by Sue Grafton
12
When I reached my apartment, I saw that Mattie’s car was gone and Henry’s kitchen was dark. I wasn’t sure what to make of that. The temperature was somewhere in the eighties, almost unheard of at this hour. It was still light out and the sidewalks shimmered with accumulated heat. The air felt sluggish, with no movement to speak of and humidity probably hovering at 95 percent. You’d think it would rain, but this was mid-July and we’d be stuck with drought conditions until late November—if the weather broke for us at all. My apartment was stifling. I sat on my porch step, flapping a breeze at my face with the folded newspaper. While most Southern California properties have sprinkler systems, few have central air conditioning. I was going to have to haul a fan out of the closet and set it up in the loft before I hit the sack.
Nights like this little kids toss aside nighties and pajamas and sleep in their underpants. My aunt Gin always swore I’d be cooler if I did a 180 turn on the bed, feet on the pillow, my head propped on the tangle of covers wadded at the foot. She was remarkably permissive, this woman who raised me, having never given birth to any children of her own. On those rare California nights when it was too hot to sleep, she’d tell me I could stay up all night even if I happened to have school the next day. We’d lie there reading our books in our respective bedrooms, the trailer so quiet I could hear her turning the pages. What I treasured was the heady sense that we were breaking the rules. I knew “real” parents probably wouldn’t tolerate such license, but I saw it as one small compensation for my orphaned state. Inevitably, I’d drift off to sleep. Aunt Gin would tiptoe in, slip the book out of my hands, and douse the light. I’d wake later to find the room dark and the sheet laid over me. Odd, the memories that linger long after a life is gone.
Finally, just as the streetlights came on, I heard the telephone ring. I pulled myself to my feet and scooted into the apartment, snatching up the handset. “’Lo?”
“This is Cheney.”
“Well, hi. I didn’t expect to hear from you. What’s up?”
There was sufficient noise in the background I had to press a hand to my ear to hear what he was saying. “What?”
“Have you had dinner yet?”
I’d eaten a box of popcorn at the movies, but I didn’t think that counted. “I wouldn’t call it that.”
“Good. I’ll be there in two minutes and we’ll go out and grab a bite.”
“Where are you?”
“Rosie’s. I figured you’d be here, but I was wrong again.”
“Maybe I’m not as predictable as you thought.”
“I doubt that. You own a sun dress?”
“Well no, but I have a skirt.”
“Wear that. I’m tired of seeing you in jeans.”
He hung up and I stood there, staring at the receiver. What a weird turn of events. Dinner sounded like a date, unless he’d heard something from Vince Turner about the briefing coming up next week. And why would I have to wear a skirt to receive information like that?
I took my time going up the spiral stairs, trying to figure out what to wear aside from the skirt. I sat down on the bed, pulled off my tennis shoes and shed my sweaty clothes. I showered and wrapped myself in a towel. When I opened my closet door there, sure enough, was my tan poplin skirt. I removed it from the hanger and flapped the wrinkles out. I put on fresh underwear and then stepped into the skirt, noting that the hem hit me just above the knee. I crossed to the chest of drawers where I pawed through a stack of shirts and selected a red tank top that I pulled over my head and tucked in at the waist. I put on a pair of sandals, went into the bathroom, and brushed my teeth. This was all my way of stalling while I decided how I felt.
I stood at the sink and studied my reflection. Why was I compelled to stare at myself in mirrors whenever Cheney called to say he was on his way? I ran water in my hands and ruffled up my hair. Eye makeup? Nah. Lipstick? Don’t think so. That would look presumptuous if this were really IRS business. I leaned closer. Well, okay, just a touch of color. No harm in that. I settled for pressed powder, a quick sweep of eye shadow, mascara, and coral lipstick that I applied and wiped off, leaving my lips faintly pink. You see? This is the downside of relationships with men—you become a narcissist, obsessed with “beauty” issues that ordinarily you couldn’t care less about.
