by Nancy Adams
“Okay, come on, you're making me feel guilty as hell. Is he ready for me back there?”
“You know he is,” Anna said with a smirk. “You know the way, go on back.”
Katie stepped through the door beside Anna's desk and made her way through the hallway to the treatment room in the back. Of course she knew the way; she had been coming there daily for weeks, now. She tapped lightly on the door, and it was snatched open only a second later.
Rob stood there, with a huge smile on his face. “Hey, there,” he said. “What I thought we would do today is simply work on testing your muscle strength and consistency. Let's try the strider machine first.”
He led her over to a machine that looked like a reclining bicycle, except that the pedals only moved back and forth, rather than around and around. A big, weighted wheel was enclosed within a housing on the front of the machine, and pushing the pedals back and forth caused it to spin. An adjustment knob allowed Rob to raise or lower the difficulty of pushing the pedals, while a readout told him how much effort was being expended and how many calories were being burned during the exercise.
Katie Lou took the seat, put her feet on the pedals and began working them back and forth. “Well, this is easy,” she said. “You want me to go faster, or just maintain a steady pace?”
“Try to keep it steady,” Rob said. “Right now, you're only applying about six pounds to each pedal per stroke. I'm going to raise that to ten pounds, so it'll get a little more difficult. Just keep it steady.”
“Okay. So how have you been, since I saw you the other night?” Katie Lou asked with a smile.
Rob looked her in the eye, and grinned mischievously. “A bit frustrated, but I'll survive.”
Katie Lou turned pink. “Yes, well, I might have felt a little like that myself after you left. If I had known you could kiss like that, I might've been a little more anxious to go out with you.”
“Yeah, well, you're not such a bad kisser, yourself. It was all I could do to concentrate on the way home.”
“I'm glad to see you made it safely. Seriously, Rob, I shouldn't have let things go that far. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but it isn't necessarily helping me figure out what's the right thing to do.”
Rob lost his grin. “Then, I take it I shouldn't ask about that second date?”
Katie Lou pedaled silently for a moment, then looked up at him sheepishly. “Maybe you should wait until I get things a little better figured out. Rob, just like there's part of me that still wonders if I should be with Darren, there's another part that thinks I'm crazy to let you get away. I'm not saying I want to do that, let you get away, I mean, but if I make a commitment to you, I want it to be made from the heart, not just the hormones.”
“I understand,” Rob said. “Just don't expect me to stop trying. If there's one thing I'm not, it's a quitter.”
That made Katie Lou smile again. “I'm certain of that,” she said.
Rob kept her on the strider machine for half an hour, until her legs began to grow pretty tired. “You're doing really well,” he said. “In fact, you're doing better than I would've expected. Katie Lou, as much as I would love to keep you coming over here every day, I just don't see any way I can be of any more benefit to you. You made the most fantastic recovery I've ever seen from the type of spinal injuries you had, and I'm just amazed.”
Katie Lou suddenly felt a shiver go through her at the thought of not coming over to see Rob every weekday. “Are you sure? Maybe I need to keep coming, at least for a little while. I know that sometimes my left leg feels a little weak…”
“Stop it,” Rob said. “Katie Lou, you don't have to be a patient to pick up the phone and call me, or for us to get together for lunch or something. Remember, you're going to be opening your own practice here in town, and I'm sure we'll be consulting with each other. We can find other reasons to see each other.”
“Oh, but I…” Katie paused, and then bit her bottom lip. “That's it, isn't it? I'm panicking about not seeing you. I wonder what that says about the decision I’m trying to make, whether it means I should forget about the past and just move forward, or what.”
Rob shrugged his shoulders. “Can't answer that one for you, but I can promise to be here anytime you need me. Katie, you gotta make the decision that's right for you, first of all. As much as I want things to go a certain way, the truth is that I want you to be happy. You got to choose what makes you happy, and I'll accept it, whatever it is.”
