by L. W. Jacobs
Ella cleared her throat. “I owe you an apology, Nauro. You have always been a good man, and true, and my mistrust of you was unworthy. I apologize, and promise to do better.”
Nauro’s eyebrows raised. “Apology accepted, Ellumia. You had your reasons, I’m sure.”
Avery cleared his throat. “Help me up,” he said, reaching a hand to Tai. “I would stand and join you in this moment.”
Tai unhooked his arm from her to reach down, his other hand holding the spear.
Avery reached up to grasp it, and Ella’s stomach twinged. Harides, Aeyenor had called him. Of Seingard, not Worldsmouth.
“Tai,” she said, pulling at his arm, dread suddenly rising in her chest.
Her words were lost in dead silence. A black blade appeared in Avery’s free hand, slicing Tai’s free hand off at the wrist.
The hand that held the spear.
Avery caught it and pushed up, smiling. “That’s better,” he said, taking a deep breath.
Pain hit her like a blacksmith’s hammer.
63
Marea stared at her lover, uncomprehending. The rest of the party fell around her, screaming, clawing at their faces.
“Avery?” she asked
He gave her a smile. “Turns out I didn’t need your luck after all, sweetheart. But, thank you.”
His voice sounded different, his accent was different, even his face looked different. Older.
“Who are you?” she whispered.
He heard her over the cries of their companions. “You heard the man,” Avery said, gesturing up to where the shaman had been. “Should have heard it from my friend back in Yatiport, too. My name is Meyn Harides, head seeker of the Yatiport cell.”
She shook her head. It didn’t make sense somehow. “You’re not—”
“Avery, a sweet and simple young man from Worldsmouth who turns out to know a lot more about shamanism than a twenty-year-old should? No. But that’s who you needed me to be, and you’re who I needed to get in with Tai’s party. So, thank you.”
She took a step toward him, her world falling apart. “So you’re not—you don’t—”
“Love you?” Harides smiled. “Love is the excuse weak people make for staying weak. The sooner you learn that the better.”
“You’re not… Avery,” she said, the words strange on her tongue. Wrong. And yet this man who looked and sounded so much like Avery was definitely not the man she’d spent the last few weeks with. Not the man who—
She choked up. A thread of black lightning cracked, stealing the sound from her ears. Avery waved it away like a fisherman waved at gnats. The tracery of missing light led back to Nauro, who had pushed up on hands and knees.
A bolt flew from the spear, three times as thick, and Nauro’s body puffed to ash.
Marea’s chest constricted. “Stop,” she whispered. “You don’t have to.”
“Kill them? Let me ask you something,” Harides said, as the rest of the party came to, screams dying away. “Have you ever heard of an archrevenant sharing power with underlings? Did Semeca bring the original members of her cell to the attack on Ayugen? No. They are always alone.”
“You betrayed us,” Tai said, clutching his arm where it ended in a clean-lined stump.
“Very perceptive,” Harides said. “And you would have seen it coming if you weren’t such a fool. It’s the great fiction of the ninespears, that there will be some kind of power-sharing deal once they take down a god. That any seeker would be content with half the archrevenant’s power, and the others will be fine with their fifth of a half, or tenth of a half, or whatever it might be. That the seeker would let those who knew their secrets live to oppose them.”
Something zipped and her former lover waved a hand. Ella appeared in mid-stride, her withered face frozen in a snarl, a long dagger in her hand. Harides tsked. “You’d think she would learn by now. I was there in Yatiport when Credelen froze her, and stole half her life while she struggled in deep slip. I guess she needs the lesson again.”
Tai yelled then and flew at Harides. Harides waved a black bolt at him, and the wafter just managed to avoid it.
“Just as well,” Harides said, waving a hand at him. “You might still be useful. I’m the one who told Ollen who you were, you know. Made them attack you. How else was I going to get in your group?”
Tai froze in air, a look of outrage on his face.
