He told my parents what happened? I highly doubt it. Did he tell them how “well” he knows Nicole? I’m guessing that answer is a big, fat no.
“I don't think there is anything to discuss and I’m actually on my way out. I have plans.” Yea, go me! There isn't anything to talk about. I have the only answers I need; I don't need to know anything else. I’m in a good state of mind right now and talking to Collin is just going to bring me down. He cheated on me; nothing is going to change that. I don't care how he did it, where he did it, and why he did it. The only thing that matters to me is that he did it.
I am sorry Collin West, but I need to let go.
– COLLIN –
Last night was the worst night of my life. I lost the love of my life; one of my best friends, and my future; the future I thought I had all planned out with Alexa. Since she wouldn’t talk to me last night, I get up early and wait for her to wake up at her house. She’d have to talk to me.
Sitting in her living room, I tell her parents everything. Well, not the specifics, but I tell them I made some wrong choices with Nicole, but I didn’t technically cheat on Alexa. Nothing of mine ever went into anything of Nicole’s.
I continue telling them how much I love their daughter, and how I plan on someday marrying Alexa. However, when she walks out of her bedroom, she blows me off. She looks beautiful as usual, but also unaffected. She is dressed, hair and makeup done, and she says she had plans. Plans? It’s been less than twenty-four hours since finding out and she already has plans? Does she even care? How can you be madly in love with somebody one minute, and then basically say “peace-out” the next?
She looked destroyed yesterday. She couldn't even look me in the eyes when she left my house. She has to be hurting, but the way she looks and the way she looks at me this morning, she looks...fine. I sit there for a second, speechless. Her parents are talking to me about something, but I have no clue what they are saying–I am numb. Standing up, not making eye contact, I whisper, “Thank you...but I have to go.”
I let myself out, and drove home. I don't even remember the drive, I’m just numb. After arriving at my house, I walk up the stairs, and lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I lay there for a while, thinking about nothing in particular. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I know, I’m startled with a loud knock on my door. Jumping out of bed, I hope that maybe, just maybe, Alexa has finally decided to come over and talk. However, when I open the door, it’s just Matt. I frown and walk back to my original spot on my bed.
“Wow, nice to see you too, buddy,” Matt says, trying to lighten the mood.
“Sorry, bro, I thought you might have been Alexa,” I say, still staring at the ceiling.
“Still nothing?” he asks.
“Nope. I went to her house this morning and waited for her to get up, but she wouldn't talk to me...she said she had plans, and then left. Like nothing ever happened.”
We sat there in silence for a few minutes. Me staring at the ceiling, and Matt sitting in the chair in front of my desk, probably trying to think of something to say. But there isn't anything to say. I screwed up and she won't even give me the time of day. What else can we do?
“You wanna go get something to eat? We can go down to the school and throw around the football after?” Matt asks, breaking the silence.
I guess I’m kind of hungry. I haven't eaten anything since the party yesterday. “Yeah, why not.”
Not even caring about a shower or bothering to change my clothes, I pull on my sneakers and head to the car.
– COLLIN –
“Hey boys, help yourself to a table, I'll be right over.” Louise shouts to us from behind the counter.
The diner is the place we all go for food, coffee, or to just chill with friends or today, in my case, it’s to wallow in my misery. They are open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and have the best food in the area.
“So, did you get your training schedule for football yet?” Matt asks, breaking the silence.
Matt is going to a school down state. Although we’ve always planned to go to college together and play football for all four years, we both received full scholarships to separate schools that we couldn’t pass up.
“Yeah, I am supposed to start it Monday...workouts every morning for at least two hours, and then weightlifting at night.” I couldn’t care less about it, though. For the first time in my life, I couldn’t care less about football. “We have to be on campus August fifth to start two-a-days.”
Two-a-days are two hour practices in the morning and two hour practices in the evening. The practice in the morning is focused on your specific position or group, offense or defense and the practice in the evening is usually as a team. We fit in gym and strength building somewhere in there as well.
Exhausting.
“Yeah, that's pretty much my schedule too...You want me to pick you up Monday? We can go work out at the school together?” Matt continues.
Our high school coach said we could use the gym at the school throughout the summer as long as we pick up after ourselves and lock up once we're done. They have all the exercise equipment we need, and we can use the bleachers for our daily stair climbing, too.
“Sounds good, bro.”
– ALEXA –
Shopping is the best therapy ever. I’ve spent the entire day at the mall and I have decided two things. First, I’m not going to let this breakup ruin my summer. Second, I’m going to rock out being single. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a boyfriend. This is going to be my summer of fun, and I know the perfect person to call to help me jump start it.
Amanda.
“Hey girl, how ya feeling today?” Amanda picks up, sounding all sympathetic. Oh please, not her too? Why can't anyone believe that I’m fine?
“Great, thanks…” I begin, sounding chipper as ever. “So, this weekend I think we should plan something crazy and fun. We can even go on a road trip or something. I can see if I can get work off. What do you think?”
