LOVE’S SECRET TORMENT
Copyright © 2015 by Stacy L. Darnell
Published by Infinity Books, LLC
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, including photocopying, recording or by information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locations is entirely coincidental.
Cover Design: Robin Harper, Wicked by Design
Editor: Nancy S. Thompson
Cover Photographer: Mandy Hollis, MHPhotography
Interior Designer: Integrity Formatting
To my husband and son, Mike and Austin Darnell
for the endless hours I’ve had my laptop with me wherever I go
~ your support, encouragement and belief in my dream has meant the world to me.
Dedication
Chapter 1—How It All Began
Chapter 2—Captivating Brown Eyes
Chapter 3—Hello My Name Is
Chapter 4—Those We’ve Lost
Chapter 5—The Sky, Balloons And Other Things
Chapter 6—Strange
Chapter 7—Fresh Air And Happiness
Chapter 8—Much Needed Family Time
Chapter 9—The Swimming Hole
Chapter 10—Firsts
Chapter 11—Bliss
Chapter 12—I Didn’t See That Coming
Chapter 13—Light Switch
Chapter 14—Cold Depths Of Crystal Blue
Chapter 15—Goodbye Atlanta, Hello Auburn
Chapter 16—In For A Penny, In For A Pound
Chapter 17—The Aftermath
Chapter 18—Frustrated
Chapter 19—Happy And Content
Chapter 20—The Time Of Our Lives
Chapter 21—Lightly Salted Air
Chapter 22—It’s A Small Awkward World
Chapter 23—Putting The Pieces Back Together
Chapter 24—Torn
Chapter 25—I Wish I Was Selfish
Chapter 26—Some Things You Can’t Take Back
Chapter 27—Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid
Chapter 28—2230
Chapter 29—Emptiness
Chapter 30—Can’t Be Together
Chapter 31—Emmett’s Letter
Chapter 32—Hope
Chapter 33—New Beginnings
Chapter 34—Saying Goodbye
Chapter 35—Fun In The Sun
Chapter 36—Emmett’s Gift
Chapter 37—Healing Hearts
Chapter 38—Packing Up
Chapter 39—Getting Settled
Chapter 40—Life Isn’t Always Black and White
Chapter 41—Reality Sucks
Chapter 42—Adjusting
Chapter 43—Friends Are Amazing
Chapter 44—Shattered
Chapter 45—Empty
Chapter 46—New Realities
Chapter 47—One Day at a Time
Chapter 48—In Between
Chapter 49—As Days Go By
Chapter 50—Mine
Chapter 51—A Bright New Day
Chapter 52—Once Something Is Said, It Can’t Be Unsaid
Chapter 53—I Didn’t Expect That
Chapter 54—Healing Doesn’t Happen Overnight
Chapter 55—Helpless
Chapter 56—One Day At A Time
Chapter 57—Lost In A Good Way
Chapter 58—Good Tidings
Chapter 59—The Next Step
Chapter 60—The Stars In The Sky
Acknowledgements
About the Author
It was the summer before my junior year of high school, five years since the worst day of my life, the day my cousin died, taking another life with her. My family had experienced a great deal of sadness and heartache in those five years, not to mention guilt and that everlasting question—what if?
But as awful as that day was, as painful as the knowledge that Jolie’s decision to drink then drive had not only robbed our family of a loved one, but another’s as well, if it weren’t for that worst day, I never would have experienced the best day of my life.
Since her death, members of my family have volunteered to help raise funds for drunk driving awareness. I’d always wanted to help, too.
One afternoon while walking our chocolate lab, Gage, I saw a flyer on a telephone pole advertising a charity event for the cause. I snapped a picture of it with my cell phone. Later that night, I called the number listed and signed up to help. I wanted make a difference.
Making jewelry was one of my passions. Susan, the foundation president, said they were having an auction and needed items to bid on. I was so excited, I signed up right away.
As I organized my supplies scattered in piles on the table, the wind blew across the park, knocking down my sign. Thankfully, it wasn’t my charms. I bent down to pick up the sign when I saw a flash of light in my peripheral vision.
I looked up and saw it was sunlight reflecting off the leg of a chair being carried by a hot guy. My heart stopped for a second. He stood with his back toward me, picking up stacked chairs. The way his muscles moved under his skin was so sexy, I caught myself holding my breath as I stared.
It was a hot, sunny day. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and as the sweat dripped down his back, I could see he had a strong muscular body. His fine ass was attached to sexy, long legs. When he turned around, my eyes focused on his toned abs, my skin tingled, and I completely lost track of what I was doing.
As my attention traveled up his body to his face, I immediately recognized him from school.
Alec Morris.
He was in my junior class. My friend Heather, and I always lusted over Alec, but I was shy, and neither of us ever had the nerve to talk to him. There was always something about him that just wasn’t approachable.
The three of us had gym together last year, but other than that, we’d never had any classes together. And let me tell you, that class was definitely my favorite of the day. It fast became my favorite class of the year. Maybe of all time.
