Crap.
The pep rally.
I shut my eyes again. Had I remembered what today was I probably wouldn’t be in this mess. I ached to go home and get into bed, make Mom join me, but the entire squad was counting on me.
Making them tweak the routine now… I would hate myself for doing that to them.
I opened my eyes. “It’s okay. Just help me re-do my make up, okay?” I asked.
“Are you sure?” Rachel asked, studying me closely. “I promise you it’s okay to change your mind and decide you don’t want to be here right now.”
She was right. I definitely didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to walk back to class and have everyone see how much I’d been crying.
But I had to.
The mirror a few feet away showed me how pink and puffy my eyes were.
Rachel let go of my hands. “I’m gonna go let the teacher know you’re okay. And I’m gonna grab my make-up bag. I’ll be right back, okay? By the time we’re done here, it’ll be time for us to head to the gym anyway.”
I nodded. “Thanks.”
While she did that, I went over to the sink and dabbed my eyes with wet paper towels, hoping that helped with the puffiness.
Then I pulled out my phone and opened up my texts to Mom.
Scarlett: <3 Love you, Mom. More than ever.
I wanted to say more, let her know that I remembered what today was, but I didn’t know how to word it. She would know.
As soon as I saw her later, she would know.
Not even a minute later, she texted me back.
Mom: <3 Love you, sweetheart. More than you’ll ever know.
Rachel came back in. “Mrs. Arnold said it was okay, that you can finish your test tomorrow if you’re up for it.”
I exhaled. “Thank goodness.” Mrs. Arnold was the type of teacher that could be kind of severe at times, but I was so glad she had decided to let me finish the test despite just running out of class.
Then Rachel set her make up bag on the counter. She began by pulling out a make up remover wipe. “Okay, let’s do this.”
By the time she was done, I looked ten times better than when I’d done my own make up. The mirror reflected a small smile on my face, the kind that struggled to reach my eyes. “Wow,” I said. “You’re gonna have to teach me how to do this look.”
She zipped up her make up bag with a flourish. “Anytime, chica.” She winked at me in the mirror. “I’ve got your back. Never forget it.”
My smile grew a little wider. “Right back at ya.”
She gave me a grin before checking her phone. “Okay, if we’re not in the gym in two minutes, Coach is gonna freak.” But then she stopped. “Are you sure you’re good?”
I blew out a breath. My gut told me no, but my head said I needed to go do this. The team was counting on me. “I’m good.”
I followed Rachel to the gym, hoping that I could focus long enough to get through the pep rally.
18
As soon as I stepped onto the gym floor, in front of a school full of plastic bleachers, I regretted not going home.
I felt bile rise up in my throat, and I fought to keep it down.
The tears were back, making my vision blurry, but I held on to my pom-poms anyway.
Every time the football coach announced one of his players’ names, I raised my pom-poms in the air and did my best to cheer.
Finally, he encouraged everyone to come out to our home games to support the school. Said something about the cheerleaders and what a great job we’d been doing. I raised my pom-poms again and did my best to smile.
Then I heard Coach Collins’s voice come on the mic. I knew what this meant. It was time for our routine, the one that was supposed to wow everyone, get them pumped up, and eventually win us several competitions.
I stepped onto the large blue mats along with the rest of the squad. For some reason, my legs felt kind of numb and the noise from the crowd in the bleachers sounded too loud and yet distant at the same time.
Taking a deep breath, I glanced at Rachel, who shot me a look of concern. But before she could do anything else, the gym grew quiet. I automatically turned my gaze down, waiting for the music to begin.
The song began, and with it, a thousand thoughts flashed through my head. Thoughts about Mom and Dad. Thoughts of this day four years ago.
I tried to keep up, but I could tell I was just a tad behind the rest of the squad.
Then I turned in left instead of right, and the tears threatened to spill over again. Frustration, grief, and everything in between.
I had to do this. Just another couple of minutes.
But I messed up again, and this time, I wasn’t sure I could keep the tears at bay.
I knew this routine, so why couldn’t I remember what to do?
We got ready for the first of several stunts. I joined Rachel and the other girls who usually threw me up into the air.
“Come on, Scarlett,” I heard Rachel say. “You can do this.”
Could I? I doubted everything I had become, especially since coming to Jefferson.
I put my foot in Rachel’s hands, held onto the shoulders to either side of me, and then the girls launched me up.
This wasn’t like any other time I’d gone up, though. My sense of balance was way off. I struggled to keep my body firm and straight even though I’d done it dozens of times before today.
My foot slipped abruptly from one of the girls’ hands, and I fell. Fear and adrenaline surged through me, and I anticipated the pain of some part of me hitting the blue mat. But I didn’t.
Several strong arms caught me and let me hit the mat gently. Before I could even say thank you, the girls were off. The routine was still underway, and there I was, still partially on the ground.
There was Coach Collins, urging me to get up and move. My knees felt stuck to the ground, though.
