The Zombie Autopsies: Secret Notebooks from the Apocalypse
Page 9
Initial images were suspected at first by some to be an elaborate hoax (7, 8). Indeed, the similarity to “zombie” scenes from popular culture of the first photographs and videos seemed more science fiction than real. However, epidemiologists and medical historians have since postulated that small outbreaks of less virulent cases of ANSD have occurred throughout history, especially in the largely low-pH environments of Central Africa and tropical South America, and that these cases potentially created the genesis for the zombie myth (9, 10). Although now banned by UN protocol, pirated copies of these initial images from the Aran Islands are still widely available at a number of illegal Internet sites and represent a major psychological public health concern (11).
Initial documentation suggests that Inis Oírr, the easternmost island among the Arans, was overrun on approximately 6 May 2011 by local inhabitants who were first presumed inebriated or somehow intoxicated. Men, women, and children in quick succession began displaying the now familiar ataxia, massively decreased frontal lobe function, cognitive decline, and profound hunger. It is believed that the hunger coupled with the cognitive degeneration is what triggered the aggressive outbursts, and indeed current investigations suggest that the still-unknown infectious agent causes increased foraging and hunting behavior most consistent with reptilian neurobiology. This is what led to early characterizations of the disorder as Reptilian Aggressive Hunger Syndrome, or RAH (12, 13).
Countless stories of outbreaks around the world soon emerged. They all showed the same presentation: ataxic ambulation among humans of all ages, with dysregulated sleep–wake cycles, aggressive attacks on all forms of visible fauna, and special and still poorly understood preference for evisceration prior to feeding. Occasionally mammals and birds appear similarly infected, though the disease appears to prefer human hosts, and attempts at animal models have not been successfully replicated. Reptiles, amphibians, and all invertebrates except squid, octopi, and other cephalopods remain immune.
Three early reported survivors of ANSD attacks all noted relentless pursuit by infected individuals (14), but not the necessarily massively increased strength as was previously thought. These survivors also noted the apparent fatal vulnerability that ANSD humanoids display to head trauma, leading to directives in the current UN Self-Defense Manual that call for security forces to strike ANSD humanoids in the cranial region (15). It was in fact this early observation that suggested the presence of increased cranial pressure among ANSD humanoids, something current laboratory investigations have now definitively verified (16, 17, 18). Additionally, heat-scanning satellites and remote devices sent into infected areas prior to incineration have documented increased body temperature, sometimes as high as 105°F, among infected humanoids, consistent again with reports of those who have survived initial attacks but had physical contact with infected individuals. However, large-scale attempts at artificially cooling infected regions or individual humanoids have proven futile and were abandoned three months ago. It is important to note as well that all known survivors of attacks by ANSD sufferers have eventually succumbed to symptoms of the disease within two to three days, and all who have studied either survivors of these attacks or ANSD humanoids themselves have until recently become infected (13). This observation led to the United Nations resolution of 10 July 2011 calling for immediate controlled incineration of all infected geographic regions (19).
ANSD quickly spread throughout the globe, with the greatest devastation in population centers. Paris, France; Christchurch, New Zealand; and Reykjavík, Iceland, were the first affected cities, and following initial nuclear incinerations little remains of these once vibrant populations. Epidemiological investigations now track three tourists who had visited the Aran Islands in mid-April 2011 as the main vectors for bringing the disease to these population centers. Further outbreaks throughout June 2011 led to increased and improved early surveillance, and the UN program of now non-nuclear incineration—primarily through the use of neutron radiation—has slowed the spread of infection substantially, but not without enormous and potentially irretrievable human and cultural costs, as well as substantially increased greenhouse gas emissions. In particular, the increased warming caused by the mass incinerations may be propagating the infection more efficiently and deserves further study (20, 21).
