“Brutus likes you, Louisa. That’s good, because he really needs a friend,” I said and crouched down to pet him. We rubbed the dirty dog. It rolled over on its back and put its legs in the air, making Louisa giggle again. The sound was music to my ears.
“He’s funny. I like him,” she said and scratched his tummy.
Her beautiful little face was shadowed by such deep, underlying sadness, but for the time being, she seemed happy. It made everything I did, and every bit of pain I felt, completely worth it. I had to remember why I did all this in the first place—for her. “I have a present for you,” I said and held out the necklace. The tooth and leaf made a small clinking sound. I felt a bit sick.
“Oh, thanks,” she said sweetly, and then she dangled it over Brutus’s nose. “You know my friend—that girl? She is really, really sad,” she said and her eyes shined like Mum’s did at the prospect of helping someone. “I don’t think she has any necklaces. I have lots.”
“Oh? Who’s your friend?” I asked, assuming it was Lisa.
“The girl with the black hair. My heart loves her,” she said.
“You mean… uh Kaya?” I asked, barely able to say her name.
“Yes. This is yellow and that’s her favorite color. She told me.”
“That girl has my heart too,” I said, choking on the words. “I think it would be very nice if you gave it to her.”
Her face lit up. “It can be from me and you.”
I nodded in stunned silence as she closed her tiny hand carefully around the gift. “I’ve missed you, Wheeza,” I said, blinking back the stinging feeling of tears in my eyes.
She looked up, her expression dead serious. “I didn’t like it there, Luke. I don’t wanna go back.”
My heart broke into a million pieces. “You will never, ever go back there. I promise. Nobody will ever hurt you again.”
She let her hand touch mine and a glimmer of the affectionate little sister I once knew smiled back at me. Then, Oliver opened the door, breaking the spell. He stepped out onto the porch, and Louisa took off, fleeing from him with terror in her eyes and circling back around in a desperate attempt to get back to Lisa. Brutus leapt to his feet, backing up protectively against me.
“Sorry, Luke,” Oliver said, his deep voice too thick in my ears, “but I would rather you keep your distance. Maybe head back to that barn over there.”
Brutus growled, and I wondered what would happen if I ordered him to chew the triumphant smirk off Oliver’s face. My arms started to shake. Never had an ugly feeling come over me like this—I was filling with rage. The world turned scarlet, and then it slowed down, then it almost stopped; I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him…
Oliver backed away. He could see the hate in my eyes. “Well, it is unfortunate we met under such circumstances,” he said carefully.
Three moves, that’s all I needed—ribs, then eyes, and then break his neck. All my problems solved…
Oliver put his hands up defensively, sensing my intense urge to fight him—and it would be merciless this time. I was a mere second away from removing the barrier between me and the love of my life, until he said her name.
“Kaya’s a great girl, isn’t she?” he said softly.
I choked. The rage brought my blood to a rolling boil as her name lingered on his tongue… But it reminded me that I couldn’t hurt him—because of her, I couldn’t hurt him. She would never forgive me if I did.
A flash of golden sun glinted in his eyes. “Anyway, uh, hey, thanks for not letting me fall back there,” he said, clearly uneasy and backing away.
I turned and forced my legs to get moving before I did something stupid. You’re welcome was not something I could honestly say.
I felt wretched. I cried. I fought to breathe. I was trying to do the right thing, but it just didn’t feel right. Oliver’s hold on me was deep. He saved my life, he stuck with me through thick and thin, and he had loved me when Henry didn’t. He’d been my best friend… but was I in love with him?
Luke had asked me if I was, and I had to think about it—and that, right there, was my answer. Love shouldn’t have any doubts, reservations, or questions… it just is. You should just know. Like I knew with Luke.
Yet I was going home with Oliver tomorrow.
There was a soft knock at the door. I held my breath, hoping whoever it was would just leave, but I could see the shadow of feet lingering in the large gap at the bottom of the doorframe. Something was shoved underneath the door, and it slid across the worn hardwood. I leaned over to try and make sense of what it was, but my eyes were blurry. I rubbed at them, and then, through tears, I recognized the maple leaf… Luke’s necklace…
Sparks tingled through all my cells.
