“Ready?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He lifted me off the ledge and into the water with him, his hands staying tight around my waist as he steadied me in the churning pool. Instantly, my aching muscles relaxed—this was glorious. The bubbling, hot water was taking away my aches and pains, but not my worry; Luke’s wounds looked bad—scary bad. I overlooked the fact that he was naked and busied myself by dripping water over the patchy sewing job on his chest and gently rubbed away the dried blood. He tensed. “Is everything okay?” I asked.
His eyes met mine. “I’m just… well… yeah. Everything is fine,” he said, trying to smile.
I felt the overpowering urge to kiss him, and the look in his eyes said the same thing. “I need to wash my hair,” I blurted out.
He laughed. “All right, Princess.” He pulled me up into his arms in one fluid motion. “Stay on your side so we can keep your arm dry,” he ordered.
I faced him, stomach to stomach, half floating and half supported by him as he ran his fingers gently through my hair. He lightly rubbed the tender spot where the rock had met my skull and released a matted, bloody mess into the water. “Holy…” he said. “If we were in the ocean, we would be shark bait.” The water turned deep red then cleared quickly when the bubbles cleared the blotch away, carrying it somewhere deep in the earth.
My body soaked up the salt water, drifting on waves in Luke’s arms. He watched me intently, his hands gently moving under my neck, and suddenly, I realized with that look on his face, I would do anything he wanted. I had no defense against the seductive glimmer in his eyes; I had to detach myself, and fast. “I think I can stand on my own. You go ahead and wash up.” He was about to protest. “Go on… I’m fine.”
I curled my toes over the smooth rock for balance, the mineral-rich water making me extra buoyant, and watched Luke disappear. As he dove under the water, the remainder of his bandages floated up. He reappeared in the middle of the pool under the rain falling in from the crack above, rubbing his hair and holding his mouth open for a drink. I felt wicked watching him, like I was spying on a man in the shower.
He swam back, circling around me like a kid playing shark, then he stood up—water dripped from his skin and he shook off the hair plastered to his face. I could have fainted right there and then… no human being was more beautiful. I was so awestruck I forgot where I was.
“What?” he asked, referring to my dazed expression.
“You, um… you’re the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life,” I said before I could stop myself.
He smiled and reached for my waist, his huge hands almost circling it completely, then he pulled me close to his chest with a hungry stare. I couldn’t breathe. Or speak. So I pushed him gently away, and then I dropped down under the surface of the water, forgetting about the bandages on my arm, and filled my cheeks with water. I leapt up and spit at him like a fountain. He laughed and splashed me back while halfheartedly giving me heck about my arm.
“It’s funny. Even with these injuries and under such strange circumstances, I feel so lucky to be here with you,” I said, again without thinking.
“Lucky, eh?”
He pushed me up against the side of the pool. Smooth, hot rock cradled my back as he smiled and moved some damp hair off my face. I felt every part of his naked body next to mine, and my heart felt like it might burst out of my chest. “Luke… I can’t…” I said, even though I knew my eyes were saying the opposite of my mouth.
He ignored me and brought his face to mine, and then he gently and perfectly kissed me.
It was just one kiss. But it was everything. It sealed the already-blatant confirmation that I was completely, totally, and madly in love with him.
“I don’t think I can give you up,” he choked out and thankfully didn’t push himself on me any further.
“Luke, I…” That sharp pain came back, stabbing my abdomen and stealing my words.
“Kaya, what’s wrong?”
The pain grew stronger, wrapping itself around my hips and digging in until I thought I might pass out. Luke gathered me up into his arms when my legs gave out. “I think something’s wrong with the baby,” I confided.
