by Lex Martin
“This is beautiful, by the way.” He taps on the translucent piece of paper.
“It’s the North Star. To help me find my way.” I say this more for myself.
Brady presses the paper against me and rubs. Then the buzzing starts again, and the needle cuts into my skin.
Chapter 1
(3 weeks later)
- DANI -
My fingertip traces the lines on my shoulder where my tattoo sits, muscle memory taking my hand to the axis where North and South intersect and where I hope to find balance. A mooring. Some stability.
I can feel it in my bones. Hope. A smile tilts my lips as I start to buy into my pep talk.
My smile grows… until my new co-worker drops a stack of work in front of me.
Laura gives me an empty smile. “I already have plans this weekend, so I’m leaving this for you. As the marketing major, this should be right up your alley, right?”
Our junior year of college hasn’t started yet, and she’s already bailing on me. Biting my cheek, I reach around to re-stack the documents.
Laura and I are Professor Zinzer’s new assistants. We’ll be coordinating all of the other work-study students in the art lab this fall while we prep materials for his classes. He always takes on one art student and one business student to manage his office. Because my best friend Travis had Zinzer last semester, I got the inside track on this gig and beat out dozens of other business applicants.
I tuck the pile of work into my messenger bag, not bothering to smile.
“Zin needs it by Monday,” she chirps.
In other words, he needs it the Monday of Labor Day weekend. My jaw tightens.
Laura doesn’t look even remotely guilty for dumping this on me. As she tosses her hair over her shoulder, she says, “Thanks, Dani.” Her not-so-subtle appraisal of me makes me squirm. “You’re so… nice.”
If I were a cartoon, steam would be pouring from my ears. I’ve never hated a word so much in my life. If one more person tells me I’m nice, I’m going to lose it.
Nice gets me dumped on. Pushed around. Ignored.
When I was a kid, I thought I merely had manners. What the hell is wrong with being polite? But now I see this characteristic doesn’t cut it in Boston where everyone is so much edgier. The Midwest is just a friendlier place. In Chicago, when someone runs into you, the person says, “Excuse me.” Here, I get cursed at or shoved. I’ve gotten used to this faster pace of life, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that I can be such a goddamn pushover.
My mother would tell me to “fuck nice.” I chuckle to myself. She has a mouth that’s worse than half the frat boys at this school.
I guess that’s what happens when you almost die of angiosarcoma.
The laughter withers on my lips, and I blink back the sudden onslaught of emotion that comes whenever I think of my mom. She fought like hell to survive, even after she lost all of her hair and both breasts. And she beat it. For now at least.
By the time I get to my dorm suite, I’m still wrestling with what I wish I had told Laura. Why can’t I find the words when I’m in the moment? As I stare at the pile of work that sits near the edge of my desk, a tight ball of frustration coils in my stomach. I’m going to be holed up all weekend preparing my professor’s brochures instead of unpacking.
My eyes drift to the wall of boxes in the small room I’m sharing with a girl I met last semester. Jenna is a riot. We took a sociology class together. It was such a snooze that to entertain ourselves, we’d write pervy notes to each other to see who could make the other laugh. She always won. And, yeah, my professor hated me. But, come on—when Jenna wrote, “I wanna choke on your thick man-slinky,” I couldn’t help but bust out laughing.
Her Southern drawl and perfect blonde hair throws you off. First you think she might be a really uptight biatch, but then she slings an arm around you and acts like she’s known you for ages. I’m not totally sure how she’s BFFs with our other roommate, though. I’ve only met Clem once, but the girl is a glacier. Hello, she rolled her eyes at me when I asked if she liked The Vampire Diaries.
On my way out the door to run a few errands, I pause in front of a mirror to smooth back my long hair. My reflection reminds me of my mother. Everyone tells me I look exactly like her when she was young. I have big green eyes, pale skin, and dark brown hair except for the swaths of pink I dyed last month, and thanks to Victoria’s Secret, I have a few well-placed curves.
Opting to skip any makeup, I grab my jacket and head out.
The train ride is quick, and when I step out into the bright afternoon sun, I have to shield my eyes. As I wait for the light to change so I can cross the street, I find myself staring at a guy trying to get what must be ten pizza boxes through the door of a restaurant a few feet away. I walk over and grab the handle to hold it open. Out of the corner of my eye, I see blonde hair streak across the restaurant a second before I hear the girl giggle.
“Hope you and your friends can handle all this pizza,” she says, all breathy. I don’t know if she’s trying to be sexy or if she’s out of breath from doing the fifty-yard dash to talk to him.
I roll my eyes while I stand there, still opening the door. The guy’s shoulder presses up against the pane of glass, and he laughs.
“I’m sure we can handle it. Thanks, uh—”
“Tamara.”
“Thanks, Tamara.”
Through the glass, I see her wave a piece of paper. “Here, call me if you decide you need an extra mouth for all that… food.” The way she says “mouth” tells me she is not talking about the pizza. Gross.
Her silhouette disappears briefly on the other side of him. His hands are on the tower of pizzas, and I don’t see him reach for the paper, but then his back arches like he’s surprised.
When she steps back, her hands are empty. Okay, I think she just shoved her number into the pocket of this guy’s jeans.