My gaze turned to the bleachers. Several eyes found me, confused expressions. Whispers. Then pointing.
It was just like the first day I’d gone back to school after Dad had died.
My mind flashed back to me walking down the hallway. No one had come up and said hello. Everyone had just stared and whispered like I wasn’t right there. Only Anne had come over and made sure I was okay.
I had to get out of there.
If I stayed in that gym one more second…
I pushed off my knees and stood then ran toward the double doors. Luckily, they weren’t too far. I lunged through them open and kept running until I made it to my locker. I twisted the dial, wanting to grab my stuff so I could just leave somehow.
The locker didn’t open. I blew out a breath and tried again.
Maybe I could call Mom, ask her to pick me up.
No, Mom was at work. In meetings and stuff. I’d wait in the nurse’s office. The school day was almost over. Rachel could give me a ride home. Then I wouldn’t have to ride the bus for half an hour before it reached my stop.
Yeah, that worked.
Anything but going back to the gym or any kind of classroom.
The locker opened, and I grabbed my stuff. Grabbed my phone and my book bag.
My gym bag was still in the girls’ locker room in the gym, but that was the least of my worries.
I made my way down the hallway toward the school nurse.
It was near the front office, which meant I had to go through the catwalk to get to the main building.
On the left there was the parking lot and the exit, but on the right there was a garden in between the two buildings. It was the same little garden and bench I walked past every day.
I made my way over to it, thankful for the solitude.
In a few minutes, I could text Rachel asking her for a ride home. But until then, I wanted to just sit and not think about anything.
Definitely not about the humiliation I’d have to endure tomorrow after showing my face. About potentially getting kicked off the squad by Mrs. Collins for running off in the middle of a rou
tine. About the rest of the squad hating me.
I imagined them trying to finish the rest of the routine without me, none of it looking right or going right.
I hadn’t just embarrassed myself. I’d embarrassed them.
Great.
I exhaled. So much for having a great start at Jefferson. Time to talk to Mom about moving again.
Not.
This kind of worry was the last thing she needed, especially today.
All I wanted was to go home and rest my head in her lap like I did when I was little and any time I had a bad day.
A few tears ran down my cheeks. I wiped them away, not wanting to ugly cry for the second time in less than a couple of hours.
Today had been the definition of a bad day.
I exhaled and looked around at the garden. A few rose bushes still had some roses on them, but mostly lay bare.
The ground was covered in small pebbles. I reached down and picked one up. Holding it in my hand, feeling the smooth surface, made me feel a little better.
I got a better look at the bench too.
It was a memorial bench.
Someone had put it here twelve years ago in honor of someone named Jonathan and Maggie Stuart. For being true heroes of the community.
I wondered who they’d been, what they’d been like.
As I turned to face the parking lot, I realized that one day, Dad would be dead twelve years. So far it had only been four. But one day it would be five, six, ten, twelve.
Twenty.
I’d go to college and he wouldn’t be there to wish me luck and remind me that I could call him day or night for homework help.
One day I’d walk down the aisle, but only Mom would be at my side.
There was so much he’d miss.
A single tear ran down my cheek, and I wiped it away too.
There had been a lot of really hard days in the last four years. Today was one of them.
Deciding to come here? Packing? So hard.
But I also couldn’t remember the last time Mom and I had actually been pretty happy since losing Dad.
But even so, the hard days followed us everywhere.
I wiped another tear away.
The sound of the doors opening made me look in that direction.
I expected a wave of students to come pouring out, ready to head home, but only one did.
Ben.
His gaze found me. I looked away.
“Hey,” he said, walking over. “Rachel’s been looking for you. Said you weren’t replying to her texts.”
Oops. I’d thrown my phone in my backpack and hadn’t give it a thought since.
“Guess I forgot to check it,” I replied softly.
He stood in front of me and gestured to the bench. “May I?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Are you okay?” he asked, taking a seat beside me.
Ugh. I hated that question, especially right now.
How was I supposed to answer it?
“I will be,” I tried.
More silence.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
I blinked, still not wanting to look up at Ben because the way he had to be looking at me right now, it was the kind of thing that made a girl fall in love with a boy, and I wasn’t sure I could handle it.
I shook my head. “I just want to go home.”
Right. I needed to text Rachel. Without even thinking about it, I did look up at him. His emerald green eyes stared back at me. But instead of their usual hardness, they seemed soft. “Um, can you text Rachel for me? Tell her I said can she give me a ride home?”
“Yeah,” he replied, pulling his phone from his back pocket. He tapped out a quick text. In the meantime, students began pouring out of the building we’d come out of.
I did my best to just keep my gaze on the ground.
“Rachel says she’s supposed to go straight home to take care of her brothers, but she will help you figure something out,” Ben read from his phone.
I sighed. “Okay. I’ll just meet up with her in a minute,” I said, standing up. I needed to get going anyway.
Maybe it would be best just to take the bus home as usual.
