Tyse did know of Harlan, that he was a friend of mine, but I didn’t understand what else he could be thinking. I hadn’t talked to Tyse for almost four weeks, so how would he know that I’d been casually dating Harlan? But I guess I couldn’t doubt the fact that things like that somehow got around, so I could only assume that was the case.
I hated not knowing things, and I hated not being able to talk to Tyse. I was really struggling with the fact that my life felt so out of control. I hardly had to make a decision about whether or not I wanted to go to England with Harlan. I knew that I wanted to. And because I’d heard absolutely nothing from Tyse since his voicemail before Christmas, it was hard for me to justify my reluctance anymore. And what was the deal with timing in my life? I had planned on telling Harlan that my answer was yes, and then I finally hear from Tyse that very same day. I just felt like everything was working against me, or the very least, I was incapable of figuring out my next move.
The bottom line was that I needed to talk to Tyse. I had to find out what “new change” he thought was going to keep me from remaining friends with him. I tried his phone again but I got the same message as the last dozen times I’d called: This box is full; try again later.
Nate was never available either, or he was probably avoiding my calls, too. Tyse just had to be home by now; it was January 16th and I was worried that he’d be missing too much school. After leaving another message on his home answering machine, I tried the auto shop. It was after three, so if he were back in town following his regular schedule, he would most likely be there. I had zero hope that he was though, because if he were back in town, I was sure that he would have called me.
“Uh, hang on, lemme find him,” the guy that answered the phone replied.
My heart began racing in my chest. He was there? He was back? I waited for what seemed like ten minutes even though it was barely one, and when the guy came back and said, “No, I guess he’s not here right now,” I completely deflated.
“But he is back in town, right? I mean you’ve seen him today?”
“Uh, yeah he was here an hour ago… Uh, who is this? Maybe you should just leave a message.”
“This is Ellie. I’m a friend of his and it’s so important that you have him—”
“Yeah, I remember you. You’ve called before, right?”
“Yes, I have,” I replied, feeling a little annoyed. “Did you actually pass along the messages?”
“Uh, yeah I did,” he said, seeming to repeat my tone. “And I’ll give it to him again, but I can’t promise he’ll call you back.”
“Is Nate in?”
He paused for several seconds. “Yes, just a second, please.”
Hmm, maybe he thought I was going to complain to the boss or something since it was the first time I’d ever heard him say please.
“Yeah, hey Ellie,” Nate said a few seconds later. He didn’t seem too thrilled to speak to me either, and I was getting really frustrated with everyone.
“So Tyse is back?” was the first thing I asked.
“Yeah, he’s back. Ellie, give him some space, okay?”
“Space? I haven’t spoken to him for three-and-a-half weeks, Nate! What the hell is going on?”
He sighed. “You’re gonna have to get answers from him. I’m done with this; I’m staying out of it.”
“Well that sounds swell if he would actually call me back! How long has he been home?”
“Uh…” I wasn’t sure if he was going to make something up, but I was just about to accuse him of covering for Tyse when he answered, “He got home two days ago.”
“What?! And he didn’t let me know?”
“Ellie, this is way over my head, okay? I don’t even know what to say to you anymore.”
“That’s no surprise because you don’t tell me anything in the first place.”
“Yeah, I know that. It’s what Tyse wants, so I gotta respect my buddy’s wishes, okay?”
I was about to argue, or say something mean, or…something, because I was so frustrated. But maybe I just needed to tell Nate what was going on. Maybe that was the only way to get through to Tyse.
“Look, Nate,” I said quietly. “I don’t know what’s going on with Tyse. I got this letter from him and it didn’t really make sense to me. He said something about changes in my life, and not having to keep in touch anymore… I really didn’t understand it. Tyse is my best friend and there is no way I want to lose him. I don’t know what he assumes is in my life, but there’s nothing that’s going to push him out of it. There’s nothing more important than him. I was so excited for him to come for Christmas, and then everything…everything just seemed to fall apart for me when he left that message and—”
“Wait, back up for a second. There’s not another guy in your life right now?”
I kind of scoffed. “Yeah, about that… Why would he assume that? I mean yeah I have a friend that I spend time with, but Tyse knows him and—”
“Yeah, some English guy, right?”
“Yes. Are you telling me that Tyse thinks I’m in a serious relationship with Harlan?”
“Well I would think if you’re engaged, then yeah, it’s kind of serious.”
“Engaged? What? Where did you hear that?”
“Well…from Tyse. That’s what he told me. You mean you’re not?”
“No. Why would he think that?”
“Uh, your sister.”
“What?”
“Your sister told him that.”
I didn't know what to say. I was speechless. I had a ton of questions, but I didn’t even know what to ask.
Nate sighed and said, “Look, your sister called him up some time before Christmas—I think it was a couple days before he canceled the trip—but she just unloaded all this shit on him about not being good enough for you, for being a bad influence in your life and tearing your family apart and all that. She said you had another guy that you were really serious about—a doctor—that you were gonna marry him, and that he was ten times the guy that Tyse was. He just took it all, Ellie. Agreed with every bit of it. You know Tyse; he’s got this thing about him that believes all that crap. So you can kind of see why he hasn’t wanted to talk to you. Ellie, he didn’t even want to come see you for Christmas, chica. I mean he wanted to see you, but he didn’t want to at the same time. And then to hear all that… It just kind of reinforced what he already felt.”