He put his hand on my stomach then gently over the large patch of red and bruised skin on my hip bone. He was thinking the same, but he didn’t say it. I lay in his arms for a long while, neither of us speaking while the water swirled around our bare skin. I rested my head against his chest, getting lost in his heartbeat and listening to the air move in and out of his lungs.“Kaya, I want to look after you,” he said softly. “I want you to know I will do anything for you and your baby. You need to know I am—”
I cut him off. I couldn’t hear it. I wanted what he was offering, but I knew it would never work. I couldn’t lead him on anymore, which was exactly what I was doing by allowing myself to get this close to him. “Luke, I am really confused. I know where my heart is and exactly what it wants, but I absolutely have to do the right thing.”
He gulped like my words had hit him hard in the stomach. I looked up, stared him straight in the eye, and tried not to look away; he had to know I was serious.
“And doing the right thing means going back to Oliver, right?” he said sadly.
The hurt on his face made my chest tighten. I couldn’t reply, but I didn’t really have to. He already knew the answer, anyway.
“Just tell me, though, please. Never mind what’s right or wrong or what you are supposed to do. Just tell me what it is that your heart wants,” he pleaded.
I could see him fill his lungs with air and hold his breath in as he waited for my answer. I had to tell him that what I felt for him was nothing but a crush, a whim, a soon-to-be-fleeting desire… but the ability to pull off such a blatant lie failed me. “It wants you,” I confessed.
Agony.
I knew every facet of the word inside and out. It was relentless in every miserable and cruel way possible. I felt wide awake yet dead, my body tense yet also pile of mush under her spell. I was in love with her, yet I was supposed to be fine with her wanting to be with another man.
I wasn’t.
I gave her more painkillers and re-bandaged her arm as the tension grew between us.
“Luke, your wounds are looking so much better,” she said, attempting small talk. “Your skin isn’t nearly as red as it was.”
I reached for my shirt and pulled it down over my head.
“There’s something strange about that water. I feel about fifty percent better, too. It’s amazing. I wonder if it has magical healing qualities,” she added, digging for any sort of reply. “I’ve heard of that before, that the sulfur and magnesium and sometimes the iron in these hot springs…”
Her voice trailed off when she realized I wasn’t interested in the topic at hand. The thought of her leaving had become a hammer smashing apart my heart, and before I knew it, words were flying out of my mouth. “You love me, Kaya,” I said, and moved onto my knees before her so she had no choice but to look at me. “You love me.” My tone was more aggressive than I intended. Her eyes widened, her emerald-green irises shining.
“It’s not that easy, and you know it.”
“But it is. It really is. You don’t have to go back to him.” She bit her lip, and her eyes watered. I should have let it drop, but I didn’t. “Tell me the truth. Be honest. Do you love him? Oliver? Are you in love with him?”
Tears started rolling down her cheeks and her breathing sped up. “I have known him for years…” she stammered.
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“Oliver has looked after me, saved my life, cared for me, and has always been there, so yes. Yes, I do,” she said firmly, but she looked down as she said it. She wasn’t being truthful with me or herself.
“Kaya, I love Louisa and would do anything for her, but I am not in love with her.” I was trying to contain my frantic need to make her understand, but my voice was becoming a low roar.
“I made a promise, Luke—and that’s important to me, that means something—and… and…” She put her hand on her stomach. “I’m scared, okay?” she admitted. “I’m eighteen; what am I going to do with a baby? When I first realized I was pregnant, I was shocked. I didn’t want this. But now, I’m terrified that I might lose it. I agreed to marry Oliver, and now I am carrying his child. Doesn’t that sort of seal the deal? I mean, do I want to marry him? I guess… not… but what other choice do I have?”
Even with all the horrible things that had happened to her, I had yet to see such agony on her face. I moved forward to comfort her, but she backed away. A look of utter despair and exhaustion came over her face, and I instantly regretted being so persistent. She was tired, injured, and put in this position completely against her will. I was being an ass. When her face paled a few shades, I felt like punching myself in the head.
“I never should have told you,” she said, her voice trailing off and her breathing speeding up. Her eyes started to have that same look they did in the tent the night of the storm.