“I killed for you,” Marea whispered.
“Yes,” Harides nodded. “That was… unexpected. I really don’t think Eyadin would have been much of a threat.”
But she had killed him anyway. On the slim chance he would be a danger to Avery. Who had been lying to her the whole time. Who had never loved her.
She was a murderer.
Feynrick woke up, roaring, and hurled an axe at Harides. It stopped mid-throw, frozen in air.
Harides raised a hand. Marea’s heart clenched, as it had when Ella froze, as it had when Nauro died. “Not him, too,” she said, her voice tiny.
Harides raised an eyebrow. “You care for him so much? Isn’t he one of the rebels who murdered your parents? Or are you realizing how childish that all was?”
Marea looked at Feynrick, frozen mid-run. “He’s a good man.”
“What of this one?” Harides asked, bringing Tai down to earth with a gesture. “He is the one you blame, isn’t he? Would you like to kill him finally? Cold revenge is not as good as hot, but it’s better than nothing.”
Marea gazed at Tai, leader of the rebellion, chief murderer of her parents. She’d hated him this entire trip, but all she felt for him now was compassion. He didn’t deserve to die, and he had to stay there frozen while Ella aged to death in front of him. Yes, he had murdered her parents, or been there when they died. But he’d been fighting for something he believed in.
As she had, when she killed Eyadin.
Marea gasped, feeling like she was going to be sick. Like something was wrong inside. This entire time, she’d been wrong. Been loving the wrong person, and hating someone without really understanding who he was.
And now she understood, because she was that person too.
No, you were right, my pepper, her voice came inside, but it sounded strained, anxious. He murdered us! They all did!
She knew that anxious tone. Had heard it in her mother’s voice, and in the voice before that, deep within the caves under Ayugen. It was the sound of a revenant in danger.
“Sweetheart?” Harides asked, the name vile from his mouth. “You’re looking a little pale?”
This voice had glommed on to her hatred. Used it to control her. But all that had done was keep her from seeing who her true friends were. These people, who had risked their lives time and again for her. Who had taken her in then let her join their party when they had no reason to.
No. They killed me, pepper! We’re your true family!
Family. She had never been excited about living with her cousins in the Mouth, she had just wanted to escape Ayugen. And that was why she’d fallen so easily and so hard for Avery. She saw that now, as the man toyed with Feynrick, battering him with his own axes. He was a monster. But she had needed somewhere to belong. Someone to belong to.
And the whole time they had been right here.
A scab ripped free from her heart. A revenant. And the wound it left bled pure uai.
Marea struck resonance, knowing what she had to do. She knew it was impossible, too—but that was what fatewalking was for.
She ran. She had no weapon, no knowledge, no shamanic tricks, not even Ella’s speed to hide her coming. What she had was a single-minded desire, burning as clearly in her mind as anything she had ever seen or wanted: to save her friends. To kill Harides.
He turned to her, mild surprise registering in his eyes. “Decided you’re not in love with me anymore, then?”
Marea crossed Nauro’s ashes, plucked the dagger from Ella’s frozen hand, and leapt at Harides.
“Oh, please,” he said, waving a hand.
/>
A hammer of air slammed into her, knocking her backwards, her resonance still roaring, vision still bright.
The knife tumbled from her grip, caught in her forward momentum, end over end. Marea watched it even as she fell, even as her back collided with the waystone.
It struck Harides right between the eyes, hilt first. He fell.
Tai shot into motion, Ella snapped out of slip, and Feynrick roared with anger, seizing an axe from the air and running at Harides.
“No!” Marea cried, pushing up though every bone in her body hurt. “I need to do this.”
“Do away,” Tai said, snatching the spear from Harides’s fist and flying to Ella, who lay motionless on the ground.
Marea ran to him and snatched the dagger where it lay next to his head, tears streaming down her face. “For Nauro,” she said, “and for Eyadin, and for my friends.”
She rammed it home.
