by Kat Mizera
Ashleigh shook her head. “It wasn’t intentional. We were drunk.”
“So you’re just as in denial as he is.”
“I’ve had boyfriends, and I’m not good at relationships, either, so when this happened I think he felt sorry for me.”
Dawn laughed, shaking her head. “You don’t know him at all, do you?”
“What does that mean?”
“My son can drink like a fish. He would never have gotten so drunk he didn’t know what he was doing, not after the night he got the DUI. He knew what he was doing, and something tells me you did, too, even if it was on a subconscious level.”
“He doesn’t even know me,” Ashleigh protested. “How could he—”
“He’s been a huge fan of yours for years.”
“Having a celebrity crush is different than the real thing.”
“I know.” Dawn fixed her gaze on Ashleigh as she sipped her drink. “I’ve seen the indecision in your eyes all afternoon. What are you afraid of? You’re already married, so there has to be something else going on.”
Ashleigh flinched, looking down. “I’m worried about Bella getting attached to him. It took her about thirty seconds to get attached to you. He’s not a bad guy, but if this doesn’t work out, don’t tell me he’s going to stay in her life.”
“I think you underestimate him,” Dawn said quietly.
“What if you’re wrong? This is about Bella.” Ashleigh bit her lip, feeling sad, foolish, and myriad other emotions that confused her.
“The true problem is that you like him,” Dawn smiled. “And you’re afraid he’s going to break your heart.”
Ashleigh smiled back. “Absolutely. But I’ve been through it before. I’ll live.”
“Then what else is there? This conversation has come full circle. If you want him to fall in love with you, honey, just be yourself and love him as hard and as much as you possibly can. That’s how it usually works with guys like him. He’s so strong and independent on the outside, but inside, he wants you to love him first.”
Ashleigh licked her lips. “You think?”
“Trust me,” Dawn said softly. “I’m the mom.”
Bella came bounding back to the table just as their food arrived, and they were immediately immersed in her never-ending conversation. Watching her new mother-in-law across the table, Ashleigh suddenly had a feeling everything was going to be all right. She wasn’t sure why, but she couldn’t wait to see her husband and tell him she wasn’t going to push him away anymore. For whatever reason, Dawn had given her the strength she needed to give him a chance.
Brock got back to the suite just after eight thirty and found Ashleigh on the couch, her legs tucked under her, reading a magazine. She looked so young sitting there, like a teenager, with her hair up in a ponytail, minimal makeup, and wearing denim shorts and a Matchbox 20 concert T-shirt. He paused for a moment, taking in the curve of her neck and the way her hair resembled spun silk. He was looking forward to a time she’d let him run his fingers through it. Would she ever trust him enough to let him make love to her? She’d been into it when he’d kissed her earlier, but it hadn’t taken long for her to come to her senses and push him away. He didn’t want her to be afraid of him, that was a given, but he had to understand what was causing her reluctance before he could do anything about it.
“Hi.” She jumped as she looked up, startled to see him standing there.
“Hey.” He approached her gingerly. “Bella in bed? My mom texted me they were having a sleepover tonight.”
Ashleigh smiled, putting down the magazine. “Yup. I left her about fifteen minutes ago. She had a bath, we read her favorite book, and then she and your mom curled up on the bed talking.”
“That sounds nice. It also gives us a chance to talk.” He sank onto the couch and leaned back, his large frame taking up most of the space.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” she said quietly, surprising him. “I guess I’ve been running hot and cold about this since it happened. I don’t know if I’m scared it’s going to be terrible, or more scared it’s going to be great.”
He reached out and took one of her hands, lacing his fingers through hers. “I’m willing to do whatever you want, but you have to be on board.”
“I am. Your mom had words of wisdom for me.”
“Why am I not surprised?” He chuckled. “She’s a smart woman, and she’s never led me wrong.”
“I think we can make this work as long as you can be patient. I’m all kinds of nervous about intimacy.”
He nodded. “That’s a given, baby. I would never ask you to do anything you didn’t want to do. You have my word.”
She was thoughtful for a moment before asking, “Wanna watch a movie?”
“Sure.” He handed her the remote. “Your choice.”
She found a Star Trek movie and they settled in happily, sitting on opposite ends of the couch. She leaned to the side so she could rest her legs mostly on the cushions, letting her feet dangle over the edge just shy of where Brock was sitting. He glanced over at her with a smile and gently lifted her feet, resting them on his thigh.
“You can relax,” he said softly. “I’m one hundred percent a gentleman unless you ask me not to be.”
Their eyes met and she nodded slowly. “That’s nice. Thank you.”
“What’s going on in your head making you look so miserable?” Brock asked as he watched her.
“Just thinking about all the dumb things I’ve done.”
“We’ve all done dumb things.” He chuckled, his hand closing over her ankle and slowly moving it up and down her shin in a comforting motion. “Welcome to the club.”
“Do you have a lot of regrets?” she asked in a soft whisper.
He didn’t hesitate to nod. “A few.”
“Do you think you’ll ever get past them?”
