The Ultimate Guide to Kink

by Tristan Taormino

  One word of caution: injuries to the male genitals can result in some serious repercussions. It’s a good idea to let the partner on the receiving end have the ultimate say in matters of pain and sensation. A man, even one who is aroused and eager to please his partner, knows when something feels wrong with his genitals, and that means you need a signal that things have progressed beyond tolerable levels. You should always have a safeword. In addition, I like to use this method of communication: I tell my partner that as long as he is having fun he should address me as “Sir,” and if we need to talk, he should call me by my real name. That way the flow of communication can keep going without bringing things to a screeching halt.

  Once you and your intended playmate have established some method of communication, it’s time to get down to business.

  Nora began by taking a piece of rope and making several wraps at the base of Bob’s penis, looping behind his balls with each wrap. As she wrapped the rope she made sure it was tight enough to be confining but not so tight as to be painful. After three or four wraps, Bob’s penis was harder than ever. Then she took the ends of the rope and tied them together. The remaining rope she pulled up and inserted between Bob’s teeth.

  “Hold that tight, do you hear me?”

  Bob answered with a garbled, “Yes, Mistress.”

  ROPE BONDAGE

  It can be more fun than you might imagine to tie up someone’s cock; the feeling of taking power from your partner by immobilizing his genitals is hot, and for him, the sensation of having the tight rope around the base of his cock and balls is very erotic. I suggest using a coil of braided nylon rope that is about nine feet long. Take one end of the rope, leaving about a foot of rope free to tie the end. Wrap the rope around the base of the cock several times; loop the rope behind the balls with each wrap. The coils of rope should be tight and coiled closely, as if you are winding it around a spool, to actually stretch the skin of the genitals away from the body. Be careful not to pinch this skin between the coils of rope—that is not an erotic experience. After you have about five or six wraps, tie off the rope using the one-foot length and the remaining rope. When done, you should have several feet of rope left (as Nora did in the passage above). Doing this also allows your partner to tighten or loosen the tension on the rope, and that gives him yet another safety valve if the sensations get too intense.

  Now that his equipment was nicely held in place, Nora could begin her work in earnest. She retrieved the toothbrush from the nightstand drawer where she had stashed it. Holding it before Bob, she could see the puzzled look in his eyes.

  “You know what this is, boy?”

  Bob nodded, the puzzled expression starting to fade as he realized what she had in store.

  “I am not going to brush your teeth, you know.”

  Bob understood all too clearly what she was going to do, and as she took hold of his rock-hard penis, he winced at the sensation he expected would be coming soon.

  Nora took the toothbrush and slowly rubbed the bristles across the head of Bob’s cock. It was a very light brushing sensation, but to a man with an erection, the head of the penis is very, very sensitive.

  Bob moaned, giving Nora a sense of perverse pleasure knowing she was not only in control, but able to affect him so much with such little effort. She brushed the head of his dick again, this time even slower and with a little more pressure.

  “Ooooweee,” Bob mumbled, still holding the rope obediently between his teeth.

  “Sensitive, boy?” Nora prodded.

  “Yes, Mistress,” Bob mumbled, letting Nora know he was feeling it but still enjoying the game.

  Nora then brushed around the underside of the head of his cock. Bob stiffened and shook—the sensations were at once irritating and yet enjoyable.

  SENSATION IMPLEMENTS

  The mildly abrasive touch of a toothbrush can be very intense, especially when used on the head of the penis. Using a soft-bristle model can pretty much ensure that you won’t do any damage, but you may also use stiffer bristles if you wish. Though the skin of the penis would seem very delicate, it’s actually pretty resilient, and as long as you are careful, you can deliver a lot of stimulation. Be careful not to actually abrade the skin, or cut it. Though your partner will most likely recover, there is always a chance of infection if the skin is broken, so use caution. Other fun toys for this kind of sensation play are paintbrushes, nylon scouring pads, mushroom brushes, feathers, and just about anything that can deliver a variety of sensations. Browsing in your kitchen gadget drawer can produce a bonanza of CBT toys!