“No, Kaya, I’m glad you told me. If it’s him you want, I will honor that. But you have to know that I would treat your child as if it was my own, and to be honest, I wish it was.” I was shocked how easily that came out of my mouth. I had never, ever, felt the desire to have a kid of my own, but building a family with her had suddenly become all I could think of. She stared at me in awe, and then out of the blue, she jumped to her feet only to have her knees give out. I caught her before she hit the ground.
“I have to get out of here,” she mumbled.
“Hey, it’s okay. We won’t talk about it anymore. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“I don’t even know how to get out… how? How do I get out of here? Where the hell am I?” She was on the verge of an anxiety attack, and the painkillers and exhaustion were messing with her mind. I had to keep her calm.
“Kaya, look, this is a navigational watch. It is the whole reason we haven’t gotten lost out here.” I put my wrist out before her. “See these numbers? They are the latitude and longitude of where we are.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“We are fifty-one degrees, thirty-two minutes, and thirty seconds west of the prime meridian on Whaleback Mountain.” I spoke slowly, her eyes steady on mine as if memorizing the numbers, the intensity of her gaze making me feel anxious too. “Kaya, take a deep breath, okay? You need to rest. Just listen to my voice.”
I told her to lie down, and she did so without protest. I told her to breathe deeply, and as she did, the color started to come back into her cheeks. I knew she would listen to me, and I knew I could take advantage of her any way I wanted, and that thought made me crazy. Did Oliver do that? Did he use his strength to manipulate her? Control her? Did he ever take advantage of this beautiful girl? What kind of man was he?
“I want you to sleep now for a bit. Close your eyes and relax. Listen to the sound of the water,” I said, and she obediently squeezed her eyes shut. I talked patiently until her breathing slowed to an even pace, and then, damn it, I couldn’t help it. I said what I needed to say. “Kaya, I’ll never hold you against your will or force you into doing anything you don’t want to do, and I will fiercely protect you from anyone who would. You have to know this; I am in love with you.”
She reached for the jacket I’d left on the ground and put it over her head.
And that was that. There was nothing more to say.
I took the water bottles with me. Outside, the wind was still howling, and the rain fell so hard I was instantly soaked to the bone—good. Maybe it would clear my head. I needed to get myself together. I needed to put away all the emotional crap and get back to my main priority: keeping Kaya safe and alive.
I wedged the bottles between some rocks and waited for them to fill. I was dripping in self-loathing and giving myself a good lecture on how not to be an asshole. Then, I heard a voice over the roar of the wind. “Did you check it out over there?” someone yelled. “Yeah, go do it yourself if you don’t trust me,” yelled another.
I bolted for the darkness of the cave and froze when a figure appeared in the entrance. He shook off the rain like a wet dog then pulled out a flashlight. Was it him? He was tall with a wide stance and a muscular build. He probably had about fifty pounds on me. The whites of his eyes stood out against his dark skin, and he blinked as they adjusted to the dim light. When he wiped at the rain clinging to his forehead, his expression became a mixture of anger and sadness, and when he knelt at our long-dead fire and put his hand in the ash, his posture crumpled in defeat; it was most definitely him.
I felt a pang of guilt. I knew what it was like to have someone you love taken from you and could only imagine what he was going through. I took a few steps back, and his head jerked up, sensing me in the dark. I moved swiftly over the bones and back into the tunnel, struggling with my conscience. Should I announce myself and lead him to her? He could get her to safety—to a hospital and back home—and that’s what she wanted… But I was stuck. I was paralyzed with selfish conflictions and doing exactly what I promised myself I would not do.
I silently made my way back through the tunnels. Kaya was curled up on her side, still hiding under my jacket. “You asleep?” I asked, knowing she wasn’t.
She didn’t answer.
I lay down beside her and put my head under the jacket. Our noses were almost touching. “I saw him,” I said.
Her eyes fluttered and her breath caught in her throat. “How did he look?”