Rob walked her back up front, and told Anna to cancel Katie's remaining appointments. “She doesn't need us in that capacity anymore,” he said. “Now all I've got to do is convince her she needs me in an even more important way.” He smiled broadly.
Katie Lou hugged both of them, then hurried out the door. She didn't want them to see the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.
10
Darren pulled up into the Applebee's parking lot at just a few minutes past seven, and decided to wait until Katie Lou arrived to go inside. He reached out and hit the play button on his car's CD player, and leaned his head back against the headrest as he listened once more to the edited clips from Katie's date with Rob Christopher.
No matter how he tried to deny it to himself, it truly did sound like she and Rob were planning to make a fool of him. He had thought about this all day long, constantly reevaluating his decision to keep his knowledge of their intentions a secret, second-guessing himself over and over. He still hadn't decided for sure what he wanted to do, but he knew this much: no matter what happened, he wanted Katie Lou back.
Earlier that afternoon, while he was in between clients, Darren had run over to Walter's office to get the CD. He had refused copies of the photos, not being able to bear the thought of looking at images of Katie Lou kissing another man. He was trying desperately to hold onto his hopes and dreams, not to mention at least some part of his sanity. All he wanted was to see Katie Lou smiling at him again, the way she used to. The way she’d smiled that morning, before the accident.
Darren didn't really remember any of the details from just after the accident. He had been in shock, his doctor said, both from the physical trauma and the emotional. The general consensus was that he had fallen asleep behind the wheel, but his father had managed to convince the insurance company that it was a mechanical failure of the car. Considering that it was Allen Brennan who did the postmortem on the Corvette, Darren was certain that it'd taken a considerable amount of cash to convince the adjusters to see things his way.
Dad wouldn't have spared the cost, though. His boy Darren was destined for great things; everyone knew that. Having him arrested for criminal negligence over falling asleep behind the wheel and causing horrific injuries to his fiancée would have been a disaster. No, his father would not have worried about the cost.
The CD played on a loop, so he listened to the edited clips several times before he saw Katie Lou's Chrysler pull into the parking lot. He quickly turned it off as she pulled in beside him. Shutting down the anger and jealousy roiling inside him, he got out of the car and smiled as he walked around to the driver's side of hers.
“Wow, you look great,” he said as she got out of her car. “Did they trim your hair a bit?”
“Yes, a little. It's still a little jagged from the accident, the spots where they had to shave a bit to put tubes in. I had them trim and thin it a bit, to make that not show up as badly.” Katie Lou subconsciously brushed at her hair with her fingers as she replied. “I think it's all blending in pretty well, now.”
Mention of the accident made Darren feel a bit anxious, and he turned toward the door of the restaurant. “Shall we?”
Katie Lou nodded, smiling brightly, and followed him to the door. He held it open for her, and they stepped inside together.
A hostess stepped forward. “Hi, and welcome to Applebee's. Is it just the two of you?”
They agreed that it was, and the hostess led them to a booth. The waitress showed up immediately and took their dri
nk orders, and then they were alone.
“I've been doing a lot of thinking,” Darren said, “and I thought maybe I should let you tell me what you're thinking and feeling, about us, I mean.”
That wasn't the tack she had expected him to take, and Katie Lou was taken slightly by surprise. “Oh—okay, I guess I can do that. Bear in mind that I'm still trying to sort a lot of this out, though, okay?”
“Sure, Katie Lou, I understand that.”
Katie chewed her bottom lip for a moment, then smiled. “Well, first off, it's like I told you before. I have to admit that I do still have feelings for you. I mean, you can't just turn off feelings that were intense enough that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, right? At least, I couldn't. The thing is, after the accident and everything that happened, I wasn't sure about much of anything. To be honest, I had doubts about whether any of our relationship was real, whether we were ever really in love or not.”