64
Tai landed next to Ella, pushing back the sick fear in his chest. Harides had trapped her in slip, like Credelen did in Yatiport. She’d aged decades that time. She didn’t have decades this time.
“Ella!”
No response. He thrust his free hand—gods, his stump but it didn’t matter—onto her body and sent healing energy into her like Avery had done with him, like he’d done to himself inside the stone.
Nothing. Her chest wasn’t moving.
“No,” he swore, somewhere between a curse and a sob. He tried again, gripping the spear and believing she was alive, believing she had years left to live.
It didn’t work. He almost threw the spear in rage and frustration, uai raging through him. What good was the power of a god if it couldn’t give her more life?
Then he remembered something. Tai opened her gnarled hand, wrapping fingers around the spear. Ancestors, they felt cold.
He let go. And prayed.
“Ancestors, if you’re out there,” he murmured, “Prophet, if you can hear me, Ascending God, if this was really the place you left the earth, grant me this one prayer. I will do whatever you ask, destroy the spear, give my life, just please, please let her live.”
You would never destroy the spear, a voice came in his head. Ydilwen’s voice. You killed so many to get it. What’s one more?
“No!” Tai yelled, seeing Feynrick approach, not caring. “I never meant to hurt any of them! Is that what you need? For me to destroy the spear?”
What I need doesn’t matter anymore. I am dead.
The Yatiman leaned over. “What did you do?”
“The spear,” Tai said, hope collapsing. “I thought—Nauro lived so long with his uai stream. Semeca lived forever, with this one. I don’t know how it works but I thought, maybe, this would be enough. That whatever life she has left, it would stretch it out. Keep her alive.”
He closed his eyes, pupils burning, something delicate and huge beginning to break inside. That wasn’t how it worked. She’d done too much. To save him.
Feynrick cleared his throat. “Looking a little better, isn’t she?”
Tai sucked in a breath, opening his eyes. Her focused on her face. There was more color in her cheeks. And was that—
Tai sucked in a breath. Her chest rose and fell, shallow at first, then deep and regular breaths.
He swept her up, stump burning, not caring, pressing her close to his chest, spear between them. She was alive. Praise the ancestors, she was alive.
Ella stirred against him. “Tai? I was having the strangest dream.”
He laughed, or cried, something like that, pressing her even closer. “Of what? Tell me.”
“That you—married me,” she said, her voice dreamy. “That we had a girl. Two girls.” She shook her head. “Isn’t that strange?”
“Not strange at all,” he said, pulling back just enough to kiss her, keeping her hand firmly around the spear. “We can do that. We should do that. Will you marry me?”
She stared at him then started laughing, the wrinkles melting from her face.
“What?” he said, too relieved and happy to care. “What’s so funny?”
“Of all the ways,” she panted after a moment, “that I dreamed someone would propose to me.” She shook her head, looking around. “This was definitely not it.”
Feynrick rubbed his beard. “I thought it was pretty good, myself.”
Ella met his eyes, grin falling off. “Are you serious?”
“Yes!” he said, realizing suddenly how serious he was. How much he needed her in his life. “Yes.”
She eyed him a second longer. “I’ll think about it.”
Tai and Feynrick goggled.
“You’ll think about it?” Tai asked.
“What kinda answer is that?” Feynrick said.
Ella frowned at them. “A lot has happened. I almost died just now. Not the greatest time to be making big decisions, okay? And I don’t have the best history with marriage proposals. But if what you’re asking is to be together, from now on? Then yes. A thousand times yes.”
Feynrick cheered, and Tai thought the smile might break his face. He hugged her close, spear sandwiched between them.
Ella squirmed after a time, her face maybe that of a forty-year-old now. “Is this thing my engagement present? Most Worldsmouth men go for a tasteful necklace, you know.”
“That,” Tai said, “is yours forever if that’s what you need to live. I don’t know how this works. I just know that it is. Like the revenants worked for Nauro.” His heart tightened a bit—Nauro. But time for that later.