I’d forgotten that Rachel had mentioned having to babysit this afternoon.
“Wait,” Ben said. “I don’t mind taking you home.”
I stopped. “I couldn’t ask you to do that. You’ve got practice.”
He checked his phone. Not for another thirty minutes. If we go now…” His voice trailed off as he glanced at the parking lot. If we hurried, we could be the first ones out and avoid the usual afternoon traffic jam.
Before I could think too much about it, I said, “Okay.”
He gave me a small smile and pulled out his keys from his jeans pocket. “Come on.”
We made our way to the student parking lot in record time. He led me to an older forest green Jeep, opening the passenger door for me.
“Thanks,” I said, hopping in.
He came around, texting someone before turning on the car. “Letting Coach know I might be a few minutes late.”
“Won’t you get in trouble?” I asked.
Ben shrugged. “Worst that can happen is he’ll give me extra drills.”
“Thank you,” I replied.
He met my gaze for a second, his hand still on the keys in the ignition. “Glad I could help.”
Ben put the Jeep in reverse and pulled out of the school. I pointed right. “My house is that way.”
I texted him my address, and he turned on his GPS then some music. He kept it down low, which was perfect.
For the first time that day, I finally felt myself relax a little. My shoulders slumped, and I let myself rest back in the seat.
Ben glanced my way a couple of times but kept his eyes on the road.
I closed mine, relieved that I was finally headed home. In just a few minutes, I would be under the covers of my bed. Nothing could hurt me there.
Ben’s voice broke the silence between us. “It’s hard losing your dad. I get it.”
I looked at him, not sure how much I could talk about this. If I even wanted to.
His face had hardened, and he looked straight ahead. Something told me it had taken a lot for him to say those few words.
Didn’t he deserve the same?
I exhaled. “Today was four years since it happened.”
He turned down the music. Stayed silent a little while longer then replied, “I think I was seven? It’s hard to remember him.”
Seven? So he’d gone closer to ten years without his dad.
I couldn’t even imagine growing older and finding it more and more difficult to remember my dad. Forgetting what his face looked like. What his voice sounded like.
It’s the reason the photos and videos we had of him were precious to us. They were all we had left of him. That and the memories, and memories faded.
“Does it ever get easier?” I asked.
Ben shrugged. “I don’t think so.”
Ben kept driving, and I glanced at him. Saw his hand on the console between us. I wanted to reach over and take it, but I was too chicken to do it.
What if I ruined the moment? Maybe he was just being nice. A good friend.
Finally, he pulled into my driveway and came to a stop.
“Thank you,” I said. “Really.”
He gave me a nod. “Any time.”
Grabbing my backpack, I went to open the door. But Ben was already out of his Jeep and halfway around.
He opened my door for me, making me smile for the first time all day.
“Thanks,” I said. Not knowing what else to do, I took a couple of steps toward the front door. “See you at school tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Ben said.
“Okay,” I replied softly, turning to go.
“Scarlett?” he said.
I stopped. Turned.
He didn’t say anything, though. Instead, he closed the gap between us and wrapped
his arms around me.
Setting my book bag down on the driveway, I hugged him back too.
Breathed him in. Closed my eyes. Found relief.
His hug was long and warm and perfect.
It was what I didn’t even know I needed.
I had to stand on my toes to reach him, and I loved that. Loved his firm chest and broad shoulders. It felt like nothing could hurt me so long as Benjamin Garcia held me.
He pulled away, and an instant later, I ached for his touch again.
Before I could say anything or even think of what I could say, he gave me a kind smile and was off. He gave me a small wave as he pulled of out my driveway. I waved back and went inside, still kind of light-headed from that amazing hug.
I locked the front door behind me and headed to my room, my bed calling to me.
But the sight of my mom’s large purse on the counter had me stopping in my tracks.
I peeked into the garage, and sure enough, her car was there.
How long had she been home? She hadn’t been home earlier than seven o’clock in weeks.
I went off in search of her, making my way down the hallway and to her room.
After a couple of soft knocks, I went in.
Sure enough, she was there, curled up in bed. She lifted her head groggily from her pillow. I could tell she’d been crying. “Scarlett?” Her voice sounded a little confused. She had to have been sleeping for a while.
“Mom,” I said, rushing over. I gave her a giant hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember this morning.” The tears came back so quickly.
She made room for me, and I crawled into bed right alongside her. “Oh, honey,” she said, putting her arm around me. “It’s okay.”
I shook my head. It totally wasn’t.
She hugged me tight, kissing me on the head. “How was school?” she asked.
“Terrible,” I replied. I told her about the pep rally. She told me about skipping an important meeting to come home and just sleep and forget what today was.
I began to fall asleep myself, just hearing her talk. The sound of her voice calmed me.
After a few minutes, she began to get out of bed. “How about I cook us some real food?” she asked, sounding not quite so sad anymore.
Falling for Ben & Other Impossible Things (Garcia Brothers Book 1) Page 9