Using gossamer technology, the first infected individuals were quarantined in Geneva at the World Health Organization on 12 July 2011. These individuals were kept in sterile, level 4 holding environments approximately two hundred feet beneath the surface of the Earth. Although the infection reported in Old Town, Geneva, may have been incidental to the quarantined humanoids, the possibility that the infection may have breached the holding area in Geneva and the eventual necessary incineration of the city itself led to the establishment of the sanctuary on Bassas da India, a small uninhabited coral atoll between Madagascar and mainland Africa. This location was chosen for its proximity to land, allowing scientists to quickly arrive once those already on the island expired, and for its consistent tropical temperatures (22, 23). As noted, the infectious agent thrives in warmer temperatures, and quicker and more virile progression of disease is therefore possible at the sanctuary among study subjects. The world medical community responded with extraordinary proficiency in creating the facilities at the sanctuary, though understandable but now regrettable ethical debates clearly hindered early investigations (24).
To date, there have been more than two hundred million confirmed infections of ANSD. The infectious agent is not known and the method of disease transmission remains elusive. Rate of onset from time of exposure is also uncertain, though current estimates place disease onset between two hours and three days post-exposure (12, 13). Infectious likelihood appears highest in areas that have seen the largest proportional increase in temperatures from the last century (20). This had led some to implicate increased global temperatures in the proliferation of the illness, though this has yet to be definitively determined (20). Forty-three major cities, defined as population centers with greater than 150,000 residents, have been entirely incinerated, and most of humanity is under martial law to preserve orderly food distribution and infection surveillance.
Technology combining exogenous high-dose Lasix and the infusion of bicarbonate have allowed pathologically high pH blood-gas measurements among scientists to stave off infection while studying infected humanoids (25, 26, 27). However, conditions creating the necessary metabolic alkalosis inevitably lead to decreased cognitive functioning, cyanosis, and respiratory arrest (28). The first scientists to induce these abnormalities in acid–base balance died relatively quickly. Their work was invaluable in perfecting the technique that now allows for the longer time period investigators can survive before succumbing to the compensatory mechanisms that lead to death in response to the pH changes. To date, no investigators have studied patients with ANSD without expiring either from attacks and evisceration by study subjects, or from forced incineration after contraction of the disease itself, or secondary to the acid–base changes necessary to stave off infection in the first place. The average life span of ANSD investigators after arriving on Bassas da India is predicted to remain fixed at approximately seven weeks or less (26). Conditions are without question dire.
NEUROBIOLOGY OF ANSD
The extent to which patients with ANSD mimic the popular depiction of zombies in film and literature is startling. As in film versions, ANSD patients seem to lack even rudimentary intellectual functioning. Some early investigators attempted to use so-called zombie films as a means by which the natural history of ANSD might be best understood. In fact, early studies showed difficulty among emerging experts in distinguishing movie footage from actual media coverage of ANSD outbreaks (12). This led to the infamous censorship of all zombie fiction and movie material (29). Nevertheless, the early studies of patient and film validity directly spawned some of the initial and startlingly accurate neurobiological conclusions that current postmortem analyses have confirmed. S
ince that time, more has been learned about ANSD neurobiology, with significant pathological findings illuminated in the hypothalamus, basal ganglia, cerebellar functioning, higher cortical functioning, autonomic peripheral nervous function, and limbic apparati (30). Comparisons have been drawn to other contagions that cause hyperaggressive behavior and hunger via encephalopathic changes (31). Less certain are early hypotheses regarding the potentially more focused use of cortical activity in the enactment of pack behavior seen among wolves and wild dogs. Certainly some media footage has suggested that humanoids with ANSD hunt with cooperative efforts, something unlikely if the previously hypothesized cortical dysfunction were globally present (31). The endeavors on Bassas da India will undoubtedly yield important confirmations of these early biological hypotheses and hopefully yield new findings toward a global remedy. The future of humanity rests in these endeavors.
CONCLUSION
ANSD represents a significant threat to humanity. The infectious agent is unknown, it is highly contagious, and there are no known cures or vaccines. This manuscript is intended to serve as the basis for further intensive research and study. Boundary disputes, international conflicts, and other political disruptions must now yield to the work of the ANSD Working Group. There are no remaining options.
REFERENCES
1. Golan, E. et al. Epidemiologic Predictions of RAH—the Rapid Spread of the Zombie Plague. Special Edition: Journal of the American Medical Association (35), pp. 2896–2905, July 2011.