I turned off the light, trotted downstairs, and picked up my shoulder bag. I left a lamp burning in the living room, locked the door behind me, and went out to the street. Cheney was already there, his little red Mercedes idling at the curb. He leaned across the seat and opened the door for me. The man was a fashion plate. He’d changed clothes again: dark Italian loafers, sand-washed silk pants in a charcoal brown, and a white linen shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He did a quick head-to-toe appraisal. “You look good.”
“Thanks. So do you.”
He smiled slightly. “Glad we got that settled.”
“Me, too.”
He turned right at the corner, heading over to Cabana Boulevard, where he took a left. With the top down, my hair was flying every which way, but at least the air was cool. I figured we were heading to the Caliente Café. The place is a cop hangout and all-around dive—cigarette smoke, beer smell, the constant rattle and howl of blenders whipping ice cubes into margarita mix, tasty faux-Mexican cuisine, and no discernible decor unless you count the six raggedy-ass Mexican straw hats nailed to the wall.
When we reached the bird refuge, instead of turning left as I expected, we sailed right on under the freeway and up the other side. We were now in what was known as “the lower village” of Montebello. The four lanes of divided road merged and narrowed into two, lined with elegant clothing and jewelry shops, real estate offices, and the usual assortment of businesses, including beauty salons, a tennis shop, and a high-priced art gallery. By then, it was fully dark and most places, while closed, were awash with light. The trees were wrapped in strands of tiny Italian bulbs, trunks and branches sparkling as though with ice.
We continued along the frontage road as far as St. Isadore. Cheney took a left. We passed through an area dubbed the “hedgerow district” where pittosporum and eugenia shrubs grew ten to twenty feet high, shielding properties from the road. Until now, tax myself as I might, I hadn’t thought of one word to say so I’d kept my mouth shut. This didn’t seem to bother Cheney, and I was hopeful he disliked small talk as much as I did. On the other hand, we couldn’t spend the entire evening without speaking. That would be too strange for words, as it were.
We wound along dark lanes, the little red Mercedes humming, Cheney downshifting until we reached the St. Isadore Hotel. Once a rustic working ranch that dated back to the late 1800s, the St. Isadore is now an upscale resort with luxury cottages dotted across fourteen acres of flower beds, shrubs, live oaks, and orange trees. Pets were permitted. For a mere fifty dollars per mutt, dogs were provided with doggie beds, “Pawier” mineral water, hand-painted personalized water bowls, and pet “room service” on request. I’d been here for dinner on occasion, but never as a paying guest.
Cheney pulled up at the main building and got out of the car. A parking attendant stepped forward and helped me extricate myself and then he spirited the car away. We bypassed the elegant second-floor restaurant and ducked into the Harrow and Seraph, a low-ceilinged bar located at ground level. The door stood open. Cheney stepped aside, allowing me to pass in front of him, and then he followed me in.
The walls were stone, whitewashed and cool. There were fewer than twenty tables, many empty at that hour. A small bar ran along the back wall. There was a stone fireplace on the left, the hearth dark, given that it was summer. There was banquette seating on the right with the remainder of the tables staggered across the space in between. Illumination was discreet but not so dim that you’d need a flashlight to read the menu. Cheney steered me to an upholstered bench seat backed with pillows so plump I had to push them aside. He sat across the table and then seemed to think better of it, got up and slid in beside me, saying,
“No cop talk. I’m off duty here and so are you.”
“I thought you wanted to chat about Reba.”
“Nope. Don’t want to hear a word.”
I was only moderately distracted by the warmth of his thigh in proximity to mine. That’s the thing about wearing poplin—the way it conducts body heat. The waiter appeared and Cheney ordered two vodka martinis, straight up, with extra olives on the side. As soon as the waiter left, Cheney said, “Quit worrying. We won’t drink all the time. This is just to loosen our tongues.”
I laughed. “I appreciate the reassurance. The notion did flit across my mind.” I let my gaze travel briefly—mouth, chin, shoulders. His teeth were beautiful, white and straight—always a weakness of mine. Dark hairs shaded the curve of his forearms.