As I struggled to tear my gaze from him, I finished my jewelry pieces. But I couldn’t keep from peeking up at him. I felt like such a creeper. His messy hair and crystal blue eyes made my cheeks feel hot, and I dropped my pliers when I noticed him walking in my direction.
“Hi. Samone Lang, right?”
I blinked several times, not quite believing he was standing only a few feet away, shirtless, sweaty, and talking to me. Swallowing hard, I attempted to speak, but apparently, the English language had become a distant memory. Thank God my instincts kicked in and I nodded.
“I’m Alec, Alec Morris. We had gym together last year.”
He stared at me like I was his favorite dessert, his gaze roaming from my lips to my eyes. It made me squirm in my chair. I’d never experienced someone looking at me the way he did.
“You can call me Sam. All of my friends do.”
“Well, I really like your name. It’s pretty. Unique. So . . . if it’s okay with you, I’d like to call you Samone,” he said as he put his foot up on the bench, wiping his forehead with a wet towel.
“Umm yeah.” I nodded. “That would be kind of cool actually.”
I smiled up at him. I prayed that the sesame seeds from the bagel I’d eaten earlier weren’t stuck in my teeth. That would be my luck.
He seemed nervous, fidgety as he looked away. He acted as if he wanted to say something more. I was relieved when his amazing lips f
ormed a beautiful smile.
“You know what they say—you only live once—and . . . well, I’ve kind of wanted to talk to you for a long time. So maybe we could have lunch together when we wrap up here? I’d love to know why you’re volunteering, and I know a great café. We could take my truck.” He winked.
I knew I was in for it. He was so much nicer than I had imagined. I just couldn’t match up this Alec with the aloof, standoffish version from school. He was always getting into trouble during class for not paying attention. But he had the right answers when the gym teacher asked him questions, usually about whatever game rules we were just given. It made me wonder if he was purposely acting guarded from the world in general. Heather would never believe he came over and talked to me, let alone asked me out.
“That sounds great. I should be finished here soon.” My grin was permanently plastered to my face.
“Really?”
He looked surprised . . . as if I might have actually said no.
“Awesome, okay. I just have a couple more tables to move for Susan, and then I’ll be ready. Why don’t we meet over by the gazebo? My truck is parked there. It’s the old, green one. I’m going to rinse off in the showers by the pool and change into some clean clothes, but I shouldn’t be long.”
My mind was stuck on the visual of him rinsing off in the showers when he pulled me from my thoughts.
“Samone?”
“Oh, sorry. That sounds good. Umm, no worries if it takes a bit. I can just catch up on my reading.”
He cocked an eyebrow and looked around. “Reading?”
“Kindle app. Three hundred books in one small package.”
He laughed lightly and nodded. “All right then. I’ll be just a few more minutes.”
I gawked at his sexy, tanned back as he walked away. Hurrying, I packed up my beads. I’d never been so excited to abandon my hobby. But I couldn’t wait to finish so I could get to the gazebo and meet Alec.
Walking to the gazebo, I could see him pacing. He was on his phone and didn’t look happy. I wondered what or who could’ve changed his mood so dramatically in just ten minutes. He shoved his phone in the front pocket of his jeans, roughed his hands through his hair, and moved the nearest table into position.
I walked over and sat on one of the benches. When I pulled my phone out to check for messages, the lock screen showed three texts. My best friends, Alison and Tamron, were demanding to know what time I’d be done and my sister, Tricia, wanted to make sure I’d be around when she came home from college the following weekend.
I sent a brief text to Tricia confirming I would be and we needed to fit a pedicure in while she was in town. Then I sent Alison and Tamron a group text saying I didn’t know what time I’d be done. I had a lunch date, and even though I was ditching them for a hot guy, under no circumstance should they see the new Robert Downey Jr. movie without me.
I wasn’t surprised when the rapid-fire text messages started coming in. It was their typical twenty questions. I loved those girls, I really did, but I swear, sometimes it felt like there was a big age difference between us when, in reality, they were only a year older. I decided to appease their curiosity, knowing they would be digging out the yearbooks to look him up.
Me: His name is Alec Morris.
T: He hasn’t been approved.
Me: Seriously Tamron? Alison, is she for real?
A: He’s not on the list, Sam.
Me: Are you kidding me right now? There’s a list?
T: Yes, there’s a list. He’s not on it. Tell him you forgot you already had lunch plans with your besties.
A: Chicks before dicks, Sam.
Me: OMG. Sorry girls, but I’m going.
A: Wait Sam, you can’t.
Me: Meet at my house. Maybe I’ll stop drooling by then. Preview . . . sexy, tanned, muscular back. YW.
T: Ah—hell.
A: Go. Have lunch. Just lunch.
Me: Ha ha, I should’ve started off with that. Love you both.
When I looked up, I noticed Alec leaning against the gazebo, watching me with a smirk on his face. It was an improvement over the scowl he wore when he was on his cell earlier.
“So the book you’re reading, is it funny?”
