by J. A. Kerr
***
Esme
Ford was still on Esme’s mind as she sat sipping the delicious coffee, enjoying the company of the two women in front of her. Both smart and beautiful, she could see Niven and Siena had an instant connection. She could not bring herself to even speak to Ford this morning, dumping the towel on her bed and shoving him awake. He had staggered bleary-eyed to the shower and then sat slumped and monosyllabic, nursing the coffee she’d left for him on the breakfast bar. Okay, it was the weekend and technically none of them were working, but she had never seen him like that, and it troubled her. She wondered if he was under too much stress.
***
Siena
Siena liked Esme, she was witty and intelligent, but sensed something was on her mind. She couldn’t help but notice Ford’s dishevelled appearance, it was totally out of character for him and she wondered if Esme had anything to do with it.
“I absolutely adore Caligo,” said Niven.
“Have you been to the club a lot?” asked Esme.
“No, not the club, I meant the perfume,” said Niven.
Esme looked confused; although her membership had been fast-tracked she had yet to receive her membership information and it now included a complimentary bottle of Caligo. Guy had given Niven a bottle at their last meeting. She rummaged in her bag, pulled it out, and gave it to Esme.
“Go on, try it,” she encouraged.
Esme sprayed the scent onto her wrist and breathed in. “It reminds of…well, here,” she said.
“Exactly,” said Siena.
All around them was the same heady scent, powerful and distinct; the only exception was the club’s industrial kitchen.
“It’s available to all members but from now on your Braille membership will include a complimentary bottle. People can be identified by their scent alone and this ensures that will never happen.”
“I see,” said Esme. “That’s very clever and I love the scent. In fact the more I hear, the more I like.”
“Good, that’s exactly the reaction we’re striving for,” said Siena, pleased.
“I have to confess, I was a little afraid about the session,” said Niven shyly.
“Niven, that’s terrible, and not what we want for our members,” said Siena, appalled.
“Oh, it’s my fault really. I have an issue with touch…” she said, her face turning red as her eyes stared into her coffee cup. “Guy approached me with his idea and I decided to try it. I suppose I had nothing to lose. I thought it might conquer my fear, you know, the way people do with heights.”
“And did it?” Siena asked gently.
Niven’s face coloured again. “Well, it was the sensory devices I used, not actual touch, but after I got used to them against me, I relaxed. So yes, in a way it did. In fact, dare I say it, I enjoyed myself.” She laughed.
“That’s wonderful,” said Esme. “Niven, you’ve achieved a personal milestone. You should be very proud of yourself. I’m delighted after your initial misgivings you went on to have a good experience. It’s my first prototype, after all.”
“I’ve got a way to go, but it’s a start.” Niven smiled sadly.
“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Siena sympathetically.
***
Niven
Niven had been drawn to Siena immediately and vice versa. The two of them instinctively identified their common ground; they were both survivors. Neither of them liked the term victim. Niven took a deep breath, Siena had seemed familiar to her, and it took a while before she realised why. She had been reading about her court case in the papers, her horror mounting as the story of her abduction and fight for not just her life, but that of her babies, unfolded.
“It was a long time ago. I was 12…when my adoptive father’s biological son attacked me,” Niven found herself saying. “Our housekeeper Maria came into my room, I don’t know why, maybe she heard something, and when she tried to help me, he stabbed her. She fell on top of him, trapping us both, and I watched her die in front of my eyes.”
“Oh Niven. How awful,” said Siena.
“Yes, I think you never fully recover from something like that,” said Niven shakily. “You’re the first people I’ve ever told, apart from my councillors. I’m sorry I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.” She sighed.
“Niven, sometimes sharing your ordeal with strangers is so much easier than with friends. I completely understand,” said Siena. “I blamed myself at first; maybe if I’d done things differently Nick wouldn’t have hurt me, but in the end you realise they are the ones at fault.”
“You’re right…but believing it is hard for me,” said Niven.
Esme looked confused as she stared at them both open mouthed.
“I was abducted by my ex-husband when I was eight months pregnant and he tried to kill me,” said Siena quietly.
“Oh my God!” said Esme, her hand covering her mouth in shock.
“You must have been so scared.” Niven wrapped her arms around herself and physically shuddered.
“Terrified,” replied Siena.
“Siena, I’m sorry, I didn’t connect you with that case—the one in papers—you guys have been to hell and back,” Esme exclaimed.
Niven continued, “All that time with him trapped on top of me literally made my flesh crawl. He kept struggling to get at me and the things he said…” She couldn’t finish. “I’ve had issues with anyone touching me ever since.”
“I’m not surprised, you poor thing,” said Esme.
“Recently, I’ve felt I’m being watched, and when I left the club the other night I could have sworn someone took my picture.”
“What happened to your attacker?” asked Esme.
“Prison. He pleaded it was an accident, but he meant to kill Maria. I saw him do it, but it should have been me.” The horror of Niven’s words hung in the air.
“Never think like that, Niven,” said Siena. “Maria died trying to protect you. I think anyone in her position would have done the same, you were only a child.”
