When I came out, Rellz and RJ were now sitting in the waiting area. I went to the front desk to sign in, and once I was done, I joined them in the waiting area. I sat next to Kane, and when RJ reached out for me, it warmed my heart. Kane picked him up and handed him to me. It felt good to know someone still loved me. I missed him so much; we all did.
The doctor’s appointment went well; only Rellz spoke to the doctor. I was eight weeks pregnant, and everything was good. Hearing the baby’s heartbeat made me cry tears of joy. The doctor gave me a prescription for prenatal pills, vitamins, and a bunch of reading materials. He also gave us two copies of our baby’s ultrasound picture, one for me and one for Rellz. As I watched Rellz’s car pull out of the parking lot when the appointment was over, I laid my head against the headrest, closed my eyes, and cried silently.
Rellz
If I hadn’t have RJ in my arms, I think I would have run after Tash when I first saw her today. I just wanted to hold her and console her. Even worn and tired looking, she was still beautiful. When I heard my baby’s heartbeat, I had to catch the tears that fell before anyone saw. I watched Tash trying to do the same but failing miserably. It was easier for me to hide my tears because I was standing; and it was harder for her to do the same because she was lying down on the exam table.
When I got in the car and looked at the sonogram picture, I let the tears fall. I was happy and sad: happy because she had decided to keep the baby, and sad because we were in this awful place and were not sharing this experience together. I feel so empty without her, and I couldn’t find the strength to make it right. My ego was bruised. And yet I was the one who had been in the streets, fucking any and everything, not once thinking that my baby would get tired and would run into the arms of another, let alone that she would let him touch her.
Once I got home, I put RJ down for a nap, and I sat staring at my baby’s sonogram picture. I couldn’t make out what I was looking at, but I was in love because I was staring at something that Tash and I had created together. I decided then and there to let li’l man visit his grandparents, sisters, and Tash. There was no reason that he should be kept from his family, who really missed him.
Kane drove out to pick RJ up the following Saturday and to take him to see the family, so I decided to get out of the house and have a few drinks at Red’s Corner, a low-key bar, where I could get a few drinks without the headache of loud music and a huge crowd.
Tasha
It was good to visiting with RJ. The twins were happy to see their little brother. Even though it gave us all a good feeling to spend time with RJ, the whole thing felt off, because it confirmed that Rellz was missing from our family. I missed him so much, and the twins had even started asking about him, because he was the only dad they knew. I had really messed up.
A few hours after Kane took RJ home, I got up from the sofa, because I didn’t want the kids to see me crying yet again, but as I stood, I felt pain in the lower part of my stomach. It intensified as I moved. Mom saw the pain etched on my face, and she rushed over and asked if I was okay. By then, I was bent over in pain and was holding my stomach. I heard Mom call 911, and then she called Kane, who was at Rena’s mom’s house. He and Rena arrived within minutes.
By the time they got to the house, Mom had begun to panic. Rena asked me if I felt any moisture or discharge between my legs. I told her I felt some, and the look on her face scared me. A moment later, EMTs rang the bell. They came inside and started asking me question after question. Kane grew frustrated and asked them if they could just get me to the hospital. Dad held my hand the whole time, because he knew I was scared and was expecting the worst, but why wouldn’t I be? I actually believed I deserved the worst.
Mom rode with me in the ambulance to the hospital, while Kane and Rena stayed back at the house to help Dad with the kids. Once I was at the hospital, I was given a pelvic exam to check the size of my uterus and to see if my cervix was dilated, followed by a pelvic ultrasound to see my baby’s heartbeat. I was relieved to know that my baby was okay. Mom asked the doctor what had caused the spotting and the abdominal pain. He gave a diagnosis of a threatened miscarriage and also informed us that high levels of emotional stress in the early months of pregnancy could be the reason for it, but not necessarily. That didn’t stop Mom from giving me that look, but my emotional stress really couldn’t be helped. I was hurting.