  Nora took a roll of elastic bandage out of the nightstand drawer. She wrapped the bandage around Bob’s scrotum. Starting at the base of his cock, she began stretching the bandage and wrapping it around the flexible skin of his balls. As she wrapped, his testicles were naturally pushed farther away from his body, stretching the normally wrinkled skin over his testicles. When she was finished, the result was interesting to look at. The tight skin of his scrotum now seemed to shine from being pulled taut. His balls were stretched away from his body by almost two inches.

  Her final touch was to use the fastener that came with the bandage to secure it to itself, being careful to make sure the hooks didn’t pierce the folds of the bandage.

  “What a nice package that makes, don’t you think so, boy?”

  Bob tried to see what she was doing, but his hard cock was in the way. “Yes, Mistress.”

  Now Nora rubbed the brush over the shiny skin of Bob’s bound balls. Bob twitched and jerked at the intense sensations. She was careful not to apply too much pressure, but it still made Bob wince and jerk with every stroke.

  As she looked at her handiwork, she noticed a few drops of precum emerging from the head of Bob’s cock.

  BANDAGE BONDAGE

  Using the elastic bandage is a simple skill, and if you have ever bandaged a wrist or ankle, it’s pretty much the same thing. Again, maintain communication with your partner and avoid making the wraps too tight. You want to constrain the scrotum, not cut off all blood flow. Also be careful with the metal clip that is used to fasten the bandage, making sure there are sufficient layers of elastic between the teeth of the clip and the skin of your partner’s balls. When bound properly, the skin of the scrotum will be stretched and the testes will be cradled in a nice neat wrap, looking like an inverted ice cream cone with two scoops of ice cream.

  “Well, since you have been so good, I have another surprise for you,” Nora said. Reaching into the drawer, she produced a handful of clothespins. As soon as Bob saw these he stiffened and whimpered, but his cock stood even more rigid than before.

  Nora stroked his erect dick and felt along the underside for some loose skin. Even erect, most men have a certain amount of skin that can be used for CBT, and Bob was no exception. She gently pinched the skin on the underside of his shaft, careful not to pinch the urethra, the conduit that carries both urine and sperm through the penis. She pulled some of the skin away from the shaft, and at the base near his balls she attached a clothespin.

  Bob whimpered again but said nothing. Taking this as a signal that he was still in the game, Nora continued to add clothespin after clothespin, working her way up the shaft until she came to the head.

  Bob was breathing heavily now in short gasps, so Nora asked the question, “Do you like pleasing me this way, boy?”

  Trembling Bob replied, “Yes, Mistress, but I’m not sure how much more I can take.” Then he added, “Mistress.”

  “Don’t worry, boy, that’s all we are going to use for now.” She moved closer to him and kissed his chest, running her tongue over his nipples and tracing a circle around his navel. She took her time, letting the clothespins do their work for a while.

  CLIPS, CLAMPS, AND OTHER THINGS THAT PINCH

  You can use clothespins as well as clips for snack chip bags, hair clips, and just about anything that pinches to create unique sensations. I suggest testing clips on the skin between your thumb and fore
finger if you are experimenting. If you can’t endure the sensation there, your partner certainly won’t be able to endure them on his private parts.

  While different types of clamps can produce different sensations, generally when you clamp a section of the flesh of the penis, the body has both a physical and a chemical reaction. The nerve receptors in the skin sense the pain of the clothespins and signal to your brain there is distress. Your brain reacts, as good brains should, by sending out impulses generating adrenaline. This quickens your heart rate, preparing the body for possible danger, even though you know you’re in safe hands. You may feel yourself breathing more quickly or your voice may quaver.

  Additionally, the brain signals the body to produce some natural opiates to relieve the pain. It usually takes longer for these to respond, so the painful sensations persist for a while.