There is a long pause before she responds. She probably looked at the phone, double checking if it is really me on the other line. I know everyone is expecting me to be devastated and sitting at home eating bon bons, but I’m not letting that happen to me. I can prove to everyone that Collin does not rule my life.
No man does.
“Um yeah…sure. You sure you're okay? Have you talked to Collin?”
Ugh, seriously, I was hoping out of everyone, you’d understand.
“No, I did not talk to him, nor am I going to, and yes, I am totally fine. I am great!” So there! “I have been shopping all day and now I’m totally starved. You wanna meet at the diner in a half hour?”
“Yeah, sounds good.” she says, still sounding confused.
Amanda and I pull in at the same time.
“Look at you, fancy pants. Is this outfit new? Super cute.”
Yes, I’m like a kid in a candy shop when it comes to new clothes and shoes. I have to put them on immediately. “Yeah, you like? I went on a little shopping spree today. Out with the old, in with the new.”
“Very nice.” she replies, with a smile. She must have finally decided to lose the concerned friend attitude, and embrace my new outlook on life.
“Hi girls! Collin and Matt are over there!” Louise shouts from behind the counter, pointing to a booth near the window.
Being that we’ve been coming here for years, I’m not surprised that Collin and Matt are here. Obviously the gossip of Collin and I breaking up hasn’t reached Louise yet. Quickly glancing in their direction, I see both guys staring at Amanda and I, apparently having heard Louise greet us. My heart instantly breaks, seeing the sad look on Collin’s face. Although I have so much anger for him right now, I still love him, and seeing him completely heartbroken makes my heart sad. I want to run over and hold him, and tell him it will be okay, but I just smile and find a booth on the other side of the restaurant.
“You wanna go somewhere else? It's
fine with me.” Amanda asks as soon as we sit down.
I make sure I sit down in the booth with my back facing him so I don't have to see him.
“No, this is fine…Really, I’m fine,” I say, not sounding as confident as I had hoped.
“Well, I hope so, because he’s walking over to us right now.” Amanda says, nodding in Collin's direction.
Turning around, I see him walking towards me, now only a foot away. Quickly turning back around, I contemplate running to the bathroom to avoid him, but running away will look totally obvious. I’m going to have to talk to him.
“Ladies…” he says, greeting both of us and then turns his face to meet mine. Staring for a couple of seconds without saying a word, he starts. “I...uh...”
Oh crap, he looks like a lost puppy. A cute, adorable lost puppy. This is why I can’t talk to him. I can’t go down that road. Of course I still love him, but he cheated. That’s a deal breaker for me. My trust for him is out the door. And college? How the heck would I be able to trust him there? Talk about temptation. There’s just no way. Just as I open my mouth to say this, I’m cut off.
“Please, babe, just give me a chance to explain. I’m miserable without you. I didn't cheat on you, I promise. I love you more than anything in this world. I want to marry you, and grow old with you. Please, don't do this. We love each other...please!”
Oh, God. Please make him stop.
Dropping my head in my hands, I have to make a choice. Do I hear him out, or just end it here? But what does he mean he didn’t cheat?
– COLLIN –
As soon as I hear Louise say where Matt and I are sitting, I know she is here. When I turn and see her looking at me with sadness in her eyes, I know I still have a fighting chance. Unlike this morning when she looked completely fine and unaffected, this time I can see more; like she cares and still feels something. So when I see her walk in the opposite direction to a booth, I know this is my one and only chance. I need to make her listen. If she and I can ever have a chance of working this out, I need to get her to listen to me. I walk to their table. However, as soon as those beautiful green eyes meet mine, I freeze. I see her getting ready to let me down, so I just blurt out whatever comes to mind. I let my heart out, and leave it there for her to either take or walk away from.
She sits there with her head in hands, not making a sound for what feels like hours. I stand there staring at her, staring at her beauty, and delicateness, even if it is from her back. She is beautiful in every way imaginable; I just want to reach out and touch her, hold her and tell her we can do this. We are the power couple, nothing can come between us. Just as I can feel the tears building in my eyes, she looks up at me.
“Did you touch her?” she asks.
Oh god, please, not here. There's so much more I want to say before answering that question.
“Did you touch her, Collin?” she asks in a more stern voice.
“Yes...but not like you think...”
Oh god, she is standing up.
“That's all I needed to know. Goodbye, Collin.” she replies firmly. Getting up, she walks out the front door and straight to her car. FUCK!
– ALEXA –
After walking out of the restaurant, I grab my phone from my purse and text Amanda. I feel bad that I just left her sitting at the table, but I had to leave.
Well, I got my answer. The only answer I need. I don't know what the dictionary classifies as cheating, but in my world, if you touch another person, you cheat. This is why I didn't need details. Just a yes or no question, that's all. Cheating is cheating no matter how you do it. My heart aches this time though; I think knowing for sure that he actually touched some other girl makes it all that much more real. Maybe it was better not knowing?
By the time Amanda had gotten back to my house, I am ready to grieve. Like last night, I can feel the heavy wave of sadness start to engulf my body again. All the fun and excitement I felt this morning is crashing down and washing away any ounce of happiness I had. Apparently you just can’t throw a two year relationship under the bus, and expect to be okay.