“I blame my adoptive parents,” Niven continued. “My mother used me like an accessory to fit in with her friends and my father totally controlled her. They had a strange relationship, to be honest, I thought they were both weird. Maria was the closest thing I had to a mother. They wanted to hush the whole thing up. It wasn’t good for their image, and image was everything to them. The police were told it was a teenage prank gone wrong, and I wasn’t allowed to contradict that theory. My mother was a force to be reckoned with and I didn’t have the strength to fight her. She told me that everything would be taken care of if I just kept my mouth shut and in a way she was right; he was convicted. Afterwards, it was out of sight, out of mind for them, but I couldn’t forget. I think he’s been released…” she finished, genuine fear in her voice.
“Look, let me speak to Guy,” said Siena.
Niven’s look of fear turned to one of hope.
“Really? I don’t want you to go to any trouble,” said Niven.
“No trouble, you’re my friend now,” said Siena simply.
“Okay, I thought I had problems…but I’ve just realised how lucky I am,” said Esme with feeling.
“You’ve got to tell us,” said Niven pleadingly.
Esme looked dubious.
“Please,” said Siena, smiling.
“Okay.” Esme huffed. “My mum became an alcoholic when my dad left her. My home life was awful…and I was very angry. I met Ford during my apprenticeship and I knew he liked me. Ford had everything I didn’t, and his parents were wealthy. I knew they’d be horrified if I dated him, not that he would have bothered. Their opinion didn’t matter to Ford in that sense, but it mattered to me. So I turned him down. I didn’t have a high opinion of men and got a job abroad. All my relationships were total failures, and I suspected I might be gay but I messed that up as well,” sighed Esme. “Really, guys, you don’t need to hear this.”
“Go on,” Siena encouraged.
“To cut a long story short I ended up telling Ford all this and perversely he introduced me to the Braille Club. I’m not sure what his motives were but our connection was amazing. It made me realise he was the one all along, but now he thinks I’m only into women.” Esme looked at Siena and Niven. “Which I’m not, it’s…Ford I want. I think it always was.”
“That’s so romantic,” said Niven.
“Yeah, well, you wouldn’t have said that if you had seen Ford last night. Drunk, still banging on about me being gay and then passing out in the taxi!” said Esme, annoyed.
“I thought he looked…er, a bit worse for wear,” said Niven, giggling.
“Yip, major hangover and he deserved it!” said Esme with satisfaction.
“Are you going to kiss and make up?” said Siena.
“Not sure, to be honest. Jury’s still out.” Esme shrugged.
Siena looked at her watch. “I’ve got to go,” she told them regretfully.
Niven took a pen out and rummaged in her bag for a piece of paper. She wrote out her number twice, handing them shyly to Siena and then Esme.
“Okay, I’ve just sent you my number,” said Esme, smiling.
“Same here,” said Siena. “This has been lovely. Let’s do it again really soon.” She laughed.
“Yes,” said Niven enthusiastically.
“Definitely.” Esme nodded.
They grinned, each sensing the start of a special friendship. They agreed to be in touch and went their separate ways.
Chapter 48
The Braille Club, London, One Year On: The theme is a celebration of all things American. The food, the music, and the table decorations will be a reflection of the fifty states. The table names range from The Big Apple to California Dreams.
London 2014
Ford
Ford waited, trying to speak with Esme but she ignored him and left with Niven and Siena. Disappointed but not surprised, he realised he would be better off at home than wasting the day here. He arranged for a cab at reception and was relieved when he finally got home. Stripping off his crumpled suit, shirt, and underwear, he stepped under the shower for the second time that day. He changed into shorts and cotton t-shirt, feeling slightly better.
After an hour of half-heartedly looking through his emails, he admitted defeat and crawled into bed. He was asleep in minutes, his dreams filled with an Esme that was just out of his reach. The more he tried to get to her, the further away she appeared. He awakened agitated several hours later from a particularly vivid dream where on finally reaching Esme, he’d let her slip through his fingers.
***
Esme
Esme wondered what she would do for the rest of the day and decided to indulge herself in the spa. She called, not expecting to get an appointment but was told that they could squeeze her in. Delighted, she spent the next few hours desperately trying to relax without any success. All she could think about was Ford and the way he made her feel. However, he obviously had doubts; why did nothing ever work out for her? She didn’t like to think about her past relationships but the common denominator was they had ended in failure. Christ, she had failed with Ford before they even got together, a new low even for her.
With a heavy heart she left Harrison’s and reluctantly headed home. As she opened the door, memories of staggering through them last night with Ford assailed her and she felt a twitch of a smile. She’d been so angry with him but could see the funny side now. They must have looked hilarious. The flat was in chaos, remnants of his presence everywhere. She looked at her rumpled bed, then at the shower room where Ford had slung the towel over the radiator. God, how could one man create so much mess? She was tired, having barely slept a wink last night. The massage had made her feel even sleepier. Not bothering to strip the bed, she slipped under the covers. She could smell his aftershave on her pillows as sleep crept over her.
