by Lola StVil
Lucas being a Para, not a Toren, I have no idea if it will work, or what will happen if it does. I only know it’s our last hope of stopping a war. Or worse, having The Jackal kill Lucas.
All of this runs through my mind in a split second as Lucas turns away from me. I know it’s now or never. I have one chance. And one chance only. I can’t screw it up. It’s time for me to step up and prove to the world, and myself, that I am the leader of this team and I can do this.
I step after Lucas and spin him around to face me. I can see the anger on his face. It burns behind his eyes. I don’t think he even really sees me. Not as me, Summit. He just sees an obstacle to get past to do what he thinks he has to do.
I don’t know exactly how this works. The book just said to trust your gut. That’s a joke, isn’t it? I have no idea if this is a good idea or not.
“Lucas, turn around,” I say in a commanding voice, leaving no room for argument.
“Excuse me?” he says with a dangerous tone, challenging me.
“Summit, wha—” Nix steps closer to us.
“Nix! Stay out of this,” I snap.
“Turn around, or you’re off the team,” I say coldly.
“You wouldn’t. How am I supposed to protect Nikki?” he asks, sounding more pissed than ever.
“You leave that to us. Now turn around, I mean it,” I say, letting him know this is it.
He reluctantly turns so his back is facing me.
I don’t know what comes next, but I know that’s what has to be done. I have to trust myself. I put my thumb up and slide it across his Deck. I have taken Lucas’s powers. And now, not only is Lucas no longer in love with me, he genuinely hates me…
I stand still, looking at Lucas’s stiff body, trying to read his expression. Nix looks up at me from beside him. I feel like time has stood still. Everything that has led me to this point floods through my mind, and for a few minutes, I don’t know what to say.
“I…” I start, but that’s as far as I get.
“Listen to me,” Nix says urgently, coming to stand beside me.
The tone of his voice makes me focus on him, and I remind myself why I did what I had to do.
“I had to do it, Nix. It was the only way,” I interrupt, begging him with my eyes to understand.
I don’t know why, but suddenly it seems like the most important thing in the world that Nix understands why I had to take Lucas’s powers away.
“I get it,” Nix says, his voice gentler now.
Lucas storms off, hurt written all over his face. Nix is siding with me, and he sees this as a betrayal. I hope he can forgive us.
“But how did you even know to do something like that? Only the greatest leaders have ever attempted it.” Nix catches himself.
“Not that I’m saying you’re not great or anything…”
I actually smile.
“It’s fine,” I say. “I’m not a great leader. I don’t know if I ever will be and I’ve made my peace with that.”
“You really have no idea how good you are at this,” Nix says as he looks down at his feet.
“You should hate me for what I’ve done, yet you’ve pushed it to one side for the good of the team.”
Now it’s my turn to glance awkwardly around. What do I even say to that?
“How did you know how to press Lucas’s Deck?” Nix asks again gently.
“I can’t imagine Emmy telling you about it,” he continues.
I quickly explain to him about the Muse. I can see the relief on his face, and I start to relax a bit.
“Well, you know Lucas won’t get over this easily, don’t you? That he’ll see it as a betrayal?”
I nod. “Yes, but I did what I had to do, and I hope in time he sees that. If he doesn’t, well…I’ll have to find a way to live with that.”
Nix nods absently.
“And of course, if you read the instructions in a Muse from your family, you know how to put Lucas’s powers back once he’s calmed down, so it’s not as big a deal as I thought.”
I nod once, hoping I look more confident than I feel. The truth is, I have no idea how to return Lucas’s powers.
“You don’t, do you?” Nix says, reading everything he needs to know from my face.
I open my mouth to tell him I know exactly what I’m doing. No words come out. I shake my head sadly.
“We’ll figure it out,” Nix says with a smirk.
His voice is confident, but I can’t help but think of the look on his face when he first realized what I’d done. I have no idea how to fix this, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t either.
Lucas groans loudly at the same time as I feel my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I fish my cell out, more to avoid looking at Lucas than because I actually care who’s texting me.
The message is simple and to the point.
“Meet me outside the school. Now.”
“I have to go,” I tell Nix.
“What? Now?” he says. He gestures towards my cell phone.
I nod apologetically.
“Can’t you just ignore that?”
I shake my head. Although I know Rage would never hurt me, he isn’t someone to be ignored. For him to summon me this way, there has to be a good reason.
“Okay,” he sighs when he sees I’m not budging.
“Nix?” I say quietly.
He looks ready to argue with me, but he doesn’t. He nods reluctantly.
I touch down beside Rage. He looks mad, but that’s his go-to expression. I’m not sure what to expect, and I rack my brain, trying to think if I’ve done anything that would have him pissed at me.
I don’t think I have. No, I know I haven’t. He’s well connected, but there’s no way he could know about what I did to Lucas. At least not yet.
“I chose to meet you here because I figured you’d be inside. You know, being that it’s a school day and the last I checked, you were a student,” Rage says to me by way of greeting.
