Jealous? Was I jealous? I asked myself as I lay in bed. Despite my initial protestations to Alfie I kept coming back to the same question. No, I was not jealous I decided she just deserved better. That was all.
We had left the bar once people had started to arrive. Alfie had gone on to an “appointment”, I wondered what her name was this time. I had attempted to distract myself by searching for a memory stick from within the numerous pockets of my rucksack, although I couldn’t open it I knew there were several presentations stored on it which I could use when I was in Texas.
Trying to sleep had proved fruitless and on several occasions I had considered calling Stacy to try and get her to see the mistake she was making. However each time I reached for the phone I had heard Alfie’s voice in my head,
If you’re not jealous why is it bothering you so much? As well as Stacy’s a big girl, she can make her own choices.
He was right on both counts annoyingly; I did not know why I was bothered by her bizarre decision, it was her problem not mine. This didn’t help though and I eventually resorted to listening to the radio to distract myself. I woke up the following morning with the radio still on; I had fallen asleep listening to it.
It was Saturday, I had a week and two days to go. All I needed to do was focus on what I was doing and forget about everything else. Yes I would continue to help Kurt and Jade gather equipment for the youth club, yes I would interview the prospective new tutors and yes I would confirm with Mr Russell that I was going to attend our planned meeting on the bank holiday Monday. Other than that I was none committal, if she wanted to make a fool of herself then let her, it meant nothing to me I told myself.
I visited the Library and made sure the presentations on the memory stick were in order, Hank had not given me a subject so I was free to choose I assumed. At the worst I could give them a short list to choose from. Then I opened Mr Russell’s last email, did I go? Did I not go? Oh what the hell I decided. I told him I would be there.
‘Coming for a beer?’ Alfie called through my door later that evening.
I opened it and said ‘To be honest mate, no. I am just not in the mood for the Star.’
‘What about my pad? I’ve got some Bud’s in; you won’t have to tip it down the loo this time.’
‘You know about that?’ I asked.
‘Course I do, no one can neck a pint that fast.’
‘Ok, why not?’ this seemed to be my catch phrase at the moment, perhaps I was having the rebellious streak I never had as a child.
Sitting in Alfie’s flat I was able to take in the decor, he was obviously into big leather sofas, old heavy wooden furniture and artwork, lots of artwork. It made my place directly below look and feel like a squat.
‘Nice place,’ I said.
‘Cheers, I like it. So how did Stacy get on with her date?’
‘It’s tonight.’
‘Oh right. I guess the bloke will be trying to get his leg over a bit later then?’
‘Alfie!’
‘What?’
What indeed? I hated to admit it to myself but I was still brooding over the whole unfortunate episode, however I still was not sure why. At the end of the day Stacy should be able to conduct her own affairs without it making the slightest impression on me, so why did it affect me? Maybe it was because I had become attached to her? Yes that was probably it; I felt a sense of, what? Something I just couldn’t put a label on it which made me feel even more frustrated.
‘Oh I don’t know, I just don’t want her to make a mistake that’s all.’ I said.
‘What sort of mistake?’
‘The sort where she gets hurt I suppose.’
‘Yeah, gotcha. She could do better?’
‘Absolutely, that’s it. She could do better and I can’t understand why she doesn’t see that.’ It was almost a relief, no it was in fact a relief to clarify what was the root cause of my frustration.
‘Maybe she does see it.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘He paused as he took a swig from his bottle, ‘You gonna miss her?’ he asked.
‘Well yeah.’
‘You told her that?’
‘Of course.’ He looked at me sceptically. ‘Yes!’ I said, ‘She told me she was going to miss me and I said the same but that we could keep in touch via email.’
‘So no then?’
My mental Alfie-ism alarm started flashing, ‘Like I just said, yes!’
‘You say so,’ he said with a shrug.
Chapter 27.
Having left Alfie and returned to my flat I sat pondering his words. Had I told her I would miss her? Yes in a technical sense but Alfie had clearly been hinting at the fact that I perhaps needed to emphasise this is some way. I was in no position to argue, Alfie’s experience and understanding of women far exceeded my own and it was clear I had no real concept of what was going on in Stacy’s head.
Did she feel that I was in no way affected by having to say goodbye? How would she have come to that conclusion, it made no sense? Apart from the fact that I had always been planning to leave but had not initially told her. Maybe that was it? Was this why she had been so distant over this past week? Perhaps I needed to apologise again and ensure that she knew I was grateful for everything she had done for me, which on reflection was quite a lot I conceded.
Fuelled by my ever developing impulsive rebellious streak and to some extent the beers I had consumed with Alfie I decided to clear the air with her, there and then. I was halfway into my walk to her house when I remembered she was out on a date with Frankie First Time.
This caused my frustration levels to rise again. Typical! I thought when I need to tell her something important she is off out with some male model lothario, all she was doing was trying to prove a point. I was not sure what that point was but neither was she probably.
As my blood boiled my pace increased until I was almost there, well I may as well see if she is in now, I decided. Inexplicably a sense of hope arose in me; I was hoping she was there and that she hadn’t gone out with Frankie.
My God! I was jealous!