I noticed he’d added something to it—a tooth? Why? I reached for it, my hands shaking like it was dust and might disappear if I breathed too hard. Gently, I held it between my fingertips, and suddenly it made sense: the tooth was from that mountain lion.
An overwhelming flood of realization surged through me. I saved him that day, without over thinking, analyzing, pondering or asking myself what the right thing to do was. I just simply saved him. The terror I felt at the thought of him dying and not wanting to live without him hadn’t changed since then. The complete realization that I was in love with him hadn’t changed either. A life with him was what I wanted, and he was who I truly loved. So what the hell was I doing?
I squeezed the tooth and maple leaf together in my hand between my fingers, gathering strength from it. I made my mind up right then and there, and decided that from now on, the only person I would let decide my fate would be me.
The light that had once been just a dim dot at the end of the tunnel was now glaring like the afternoon sun.
I wrestled myself into a pair of Lisa’s blue jeans and a shirt, cursing my wounded arm for being of no assistance in the process, and then I opened the door to see Louisa standing there. Her pink dress was black all around the bottom, and there was dog hair all over her lace tights.
“These are for you,” she said, thrusting forward a bouquet of yellow weeds.
Her angelic face almost fired up my tears again. She was so beautiful; she looked so much like Luke. “Awe, thanks sweetie. They are perfect,” I said, and I knelt before her.
“They’re for you ‘cause you’re sad.”
“Well, flowers always make me feel better.” I opened my palm to display the necklace. “Is this from you too?”
She smiled proudly. “Me and my brother, Luke.”
“Oh,” I choked, “thank you.”
Tiny fingers helped fasten the chain around my neck, and I felt my heart burst with love for the child. With the promise of ice cream, I led her to the kitchen where Lisa stood at the sink elbow deep in dishwater among yellow-painted walls and shining-white counters. She sat Louisa down at a mammoth farm-style table with a vat of maple fudge and a spoon. She’d been keeping an eye on Regan, who was stretched out in an old recliner with his leg elevated, and gave me the nod to try to talk to him.
“Hey,” I said softly, and I got on my knees beside him. His beautiful red hair was disheveled, and the mass of freckles across his nose and cheeks stood out in stark contrast to his pale skin. I brushed aside a lock of hair from his cheek. “I hear you tried to rescue me.”
His eyes wandered at first then eventually focused on me. “Oh, yeah.”
“Thank you,” I said.
He forced a smile. “Good thing your knight in shining armor was smarter than me, or you’d be dead.”
“Nah, I’m made of steel,” I said, quoting Stephan and missing him terribly.
“Apparently, I am too,” he said and winced. A thick cast ran from his thigh to his very blue toes on one leg, and the other was wrapped in more bandages than I could count. Thankfully, his perfect face was without a single scratch.
“I’m sorry about the miscarriage,” he said, eyes welling up.
There was a part of me that was so empty and
so hurting over that loss, I could barely contain the sobs that wanted to burst forth. “You know it’s not your fault, Regan. It wasn’t the drugs…”
His eyes drifted to his hands and the guilt on his face was heartbreaking, so I changed the subject. “I’m sorry you’re hurting so much,” I said, wishing there was something I could do to help alleviate his pain.
He faked a smile and coughed. “You risked your life for mine, you stupid girl. Throwing yourself in front of that gun was insane, but brave. I’ll never forget it. I would jump into that river all over again for you if I had to.”
I was taken aback by the conviction in his voice. “And I the same.”
He gulped hard, and his eyes reddened with emotion. “This situation has made me realize a few things, Kaya, one being that… that I—uh, well… I owe you.”
My throat tightened. “I owe you, too,” I said, as I reached for his hand.
“And I’ve learned my lesson: no more revenge.” Then, he added, “And no more dwelling on the past, either. I have to get back to living again, move on and be free of this bullshit. You know, maybe I’ll find love again. Nonsense like that.”