My entire body felt numb except for my heart that was pounding in my chest. I didn’t know if it was pounding for Tyse, or pounding because I hated my sister at that moment. I was so livid with her, and I couldn’t believe that she would do something so hurtful. I not only knew that I had to set things straight with Tyse, but I now had my sister to deal with as well.
“Nate,” was all I could say at first. I took a few seconds to take a deep breath. “Uh… I don’t even know what to say right now,” I admitted. I could feel tears forming in my eyes because I could only imagine how Tyse felt when my sister had unloaded all that garbage on him.
“Uh, are you crying?” Nate finally asked.
“Um, yeah, sorry.”
“Well…what’s going on? So you’re not marrying the doctor?”
“No, I’m not marrying Harlan. He knows that I’m waiting for someone else.”
“There’s another guy? So maybe I got the doctor mixed up with—”
“Yes, there’s someone else, Nate,” I chuckled. “Tyse. You know, the guy that won’t call me back? I’ve been waiting for Tyse.”
There was silence on the other end. “Wait a minute… Okay, I’m either a little slow here, or I’m just totally missing something. Tyse told me you guy were just friends. He said that’s all you two could ever be. Am I missing something?”
My heart dropped with disappointment. But maybe Tyse had just said that after what Dawn had told him. That made sense. If he thought I was marrying another guy, then of course we could only be friends.
“Well I’m sure he said that because of
my sister and her stupidity. She had no right to treat him that way and…and that’s another issue I need to take care of.”
“No, he made it clear way before that. Even before you came out in November. I got chewed out for even suggesting you guys be more than friends. Thanks to you I’m the number two best friend.”
I laid myself out on the couch because I literally felt ill. With my eyes closed I decided to finish up the phone conversation on a pleasant note. “Well because of my sister, you’re probably back at number one right now. Look Nate, I need to go. Thanks for taking the time to explain a few things to me. At least I feel a little more in the loop. Could you just… Could you tell Tyse that I’m really sorry? You know, about what Dawn did. That was just…” I sighed. “Just get him to call me, okay? Please? I need him back in my life.”
“Yeah, sure. He’s out getting a new phone right now, so maybe he can call you. Lost his on the boat the first day he was out. But I’ll have him call you.”
“Okay, thanks. Bye Nate.”
To say I was disappointed would be a flat out lie. I was crushed. For one, I couldn’t believe what my sister did. Did she honestly think I wouldn’t find out? Well jeez, I guess it had been a month and I had absolutely no clue. I felt very angry emotions towards her, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it.
And then there was Tyse… I could only imagine how he felt to hear my sister rip him apart. Nate was right; Tyse already felt like he had a lot to make up for in life. I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t really see his point of view on that issue. I thought he was amazing, and even though I did realize that some of his challenges might have a hold on him throughout his life, I didn’t think it took away from who he was as a person.
I thought those were the things that made him stronger.
I made a few phone calls for work and then started dinner. Harlan came over just after five, and I’ll admit it felt weird all over again when he greeted me with a kiss and told me how much he’d missed me. So now I was back to the in-between stage again? Where I was spending my time with Harlan, but still waiting for Tyse to call? I realized how that must have felt to Harlan, and for him to be so patient while I tried to figure it all out was pretty admirable. Here I was, having made the decision to tell him about England, and now I couldn’t.
In some ways I felt a little better, for Harlan’s sake. After talking to Nate I realized that Tyse really did only view me as a friend. It even made sense to me. He wouldn’t visit me for Thanksgiving, he was totally surprised when I visited him, and then he canceled his flight for Christmas. Had I really not seen the signs all along? Was I really kidding myself? He had never, not once, expressed an interest in me beyond friendship. I’d hoped that he was just good at keeping it to himself like I was, but once I started developing even stronger feelings for him it was too hard to keep to myself. Had he come for Christmas, I would have shared my feelings. Was it better that he hadn’t?
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise to keep me from totally humiliating myself.
“You’re in space right now,” Harlan said.
I focused my attention on him as I continued to stir the gravy. He came toward me with a smile and turned the stove off. Then he took the whisk out of my hands and set it in the sink. “I think five thousand stirs about did the trick.”
“Oh…”
He chuckled. “What were you thinking about? You know, you were quite beautiful standing there in a stupor, but I wasn’t sure how far into the night it would take us.”
“I’m sorry,” I smiled.
“It’s fine,” he shrugged. “Anything in particular on your mind?” He took my hands and placed them around his neck, and I smiled when he pulled me closer to him. “Are there worries that I need to kiss away?” he asked, kissing me first on the cheek and then on the neck.
“Maybe,” I replied coyly.
“Maybe? You mean there are worries, or you just want me to kiss you?”
“I just want you to kiss me.”
So he did, and I specifically used the time to assess how I really felt about him. I loved being with Harlan, but if I could have been with Tyse instead, would that have been better? I hated thinking about it that way, and I didn’t think it was fair to Harlan (or myself) to be so mixed up about it.
