatFace was never recaptured.
Edna Mbama-Choto: Mazambuko has a small women’s section. Edna served two years there for scalding her husband’s lover with hot water. She earned her notoriety when the prison authorities arranged a “Re-Education Through Motherhood” campaign. This elaborate idea was proposed by a creative psychologist who believed the women could learn compassion and anger management by nursing plastic dolls. For Edna, the idea was esoteric to the point of causing offense. One day the warden led journalists through the women’s section of the prison. As he was boasting about the innovative approach to rehabilitation, Edna walked up to him and slapped him across the face with the back of her hand. She let out a hissing sound from the corner of her jaw and walked off. Unfortunately for the warden, a Zuva Redu photographer captured the image. Edna became a legend when Zuva Redu splashed the picture across the next day’s edition. Everyone loves to see authority humbled.
Mukova “Chigutiro” Mombe: Mukova insisted on being called “Mr. Mombe”. The details of his background were spotty. He swore that he came from a long line of cattle ranchers in the Chivhu area. Based on his appearance, there was widespread speculation about whether he was the product of the ranchers or their cattle. Mr. Mombe was convicted of murder. For years, he abducted and killed young children. He sold their body parts to witch doctors that used them in potions which were supposed to make his customers successful in business. Mr. Mombe was the fourth person to be sentenced to death in Zimbabwe.
Offio Phagus Nyoka: Offio came from a mistrusted tribe of snake eaters. His people have been munching on snake m
eat for so long that they experience withdrawal symptoms when they are deprived of their staple for extended periods. When Offio was sent to prison for poaching as a teenager, he developed a neurological disorder from a severe snake-fat deficiency.
While in custody, Offio trained himself to lure snakes into the prison compound by whistling at a wavelength that other humans could not hear. Hysteria broke out when an infestation of serpents descended on the prison. Offio was the only person who seemed delighted by the sudden attack. When the authorities discovered that he was responsible, he was forced to wear a special mouth guard which prevented his tongue from moving more than was necessary for swallowing.
But Offio would not be repressed. He discovered a way of dislocating his jaw and freeing his tongue. However, this time, he was prudent with his snake summoning skills. He modulated his signal to only attract one or two snakes at a time. Some of the prisoners knew of this but no one told the guards. Offio quickly rose in the ranks of prisoners. He was feared for powerful physique but more so for his ability to summon poisonous snakes against his enemies. This snake eater also took paid assignments. Offio is rumoured to have accepted an assignment to kill his very best friend in the prison, Takurai Chigutiro Mabhiza.
Offio was released after serving five years. Though he is rumoured to have joined the army, the military has no record of such a man ever enlisting. However, he seems to have left Zimbabwe and headed north. A documentary filmmaker who followed Offio’s trail through East Africa and to the Gulf claims to have heard multiple reports of a strange man who ate snakes.
“The Winding Path of Offio Phagus Nyoka: On the Trail of a Snake Eater” chronicles the journey of this bizarre character. Unfortunately, the filmmaker disappeared at the Ethiopia-Somalia border before he finished shooting all the footage. The documentary was completed by his business partner from footage that had been filmed to that date.
Lloyd “Filibuster” Gumede: “Fili” won the dubious distinction of being the most verbose criminal in Zimbabwean history. Before he was executed for murder, he insisted on sharing a thousand reasons why he should not be sent to the gallows. Filibuster did not fear death. He simply did not want to be killed before he shared his reasons why capital punishment was pointless. He only made it to point thirty seven. According to Filibuster, it was unconscionable for the state to execute a man suffering from bad gas. The gallows proved his point. As soon as the lever was pulled, all the doors of the execution chambers had to be opened. The poor ventilation of the space didn’t help.
Gustavo: Gustavo was a leftist guerrilla who came to Zimbabwe from Central America in the early eighties. In the spirit of trying something different, the socialist briefly flirted with capitalism by opening a cotton export business. After the business failed, Gustavo returned to the comfort of his Marxist roots. He formed a small army to overthrow “the corporate dogs that are trying to take over the African continent”. After throwing skunk carcasses into water processing plants across the country, Gustavo was arrested and sent to Mazambuko to serve a twelve year sentence. Not long after he was jailed, he was placed in solitary confinement for “fomenting insurrection” among the prisoners.
Tragically, Gustavo lost all sense of time while in solitary confinement. Believing he had another five years left in his sentence, he attempted to escape the day before he was to be released. He made it past the perimeter fence before getting bitten by a poisonous snake that had been lured to the prison by a fellow prisoner. Gustavo’s was found the next morning. His body had swollen to the size of a small whale.
Chinhoyi Southern: Chinhoyi Southern (C.S.) was a notorious bank robber who terrorized North Western Zimbabwe for three years. His real name was unknown. The bandit was notorious for his brutality. In many cases, he killed people in the course of his robberies, even when they did not resist or present any risk to his misdeeds. Before he was captured, C.S.’ had never worn a shirt in more than ten years. However, he always looked clothed. His body was covered by a thick mat of hair. It is unclear whether it was a genetic trait or his body’s adaptation to living in the cold hills without a shirt.