My face must have been red. I felt the heat in my cheeks.
“Oh . . . no, it’s actually a romance.” I smiled. “I was just laughing at my best friends. They wanted to know when I was going to be done here because we’re supposed to meet for a movie. They kind of freaked when I told them I had a lunch date . . . uh . . . I mean . . . plans . . . and didn’t know what time I’d be done. They’re kind of a force of nature.”
I didn’t miss the triumphant smile and light in his eyes when I’d slipped and said date.
“Date huh?” He grinned.
My God, it was the most adorable expression ever, whether at my expense or not, I couldn’t deny it was sexy. I fumbled over my feet, getting up as he came over and offered me his hand. When we touched, tingles spread over my entire body. We walked to his truck. He even opened the door for me. He was such a gentleman.
Mesmerized, I watched him saunter around to the driver’s side, and I almost had to pinch myself to prove I wasn’t dreaming. He slid his long legs into the seat and started the truck. The powerful muscles in his arms rippled as he shifted it into gear. He was absolutely mouthwatering.
Turning on the radio, Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl” started playing through the speakers. He looked at me and winked. I didn’t realize it then, but that moment was the beginning of something amazing.
My hands began to sweat as we pulled into the parking lot for Reveille Coffeehouse and Café. I glanced at the beautiful girl sitting in the passenger seat of my truck.
Yup . . . she’s really there. Holy shit.
Her hands were in her lap, and she was fidgeting with her bracelet. She was nervous. Well, that made two of us. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. There was no room in my life for a girl. I was damned, and the people I loved tended to suffer for it.
Her sweet voice pulled me from my thoughts.
“So, have you eaten here before?”
I pulled into a spot and shifted my truck into park. Leaning my head back against the headrest, I closed my eyes. Her soft hand slipped into mine and she exhaled a shaky breath.
“If . . . if you don’t want to go in, it’s okay. I can get a ride back to the park to get my car.”
“No, Samone. I’m sorry. It’s not that. I want to be here with you. It’s just—complicated.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“And I would never make you get a ride anywhere. I’m not an asshole.”
“No, I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry Alec.”
“It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it, but wanted to make sure we were clear. You don’t ever have to worry when you’re with me.”
Her shoulders relaxed and she smiled.
“To answer your question, yes, I’ve eaten here before. It’s really good. Let’s go in, okay?” I said as I lightly squeezed her hand.
Her beautiful brown eyes captivated me as she sat in the booth across from me.
“So . . . what’s good here?” she asked with a quiet voice.
“Everything I’ve tried is great, but my favorite is the ham and cheese omelet.”
“Oh good. Thanks.” She nodded.
After the waitress took our order, I looked up at Sam, her brown gaze staring at me. She startled when she realized I caught her and looked everywhere except at me.
“Will you look at me?”
She blushed a crimson red but focused those beautiful eyes on me. ”Why are you staring at me?”
“I don’t know,” I said in raw honesty.
“Oh.”
“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” I smiled as I watched her cheeks turn several shades of pink. The way her smile lit up her face was enough to make a sad man happy on his worst day.
“Thank you. You’re pretty handsome yo
urself,” she said with a coy smile.
Her eyes lit with curiosity. ”So why were you volunteering?”
“It was just something I needed to do, that’s all,” I muttered.
Damn it, I clenched my fists. I wished I hadn’t told her I wanted to know why she was volunteering. That was a quid-pro-quo type of question, and I wasn’t about to open that can of worms. But I was grasping at straws when I asked her out and had a case of verbal diarrhea.
“Let’s not talk about that right now. Tell me about you. What movie are you ditching your friends for me for?”
Her lopsided grin was perfect. ”Robert Downey Jr.’s new movie. But they’re waiting to see it with me. He’s one of my favorite actors. I kind of fan-girl over him.”
I cocked an eyebrow at her as an embarrassed look spread across her face.
“Oh my God. I didn’t just say that.” She covered her face with her hands. “Forget you heard it, please.”
“It’s okay, Samone. I like to know my competition ahead of time,” I teased.
One day, a couple months into our junior year, while we were waiting for a movie to start at the theater, Alec leaned over and put his arm around me. “Samone, I’d like to meet your parents.”
“Oh. Umm, okay,” I replied. “They asked to meet you, too, but I haven’t found the right time.”
“That’s okay. I’ve been meaning to ask for a couple weeks now,” he said. “I just want to officially introduce myself before we get much further into our relationship.”
“Relationship, huh?” I teased.
“Yes, relationship. We’ve been dating a few months now. You. Are. Mine,” he said as he looked directly in my eyes.
“Yes . . . I am,” I replied with a smile. I hesitated because he was always so closed off about his own family. “Alec, can I meet your parents, too?”
The set of his shoulders stiffened, and he let go of my hand, leaving a sense of cold behind.
“No. That’s not possible¸” he snapped.
I couldn’t understand his reaction. But I let the subject drop. I rubbed my hands together, wishing I could take the question back.
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