He studied me, his right elbow propped on the table, his chin resting in his palm. “You never answered my question.”
“Which one?”
“At lunch. I asked you about Dietz.”
“Ah. Well, let’s see if I can be fair about this. He tends to drop out of sight. Last time I saw him was a year ago March. Where he’s been since then I have no idea. He’s not big on explanations. I guess you’d call it the ‘Take it or leave it’ school of relationships. I’ve left messages on his machine, but he hasn’t returned my calls. It’s possible he’s dumped me, but how would I know?”
“Would it matter if he had?”
“I don’t think so. I might feel insulted, but I’d survive. I think it’s rude to leave me hanging, but such is life.”
“I thought you were nuts about the guy.”
“I was, but I knew what he was.”
“Which is what?”
“An emotional drifter. The point is, I chose him anyway, so it must have suited me somehow. Now things are different. I can’t go back to that. It’s over and done.” Which was, now that I thought about it, roughly how Cheney had described his marriage.
He seemed to be considering what I’d said. “You’ve been married once?”
I held up two fingers. “Both ended in divorce.”
“What’s the story on those guys?”
“The first was a cop.”
“Mickey Magruder. I heard about him. You leave him or did he leave you?”
“I was the one who pulled out. I misjudged him. I left because I thought he was guilty of something. Turns out, he wasn’t. I still feel badly about that.”
“Because why?”
“I didn’t have a chance to tell him I was sorry before he died. I’d have liked to clear that. Husband number two was a musician, a pianist, very talented. Also, chronically unfaithful and a pathological liar with the face of an angel. It was a blow when he left. I was twenty-four years old and probably should have seen it coming. Later I found out he’d always been more interested in other men than he was in me.”
“So how come I don’t see you around town with other guys? Have you given up on men?”
I nearly made a smart remark, but I caught myself in time. Instead, I opened my mouth and said, “I’ve been waiting for you, Cheney. I thought you knew that.”
He looked at me, waiting to see if I was making light of him. I returned his gaze, waiting to see what he’d do with the information. I couldn’t imagine what would happen next. There were so many wrong moves, so many dumb things that might come out of his mouth. I was thinking, Don’t mess this up…please, please don’t ruin it…whatever it is…
Here are two things I hate to have men do:
(1) Tell me I’m beautiful, which is bullshit manipulation and has nothing to do with me.
(2) Look into my eyes and talk about my “trust” issues because they know I’ve been “hurt.”
Here’s what Cheney did: He put his arm up on the seat back and picked up a strand of hair from the top of my head. He studied it with care, his expression serious. In the split second before he spoke, I heard a muffled sound, like gas jets igniting when a match is struck. Warmth fanned up along my spine and softened all the tension in my neck. He said, “I’ll give you a proper haircut. Did you know I cut hair?”
I found myself staring at his mouth. “No. I didn’t know that. What else do you do?”
He smiled. “Dance. Do you dance?”
“Not very well.”
“That’s all right. I can teach you. You’ll improve.”
“I’d like that. What else?”
“I work out. I box some and lift weights.”
“Do you cook?”
“No, do you?”
“Peanut butter and pickle sandwiches.”
“Sandwiches don’t count, except for grilled cheese.”
I said, “Any other talents I should know about?”
He ran the back of his hand down along my cheek. “I’m an especially good speller. Fifth grade, I came in second in the school spelling bee.”
I could feel a hum forming in my throat, the same strange mechanism that causes cats to purr. “What’d you screw up on?”
“‘Eleemosynary.’ It means ‘of or for charity or alms.’ Should be e-l-e-e-m-o-s-y-n-a-r-y. I left out the third e.”
“But you haven’t screwed up since. So you learned.”
“Yes, I did. What about you? Any skills you want to talk about upfront?”
“I know how to read upside down. I interview some guy and he has a document on his desk? I can read every word while I’m chatting away with him.”
“Excellent. What else?”