2. United Nations ANSD White Paper #219: Bassas da India as Secure Study Site for ANSD—a Global Priority. July 2011.
3. United Nations ANSD White Paper #301: The Ecumenical Treaty of Atlanta. July 2011.
4. ANSD Working Group on Disease Classification. International Classification of Disease—Criteria for Stages I–IV ANSD Infection. WHO Emergency Session. June 2011.
5. United Nations Working Group on Epidemiologic Modeling for ANSD: A Genuine Threat to Human Survival. August 2011.
6. O’Flannagan et al. Description of Zombiism in the Aran Islands—Hysteria or Cause for Alarm? Irish Medical Society Web site, May 2011. www.celticmedicalsociety.org.
7. Bertram, L. and Annapolopedes, M. The Cultural Context of Multi-Player RPGs: The Reach of Zombie Populism. International Journal of Anthropology. pp. 465–490. May 2011.
8. Cornstein, J. Don’t Fear the Reaper: Laughing at Death Across the Internet. Journal of Popular Culture and Cyberspace, pp. 346–360, May 2011.
9. Wilkins, Harold T. Secret Cities of Old South America. Adventure Unlimited Press. Kempton, Ill. 1952, p. 65.
10. Davis, Wade. Passage of Darkness: The Ethnobiology of the Haitian Zombie. Robert F. Thompson, Richard E. Schultes. University of North Carolina Press. 1988.
11. Birnbaum, J. and Coone, L. PTSD Following Illegal Viewing of Aran Island Outbreak Footage in a Large Community Sample. American Journal of Psychiatry, July 2011, pp. 2456–2460.
12. Hunter, M. et al. Zombiism and the Reptilian Brain: Is RAH Neurobiologically Sound? Nature, July 2011, pp. 145–149.
13. Zimmerman, G. Reptilian Aggressive Hunger Syndrome: Proposed Terminology for Endemic Zombiism. International Journal of Public Health, July 2011. pp. 23–29.
14. Gorgon, M. et al. Not Strong, But Fast. Pursuit Behavior by ANSD Humanoids. International Journal of Animal Behavior, July 2011, pp. 27–35.
15. ANSD Public Health Advisory: Hit Them High—Recommended Attack Postures for ANSD Stage IV Humanoids. July 2011.
16. Gupta, A. and Murwazaki, M. Evidence for Increased Cranial Pressure in RAH. Journal of Virology, June 2011, pp. 345–360.
17. Gupta, A. and Johnson, S. Increased Cranial Pressure, Prions, and RAH—Etiology for Cranial Vulnerability. International Journal of Neuroscience, July 2011, pp. 68–70.
18. Kumar, G.; Kalita, J.; Misra, U. K. Raised Intracranial Pressure in Acute Viral Encephalitis. Clinical Neurology & Neurosurgery, June 2009, 111(5): 399–406.
19. United Nations Emergency Resolution. Controlled Incineration Through Nuclear and Non-Nuclear Means for ANSD Infected Areas with Populations Greater than 150,000, August 2011.
20. Gupta, A. and Blum, S. Does Heat Accelerate ANSD Virulence? Missteps from the UN Early Resolutions. International Journal of Virology, September 2011, pp. 20–25.
21. Garbe, T. R. Heat Shock Proteins and Infection: Interactions of Pathogen and Host. Experientia. 48(7): 635–639, July 1 1992.
22. http://www.nationmaster.com/country/bs-bassas-da-india.
23. UN/WHO/ANSD Working Group Press Release. Bassas da India to Be Location of New United Nations Sanctuary and Study Site for ANSD. (UNSaSS). August 2011.
24. O’Flynn, M.; Bernstein, L.; Hiawatha, M.; Steadle, N. et al. Reply to the Treaty of Atlanta. Life, No Matter How Wretched, Is More Sacred than Death. Objections to Current Practices with Regard to ANSD. Journal of Medico-Ethics, August 2011.
25. Supattapone, S. Prion Protein Conversion In Vitro. Journal of Molecular Medicine, 82(6): 348–356, June 2004.
26. Gutierrez et al. Artificial Metabolic Alkalosis Stops Neurologic Progression of ANSD. Concepts in Virology, August 2011, pp. 34–56.