I nodded and leaned in, kissing his damp forehead. When I rose to leave, he leaned forward and reached for my hand, his grip freakishly strong even though he was drugged. “By the way, have you come to your senses yet?” he asked.
He was of course referring to Luke. I smiled. “Yes.”
“Thank heavens, because I’m too tired to give you a lecture.”
With that, he drifted back into drugged-out bliss.
Lisa turned to face me. She was scrubbing the stove now, her washing gloves dripping in soap bubbles and her shirt covered in grime, yet she was happy as a clam. The domestic role suited her much better than that of Nurse Barbie like she was pretending to be in The Death Race. I knew the moment I met the real Lisa—the one who didn’t know me from a hole in the ground yet held me in her arms while I bawled my eyes out over the loss of the baby—that I had a friend for life.
“Luke’s out in the barn,” she said, pointing out the kitchen window with a little smirk.
“Thanks.”
I wanted to run to him, to throw myself into his arms and beg him to forgive me, but I had unfinished business to take care of first. “I guess I better talk to Oliver first. I mean, I have to, don’t I?” I asked nervously.
“Uh huh,” Lisa nodded, “you gotta do it right.”
“But how do I say it? How do I tell him?”
Lisa pondered this for a moment. “I don’t think it really matters much how—he’s going to freak out no matter which way you say it. I mean, I gave that guy enough drugs in that race to knock out a horse yet he pushed ahead for hours, for you.”
I thought of Angela and her attempt to describe to me the difference between love and obsession. “Well, if I go missing, have a look in the basement freezer,” I half-heartedly joked.
Oliver and Davis were in the living room, arguing in hushed voices. They stopped when I entered the room.
“Well, you look a little better,” said Davis, clearing his throat and rising to give me a hug, “not quite like what the cat coughed up anymore.” He smiled, but there was still a ton of worry all over his clean-shaven face.
“Yes, it’s good to see you’ve stopped crying, my girl,” Oliver said, beaming ear to ear and walking toward me with open arms—I backed away. The antlers of a stuffed elk poked me in the head.
“Uh, I’m gonna see if Lisa needs help,” said Davis intuitively, and he fled for the kitchen.
Oliver had on a pair of faded jeans and a white golf shirt that was too tight. Every muscle of his chest was outlined and he looked incredible—as always—but I didn’t have even the slightest feeling of desire for him.
“Kaya, I’m sorry about everything that happened back there on the mountain. I hope you can forgive me. I’m sorry about the pregnancy, too—it never should have happened. I don’t want you to be sad, but you know it’s probably a good thing that it’s, uh… gone. It will be much easier for me to keep you safe and to protect you. I love you so much. I just want what’s best for you.”
“I know Oliver. I understand.” And I truly did. He wasn’t lying. He loved me, and he wanted to keep me safe… because that’s what he was programmed to do.
“Henry is breathing down my neck,” he said, “and losing his mind. He sent a team to get you, and of course, the anklet led them to the wrong location like we planned. Now he’s furious.”
“Did you tell him where we really are?”
He held up his phone so I could see; the notifications of missed calls were in the hundreds. “I listened to the first few, and they were all the same—demands, threats—one was Sindra trying the logical approach. I haven’t bothered with the rest.”
I sat down on the weathered couch and dust floated up. He stood in front of the window, creating a massive shadow across the floor. “Henry is not a good man, Oliver,” I said, “I have learned a few things about him. He’s not who you think he is.”
“He is still your father, Kaya.”
“Yes. But you must know by now that the reason he wants me back so badly is not because he loves me.” I’d never told Oliver about the inheritance, or breathed a word to anybody. I was glad I’d kept that to myself. “…and, if you look really hard at the circumstances that brought us together, they seem a bit, well… fabricated.”
“I know,” he sighed.
I was taken aback. “Wait, what? What do you mean, you know?”
He cleared his throat and looked rather uncomfortable. “Some things just didn’t seem right. Stephan noticed, Davis noticed, but I overlooked it. All I wanted was to be with you and it didn’t matter to me how that happened.”