All righty.
He clears his throat. “Yeah, thanks, doll,” he says to the blonde.
When he steps back onto the sidewalk, I get my first good look at him. He’s wearing aviators, so I can’t see his eyes, but the rest of him is all kinds of sexy. Tall and lean. Skin the color of light caramel like he’s been out in the sun. Brownish-blond hair tousled in a devil-may-care kind of way. His biceps, which are corded in muscle, pull at his t-shirt, and I can’t help but stare.
An SUV pulls up behind me, and a guy shouts, “Hurry the hell up, Jax. I’m not going to circle the block again.”
Jax laughs and turns slightly. He finally sees me and tilts his head. He clears his throat again.
“Sorry. I’m being an ass, blocking the doorway.”
I blink.
He smiles down at me, and I think the heavens part because he’s so damn beautiful it hurts to look at him, but before I can get the courage to say something, anything, his friend honks. Jax looks to the SUV and then back to me, smiles again, and walks away.
Ugh! The next time a drop-dead-gorgeous slab of man talks to me, it would be nice to use words.
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Acknowledgments
This book made me miss my home state of Texas so much. If you’re ever in the Hill Country, I hope you’ll check out the lovely lavender farms and support that local industry.
I have several people to thank, and I need to start with my husband for all of the sweet things he's told our daughters over the years. I borrowed a few of his lines, but it's because he's so damn cute. Matt, I really appreciate your epic patience while I write and edit and freak out and do it all over again. Love you and our little home fries.
I got the theme for this book from something my grandmother always said to me. She's in so much of this story, and I wish I could tell her how much she's influenced me. I miss you, abuelita.
&nb
sp; To my own big Texas family, and especially my parents, thanks for supporting me through this adventure.
Kimberly Brower, thank you for picking up my first release and seeing something special. You're the best agent ever.
To RJ Locksley for editing all of my books; Lauren Perry for these killer cover photos; Najla Qamber for this divine cover design; Amanda Maria for proofreading; Kylie, Beth and George at Give Me Books for handling my blitz and cover reveal; Jade Eby at Write Assistants for answering all of my Vellum questions and formatting my paperback; and Jena Camp at Indie Girl Blog Tours for helping me get organized with my release—you guys are worth your weight in gold.
Whitney Barbetti, you are my Magic 8 Ball. Whenever I get stuck in a draft, on an edit, in a layout, or in my life, you have an answer. I'm so grateful we met. Thanks for talking me off those ledges.
KL Grayson, Staci Hart, Stacy Kestwick, and Cole McCade, each of you kicked my ass with edits in the best possible way. Thanks for the tough love. I couldn't have written this book without you!
Alexis Durbin, Leslie McAdam, Becca Hensley Moore, Jenn Wood, Kristina Goff Brooks, Audra Adkins, Sarah Alban, and Jules Barnard, you're the best betas ever! Thank you for your precious feedback.
Jullie Anne Caparas and Doris Gray, what the hell would I do without you? I have no damn clue. Thanks for making me pretty swag and mugs and tshirts. *tackle hugs*
I have immense gratitude for Becca and Krista Ritchie, who always help me with any self-publishing crisis that come up.
Serena McDonald, thanks for your late night pep talks and for being an awesome friend. Candi Kane, I can't have a release without running everything by you—my cover photos, my blurb, my giveaway ideas. Thanks for always being there for me! Selena Lanovara Scott, thanks for your Harley expertise. You're a bad ass, babe. I finally found someone who loves Dunkin' Donuts more than I do.
To my Wildcats, you guys fucking rock my socks. *ass smacks* Kim Ber Lee, thanks for naming the diner!
Bloggers, there are so many of you to thank. Aestas Book Blog, The Dirty Laundry, The Literary Gossip, Three Girls and a Book Obsession, Love Between the Sheets, Give Me Books, One Click Addicts, Smut Muffins, Schmexy Girl Book Blog, The Bookaholic Fairies, The Book Bellas, Smokin' Hot Book Blog, Rumpled Sheets, Sinfully Sexy Book Reviews, The Romance Vault, I Bookin' Love To Read, Smut Fanatics, Book Baristas, Literary Misfit, Owl Always Be Reading, and Teacups & Book Love are just a few of the bloggers who helped me out early on. A big hug to you and the many others who shared my books with their readers.
A huge thanks to Laurence, Joseph and Rob, the attorneys who helped me figure out the adoption process in Texas. I left out one detail, but I'm guessing you're not gonna read my romance, so we're good! haha.
To my friend who said you can indeed get pregnant while taking birth control pills and using condoms, thanks for sharing your real life experience with me. Your son is adorable, btw!
Lastly, to my readers. You have no idea what kind of impact you've made on my life by reading my books. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope I give as much to you as you give to me.
Brady’s story has been rattling around in my head for a few years, and I’m really grateful to share it with you. I know it’s a darker story than my others. Last year was a dark year for me, and I suppose that seeped into the book. But I’m also a big believer in happy endings, so I hope that underscored Brady’s journey with Kat.
If you enjoyed this story, let me know. Perhaps there’ll be more to come with some of these characters.
Licks & kisses,
Lex
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