27. Bohmig, G. A.; Schmaldienst, S.; Horl, W. H.; Mayer, G. Iatrogenic Hypercalcaemia, Hypokalaemia and Metabolic Alkalosis in a Lady with Vena Cava Thrombosis—Beware of Overzealous Diuretic Treatment. Nephrology Dialysis Transplantation, 782–784, March 1999.
28. http://io9.com/5286145/a-harvard-psychiatrist-explains-zombie-neurobiology-addendum, May 2011.
29. Johnson, M. and Blum, S. Controversy Regarding Zombie Censorship. New York Times, June 11, 2011. (Editorial)
30. Gupta, A.; Johnson, S.; Martinez, J.; Blum, S. Early Neurobiological Postulates for ANSD. UN/WHO/ANSD Working Group. Nature-Neuroscience, July 2011, pp. 46–78.
31. Gorgon, M.; Johnson, S.; Gutierrez, B. Are Humanoids Evolving? Reports of Pack Behavior Among Hunting ANSD Humanoids. New England Journal of Medicine. Commentary, August 2011, pp. 57–60.
APPENDIX III
United Nations
General Assembly Distr.: General
18 July 2011
Sixty-third session
Agenda item 1
09-9876
EMERGENCY RESOLUTION ADOPTED BY THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY
WITH:
COOPERATION FROM THE WORLD INTERFAITH COUNCIL
PERTAINING TO:
STATUS OF HUMANS SUFFERING FROM ATAXIC NEURODEGENERATIVE SATIETY DEFICIENCY SYNDROME (ANSD)
The General Assembly,
Reaffirming the purposes and principles enshrined in the Charter of the United Nations and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights,1 in particular the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion,
Recalling its resolutions 56/6 of 9 November 2001, on the Global Agenda for Dialogue Among Civilizations, 57/6 of 4 November 2002, concerning the promotion of a culture of peace and non-violence, 57/337 of 3 July 2003, on the prevention of armed conflict, 58/128 of 19 December 2003, on the promotion of religious and cultural understanding, harmony and cooperation, 59/23 of 11 November 2004, on the promotion of inter-religious dialogue, 59/143 of 15 December 2004, on the International Decade for a Culture of Peace and Non-Violence for the Children of the World, 2001–2010, and 59/199 of 20 December 2004, on the re-examination of these fundamental principles with regard to humans suffering from ANSD,
Underlining the importance of promoting understanding, tolerance and friendship among human beings in all their diversity of religion, belief, culture and language, and recalling that all States have pledged themselves under the Charter to promote and encourage universal respect for and observance of human rights and fundamental freedoms for all, without distinction as to race, sex, language or religion,
Taking note of the adoption of the 2005 World Summit Outcome2 in which the Heads of State and Government acknowledged the importance of respect and understanding for religious and cultural diversity, reaffirmed the value of the dialogue on interfaith cooperation and committed
themselves to advancing human welfare, freedom and progress everywhere, as well as to encouraging and promoting tolerance, respect, dialogue and cooperation at the local, national, regional and international levels and among different cultures, civilizations and peoples in order to promote international peace and security,
Alarmed that the nature of ANSD infection threatens all people of this Earth equally and without prejudice,
Aware that those suffering ANSD constitute significant threats to the future of Humanity,
Emphasizing that ANSD leaves its victims no longer able to exercise the most basic human attributes that qualify for protection and respect in accordance with international guidelines,
Reaffirming that basic human attributes are a necessary component to the rights and privileges afforded by all nations to all peoples,
Affirming the need that all nations, cultures and ethnic groups view the ANSD Pandemic with identical, similar or complementary philosophical, ecumenical and existential alarm,
Considering that cultural, ethnic, religious and linguistic diversities are currently significantly at risk given the rapid spread of the ANSD Pandemic,
Recognizing the magnitude of this risk as noted by the World Health Organization and other International Bodies in the absence of a current vaccine, cure or lasting treatment for ANSD,
Taking note of the valuable contribution of various initiatives at the national, regional and international levels, such as
The International ANSD Vaccination and Treatment Programs,
The Bali Declaration on Building Interfaith Harmony Within the International Community,