The loud and repeated buzzing of her intercom woke her. Disorientated for a second, she couldn’t think where the noise was coming from, and then she heard it again. She stumbled along the hallway and gazed at the image of Ford in her intercom monitor. Her heart thudded as his eyes stared directly at her—she buzzed him in. She waited nervously at the front door, opening it when she heard his soft rap. They stared at each other.
Then she was in his arms and he was raining kisses on her head and her face.
“I’m sorry, Esme, so sorry,” he whispered in between kisses. “I’m such an idiot. I can’t really remember much but I obviously offended you. Can you forgive me?”
“You were totally smashed,” Esme replied.
“My knight in shining armour. How did you get me up here?” said Ford, smiling.
“With difficulty…and help from the driver. To be honest, I think he was more afraid of me than you. I was in a bastard of a mood.”
Ford winced. “Glad I was unconscious then,” he quipped. “You’re such a darling when you’re angry.”
She punched him playfully in the arm. “How did you know my address?
“I got it from Guy,” said Ford sheepishly.
“Do you want a drink?”
Ford winced again. “Just a coffee,” he replied.
“Lightweight,” she retorted, pouring herself a glass of wine and clicking on the kettle.
“Okay, I’ll have some wine,” said Ford uncertainly.
“That’s more like it,” said Esme, fetching another glass and filling it to the brim.
They settled in the lounge and Ford looked around. Every available piece of wall was covered in drawings. He stood up and studied them with interest.
“Esme, these are incredible. You have been busy,” he said admiringly, moving from one drawing to the next.
Esme didn’t comment but looked pleased.
“You’ll need to show these to Guy and Benedict,” he said excitedly. “I like the idea of the chairs moving into the zone.”
Esme got up and brought through the bottle of wine. Ford sat down and she topped up both their glasses then padded back to the kitchen. When she returned, Ford was staring at her intently and she moved to stand in front of him. A shiver went through her as he reached out and pulled her down. In one movement she straddled him, her eyes never leaving his face. She felt his hand on her breast and moaned despite herself. His light caress sent further shivers down her spine and then they kissed. It was slow, sensuous, and powerful. Esme suddenly felt weak as she slowly succumbed to Ford with her body and her mind. It felt so right, she wanted him desperately. His mouth travelled down her neck with the lightest of kisses and she sighed with pleasure. This was how it was supposed to feel, not like before with the others. She shivered again, the memory not a pleasant one.
“Esme, do you want me?” Ford asked.
“Yes,” she replied without hesitation. “I think it’s always been you…” she said quietly.
Ford’s eyes shone. “Finally.” He smiled.
“Aye, you’re an acquired taste,” she retorted, her voice feisty with emotion.
Ford laughed and kissed her hard. He kissed her like his life depended on it and she kissed him back just as hungrily. They toppled onto the sofa as their passion increased. Ford pulled away and Esme moaned in disappointment. He was panting, his eyes dazed but his voice clear and firm.
“I want to marry you, Esme MacDonald; I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Esme stared at Ford, completely lost for words, her heart beating wildly, cornered but euphoric, frightened but…in love.
“Can I think about it?” she stalled.
“Nope,” he replied, crossing his arms and scowling.
Esme thought he looked sexy as hell when angry. “You did make my bell ring, I know you’ve got potential.”
She smiled as she pulled her t-shirt off. Ford didn’t move, his gaze intense, the tension between them dense with emotion, desire, and the question that hung in the air. She stepped out of her pj bottoms and kicked them away. There were little beads of sw
eat on Ford’s face as she removed her underwear and moved closer. His handsome face was strained, a face she realised she loved, perhaps always had.
“Yes, I’ll marry you,” she said, knowing it was the only answer he would settle for. Everything felt surreal. She had never thought of herself as a wife, the idea completely alien to her. His arms were suddenly around her, his lips on hers and she was alive with sensation, swaying on her feet, and then he carried her to the bedroom. She tore at his clothes and they fell onto the bed, a tangle of arms and legs; his mouth on her skin, his hands on her body, driving her out of her mind.
“Are you sure, Esme?” asked Ford.
“I could ask you the same question,” she replied.
Their answer to one another was simple as they became one, their passion furious and all consuming.
Esme, her body sated at last, was a little dazed. Their lovemaking had been a revelation for her. Ford had unlocked her heart, he’d held the key all along. How could she have been so stupid?
“I feel my life is about to change forever,” she told him, her voice uncertain.
“Me too.” He grinned impishly, making Esme laugh. “First thing, get those drawings to Guy. You can consult for the next couple of months. My fees are expensive but I know it’s talent they want. You can charge a reasonable rate, maybe not as much as me…” Ford lost his train of thought as Esme’s hand wandered down his body.
“For your information, I have already secured a contract with Benedict, given in my notice, and set up my own company, all by myself,” said Esme. Her hand gave a little squeeze.
Ford groaned but couldn’t keep the look of surprise off his face.
“You see, I hold the patent applications for my designs, which I’ve agreed to sell, the price offered mutually acceptable,” she murmured, kissing his body.
“Oh, I didn’t think of that,” said Ford, frowning, thinking of the Braille Key.