Later on, just as Harlan was about to leave for the night, my phone rang. It was Tyse, and Harlan even saw his name on my screen as he stood from the couch.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” was all he said.
He kissed me goodnight and left me alone to answer the call. As soon as the front door shut, I snatched the phone off the coffee table.
“Tyse?” I said immediately.
“Yeah, it’s me. Hey, Ellie.”
“Oh, my gosh! It’s so good to hear from you!”
“Yeah, it’s been… It’s been a crazy few weeks,” he chuckled.
“Yeah, I mean… Jeez, I don’t even know where to start. Well first of all, whatever my sister said to you, I am so sorry. I had no idea she would do something like that and—”
“Ellie, don’t worry about it. Nate said he told you, which wasn’t something I wanted him to tell you—”
“Why, Tyse? That was definitely something you should have told me. I mean…I’m really pissed off about it. A lot of things would have made sense to me if I had know that’s what happened. You should have talked to me about it. I’ve been out of my mind because you didn’t call. I thought you hated me.”
“What? I would never hate you. Not for anything.”
“But it all just freaked me out—your last minute voicemail, and then not talking to you for almost four weeks. I barely got out of Nate that you took a job!”
“I’m sorry, Ellie. It all happened so fast, and if I didn’t go with Xavier right that morning, we wouldn’t have made it. We barely got there in time for the job. And stupid me…they said our phones would be useless so we shouldn’t bother bringing them. I lost mine the first morning out.”
“So I left fifty voicemails for Moby Dick?”
“Yeah, I guess,” he chuckled.
“So… Everything worked out then? The job? Everything went okay?”
“Yeah, I got paid if that’s what you mean. But man, it wasn’t easy…”
He spent about twenty minutes answering my questions, and it was nice to finally get an idea of what he’d been up to for three weeks. But I guess I was kind of glad I didn’t know what the job consisted of. I’m sure I would have worried even more—if that were possible.
He didn’t want to talk about the fishing boat anymore, so he asked me how work was going. He didn’t know any of the new changes, so I explained the entire Belinda Martin story, and then how my new job was going. He said he was really proud of me, and that now he needed to find a way to listen to our station online in the mornings.
“You just focus on school,” I said. “Is all of that squared away?”
“Yeah, I spent most of yesterday and this morning trying to catch up with what I missed. It hasn’t been too bad, but I’ve already got a couple of tests coming up on Friday. I’ve really got to push myself so I’m ready for baseball next month.”
“You guys start that soon?”
“Yeah, we start practicing and getting in shape. Hopefully my body can recover by then. I’ve never been so sore in all my life. I’m hoping it doesn’t affect my swing.”
“Your swing? Oh, yeah,” I lightly laughed. “I only picture you pitching, you know. It’s going to be a little different to see you bat and play infield.”
He paused for a few seconds. “You still plan on coming?” he asked.
He sounded totally surprised, and it caused me to have a quick little panic fest. Did he not want me to come? Did I still want to go? Oh wait, what about England? But California… What was I supposed to do?
“Ellie? I mean I know you have vacation time, but if you’re too busy, don’t worry about it. I don’t want to take you away from anything going on in your life…”
&nb
sp; “Uh, about that… Didn’t Nate clear up that whole issue? You know I’m not getting married or anything, right?”
“Uh, yeah, he mentioned that.”
“So…did you really think Harlan and I were getting married?”
“Yeah. I mean that’s what Dawn said. She told me you guys were pretty serious, and that…and that I was kind of interfering with the relationship or whatever.”
I sighed. “Tyse, I’m so sorry. That absolutely isn’t true.”
“Well if you’re in a relationship, I don’t want to get in the way, Ellie. You know how I feel about that. You know, with Gage and everything it was kind of a problem, and I just didn’t want to do that to you again.”
I took a few seconds to gather my thoughts. Was I really going to do this? Was I really going to tell him how I felt about him?
No, I decided to be a chicken about it.
“Tyse, I’m really sorry that she did that to you. My sister and I are going to have serious issues—”
“Ellie, don’t do that. I understand where’s she’s coming from. She’s only looking out for you.”
“She had no right to say those things to you! It was absolutely uncalled for. She doesn’t know you like I do, and she’s gotta learn that she can’t just do crap like that. She lied to you.”
“Tell me one thing, Ellie, and be completely honest with me.”
I paused, not sure if I wanted to be. “Uh, okay…”
“Were you having problems with your family because of me?”
Jeez, why did he have to ask that?
“Ellie, I’m sure it’s true. From what it sounded like, your family was pretty upset after finding out that I’ve served time. You kind of gave me the impression that you’d already told them, so because you didn’t, and they found out on their own, I can see why they were so ticked. That was the last thing I wanted, so I just think that Dawn is right and you should keep your distance.”
“My family has no say in who I’m friends with, Tyse. I’m not giving in to their opinions. Besides, I had another talk with my parents not too long ago and they’ve softened their outlook. They’re more supportive now, and they realize how harsh they were.”
Summer Swing Page 36