“I don’t know.” He frowned, thinking about the contract that was at stake and not wanting to ruin a rare moment of intimacy with her by telling her about it. He didn’t want her to think less of him, and talking about the reasons the Sidewinders hadn’t renewed his contract yet could destroy the tiny amount of trust he’d built with her. “I stayed single so women couldn’t fuck with my head like my ex did and to focus on hockey. The fact I haven’t been able to get into a healthy relationship since my ex cheated on me probably means a lot of things I don’t have the energy to think about, you know?”
“Kind of like me dating a man old enough to be my father until he gave me a part on his new show?” She met his eyes sadly. “It was his idea to break up, and even though he said it was to protect me, it still felt personal, like I was such a disappointment even the old guy didn’t want me. After that, I became more worried about my career than my self-worth or reputation.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore, though, does it?” he asked as he gently massaged her calf. “We’re starting over with something that isn’t broken—and we have a chance to get it right this time. I think what we have now is more important than anything that happened before we met.”
She sat up and leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder. “Can we sit like this for a little while?” she asked in a tiny voice. “It’s been so long since someone touched me who wasn’t trying to rip my clothes off. I don’t mean to be a tease but—”
“Aw, hell, babe, that’s silly—of course we can sit like this.” He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her up against his chest, letting her nestle into the hollow of his shoulder. “Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever had one,” she whispered, pulling up her knees so she was almost completely engulfed by him.
He wasn’t sure if that comment broke his heart or made him fall in love with her.
15
Ashleigh woke up alone but a note on his pillow that merely said “I’ve always got a shoulder for you to lean on” made her stomach do a little flip of joy. She was still smiling when Rachel’s name flashed on her screen, and she
picked it up quickly, anxious to talk to her best friend.
“About damn time,” Rachel muttered. “It’s like you got married and suddenly you don’t have time for me.”
“Not true.” Ashleigh chuckled. “There’s kind of been a lot on my plate.”
“I know, I’m just kidding. How’s things?”
“With Bella, Brock, the movie, or something else?”
Rachel snickered. “All of the above?”
“Bella’s fine. She’s so excited to have a family and now a grandma, I don’t think she’s stopped talking in forty-eight hours. I haven’t been on the set yet so I can’t tell you about the movie but I’m looking forward to meeting everyone. Brock and I are okay. We’re trying to navigate all these new waters. He’s sweet and gentle and supportive and I wish I could figure out why.”
“What do you mean?” Rachel asked in surprise.
“From ‘I don’t do relationships’ to ‘okay, we’re married so let’s give it a try.’ A complete one-eighty. He says it’s because it’s a done deal so it seems silly not to try, but it doesn’t make sense to me. He makes more money than I do, so it’s not about that. He’d never met Bella, and I refuse to believe he’s that excited to be a foster dad, so it’s not about her. Yes, I’m a movie star, but there are surely richer, more successful, better-looking women available to him with his looks and money, so that can only be part of it. Right?”
“Why the hell are you over-analyzing this?” Rachel demanded. “Stop it. Who knows what he’s thinking? He likes you... Is the sex good?”
Ashleigh sighed.
“It’s not? Really?”
“I have no idea. All we’ve done is kiss.”
“All you’ve done is…kiss?” Rachel sounded befuddled. “You’ve been married like three weeks.”
“We drunk-eloped. Apparently, we didn’t have sex because we woke up fully dressed, and I didn’t feel sore or anything. He checked his wallet and said the condom he keeps in there is still there, and even though we were fucked up, he said he’s never not used one before.”
“Interesting.”
“He’s being a gentleman.”
“Yup.”
“What does that mean? You know how I feel about sex.”
“Does he know?”
“I told him, yes.”
“You’re going to have to tell me every last detail when it finally happens.”
“I’m sure it’ll be more pleasant than usual.”
Rachel burst out laughing. “If sex with Brock Lassiter is simply ‘more pleasant than usual,’ he’s going to lose his man card!”
“Oh, stop. It’s not his fault I don’t like it that much.”
“Unless you have a physical deformity or a psychological aversion to it, it’s his fault if you don’t enjoy it. Period.”
Ashleigh contemplated that. “You told me once you didn’t know if you’d ever have sex as hot as what you had with Jamie—is that still true? Does Vlad measure up?”
Rachel giggled. “Jamie is more intense. You know, all the spanking and anal… Vlad and I haven’t gone there, but yes, he definitely measures up.”
“How come you haven’t gotten crazy with him? I thought you like all that stuff, too?”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s not his thing, and honestly, he’s so freakin’ huge it’s a little intimidating. Jamie was long, but not crazy thick. Vlad, well…we’ll have to play strip poker someday just so you can see. I was a little shocked when I first saw it.”
Ashleigh giggled, too. “Good thing you’re dating him instead of me—I wouldn’t let anything that big near me.”
“What’s Brock’s like?”
“I don’t know,” Ashleigh admitted. “We honestly haven’t done anything other than kiss so far. Not even feeling each other up.”
“Really.” Rachel was momentarily quiet. “Well, isn’t that something.”
“What?”