Darren put his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his fists. “That would be my fault,” he said. Katie Lou hurriedly tried to say she wasn't blaming him, but he brushed her aside. “Relax, Katie Lou, I know it was my fault. No matter how I might've tried to justify it, there was no excuse for the way I treated you. Of course you began to wonder about us, and probably began to wonder about me in every way. I can't blame you for that.”
Katie Lou picked up a napkin and began twisting it. “Well, that was the big problem. I just didn't know what to think, whether what we had was ever real or not. That's pretty confusing, especially when you're in the middle of a crisis on the physical front. I mean, there I was, lying in bed wondering if I was ever going to walk again, and listening to the man I love tell me that I'm not good enough for him anymore. That's not something you just brush aside and get over easily, and if you're expecting me to just say it doesn't hurt anymore, well—I'm sorry, but that's not going to happen. It hurts, and it hurts badly.”
Katie Lou realized suddenly that she had tears in her eyes, and used the napkin to dab at them. It tore, her fingernail poking right through the wet paper, and Darren handed her another one.
“I didn't expect it to just go away,” he said. “To be honest, I was surprised you were willing to talk to me at all. I know I don't deserve another chance, but that doesn't stop me from hoping for it.”
Katie barked a laugh. “No, you don't. I'm sorry, but that's just being honest, just like you said. And if it weren't for the fact that I do remember all the good times, that I do remember how many times you made me feel wonderful, I'd probably just say forget it.” She wiped her eyes again. “And none of this changes what I told you the other day, that I'm not leaving this area. I want to start my practice here, around my home.”
“I haven't forgotten,” Darren said. “If we do decide to try again, I'll be staying right here.”
Katie started to say something, but then changed her mind. She picked up the menu and looked at it instead. After a moment, Darren picked up his own.
It only took them a few seconds to decide on what they wanted for dinner, and when the waitress returned with their drinks, they were ready. The girl was gone again quickly, and Katie Lou looked at Darren. “Okay, your turn. You tell me what you've been thinking.”
“Well, mostly what I told you a few minutes ago. I've just been thinking that I'm hoping and praying you'll give me another chance. That's why I went to church yesterday, so that I could do my praying in the right place.”
“So, if I just say I'm ready to give it another shot, that's all it would take to make you happy?”
Darren looked at her for a moment, then smiled. “No, that's not all it would take. I won't be happy until I see that you are happy, that we can be happy together. Come on, Katie Lou, think about all we had going for us. We don't want to throw that away. No, I'm not saying we need to rush anything, but we need to make some sort of an effort, some sort of commitment, to working in that direction.”
“Commitment? What have you got in mind?” Katie Lou asked.
Darren threw back his head and laughed out loud. “Well, for one thing, let's stop sneaking around. Let's make it clear that we're dating again, that we are a couple. We don't have to go all the way back to reinstating the engagement, not yet, but I think we should let it be obvious to everyone we know that we're trying to work it out.”
Katie Lou sat there and just looked at him for a long moment. When she finally relaxed, there was a hint of a smile on her face. “I actually don't think I'm ready for that, not yet. Darren, you hurt me badly enough that I wasn't sure I was going to survive it. I'll tell you something no one knows; I actually thought about suicide. When you told me that a crippled wife wasn't good enough for you, that it would hamper your political ambitions, I actually wondered whether I wanted to live or not. I was lying there in that hospital, and as I looked around the room, I could probably see a half-dozen different ways to end my life. I'd like to say that I was strong enough to overcome that desire all on my own, but the truth is that I just couldn't get up the courage. If I hadn't been so scared that it would hurt, or that I'd mess it up, I probably would've tried.” She picked up her glass and took a sip of the tea she had ordered. “No, I am definitely not ready to go public. If and when we ever do, we're both going to face an awful lot of people who will tell us we're stupid to try again, and I'm not ready to deal with that just yet.”
Darren's eyes were wide, and she realized that she had shocked him with the vehemence of her tone. A small part of her wanted to apologize, but a bigger part shoved that down. Apologize? No way.