This was nonsense I told myself, she had shown me no romantic overtures what so ever and I was stupid for allowing myself to develop what was in effect no more than a schoolboy crush. Even if I was not going to Texas there would be no possibility of us being together or Stacy wanting to be with me to be more accurate. But I was going so it was all academic anyway.
As I rounded the corner my heart soared when I saw Dolly parked in her usual space, this was ridiculous, stop it! I chided myself. Despite my annoyance with my own childish reactions I felt deflated when I could see her house was in darkness. No one was home as the curtains were still open, I decided to wait.
Why am I waiting? I asked myself. Yes I had a plan to tell her I was sorry for concealing my true intentions regarding moving on and to ensure that she knew I was extremely grateful for all she had done for me. But I knew that what I really wanted was to see that she got home ok, ideally without Frankie in tow.
I sat on a low wall across the road and waited.
As time passed my resolve slowly started to slip away and I convinced myself that it would be better to say what I needed to say in a more planned and considered manner, probably on Monday morning I reflected. So maybe I should just go home now? Well maybe in few minutes, just to see if she gets home ok I decided.
An hour and ten minutes later a taxi stopped outside her house, as the interior light came on I could see her in the back, alone. The sense of joy I felt was almost overwhelming and I had a sudden urge to run across the road to her, to do what exactly? I asked myself. She would simply think I was mad as I was not sure I could have formed a coherent sentence at that point.
I watched her go into her house and set off walking back to my room with a smile on my face. Yes I had a crush on Stacy; there was no harm in admitting that but only to myself of course. She had not brought Frankie home so I could bide my time and make sure I said go
odbye correctly in a mature and refined way.
The flashing blue lights initially caused me to wonder if an airplane was passing over head, as I looked up I heard a female voice ‘Excuse me sir, can you stop there for a moment?’ I looked around and saw a figure standing next to a police car, as she stepped in to the light from the street lamp she said ‘Marcus isn’t it?’
‘Hello Donna,’ I said.
‘So can you tell me what you are doing please?’ she asked as a male officer exited the car and joined us.
‘Walking home.’
‘At two am?’
I looked at my watch, ‘Yes so it would seem.’
‘Walking home from where exactly?’
How on earth did I answer that one? ‘Well my….a house over there, belongs to my friend.’
‘Right, well we have had a call saying that a man matching your description has be loitering around the area for several hours.’
‘I wouldn’t call it loitering,’ I said.
‘What would you call it then?’ the male officer asked.
‘Err waiting I suppose.’
‘Waiting,’ Donna repeated as if she was considering my response.
‘Nutted anyone today?’ the male officer asked.
My unfortunate speed dating episode was the talk of the police station it seemed. ‘No of course not and that was an accident as I’m sure Donna here will tell you.’
‘You see this?’ she said gesturing to her uniform. I nodded, ‘That means I am WPC Carver to you, ok?’
‘Yes, sorry.’
‘So then,’ she said taking me by the arm ‘Let’s go and check out your story with your friend shall we?’
‘No!’ I cried without thinking.
‘No? Are you telling me your visit to your friend was a fabrication? That you lied to me?’
‘If I said yes to that what would happen?’
‘We would discuss it further at the station.’
Good lord no! I was not about to be arrested two weekends on the trot. I checked to make sure that she did not have any pepper spray in her hand. ‘Ok,’ I sighed.
Chapter 28.
Keeping a firm hold of my arm Donna marched me up to Stacy’s front door; initially I hoped that the lights would be off so I could use the excuse that she had gone to bed. Then I realised that this would result in yet another trip to the police station and I found myself praying she was still up. This was a nightmare, I could not win regardless of the outcome, both were going to be unpleasant but I hoped that disturbing Stacy was the lesser of two evils. However if she denied my story I could end up in the cells again anyway.
‘A rock and a hard place,’ I said to myself.
‘What’s that?’ Donna asked.
‘Nothing,’ the sense of dejection clear in my voice.
As Stacy opened the door it took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, she was obviously surprised to see a police officer on her doorstep and even more so to see who Donna was gripping tightly.
‘Marcus?’ Stacy asked uncertainly.
‘Hi, errm these officers thought..’
‘I’ll do the talking of you don’t mind!’ Donna barked.
I did mind, I minded a lot but was in no position to argue. Yet again feeling like a school boy in front of his headmaster I simply looked at the ground.
‘Do you know this gentleman madam?’ Donna asked.
‘Yeah, I do. It’s my friend Marcus.’ Score one for the home team I felt like shouting.
‘Can you confirm he has been visiting you this evening?’
One all.
‘Why?’ Stacy asked cautiously. At least she hadn’t said no.
‘Well we had a call about a man fitting his description who was acting suspiciously in the area.’
Stacy was looking intently at me and I was convinced I could see the realisation of what I needed her to do dawn in her eyes.
‘Suspiciously?’ she laughed. ‘That’s just him; he’s a Muppet at times but not suspicious.’
Donna was not playing, ‘So you can confirm his story?’
‘Oh yeah, sure,’ Stacy replied. A home win! I thought. Would kissing her out of relief be inappropriate right now? I figured probably.