I was shocked. He sat down next to me and patted my thigh. I inched away.
“So, the engagement… the—”
“You have to understand, Kaya. I love you. I would do anything for you. Every word I have ever said to you has been my own. The proposal was real—none of my feelings were ever constructed, and nobody ever told me what to do. I am truly, with every fiber of my very being, deeply in love with you.”
His face was so sweet, and his words so sincere; they started reeling me back in… and suddenly I was questioning my decision to break off the engagement. He grabbed hold of my hand and brought it to his lips, his big brown eyes staring into mine, seducing—
And then a sicker-than-sick feeling took over; being with him was wrong.
“Oliver, I’m sorry, but I’m not going back,” I said with as much authority and strength as I could muster.
“Okay. I can accept that,” he said.
When my jaw almost hit the floor, he quickly noticed my obvious confusion.
“I’ve thought about it, too,” he added, “Davis has agreed, and we’ve decided that the two of us can keep you safe. We will go to Montreal. Henry has a house there; it’s secure and guarded—”
“No, Oliver. I mean I’m not going back with you. I can’t be with you,” I said.
His eyes grew wide. “What are you talking about?”
I swallowed hard in an effort to quell the burning sensation in my chest. “I love you—please don’t think for a second that I don’t—because you are my best friend, and it’s truly killing me to have to make this decision, but—”
“Don’t say it!” he yelled and put his hand up.
“Oliver, let me explain.”
“No! Don’t say another word!”
I twisted the ring off my finger and placed it on the couch next to him. “I don’t want to marry you.”
His eyes narrowed on me in complete rage and his nostrils flared, then he balled his hands up into fists. “You can’t do this, Kaya!” he roared, and then he jumped to his feet. “Is this some sort of a joke? You’re not serious.”
“I am. I know you don’t understand, but—”
“No. I don’t understand,” he yelled and the whole house shook.
; Davis ran into the living room. I knew he’d been eavesdropping. “Relax, Oliver. Give her some time to think,” he said calmly, “she’s been through a lot.”
I shook my head at Davis, “I’m sorry, but I don’t need time to think,’” I said firmly, “this is what I want.”
Oliver cracked his knuckles, his jaw clenched. “Well, if you aren’t my fiancée anymore, then all promises are off. I’ll kill him. I’ll rip him to pieces.” He stormed out of the room with Davis and me running after him. He barged into the kitchen, and Louisa dove under the table. Lisa grabbed a frying pan and held it like a weapon.
“Where is he?” Oliver yelled. “Where is that bastard?”
“Get the hell out of my kitchen,” Lisa hissed.
He ignored her, brushing past her and storming out onto the porch. He stomped and paced up and down the boarded deck while Davis pleaded with him to calm down. I strategically placed myself on the steps to create a barrier between Oliver and the barn, but that might as well have been an invitation. His glazed eyes zeroed in on me and sweat broke out on his forehead. “Get out of my way,” he ordered, nearly vibrating with anger.
“No. You leave him alone,” I said defiantly, standing my ground.
Oliver snarled with a low, guttural sound that lifted all the hair on the back of my neck, and then I watched as his hand flew forward and he shoved me backward. I tried to grab the railing but missed, and I stepped back onto nothing, falling down the steps and landing on my butt.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Davis hollered as he ran to me.
I was plucked from the ground and cradled against Davis’s Iron Maiden T-shirt, shock leaving me without words. I rested against him for a moment, gathering my breath and my thoughts, and then I realized, I was really bloody mad. Really, full on, spitting, mad.
In three large and determined steps, I made my way up the steps to stand before Oliver. I glared at him while his eyes darted around wildly.
“I’m sorry,” he said robotically. Then, his hands latched onto my arms like vice grips and pulled me toward him. I winced as his fingers dug into the healing hole in my arm, but I tried to stoically stand my ground. “I don’t know what came over me,” he said flatly.
Serenade (The Nightmusic Trilogy Book 1) Page 32