“You know that party game we played in elementary school? The mom brings out a tray, twenty-five objects covered with a towel? She lifts the towel and the kids study the items for thirty seconds before she covers them again. I can recite ’em back without missing one, except sometimes the Q-tips. I tend to mess up on those.”
“I’m not good at party games.”
“Neither am I, except for that. I’ve won all kinds of prizes. Bubbles in a jar and paddles with the ball attached that goes bang-bang-bang.”
The waiter brought our drinks. The connection between us faded, but the moment the waiter left, I could feel it start up again. He put his hand on my neck. I leaned toward him, tilting my head until my lips were close to his ear. “We’re going to get in a lot of trouble, aren’t we?”
“More than you know,” he murmured in response. “Know why I brought you here?”
“Not a clue,” I said.
“The macaroni and cheese.”
“You’re going to mother me?”
“Seduce.”
“You’re doing well so far.”
“You ain’t seen nuttin’ yet,” he said, and smiled. He kissed me then, but only once and not for long.
When I could speak again, I said, “You’re a man of great restraint.”
“And self-control. I probably should have mentioned that much earlier.”
“I like surprises. Good ones,” I said.
“That’s all you get with me.”
The waiter approached and took out his pad. We eased away from each other, both of us smiling politely as though Cheney’s thigh wasn’t locked against mine under the tablecloth. I hadn’t taken the first sip of my drink, but I was feeling bleary-eyed, drowsy with the heat that was suffusing my limbs. I checked the other diners, but no one else seemed to notice the charged particles undulating between us.
Cheney ordered a salad for each of us and told the waiter we’d share the macaroni and cheese, which was apparently served in a ramekin the size of a bread-and-butter plate. Didn’t matter to me. He’d neatly shifted me off-center, away from my usual contentious and arbitrary self. I was already hooked into him. I could feel my boundaries dissolve, desire cleaving the barricade I’d erected to keep the Mongol hordes at bay. Who cared about that? Let them swarm over the walls.
As soon as the waiter left, Cheney put his hand, palm up, on the table and I laced my fingers through his. He was staring off across the room, his gaze shifting from face to face as he checked the other patrons. I sensed he’d detached himself,
but I knew he’d be back. I studied his profile, the mop of curly brown hair, mine to touch if I liked. I could see the pulse beat in his throat. He turned and looked at me. His eyes moved from mine to the shape of my mouth. He leaned into me and we kissed again. Where the first kiss had been delicate, this kiss was promissory.
I nearly hummed aloud. “We have to eat dinner, right?”
“Food as foreplay.”
“I’m starving.”
“I’ll do right by you.”
“I know.”
I’m not sure how we made it through the meal. We ate a salad that was cold and crisp, pungent with vinaigrette. He fed me macaroni and cheese, hot and soft, laced with prosciutto, and then he kissed the taste of salt from my mouth. How had we arrived at this place? I thought of all the times I’d seen him, conversations we’d had. I’d never caught a real glimpse of this man, but here he was.
He paid the bill. While we waited for the car, he pulled me in against him with his hands on my ass. I wanted to climb his frame, shinny up his body like a monkey up a palm. The parking attendant averted his eyes, keeping his manner disinterested as he handed me into the car. Cheney tipped him, pulled his door shut, and shifted into first. As we sailed through the dark, I rubbed a hand along his thigh.
By the time we pulled into his driveway, I wasn’t even sure where we were. His house, apparently. Dazed, I watched as he got out of the car on his side and came around to mine. He pulled me out of the seat and turned me until I was laid up against him, my back against his front, his lips moving along my neck. He pushed the strap of my tank top aside and kissed my shoulder, letting me feel the faintest nudge of his teeth. He said, “Let’s slow down, okay? We can take as long as we want. Or do you have to be somewhere?”
“No.”
“Good. Then why don’t we go upstairs.”
“Okay.” I reached back and slid my fingers into his hair, gripping, as I turned my face toward his. “Please tell me you’re not so sure of yourself you changed the sheets before you left the house tonight.”
“I didn’t. I wouldn’t do that to you. I bought new.”