“How he’s treating you… You know, Brock’s quite the player. I’ve never seen him like this with a woman. Ever. And I’ve known him since he came to Vegas, because Jamie and I were already dating before the Sidewinders’ inaugural season three years ago. He must care about you, Ash. Really. Don’t psych yourself out. Give it a chance. See what happens.”
“I’m trying. It’s so hard for me to trust.”
“I know,” Rachel said softly. “But Vlad wouldn’t be so close to him if he wasn’t a good guy deep down, because he doesn’t trust easily, either. And I like him, too.”
“I need to jump his bones.” Ashleigh smirked. “If I can get past that hump of the first time, I think it would change everything. I’m so nervous, it’s all I’m thinking about.”
“Have a few drinks and do it. If it sucks, I’ll personally kick his ass and make Jamie and Vlad teach him how to be a better lover!”
Ashleigh snorted with laughter. “Oh, I’m sure that would go over well.”
“I have to go, but promise me you’ll give him a chance. You two could be good for each other if you’d let it happen.”
“I promise.” Ashleigh hung up with a thoughtful smile. The universe seemed to be trying to tell her something. Maybe it was time for her to listen.
Brock was pleasantly surprised to find Ashleigh alone in their suite when he got back to the hotel after the game against Florida.
“Where’s Bella?” he asked.
“With your mom. She seems to sense we need time together.”
“She’s good that way.” He walked into the bedroom and started getting undressed. He was surprised again when she followed him, sitting on the bed with her legs tucked beneath a short, silky robe. His eyes met hers and their gazes locked for a few seconds, a different kind of emotion sizzling between them. The spark wasn’t new, but whatever this was, it wasn’t anything he’d ever sensed from her before.
“I want to apologize,” she said when he’d hung up his suit and pulled a pair of shorts over his boxers.
“For what?”
“For taking out all my insecurities on you. You’ve been nothing but supportive and sweet, and I’ve been a damn ice princess. I want to try this…whatever it is that’s between us, it’s just a little stressful for me.”
“You seem stressed about a lot of things related to me,” he said quietly. “And I have a feeling our not-yet consummated marriage is at the top of the list.”
Ashleigh wrapped her arms around herself almost protectively, shivering a little as she looked away.
“Ash, I would never do anything you didn’t want me to do… Are you afraid of me?”
“No…” She glanced back at him. “I… I think you’re expecting something—”
“Expecting,” he interrupted, baffled. “Honey, why don’t you tell me what’s going on? I’m not expecting anything but to make a beautiful woman feel good—and vice versa. I need to understand why you feel the way you do.”
“I’m going to ask you a question,” she whispered, looking down. “But you have to tell me the truth. And it’s important.”
“I wouldn’t lie to you.” Brock frowned, sensing that whatever she was about to ask would lead to the crux of her problems.
“Listen to my whole explanation before you answer, okay?” Her eyes met his.
“Of course.”
“Do you think I’m sexy?” She held up a finger when he opened his mouth. “Not like a movie star—but as a regular woman. When you’re with me, right now, and I’ve got on no makeup, no push-up bra, no enhancement of any kind, do you see me as a woman you’d like to fuck because I’m sexy or because you can indulge in a kinky fantasy?”
His eyebrows drew together and for a moment he didn’t know what to say. “What are you talking about?” he asked finally. “I don’t even know what that means—what kind of kinky fantasy? My kinkiest fantasy has to do with multiple bimbos at the same time, one sitting on my face and another one letting me fuck her in the ass.” He gave her a sheepish smile. “But that’s not something I picture doing with you
.”
“Okay, but why not?”
She wasn’t playing games with him; she was asking him something important and he didn’t want to let her down by saying the wrong thing. He just had no idea what the right thing was because the idea of her needing validation she was womanly enough was mind-boggling to him.
“Well, first, because you’re my wife and I think being with multiple women would be disrespectful,” he said gently. “Second, you’ve put me in an untenable situation here. If you want me to answer you honestly you have to give me all the information. But even without knowing what you’re really trying to ask me, I can tell you I find you sexy. You’re stunning, Ashleigh.”
She flushed, looking down again. “Guys only want to have sex with me because of who I am and what I can do for them. They don’t care about me or my needs.”
He reached for her instinctively, wrapping his arms around her petite frame and holding her close to his chest. “That’s complete bullshit! I think you’re sexy as hell.” He could feel her tears soaking through his shirt and reached down to gently grip her chin. “Ashleigh.” He waited until her red-rimmed eyes met his. “I don’t know what other guys think or do, but I’ve had a physical attraction to you since the first time I saw you on TV. Now that I know you in real life, I think you’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. Honest to God, I can’t think of anyone prettier or sexier than you.”
“I’m four foot eleven and a half,” she whispered as another tear slid down her cheek. “I have zero boobs. I wear padded everything. I shave my legs like twice a year and barely have any pubic hair. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a woman that men are physically attracted to.”
“That’s ridiculous.” He shook his head, unconsciously stroking her back. “I haven’t seen you naked but—”
She stepped back and dropped her robe, standing in front of him in nothing but white cotton panties. “I’ve never had sex with a man who didn’t say something hurtful about how little I am, or how flat...”