The doctor decided to keep me under observation at the hospital for a few days. I started to object, until my mom shot me another look, like she was daring me to say something, so I closed my mouth. For the next few hours, I was given blood tests, and they did a lot of checking with the baby monitor. I was so ready to go. The nurse gave me Tylenol for the pain, and the abdominal pain subsided some, but my back was still hurting. My mom stayed at my side for most of the day, but then it was time for her to go home. I could tell she was tired. Kane left the kids with Rena and my dad so that he could pick my mom up. I didn’t want her to leave me. The thought of being there by myself scared me, but once she left, I fell asleep to the beeping of the fetal monitor. Guessed I was tired too.
Rellz
As I walked into Tash’s hospital room, I saw that she was sleeping, and I stepped closer to the bed. When I saw two flat devices on her stomach, held in place by two elastic belts, I got nervous, not knowing if she was still pregnant or not, or if she was going to be okay. She must have felt my presence, because she opened her eyes. Neither of us spoke, just stared at each other with apologetic expressions. I was the first to speak.
“Are you and the baby okay?”
“The doctor said I had a threatened miscarriage, but the baby is okay. Besides some back pain, I’m fine.”
“When Kane called and told me you were rushed to the hospital, I tried not to think the worst and knew I had to get here.”
“Thanks for coming, and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to destroy what we had,” she said.
Tash started to cry, and as much as I loved her, I just couldn’t stop seeing the mental visual of her and Turk together. I thought I could, but standing this close to her and wanting to hold her, I couldn’t. That image was all that I saw in my head.
“Look, Tash, I really didn’t come here to talk about this. I came because I was worried about you and the baby. I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t love you anymore or I don’t miss you, because I do. I just can’t see us back in a relationship right now, but I do want to be a part of this pregnancy and the birth. I’m not saying there will never be a Tash and Rellz again, but now is not the time for me to jump back in, because the trust is damaged, and without trust, we have nothing.”
It was hard to say those things to her, but they needed to be said. Seeing the hurt in her eyes hurt me, but as much as I loved her, I knew that day when I walked out of that hospital room, we had received our closure as far as our relationship went.
Tasha
Rellz and I welcomed our baby girl, Madison, into the world. Weighing six pounds, seven ounces, she was beautiful. She was the spitting image of her dad. She had none of my features, but I knew she wouldn’t, because RJ and Raina looked just like him too. His genes were strong.
Rellz and I never reconciled, and he was now in a new relationship. I wasn’t dating, because I was still in love with Rellz. Hopefully, one day I would be able to move on. Rellz picked Madison and the twins up faithfully every weekend. I was still living with my mom, by choice. Eventually, I would find the strength to move on, but I just didn’t want to be alone. In life, we lived and we learned. I had learned some valuable lessons. You should always be true to who you were, and you shouldn’t let anyone’s actions cause you to stoop to their level and do things you would live to regret. It was not worth it.
PART 2
Rellz
I had yet to understand females. You could do everything right, and they would still find a reason to bitch. I had told Lecia’s ass that I didn’t feel like arguing about something she had no control of
, and that she was not about to tell me what I could and couldn’t do. I was just getting so tired of the never-ending bullshit.
“Rellz, why the fuck you ignoring me?” she yelled.
“Go ahead with that bullshit. I told you I’m a grown-ass man, and you’re not going to dictate what the fuck I can do and can’t do. How many times do we have to have this same conversation?”
“I’m not trying to. All I want to know is, why every time Tasha needs something done, she calls you? Doesn’t she have two fucking brothers? Let her call one of them.”
“She calls me because I’m her fucking daughter’s father, that’s why.”
“Are you sure that’s the only reason? Because I can’t tell.”
“Lecia, I’m not going to keep saying the same thing, so you better listen, because this will be my last time saying it. What I choose to do for Tasha and my daughter is no concern of yours. I’m here every fucking night, doing right by you, and still you continue to find shit to bitch about.”