  The clothespins also cut off some circulation to the nerve receptors in your skin, and after a few minutes the receptors go numb and the pain sensation subsides, leaving you possibly still quivering but able to tolerate the sensations of the clothespins. The Top should continue to check in with his or her partner to make sure that the sensations are not simply painful but also erotic. As a rule of thumb, don’t leave the clips on more than 10 minutes for starters. Long periods of compression can cause nerve damage, and though it is rare, again, I urge caution. Perhaps surprisingly, once the sensation of pain has numbed, leaving the clips on longer has little effect.

  When clamps or clothespins are removed, the blood rushes back into the skin and reawakens the nerve receptors; the receptors fire off their distress message to the brain with renewed vigor, and the bottom usually experiences intense pain.

  Nora looked at the row of clothespins and couldn’t resist toying with them. This action made Bob jump as new sensations delivered their messages to his brain.

  Nora caressed his hard cock and leaned down to lick the head. She looked up at Bob, who trembled more than before. The sight of her luscious lips nibbling at his dick and the new sensations of pain and pleasure were working to make this a memorable night.

  Nora took the head of his cock into her mouth, careful not to disturb the pins. She used her tongue to stimulate the underside of his head, right where she had used the cruel toothbrush just minutes before. She figured he deserved a little reward for being so obedient, and besides, she loved the feeling of his cock in her mouth.

  While she lovingly sucked the head of his cock, she used her fingers to flick the clothespins. Her long nails scraping against the row of pins sent flashes of pain through Bob’s cock. She waited a bit and then did it again, each time making Bob twitch and squirm. His moaning was intoxicating to her, knowing she was giving him a wonderfully twisted delight of pain and pleasure together.

  Removing her mouth from his head, she lifted his dick almost up to his belly, the clothespins protruding toward her face. This time, as she looked up at him, she had a slightly evil grin. She opened her mouth and, using her teeth, delicately took the uppermost clothespin in her mouth.

  The sensation was like white-hot lead coursing through his body. Bob grimaced. “Motherfucker,” he said, almost dropping the rope.

  “Motherfucker, who?” Nora demanded.

  “Motherfucker, Mistress?”

  “Much better, boy,” she said, chuckling as she approached the next pin. Each one she removed with care so as not to damage the delicate skin of Bob’s penis. Each one brought a new invective from Bob, followed by a polite “Mistress,” right up to the last one.

  “Mercy, Mistress,” Bob panted, feeling as if he could take no more.

  “Unfortunately,” Nora said, “that clothespin has to come off and it’s going to hurt, so why don’t I let you take it off?”

  Bob thought for a moment and then closed his eyes tight. “No, Mistress, go ahead.”

  “Go ahead, what?” she questioned. “Have you forgotten your manners?”

  “Please, Mistress, take it off.”

  She smiled and bent down, taking the final pin between her teeth. She slowly squeezed the pin, releasing the tension and letting the last bit of skin pull free.

  For a moment Bob didn’t make a sound. Then he began giggling uncontrollably. The combination of adrenaline and natural opiates had him higher than a kite.

  “Thank you, Mistress.”

  Nora slowly unwrapped his balls from the bandage and reached up to remove the rope from his mouth. Untying it, she carefully removed the coil of rope, making sure not to pull too much hair in the process.

  Once free, Bob’s cock was still erect. Nora intended to make good use of it over the course of the night. Now it was time for his reward. Both Nora and Bob knew it would be a scene they would enjoy again, but now it was time for just plain lust.