I feel myself blush.
“I know. I’m sorry. But with everything that’s going on, school isn’t exactly my priority at the minute. With Nikki back…”
Rage holds up a hand to silence me. I cringe inside but I force myself to keep my expression neutral.
“Relax,” Rage says, his face breaking into a grin. “You think I have nothing better to do than hunt you down and give you a lecture about playing hooky?”
I relax a little and allow myself to smile too.
“I guess not,” I say.
My smile turns to confusion.
“So why are you here?”
It’s no good putting it off. If he does somehow know what I’ve done to Lucas, then maybe he can actually help me.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you, Milo, and Nix got attacked?” he demands.
“How did you know about that? I haven’t told anyone,” I say.
“People talk, Summit. The Shadow and Serpent are pretty proud of themselves as it goes.”
I snort.
“I don’t know why. We kicked their asses. Twice,” I say, proud of myself.
“But they got to you,” Rage counters. “There’s talk that they had an informant. Someone who changed sides at the last minute. Is there any truth to that?”
I consider what to tell him. I don’t want to lie to him, but if I tell him the truth, he’ll tear Nix apart, and this is my team. I’m still angry about the whole thing, but I don’t want Nix dead. If I tell Rage it was him, I’m giving him a death sentence, and that’s really no better than what he did.
Rage studies my face intently as I shuffle from foot to foot.
“Summit, what aren’t you telling me? Is it true?” he says.
I nod. It’s the best I can manage.
“You know who it is?” he asks.
Again, I nod.
“Yes,” I say, finding my voice. “But it’s over now. Like you said, the person betrayed the Shadow and Serpent. It’s not a problem anymore.”
Rage shrugs.
“If you say it’s done, it’s done.”
He smirks at my expression of surprise.
“Summit, you are the only person that doesn’t trust your judgment as a leader. You’re like your grandfather that way,” he says.
“You are my grandfather,” I point out
“I’m talking about your other grandfather, Marcus. During his earlier missions he was a brilliant leader, but he was always second-guessing himself.”
“I pressed Lucas’s Deck,” I blurt out.
Dammit. Why did I say that?
“You know what that means, right?” I ask.
He nods.
“Of course I do. You really think there’s anything in this world, angel, demon, or Quo, I don’t know about?”
I shrug. “No, but you don’t seem mad.”
“Why would I be mad? I’ve told you, I trust your judgment as a leader. If you did that it’s because you had to.”
“I don’t know how to undo it,” I admit.
Rage winks at me.
“You’ll know when the time is right.”
“I will?”
He nods wisely. “Let’s just say these things have a way of working themselves out.”
I hope he’s right. I have to believe he’s right.
“Alright, enough talk,” Rage says, his tone all business again. “If anyone—and I mean anyone—attacks you and the team again, you let me know immediately.”
I open my mouth to protest, but something in the set lines of his face stops me.
“I will kill them,” he says, looking out into space.
He states this like the simple fact it is to him.
“I had to find out what happened to my granddaughter through pub gossip. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was?”
I don’t know what to say. I’m pretty sure he’s not expecting a response. He’s in full-on Rage mode now. Although I still know deep down he won’t hurt me, I can see why he is feared.
He’s a huge hulk of a man, and his piercing eyes are enough to make the bravest soul wilt. His giant form paces up and down in front of me as he talks. His voice is full of barely controlled rage, and I wonder vaguely if that’s how he got his name.
“Being embarrassed, I can live with. What I can’t live with is you not telling me this yourself. You don’t have to do everything alone, Summit. There’s people that will help you.”
“I have my team,” I venture quietly.
That does it. It pushes him over the edge. His voice is no longer controlled. He’s shouting now, his voice booming in the otherwise quiet day.
“Do you know what your father would do to me, to the world, if he came back to find out that something had happened to you?”
I dare not answer that.
“Do you understand the shit storm that would rain down on us all—on me?”
He looks me straight in the eye.
“Do you?” he booms.
I see something in his eyes—an anger that could tear the world apart. I want to stand tall in the face of it, but I can’t. I feel myself shrinking back.
As quickly as it came, the anger is gone.
“Don’t ever be afraid of me, Summit,” he says gently. “I’m sorry I came down on you so hard, but it had to be said, and you had to understand that this isn’t a request, it’s an order.”
“I understand,” I say.
And I do. I know what my father would do if anything happened to me. I know he would blame Rage, and I know that Rage would blame himself too. I just didn’t think of it at the time.
Another reason why I’m not a good leader.
“Damn you for making me act like a damn adult,” Rage says.
We both laugh at that and all of the tension leaves us.
“Now that’s out of the way,” Rage says, “why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?”
Lucas loves another woman, Nix tried to have me killed, and Milo is going to get his heart broken. Oh, and Dylann’s an addict. Nothing much really.
I shrug. “I’m fine,” I say instead.
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter,” Rage says. “Let’s start with whatever Lucas has done to upset you.”
My eyes open wide at his words. Is it that obvious?