During the transitions to the summer months, C.S. molted all over his crime scenes. When the police arrived, they knew right away who was responsible.
The bandit was finally captured while trying to upgrade his notoriety by robbing a larger bank in Harare. After fleeing the scene, he hid in a vat of salt at a local food plant. The police tracked him down but C.S. refused to surrender. After a three hour stand-off, the dehydrated fugitive finally gave himself up when the thirst became unbearable.
C.S. was the seventh person to be executed in post-independence Zimbabwe. The combative thug was reported to have dissolved into a sorrowful heap of cowardice as they walked him to the gallows. The indignity worsened when C.S. soiled himself when the noose was placed around his neck. He begged for his life.
Norman “Black Friday” Dhota: This trained illusionist went astray when he realized that his skills could earn him more money as a criminal than as a street performer. Known as the blackest criminal in Zimbabwe, Norman used his complexion to move undetected at night. He was responsible for stealing light bulbs from police stations across Bulawayo. Norman also broke into the national mint in Harare, and made off with a hundred million dollars of brand new currency.
After lying low for several months, a sudden wave of hyper-inflation whittled the value of the currency down to less than ten dollars. Norman was confronted by police as tried to buy eggs with the money before it became worthless. He fled. The officers were in hot pursuit. Norman ran for several blocks and hid in a pile of coal behind a factory just ahead of the police.
Because of his concentrated melanin, the officers knew that Norman would choose a dark place to camouflage himself. One mischievous officer took a match and set fire to the pile of coal. Norman erupted from the blaze like a demon that had been sprayed with holy water. He was quickly apprehended after the last cinders had been extinguished from his beard. The great illusionist had been defeated by an even better magician: the unpredictable slap by a declining economy. To add insult to injury, Norman was captured on a Friday. According to witnesses, despite being smothered by the coal and scorched the fire, Norman looked no darker than he had before.
Rodney “Mechanism” Sibanda: Mechanism served exactly one day in Mazambuko. The odd twist of his story is that he broke into the prison to prove that it could be done. He was relaxing and playing a game of cards with other prisoners when one of the guards noticed that this man did not belong in the place. Mechanism was arrested and put on trial. The judge was faced with the unusual dilemma of sentencing a man to the very punishment that he had sought to enjoy in the first place.
Mechanism was fined a thousand dollars and allowed to walk free. All prisons across the country were put on high alert. The incident was quite embarrassing for the authorities. All their security protocols were designed to prevent prisoners from breaking out and not breaking in. Mechanism is at large. Unwillingly so.
Polonius “Ibid” Ndizvo: Polonius was known at the “Anti-Filibuster”. He served a three year sentence for stock theft. The convict was an amiable character who spoke little, and appeared to have no opinion on any subject. Whenever the prisoners had a lively debate, he would sit and listen to what everyone was saying. When asked for his input, he would simply respond that he agreed with all he had just heard. Thus, there was no point expressing an opinion when others had already articulated his position in better words.
Mazambuko’s Finest: Dishonourable Mentions
Stamen “The Stud” Moyo: Everyone agreed: Stamen was the sexiest man in Mazambuko. His large perm and bulging biceps made him a favourite of the female employees at the prison. One female guard was fired for having an affair with Stamen.
This former enforcer for a local criminal gang spent three years at Mazambuko for assaulting a policeman with a car. The officer stopped Stamen at a road block in Mzingwane. Stamen became angry when the police
man gave him a ticket for driving without a license. The enforcer got out of the car from the passenger side, reached under the vehicle, and flipped it onto the officer before the poor man could get out of the way. But while in Mazambuko, he was as calm as a dove. He spent most of his time coifing his hair with a hot iron and vegetable oil. And of course, the outrageous flirt sent giggles echoing through the halls whenever he winked at the female staff members.
Jovial “Dirty Bomb” Chigayo: Jovial was arrested for causing gross public disturbance. The “gross” part of the charge was not listed in the criminal code. The term was only added because the prosecutor could not find other provision in the criminal code that fit Jovial’s crime. The prosecutor was hoping to intensify the gravity of the crime and the length of the sentence. What were these acts? Jovial connected the sewer piping in several government building to their ventilation systems. The next day, he waited until after lunchtime when summer heat was most intense, and everyone was well fed. Then he turned the valve that connected the stink to the ventilation. Within fifteen minutes, eight government buildings were filled with an unimaginable stench. Many people threw up their lunches. When asked why he did it, Jovial said “bureaucracy stinks”. The attack was the only way to give the civil servants a taste of their own medicine. What bureaucratic grievance led Jovial to concoct this scatological plan? “You can ask the bureaucrats. All I can say is that from now on, when a citizen asks for a service, those civil servants will think twice before opening the red tape drawer.”
The Hangman's Replacement: Sprout of Disruption (BOOK 1) Page 45