“Katie Lou, I know this has been rough,” Darren said. “I know you were hurt, I've admitted that. I've even admitted that it was my fault, that I was the idiot who hurt you. But we've got to start somewhere, we've got to begin the process of putting it behind us. That starts by making a conscious effort at forgiveness. Don't you agree?”
“Forgiveness? Darren, I can forgive you, that's not the problem now. The problem that we're dealing with today is whether or not I can trust you, and by that I mean whether I can trust you not to hurt me again. We've been talking about being honest? Well, here's some heavy honesty for you. I'm really not certain I'm strong enough to survive it again.”
“Look, I understand what you're saying, but do we have to resort to emotional blackmail? Katie Lou, I know what I've done, I'm not going to do it again. Please, believe me when I say that I love you, and I would never, ever want to hurt you again. I need you to try to open up a bit for me, can you do that?”
Katie Lou was staring at him. “Did you honestly just use the term emotional blackmail? Tell me you didn't say that. My God, Darren, after what you did to me, you have the nerve to ask me to just open up and relax about this?” Katie Lou reached over and grabbed her purse, from where it sat beside her on the seat of the booth. “Darren, I think this is a mistake. I really don't think this is going to work, and I'm just not comfortable with continuing it. I'm sorry about dinner, but I'm going home.”
Darren's eyes went wide, and he got to his feet as she did. “What? What? Katie Lou, please, come on—don't go, just sit down and let's…”
“No,” she said. “Darren, I'm sorry, I do care about you, but I just can't see this working out. You tell me that you understand what you've done, that you want to make me happy, but then you have to go and push me to make promises and commitments I'm not ready for. And, emotional blackmail? I wonder what you would call what you did to me?” She turned and began walking towards the door.
Darren stood there and stared after her for a moment, vaguely realizing that all of the people around them were staring at him. He dismissed them from his mind, and began following Katie Lou. “So this is my fault, again? Because I wanted us to work it out? Or is it maybe because you've got somebody new, you and your doctor boyfriend.”
Katie Lou stopped and turned to look at him. “You can just leave him out of this, it's got nothing to do with him. I met Rob after you kicked me to the curb, remember
? He's the one who was there for me, he's the one who helped me get through it all. You want to hear the truth? He's probably the one who kept me from losing my mind.” She turned again and started toward the door.
“Oh, well, then,” shouted Darren, “I guess that explains your hot little date with him the night before last. Things got a little heated up at the drive-in, didn't they? Or did it get even hotter when he took you home?”
Katie Lou stopped again, and turned slowly. “What are you doing? Have you been having me followed?”
“No, not me, but somebody did. And you know what? It's probably a good thing they did, because now I know all about your little games. Yeah, they even got a recording of you and your boyfriend talking about taking me back to court over that accident. Well guess what, baby, that ship has sailed. Remember, you signed the settlement agreement. You've already gotten all the money you're getting out of me and my family!”
Katie Lou stood there and stared at him, but she was shaking. “I don't know what you think you've heard, or what they're talking about, but I don't want anything from you. Not now, not ever again. Leave me alone, and just stay away from me.”
She turned again, and this time she walked straight out the door without listening to anything else he had to say.
11
Katie Lou had made it to her car and out of the parking lot before Darren got out of the restaurant. He tried to catch her, but traffic kept him from getting out of the lot until she was out of sight, and by the time he got onto the street, she was gone. He went to Interstate 44, expecting to find her on the highway, the Katie Lou had decided to go home by way of the Old Maxwell Highway. It would take a little longer, but right at that moment, time to think was what she needed.
How could she have been so stupid, she was asking herself, how could she have believed that there was any hope for the two of them after the way the relationship had ended? That had been a disaster of epic proportions, and everyone who knew that she was talking to Darren thought it was a mistake. She should have listened to them. There was simply no way she could ever trust him again, especially after the revelations of that particular evening.