“All of your turmoil seems to start and end with that boy. It’s just like a Cane/Case woman to go and fall for a guy that’s nothing but trouble,” Rage says.
I walk away from him and sit down on a nearby bench to try and buy myself some time so I can work out exactly what to say. He follows me and we sit in silence while I gather my thoughts.
I don’t plan to tell him everything, but I feel it all pouring out of me. Once I start, I can’t stop. I tell him about Nikki’s return. I tell him about Lucas’s secret marriage. I tell him that I don’t know where I stand with him anymore.
“I was all ready to fight for him,” I say after the story is all out, “and then Nikki told us her story. The things that happened to her. And Lucas was the thing that kept her going through all of that. He’s the one thing that makes her light up and gives her hope. And I can’t take that away from her.”
Rage is quiet for a moment.
“Screw that,” he says eventually. “If this Lucas kid can’t see how he’s trading down, then that’s on him.”
“But I don’t want to lose him,” I admit.
“If he doesn’t want you now, he was never yours to lose,” Rage points out.
I know he’s right, but hearing it out loud still stings.
“That sounded harsh I know, but it’s the truth. You’re worth a thousand of this Nikki chick, and if Lucas can’t see that, then I’m not sure he’s right for you anyway.”
I feel myself smile a little. Rage doing the whole “no guy is good enough for my granddaughter” thing wasn’t how I pictured this conversation ending.
“It’s not just about Nikki being back here and still so in love with Lucas. I keep asking myself if he ever would have told me he was married if she hadn’t turned back up.”
“Secrets and lies. The two best ways to ruin any relationship,” Rage says, almost to himself.
Something in those few words hits a chord deep down inside of me. Secrets and lies. It seems that Lucas isn’t the only one with secrets anymore.
How can I expect the team to trust me when I’m not honest with them?
How can I be so annoyed at Lucas for keeping something big from me when I’m planning on doing the exact same thing to him?
Spontaneously, I throw my arms around Rage, kissing his cheek loudly. He goes stiff for a second then relaxes slightly and awkwardly hugs me back.
“Thank you,” I say, releasing him and getting to my feet.
“Anytime, Winnie,” he answers.
He watches me as I pull out my cell phone and send a message to the team asking them to meet me outside of the hospital for a team meeting.
“Stay out of trouble,” Rage says with a wink as I tell him I have to get back.
“I’ll try.” I grin.
“Why do I have a feeling you’re just going to ignore that?” Rage yells as I take off into the air.
We’re all gathered in a circle in the hospital grounds. The sun is warm on our faces and I think most of the team are secretly pleased to be out of the stuffy confines of the hospital.
I glance at each of them. Parker, RJ, Ryder, and Nix look back at me expectantly. Milo gives me a sneaky thumbs-up. Lucas glares at me. I force myself not to focus on that right now.
“Where’s Dylann?” I ask.
“She said she had some things to take care of and that she’ll be back later,” Parker explains.
I’m not overly pleased that she hasn’t come back for the meeting, or even bothered to let me know she wouldn’t be here, but I’m not going to wait around to see if she shows up. I have a feeling Lucas won’t stick around for long if I drag this out.
“So,” I begin, “I know there’s a lot going on right now. But I wanted us all to ge
t together because, quite frankly, I’m sick of all the secrecy. And I think it’s time we had an honest talk.”
The team exchange glances, except for Nix, who keeps his eyes trained firmly on the ground in front of him.
“I’m sure you’ve heard by now that earlier today, I took Lucas’s powers away from him.”
They murmur their agreement. I hold up a hand to stop the barrage of questions.
“As the team’s leader, I made a decision. A decision that affects the team, and hopefully averted a huge disaster.”
I look to Lucas as I say the last part. He continues to glare at me.
“I took Lucas’s powers because he refused to listen to reason, and his actions would have put all of us in danger. Does anyone have a problem with that?”
“Well, umm,” Ryder starts.
He trails off.
“Well?” I prompt him.
He shakes his head.
“Sorry, bro,” he says to Lucas.
I break in before they can start arguing.
“Anyway, I did the only thing I could do in the situation. I made a split-second decision, and I have something to confess to you all.”
I can feel their eyes on me.
“I’m not entirely sure how to give Lucas his powers back,” I say.
“Are you freaking kidding me?” Lucas shouts.
I shake my head and rush on.
“No. But I will find a way. Rage said I will know when the time is right.”
“Easy for him to say. He’s not the one you violated,” Lucas counters.
“Don’t be so melodramatic,” I snap. “I didn’t violate you. I stopped you from letting your emotions cloud your judgment and starting something you couldn’t stop.”
No one else says a word. Their eyes are all fixed on me and Lucas as we stare at each other. I can’t help but notice how hot he is when he’s angry, and a part of me wants to just give in and beg his forgiveness.
But that part of me is gone. That part of me is trapped in the past, where I lay in Lucas’s arms the morning after we made love. That part of me is the pre-Nikki Summit. And there’s no place for her here.