“Really? I’m your fucking girlfriend—not Tasha. That bitch is just being extra right now, and you’re too stuck on stupid to see it. Every fucking time I turn around, she’s calling you to do shit. Don’t you think I get tired of it? If my ex called me every day, asking me to do this and to do that, I’m straight telling him no, because he’s an ex for a reason. I understand you have a kid together, but come on. This shit is getting ridiculous.”
“No, we have kids together, and she’s doing most of it on her own, so when she needs me, I’m there. The sooner you understand that you’re not dealing with no buster-ass nigga that don’t take care of his responsibilities, the better, as you will stop with the nonsense! Now I’m tired of dealing with this bullshit. I have to go.”
“Whatever, Rellz. Go running, like you always do. Bitch-ass nigga.”
I knew it was time to leave the situation because Lecia’s mouth was getting reckless, and I was trying hard not to put my hands on her ass. I didn’t even know why, all of a sudden, she was getting bent all out of shape about Tasha. I knew one thing: she had better start acting right, before her ass got her teeth knocked out of her fucking mouth. I didn’t understand chicks nowadays, and I was really getting sick of trying to.
Tasha
Rellz was on his way to help me move into my new place. I had finally decided to leave my mom’s house. She didn’t want me to leave, and I had to remind her that they didn’t need small kids running around all day and all night. The kids were getting older, and so they also needed their own space. Madi was walking now and was getting into everything. Recently, my poor baby even picked up my daddy’s dentures, which he had soaking in a cup on the table, and put them right into her mouth. I was on the floor in hysterics, but once the laughter was over, I realized it was time to get my own place.
I went upstairs to put my hair in a ponytail and found a tank and a pair of shorts to put on. I already had most of the things that I was taking with me in boxes. All Rellz really had to do was load the truck. He didn’t want me to take anything; he had had the nerve to say that a new place needed new things. I agreed with him, but only to a certain extent. I wasn’t getting rid of my baby’s things and the twin’s beds were still new. He had just bought them last month. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard his sexy voice downstairs as he talked to my mom, and I felt my panties getting moist from just thinking about seeing him. I knew my mom wasn’t too happy about him not making the relationship work, but she still tolerated him because of the kids.
Before I left the bedroom, I made sure to look in the mirror for good measure, just to make sure I was on point. I skipped my happy ass down the stairs and over to where he stood. Mom still had him standing in the foyer; that woman just wouldn’t stop.
* * *
“Hey, Rellz.”
“What’s up, Tash? Are you ready?”
“I just need a minute. Why don’t you have a seat in the living room?”
As I led him from the foyer into the living room, I couldn’t help but think to myself how damn fine he was. I loved how he was showing off all those muscles in that tank he was wearing. That was one of the things I’d always loved about him—that banging-ass body. What I would give just to lie in his arms again. I made sure to bend down to pick Madi’s pacifier up off the living-room floor and give him an eyeful of what he wasn’t getting anymore.
I ran upstairs to grab one last box I had packed and then placed it on one of the stacks of boxes at the back door. Then I went back into the living room. “Okay, I’m ready now. Let me tell Mom we’re loading the truck and then leaving, so she can look after the kids.”
I went into the kitchen to let my mom know that we were ready to load the truck and then we would be on our way, and she didn’t look too happy. She told me to bring the kids into the living room, but not before telling me to make sure everything went on the truck. She was basically saying that she didn’t want Rellz back in her house to fetch anything that had been left behind. I just wished she wouldn’t take what I had done out on him. It was my fault we hadn’t made it down the aisle. He had given me an opportunity to be honest, and I had chosen not to take it, so this was all my fault. The sooner she accepted it, the sooner she could stop hating him.
I was surprised that Lecia had let his ass come over to help, as she’d been tripping lately. She had been cool when she thought my baby fat was going to stay, but a bitch worked out every day to get back to my original weight, and now she was hating.