“You’re brilliant,” she said. “Though I dearly hope I don’t have to carry this thing around the rest of my life. It’s huge. Besides, it’s yours.”
And so it begins again.
Tai shook his head, not sure who he was responding to. “It’s not mine. We earned it together.”
And together you will protect your people, right? Build another great civilization on the corpses of those who stood in your way?
Ella held it out. “I don’t want it. I—this power is intoxicating. Here. Let’s see if I croak when I let go of it.”
She let go of it and Tai’s heart leapt, but Ella seemed fine. The spear rattled to the flagstones.
“Go on,” Feynrick said after a moment. “Take it. Somebody’s got to.”
Tai stared at the spear. How many people had died trying to get this?
Not nearly as many as will die if you take it up.
Ella and Feynrick were looking at him, even Marea where she sat near Avery’s corpse. Still Tai hesitated.
“Can’t leave it here,” Feynrick said. “Bet some of those ratcockers out there got a much worse imagination than Avery or whatever his name was.”
Go on. They’re dying already anyway.
Tai stood. “I need some time. To think.”
Ella looked concerned but nodded. Tai strode away, all his glory and relief gone in the weight that had followed him the last few weeks, settling back onto his shoulders. “Okay, Ydilwen. What are you talking about?”
I’m talking about your empire. About using your new power to defeat the Councilate and set up something new, and all the people you’ll kill to do it.
“You’re in my head,” Tai said, frustrated that they even had to have this conversation. “You can see all my memories. You know killing people is the last thing I want to do.”
What you want doesn’t matter as much as what you do. And when push comes to shove, you always kill for your own. Just like the Councilate does. And so the wheel spins, and we get nowhere.
“Revolutions of the wheel—Nauro used to talk about that. And Sablo. But you know me. You know I don’t want my own nation. I just want a place where people are safe from the kind of oppression the Councilate put on my people. And after talking to you, I want to find a way to stop making revenants.”
Ydilwen gave a bitter laugh. Then you’ll have to stop people dying unfulfilled, and the world’s already teeming with revenants like me trying to find someone to help them fe
el complete.
“And what would it take for you to feel complete?” This was not how Ella talked about overcoming revenants, but he didn’t care. He didn’t even want Ydilwen gone necessarily, he just wanted to know. “Why did you attack us in the first place, back in Ayugen?”
To prevent all this. I knew what would happen if a vulgar took the spear, and I knew you were the most likely one to do it. More wars, more revenants, more deaths for nothing. At least a ninespear would only kill a few. We all know. We’re not looking for political power.
“So you need a promise from me I won’t do that? Start my own nation by killing our enemies?”
A promise. His voice was heavy with scorn. I need action. What you’ve done today has already resulted in thousands of deaths. What are you going to do about that?
Tai frowned. “Today? What do you mean?”
The battle, around the old city? Do you think it stopped when you flew past and got all those people to attack the Titans? You think all those angry soldiers and holy fools stopped hacking at each other just because you can’t see them anymore?
Tai’s stomach sank. He’d forgotten all about the pilgrims pushing against the whitecoats around the old city. “Ancestors. They’re still fighting?”
And dying. You want to get rid of me, you want me to feel fulfilled? Do something about that.
Tai balled his fists. “But do what? I can’t bring those people back.”
You’re a god now. Figure it out.
65
Tai strode back to where his friends stood, Ella holding a hollow-eyed Marea, Feynrick still staring at the spear. Ella didn’t look to have aged much, thank the ancestors.
“Ye figure it out?” the grizzled Yatiman asked, leaning on his axe.
“I think so,” Tai said. “I’ll be back.”
Ella slammed a foot down on the haft of the spear. “Oh, no, you don’t. Where are you going, Sekaetai?”
“Back there,” Tai said, waving toward the city. “The people are still fighting.”
“And you’re going into it without me? I don’t think so.”