  CHAPTER 7

  KINKY TWISTED TANTRA

  BARBARA CARRELLAS

  The place on the erotic map where the paths of Tantric sex and BDSM intersect was once as lonely and obscure as a tiny no-pub town in the Australian outback. Not only was it nearly impossible to find, hardly anyone looked for it because no one believed it actually existed. In recent years things have changed dramatically. Some Tantric practitioners are now combining elements of power and intense sensation with traditional Tantra in a variation sometimes referred to as Dark Tantra. Longtime BDSM players are coming out of the closet as spiritual seekers and creating scenes intentionally designed to welcome god/goddess/universe/all-that-is into the dungeon. Communities in which kinky people and Tantrikas meet, mingle, and play together are growing and now can be found all over the world.

  It’s not surprising that it’s taken a while for these two communities to find common ground. From a stylistic point of view, it would appear that people wearing leather and wielding floggers would have little or nothing in common with people wearing sarongs and stroking each other with feathers. But like most everything else in life, outward appearances and preconceived notions have little or nothing to do with the essence of an erotic or spiritual art form.

  Tantric sex and BDSM have much more in common than may seem apparent at first glance. Both are erotic arts of consciousness. Both arts add intensity to life and sex. Both embrace a wide variety of powerful consensual practices. Both Tantric and BDSM rituals are about raising erotic energy. Both practices involve conscious giving and receiving. Both encourage risks—either physical or emotional. Both erotic arts encourage personal freedom, individuality, and imagination. And both produce trance states, and transcendental, transformational experiences.

  Why has it taken this long for BDSM aficionados and Tantrikas to discover each other’s charms? One of the stumbling blocks has been the lack of a common language. The two communities have traditionally described what, how, and why they do what they do in language that has sounded off-putting, inflated, or obscure to anyone not in the club. One of the primary missions of my work has been to translate words, actions, and intentions across sexual boundaries. So before we go any further, let’s define some terms.

  WHAT IS TANTRA?

  Tantra is the ancient Eastern spiritual practice that embraces sex as a legitimate and effective path to enlightenment. Tantra is an embodied spiritual practice. It embraces all elements and aspects of life—including but not limited to sex—as a way to experience direct knowledge of the divine. Notice I call it a spiritual practice, not a religion. Religions tend to approach spirituality in a controlled, ordered manner. There is usually a hierarchical organization and an emphasis upon a particular set of rules. If you follow the rules, you are promised a predictable goal of salvation or enlightenment or peace.

  Can you have a wild, ecstatic, spiritual experience within a religion? Absolutely. You can have a wild, ecstatic, spiritual experience within the context of almost anything. For many of us, however, spiritual experiences are easier to create within the context of a spiritual practice. A spiritual practice is just that: practice. You consistently practice a way of being and seeing in the world that invites the unknown, t
he unexpected, and the chaotic. Spiritual practices encourage you to step out of your ordinary reality into a realm of infinite possibilities where you are likely to find that there is no separation between you and everything else, including god—goddess—universe—divine—all-that-is.

  What Is Consciousness?

  Tantrically speaking, being conscious simply means that you are in a relaxed state of awareness with a quiet mind able to focus gently and easily on what’s going on in the present moment. It’s mindfulness. It’s putting your attention on your intentions. To be conscious is to go totally into whatever you are doing—whatever it is you are experiencing. When I talk about conscious sex, I am talking about a sexual encounter in which you are focused on each successive moment of your journey through pleasure. It is not a goal-oriented activity. In Tantric sex not even orgasm can be a goal, because there is no goal. Orgasms certainly do happen—all the time, in fact. But you are likely to find other erotic moments as exquisite as orgasm on this goal-free path.

  What Is Tantric Sex?

  Tantric sex is a way to explore and experience sex that includes and encourages a spiritual experience. Tantra (and Taoist sexuality, which started as a branch of Chinese medicine) sees sex as an energy rather than an activity. In Tantra we use techniques such as breath, touch, sound, and movement to move the sexual energy that starts in the genitals into the rest of the body, effectively turning the entire body into a sex organ. During sex with a partner, we build and exchange this energy with a beloved. Consciousness plays a vital role in this exchange, because as you increase your level of consciousness, you increase the intensity of the energy within yourself and between the two of you.