“Rellz, the boxes are stacked up near the back door,” I told him.
“Okay. Let me tell my man to bring the truck around back,” he said.
“Who the hell did you bring with you to my mom’s house?” I asked seriously, because Mom didn’t play about bringing people to her house.
“Tash, chill. It’s only Remy.”
“Okay, you know Mom don’t play that shit, bringing motherfuckers to her house,” I said with a laugh, but I was still serious.
“You know that I know. She barely wants my ass in here. That’s why she left my ass in the foyer.”
He wasn’t lying about Mom not wanting his ass in the house. Remy was Rellz’s bouncer friend, and Rellz had hired him to work at one of his clubs. I was shocked that Rellz actually trusted someone enough now to have them roll with his ass. After Turk, he hadn’t wanted to trust anyone but my brother Kane. And speaking of Kane, he had been so far up Rena’s ass that I hardly saw him anymore. He was supposed to help me move, but he had come up with some lame-ass excuse at the last minute, so I’d had to call my baby’s daddy, something I had had to do a lot of lately.
Rellz and Remy loaded all the boxes in under an hour, and then the three of us drove to my new place. There Rellz and Remy carried all the boxes inside. Once the job was complete, Rellz dropped Remy off where he had left his car, and then he drove me back to my mom’s house.
“Are you going to need me to help you get the place in order?” he asked as he parked the truck in the driveway and turned off the ignition. We stayed in the truck.
“Well, with the way Kane’s ass has been acting lately, I just might. I would have Shea help me with this, but she’s out of town.”
“Well, if Kane can’t help you, don’t hesitate to let me know.”
“I sure will. Are you taking RJ back with you tonight?”
“Yeah, I miss my li’l man. Do you need me to take Madi too?”
“You can take her too. This way I can get some things done tomorrow. Most of the things I need, I will be ordering online. I definitely want to go to Bed Bath & Beyond while the twins are in school tomorrow.”
“When is your last day at your mom’s crib?” he asked.
“I’m trying to be gone by Saturday night, but I don’t know. I have to wait until I order at least the bed, and hopefully, they will be able to deliver it by Saturday.”
“Why don’t you let me take care of all that? I guarantee you will have a bed by Saturday. I know some people.”
“You just said you were taking RJ and Madi, so how are you going to take care of it?”
“Trust me. Just give me the spare key, and I got you.”
I handed him the key. I was so mad at myself for messing up a good thing. Here he was, not even my man anymore but still helping me out. I missed him so much. I had tried really hard to keep it strictly about the kids, but lately, he was all that I thought about. I didn’t know if it had anything to do with me seeing him almost every day. I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the matter at hand.
“So are you still taking Madi with you?” I asked him.
“Since I’m doing you this solid, keep Madi and RJ, and I’ll come pick you and the kids up on Saturday and take you to your new place.”
“Not a problem. And thank you for helping me out on such short notice.”
“Anything for my baby mama.” He winked.
Rellz and I headed inside the house, and he stayed with the kids until it was time to put them down. I had to beg my mom to let him spend some time with them. That was another reason it was time for me to get my own place. Anytime he came over to spend some time with them, he always had to deal with my mom’s attitude, and I didn’t like it. Most men wouldn’t even stick around and show interest in his damn kids after a breakup, so I felt she should at least encourage his behavior.
While Rellz spent time with the kids, I stayed in the kitchen with my mom, listening to her going on and on about how wrong he was for walking out on me and the kids. I felt myself trying not to cry when I heard the front door open and close. Whenever it was time for him to leave, it became extremely hard to let him walk out the door without trying to stop him, so I always kept my distance until he left. I went upstairs to see if he had put the kids to bed, and to my surprise, not only had he tucked them in, but they were already asleep. I took my lonely behind in the bathroom to take a shower and call it a night.
When Loyalty Dies, So Does Love Page 11