Donna lent forward conspiratorially, as if that was going to stop me from hearing. Stacy unconsciously did the same. Go on head butt her! I willed to Donna; see how you like being blamed for an accident.
Donna did not head butt Stacy though, she almost whispered, ‘It’s ok. We’ve got him; if he hurt you at all you can tell us. You are quite safe.’
Stacy gracefully attempted to suppress her mirth at the fact that Donna had me labelled as a suspicious stalker with violent tendencies.
‘Oh no, that’s fine. He is an idiot but harmless,’ Stacy replied looking at me.
‘If you say so,’ Donna said but her face showed that she was far from convinced. ‘Just in case we are gonna inform every lady who attended the ….’ She looked around and then whispered ‘speed dating, to be on their guard and not approach him under any circumstances.’
‘From what I saw I don’t think they would anyway,’ Stacy replied.
‘Ok, well thank you for your time,’ Donna said pleasantly to Stacy before glaring at me and walking away.
‘You best come in you dipstick,’ Stacy said. ‘So what were you doing exactly hanging around my house in the middle of the night?’ she asked once inside.
‘Well, it’s hardly the….’
‘Marcus!’ she interrupted.
‘I…I just…I wanted to make sure you were ok.’
‘Ok?’
‘Yeah that, y’know, Frankie hadn’t. Y’know?’
‘No.’
‘Taken advantage.’
She burst out laughing, ‘You were worried about my virtue?’
‘Something like that.’
‘That’s sweet, stupid but sweet’ I could not think of an adequate response. ‘I’ll call you a taxi and before you say it, it’s on me.’
‘Thank you,’ I said once again feeling like a little boy.
‘Oh and in case you are wondering, he did try his luck.’ Oh god, was I too late? She saw my expression and added, ‘I soon told him where to get off though.’
‘That’s good,’
‘Is it?’ she asked.
Chapter 29.
The taxi ride home was made with very mixed emotions, I had not told Stacy what I intended to and her response to my predicament had seemed to indicate there was still some form of empathy towards me. Maybe if she had continued to be angry then my departure would have been easier, on both of us. I was sure my feelings for her were simply to do with the rollercoaster of events my life had become over the past month, nothing more.
Overriding all these thoughts was the relief that I had not been arrested again, that I was going back to my little room not a cell. The back of the taxi gave me a sense of anonymity, as I slouched down in the darkness of the back seat I felt like I was hiding. Hiding from Donna, and Stacy I decided, from myself as well perhaps? I unexpectedly thought. I did not know what that meant, even though it originated from my own mind. It sounded like an Alfie-ism.
The next morning I awoke to the sound of Alfie yet again pounding on my door. ‘What?’ I shouted. I was in no mood for company and was still very tired from my late night.
‘Lunch! C’mon.’
‘No mate, not today.’
‘What? You gonna turn down a free Sunday nosh, plus hurt my feelings? What the matter with ya?’
Half an hour later we had completed ordering when Alfie asked ‘What’s up mate?’
‘Alfie, why do you keep bringing me here?’ I asked.
‘Don’t you like it?’
‘It’s fine, but that doesn’t answer my question.’
‘I like your company.’ A simple and to the point answer, which left me unable to respond. ‘Also you’re a bit down on your luck, but you’ve done a good thing at that centre. You know this area means a lot
to me, so I guess I am just showing my gratitude whilst having a good laugh.’
‘A good laugh?’
‘Yeah mate, you crack me up!’
This one I knew, “Crack me up” was a term that meant “Make me laugh”. Feeling pleased with myself at my mental translation I asked, ‘How do I crack you up?’
‘You’ve got the hot’s for the lovely Stacy and you don’t even know it.’
Hot’s? My sense of self-satisfaction evaporated when I couldn’t translate that one.
He could see my confusion, ‘You are what we would call attracted to her. You fancy her you dope!’
‘No I don’t!’
‘Yes you do.’
‘Well ok, a bit. But it’s just a crush. Nothing would come of it.’
‘Well it won’t if you’re in the States that’s for sure.’
‘Exactly.’
‘So why you going again?’
‘To get my life back on track.’
‘Across the pond? That’s how to get your life back on track?’
‘It’s my only option.’
‘Is it now?’
‘Alfie, what are you getting at?’
‘There’s more to life than dead geezers.’
‘What?’
‘Dead Egyptians, in tombs and stuff.’
‘Mummies?’
Yeah, that’s not a life mate.’
‘It is for me.’
Chapter 30.
Monday morning arrived and I found I had a renewed sense of purpose, I would tell Stacy what I had planned to say and be done with it. Then I could focus on completing the week and my silly little crush would die a natural death.
By the time I entered the centre I decided to take the bull by the horns, ‘Where’s Stacy?’ I asked Yu.
‘Gone for supplies, back later.’ Stacy had done it again; it was so infuriating the way she was able to thwart my intentions without even trying.
I checked my emails and saw that Mr Russell had confirmed our meeting; I would have to go straight from seeing him to the airport and rang the car service that had been arranged to change the pickup place. With all that done I availed myself of one of Yu’s breakfasts.
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