I wasn’t sure what the right thing was to say. “Um… worried,” I confessed.
“Was he alone?”
“No, there was another man with him.”
“So close,” she said softly.
“Kaya, I’m going to go back and get him. He can get you out of here and to a doctor.” I knew this was the right thing to do, but damn did it hurt. “I’m sorry I didn’t do it right away, I just…” I took in a deep breath, “I guess I just wanted to say goodbye first.”
“No,” she choked out. “Not yet. I just… I can’t…”
“He can get you out of here faster than I can. You need a doctor.”
“No, not yet. Luke. Please,” she begged. “I just… I don’t—I don’t want to go back yet.”
“Kaya, this is what’s best for you. What if Seth doesn’t come for us? What if your tracker fails and Oliver can’t find you again? If I can’t get you out of here—”
“Shh,” she interrupted, putting a finger to my lips. I was suddenly the one to feel a rush of anxiety coming on. “I just need time, Luke, and if we are lost here for a while, under this jacket in a cave… I might not mind that so much.”
It was all I could do not to force my mouth upon hers, to hold her as close to me as I could, to love her from head-to-toe… “I have to do what’s right,” I said to her shining eyes.
“No,” she said desperately. “I don’t want to see him yet, please. I need more time, Luke. Please.”
I wiped away a tear on her cheek and let my fingers linger on her soft skin. “Are you sure?” I asked, relieved and conflicted at the same time.
“Yes.”
She tucked her head down under my chin and we both hid from reality beneath the blue polyester jacket. Here, with the love of my life in my arms, I could have stayed forever.
If there had been enough food for us and the dog, I probably couldn’t have convinced Kaya to leave the cave, even though her stomach pain was getting worse. We avoided the raging river by backtracking to where it was calmer and easy to swim across, but just getting to this point wore her out.
“Tell me about your mother,” she said breathlessly.
I laughed. She was very good at changing the subject whenever I had asked how she was feeling. Her freckles had come to life in the afternoon sun, and as I blatantly stared at them, I realized I’d forgotten to answer her question.
“Luke, what did she look like?” she smiled, catching me as my ga
ze lingered on her face.
“Oh right, my mum. Funny, but I’m always worried I’ll forget. She was pretty—small boned, thin. She had thick blonde hair that was always dyed black, and it grazed her shoulders—never longer, never shorter. We had the same color eyes, but hers always had a sparkle in them, even when things were really bad.”
I wished I could hear Mum’s happy, breathy tone when she called me for dinner, or smell that familiar perfume that wafted around her.
“Name?” Kaya asked when I became lost in thought.
“Monique. She had the biggest heart, rescued every animal and person who needed it. Some of the worst people came in and out of our lives and did awful things, but Mum always gave them the benefit of the doubt. I did awful things, too—Lord knows I put her through hell—yet she never yelled or scolded.”
It seemed so right to talk to Kaya like this. My chest didn’t hurt like it usually did when I talked about the past. I grabbed her hand to help her over some driftwood, noticing her clothes were still wet and clinging to her body—I had to admire the tufts of grass instead, the gulls dipping into the river, the evergreens towering overhead…
“What did you do? Typical teenage boy stuff?” she asked.
“Um, well… I got in a lot of fights.”
“Fights?”
She stopped walking and turned around to stare at me, her emerald eyes flashing a brilliant green.
“Keep moving or I’ll have to carry you,” I warned.
“Talk. Please, I need to know this,” she said moving ahead, stepping carefully over some loose rock.
“My mum did whatever she could to keep me off the streets. We lived in a really rough area—gangs, drugs, you name it—so she put me in martial arts classes. I studied the hell out of it for as long as I can remember. If I wasn’t at school, I was at the gym. Mum worked two jobs to keep me there, and the owner liked her, so he took me under his wing and taught me everything he knew.”
Serenade (The Nightmusic Trilogy Book 1) Page 27