“Okay, we don't have to talk about any of it, but now I know that you are normal...you really scared me earlier with this whole ’I'm fine and couldn’t care less what just happened’ attitude. I thought I was going to be checking you into a mental hospital tonight.” Amanda pulls out her phone to call the local pizza shop, deciding that pizza is a must have when grieving.
“Well, you can’t blame a girl for trying. I just didn’t want to be one of those pathetic girls that sit home and cry all day,” I respond, curling up on my bed.
“You just found out that your boyfriend of two years cheated on you. Of course, that entitles you to be a pathetic sloppy mess! You now have a reason to eat crappy food, sleep all day, and not do your hair. Embrace it,” she adds, popping a skittle in her mouth.
“How does sitting around getting fat and ugly sound like a good thing?”
“When else is it okay to do it? You’re being told to be lazy–why are you even arguing this?” Amanda says, wide eyed and confused.
“Whatever.” I throw my pillow over my head to hide; from what, I don’t know.
“Great! So, pizza is on its way. I stopped and got us some candy. Now where’s all your sappy chick flicks? Let’s get this grieving party started,” She says rubbing her hands together in excitement. Apparently this is fun for her. I always knew she was a little twisted.
– COLLIN –
I just stand and stare at the seat where Alexa sat before she said goodbye. I’m back to feeling numb. Amanda sits there for a minute, not saying a word, but then her phone chimes with what I assume is a text from Alexa, and then gets up to leave.
Matt walks over to my side soon after. “Come on, buddy, I took care of the bill. Let's get outta here.”
We go to the school as we originally planned and throw around the football for a while. One of the things I respect most about Matt is that he doesn't push me. Not once has he asked me what happened or what she said, or what am I going to do. He is just there for me, and ready to talk if I need him to.
It feels good throwing the ball around for a little bit. We practice throwing long and run through a couple of our plays. There's something about holding the football, being on the field, and having complete control over the ball. It's my escape. An escape I’m going to need if I’m going to be able to get over Alexa. This is what my summer is going to consist of…football. I’m going to work hard and train hard, and I’m going to be in the best damn shape for football this fall. Alexa is my love and football is my passion, but from now on, football is going to be both.
“You alright, buddy? You have a weird grin on your face.” Matt asks, looking at me confused.
“You know what...Yeah, I’m alright. I think I'm good, bro,” I reply with a smile on my face. A smile that I never thought I’d be able to make again after Alexa said goodbye. I still love Alexa and always will. Someday I will get her back–that’s not a question. I’m going to give her time, though. Amanda told me the night of the graduation party that if I loved Alexa in the tiniest bit, then I would let her leave. At that time, I thought it was just about right then, but it wasn't. I love that girl with all my heart, but right now, I’m going to let her go. I’m going to move on and focus on my passion, and when the time is right, I will get my girl back.
– ALEXA –
The last three weeks consist of depressing, pitiful, heartbroken, Alexa. If I’m not working, I’m moping around my house. Since I refuse to go anywhere, Amanda and Nicole come to me. Even though I should hate Nicole for what she did with Collin, I can’t. Honestly, I really like her and she had no clue that Collin had a girlfriend; especially one she’d be working with the next day.
Both girls take turns checking in on me. We sit by the pool, read magazines, and talk about how much guys suck. I can’t remember the last time I’ve done my hair, and make-up; it just seems pointless. Maybe I should just suck it up and pre
tend that Collin never cheated on me. Maybe we can just go back to normal, and act like this never even happened. Life without Collin pretty much sucks, so how much worse could being together with trust issues be? At least I’d have him, and we’d be together. There are couples that work through this kind of stuff every day that end up happy in the end. Who says that can’t be us?
“Okay, enough is enough! You’re starting to make me depressed, and well, that’s just not okay,” Amanda says, taking the remote out my hand to turn off the television.
“You do realize this was all your idea, right?” I respond, pointing out how excited she was to be at my grieving party.
“Yeah well, I didn’t think it’d last this long. The parties over. Tomorrow is your birthday, and we’re going out,” she demands.
“Yeah, no thanks.”
“Oh, I forgot to mention…you don’t have a choice.”
Ignoring my “Oh really” look, she continues.
“Tonight your parents are taking you out to dinner after work. Then tomorrow we’re going shopping, getting our hair and make-up done, then we are finally hitting up the new club downtown. Remember that ‘summer of fun’ attitude you had? Well that starts today.”
Wow. When did she get so bossy?
“Do I get a say in this?” I ask even though I’m pretty sure I know the answer.
“No.”
My parents pick me up at work before we go to dinner. We’re going to my favorite restaurant downtown in the heart of the city. I love it down there. There are so many cute little shops and restaurants mixed in with a few bars. Before going to dinner, we walk around for a little while. I’m surprised when my mom insists on going into this jewelry store on the corner, and my dad doesn’t issue a complaint; he usually hates shopping.
Planning on Forever Page 4